Being told your too nice and deserve better, confused??

[DannyM87]

Hi, so recently been dating a girl I genuinely found a great connection with. Nothing was rushed and had a natural flow to things. All of a sudden she stopped talking and texting like we where doing, seemed to be too busy to meet up again. At first she messaged saying that right now ain't the right time to be getting involved with anyone, with personal reasons she had, that was done I accepted that, said we could meet up for a coffee sometime. A few weeks later I messaged asking if she wanted a quick catch up over a coffee, to which then she replied it's probably best not to as regards us becoming a couple, she feels something is missing and said she just knows she will lose interest down the road. I asked what was missing, she then claimed that I'm too nice for her. Her words where I'm one of the best men she's ever met. Then she claimed that quote, "I'm an alpha female, need an alpha male, big character like". It was only about 7 weeks of dating. So I said that she doesn't know me fully as yeah I am a character etc. I've deleted all contacts now so I can move on. I'm just asking if anyone else has experienced this as I didn't think treating a woman like a gent was a flaw. I'm very much aware of the "nice guy" I know I ain't, i stick to my guns, not afraid to say no, not a doormat etc, with her saying I'm too nice for her, I presume that she must want some sort of drama in her relationships and to be treated badly, difficult to read it fully as I didn't quite understand her reasoning, not that it's an issue as I'm absolutely fine by it. Thank you in advance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Batya33]

If she's not using the mislabeled "too nice" to mean "too passive" or 'doormat" then I'd assume she's doing the typical 'it's not you it's me excuse" because it's too awkward to say she's not attracted to you.  I'd simply move on and not make assumptions about what kind of men she would go for.  I'm sorry you're disappointed.

[Andrina]

1 hour ago, DannyM87 said:

I presume that she must want some sort of drama in her relationships and to be treated badly

This could be true, though she might not consciously think about it in those terms. For people with low self-worth, normalcy (a guy treating her right) might seem "off" to them. Whereas, dysfunction seems normal.

Best not to give whatever her deal is any more of your brain space. You usually have to date a boat load of people to find a good match. I know that happened to me. Her exit frees you to be available to date someone who will appreciate you for exactly who you are. 

[Kwothe28]

Well the first part were just the excuses. How she is too busy, how its not the right time to get involved etc. In translation "Not going to be involved with you ever". You should have seen the writing on the wall there and just forget about her. 

After you pushed she said to you that. If its true, well, we call that here "Likes to have her man slam his hand on the table". Maybe not in the way man has to be rude(though some do enjoy even that kind), but more in the way of "Alpha" player. Meaning to feel that you can have any girl in the world but now its her turn, to not play by her chords but to order her around, to see her through BS and call her around on that, that kind of stuff. In those situations, you being nice and respectful will get you nothing. She wont see "the spark" or any other thing people use these days to say how they simply dont like you. Anyway, as you were respectful to her, that means that you are "nice". One of the girls that is like that told me that being nice means being stupid. Meaning just somebody to have around while some GigaChad with wife and kids has an affair with her. So I would say that, if it is like that, you actually dodged a bullet there. Let her find some GigaChad and you go find some nice girl that would appreciate you. By the examples of girls I know who were or still are like that, pretty sure you will end up in way better situation there regarding the future.

[greendots]

+ She was direct and honest in telling you how she feels.
- She just doesn't want to pursue anything with you. You'll not be able to change her mind.

You being a gent has most likely nothing to do with it. Whatever reasons she gave you, they're irrelevant - she provided you with justifications to gracefully (in her way) exit dating you.

I'm sorry that this situation blows. I hope you find someone more suitable!

[MissCanuck]

You are taking her excuse too seriously, OP. 

It's probably just a more palatable reason to break things off, rather than say she is just not romantically attracted to you or has met someone else. 

Don't put too much thought into this. You barely know her, and it would be a mistake to assign that much importance to her opinion of you, anyway. 

[Rose Mosse]

7 hours ago, DannyM87 said:

"I'm an alpha female, need an alpha male, big character like". 

Consider it a compliment if someone like that decides they'd rather not date you. How much more pompous can one get with a comment like that.

Be yourself whatever that is. 

I agree with Andrina's comment about dysfunctional relationships.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, DannyM87 said:

 she claimed that quote, "I'm an alpha female, need an alpha male, big character like". 

Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet. She's an idiot.

She may have been on/off with her omega man or met a delta boy.

Or she eats alphabet soup too much. She seems quite arrogant.

Avoid women like this who stereotype people and buy into this nonsense.  

Basically, it's just a spin on "it's me not you".  Delete and block.

[smackie9]

Basically she is telling you she doesn't feel a connection and has no interest in dating you. Just leave it at that and move on. can't win them all.

When you reached out, she had to try something else to shake you off. Sux but for next time, don't contact them again.

[DancingFool]

It's not about you being too nice or her needing some mystical "alpha", but rather that she wasn't attracted to you in general from the get go. Also known as no chemistry. She did give it a shot to see if maybe something will change for her, but it didn't and she started to fade out with ye olde "busy sooo busy" excuse. Since you didn't get the hint and pressed her, she came up with some bs that probably in her mind is letting you down easy.

If there is one thing to take away from this is that once a woman starts making vague excuses of being too busy to see you, read between the lines and let her be. She is already telling you that she is not interested and is trying to fade out. There is a difference between she is really busy this week because of x, but would love you see you next week on y day and vaguely busy for the foreseeable future. When you hear that vague busy busy, move on and leave it up to her to reach out if she wants to. Basically, write her off at that point.

[tattoobunnie]

If I were to call someone a beta male, it means, they don't make decisions or take the reigns.  Who planned the date, where to go, what to do, where to eat, what to order?  If the words, "whatever you want, whatever you like" kept coming out of your mouth, I'd be 100% turned off.

[Cherylyn]

Some women prefer machismo but they need to be careful because macho men tend to treat their women in a disrespectful, subservient manner.  

Or, alpha men tend to be domineering and controlling which is disdainful.

You should actually be grateful that she rejected you (with all due respect).  You deserve to be with a lady who will appreciate your niceness because being kind and gentlemanly is CLASSY and this world does not have enough men who behave honorably. 

Don't read into too much of what she said.  Beware of complex, complicated personalities and characters because those types of people or women in this case, tend to be high drama and high maintenance types which will wear you down. 

Be with a lady who is compatible to you.  Be with a lady who is kind, empathetic, doesn't play tricky mind games and be with a moral lady.  Become a very picky and choosy man.  Never settle for mediocrity or less than mediocrity.  Keep your standards high and shop around for the best which will give you enduring happiness and security.

[DannyM87]

Thanks all! Yeah I'd already deleted all forms of contact. I suppose I was just very confused by it all, especially with her leading me on during the weeks, saying I'm important to her, how I'd in time meet her family and get on with them, how she had been waiting a long time to meet another Capricorn. Then for her to suddenly seem distant.

With other things she said at the end "I don't know what it is, but I know I'll lose interest, it's my problem I dunno maybe I have bipolar or something but I easily lose interest and I hate myself for that to be honest but I can't change who I am and how I operate" I sensed BS straight away, seemed contradictory, I don't know but it's her issue and I need to accept it at face value.

Thanks again, I've never been one to understand and take hints another life lesson to read between the lines sort of speak, I prefer brutal honesty, as that's how I am with others, but where all different.

[Spawn]

she was not that into you, don't read too much into what she had to say, if you give her too much importance that's when things get little confusing. You need to move on without any regrets.

You deserve someone else cause she was not the one!

[Cherylyn]

14 hours ago, DannyM87 said:

Thanks all! Yeah I'd already deleted all forms of contact. I suppose I was just very confused by it all, especially with her leading me on during the weeks, saying I'm important to her, how I'd in time meet her family and get on with them, how she had been waiting a long time to meet another Capricorn. Then for her to suddenly seem distant.

With other things she said at the end "I don't know what it is, but I know I'll lose interest, it's my problem I dunno maybe I have bipolar or something but I easily lose interest and I hate myself for that to be honest but I can't change who I am and how I operate" I sensed BS straight away, seemed contradictory, I don't know but it's her issue and I need to accept it at face value.

Thanks again, I've never been one to understand and take hints another life lesson to read between the lines sort of speak, I prefer brutal honesty, as that's how I am with others, but where all different.

Many times, confusing people are deliberately unclear and force you to chase their garbled thoughts because they're not smart.  They lack emotional intelligence.  Google "emotional intelligence" and the short definition is lacking empathy.  

Some people are all talk and no action.  They'll talk a good game yet won't follow through or flake out on you when you thought you could rely on them.  In other words, they're irresponsible types.  They're good at entertaining you with their words, however, they lack substance.  Something is missing and realistically, you'll realize, they're insincere.

Being truthful and to the point is better.  I agree.  Stay away from those who are questionable and inarticulate.  Those types of people or women are not considered long term. 

 

[DannyM87]

On 10/26/2021 at 5:29 PM, tattoobunnie said:

If I were to call someone a beta male, it means, they don't make decisions or take the reigns.  Who planned the date, where to go, what to do, where to eat, what to order?  If the words, "whatever you want, whatever you like" kept coming out of your mouth, I'd be 100% turned off.

Totally understand that, hence why i'm comfortable with the simple fact she lost interest for what ever her reasons are and that OK as i was one to arrange dates place and times, obviously communicating them to see if it fitted her schedule to, but ultimately i did a lot of the planning sort of speak, making decisions etc. So thank you for this input, helped see some clarity in it. 

[Jibralta]

On 10/25/2021 at 5:48 PM, DannyM87 said:

A few weeks later I messaged asking if she wanted a quick catch up over a coffee, to which then she replied it's probably best not to as regards us becoming a couple, she feels something is missing and said she just knows she will lose interest down the road. I asked what was missing, she then claimed that I'm too nice for her. Her words where I'm one of the best men she's ever met. Then she claimed that quote, "I'm an alpha female, need an alpha male, big character like".

Wow, I've never heard a woman refer to a man (or herself) as "alpha" or "beta." I thought that only incels and PUAs used those terms.