Wow is all I can say about this woman

[Juha]

We live about 3 hours away from each other.  We met over a year ago, had a great time for 3 months then she ghosted me.

Well in July she got back in touch out of no where and said she missed me and apologized for ghosting me.  Told me

she was going through some tough times and did not mean to ghost me but could not put any effort towards me and that 

she regretted doing that as she really likes me a lot and has thought about me all this time.

 

So we start back up communications, things are really good, like before.  Great rapport, get along great.  I unfortunately can't go visit her

then due to lots o things going on and could not get away, then when I could she had things going on and did not have time.

so we stay in touch, and things are good or so it seemed.  I made a reservation two weeks ago for this upcoming weekend to have a long weekend together as I know she could.  Last week things seem to have gotten a little weird with her communication.  Talk Sunday night, I tell her I have a surprise, she says I 

want to tell you something first.  I say ok, she says she met someone, has a boyfriend, and we can't spend time together anymore.  Tells me I know I am not a good person for doing this, I never should have gotten back in touch with you, I really like you but you live 3 hours away, etc, etc.

I ask her when did this happen and how long have you known him.  She tells me this week, they met two weeks ago.  The proceeds to tell me how much fun they have, how he's a good guy, etc.  Like I care.

 

I say really, then she says what did you want to tell me.  I tell her I booked a place for this weekend for us to go away, spend time together.  She goes silent.

Then says, I can't go with you now.  Why did you do that without telling me?  Tell her, oh I don't know because we wanted to get together and it has not worked out yet.  I then say, I am going to have to pay a penalty due to cancelling week of as it is busy season.  

 

Then she says we can still be friends, I don't want you to be sad.  I tell her I don't need her pity.  Then say I guess you really did not like or care about me as much as you said and showed me.  Told her don't worry I will delete your number and won't bother you again.  You don't have to do that, I still care about you and want to know you, I really do care about you.  I tell her I see no reason to stay in contact if you are not interested in me romantically anymore.

I do not want to be just your friend.  She tells me please don't be mad, you should be happy for me that I am happy.  I said and what about me?

She tells me you'll find someone that's really good, I know you will.  I then say, so I guess you got back in contact with me because you were lonely and just felt like using me for attention to make you feel good.  She says no and that I am mean for saying that.  lol   

 

End the conversation, I agree to be friends to end the conversation, I will never contact her.  She tells me she definitely wants to stay in touch and check in with each other, at this point I am laughing to myself.  I take the high road with it all, wish her the best, etc.   

 

All I have to say is unbelievable and how much people really do suck!  How much they lie to you.

In two weeks she meets someone and has a relationship   Laughable to say the least.   

Meanwhile all that time invested for nothing, such a waste.  On top of I lost a deposit for that reservation this weekend

I am so pissed off right now, can't put it into words...

[Cherylyn]

In the future, remind yourself that not everyone enjoys surprises such as weekend getaways or travel plans unbeknownst to them.  You'll risk having a repeat of paying for lost deposits or penalty fees if the other person does not agree to long weekends with you such as hotel stays.  Don't assume everyone will be agreeable with your itinerary. 

Text her that you will not agree to be her friend and you will never contact her again.  Then ignore, ghost, block and delete her.  No matter what, at least end it with good manners. 

[Juha]

Thank you for replying.  The thing is she was still asking about getting together and we had discussed multiple times about middle of October worked for both of us and agreed to meet then leading up to me making that reservation.  

I did not just make a reservation without knowing it would be good with her.

That is what makes me so mad.  The week I made the reservation we talked about meeting this weekend, I agreed on meeting this coming weekend.

 

 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Juha said:

I agree to be friends to end the conversation

Good grief man, why?

This woman does not respect you. You are her back-up when she is between other guys. It was a mistake to agree to be friends. Just block her and be done. 

In the future, don't give the time of day to people who ghost you. There is never a good reason for not communicating one's interest, so don't fall for the "I was having a bad time" excuse. No. Adults are fully capable of saying it isn't working out. Takes a few seconds to communicate that messgae. Anything else is just noise to distract from their own crappy behaviour. 

[Cherylyn]

4 minutes ago, Juha said:

Thank you for replying.  The thing is she was still asking about getting together and we had discussed multiple times about middle of October worked for both of us and agreed to meet then leading up to me making that reservation.  

I did not just make a reservation without knowing it would be good with her.

That is what makes me so mad.  The week I made the reservation we talked about meeting this weekend, I agreed on meeting this coming weekend.

 

 

Thank you for your kind words.

Even though she asked about getting together, there was a miscommunication problem because she wasn't referring to a long weekend with a hotel stay with you.  Some people don't like surprise itineraries and she has a new boyfriend nowadays. 

What you think is good for her may  not  be what she thinks is good for her.  Never assume anything in this life because unfortunately, it will cost you monetarily as you can attest.

It's alarming that she ghosted you and then contacted you after a long lapse of no contact.  Her sudden contact with you should've been alarming and suspicious to you because it's abnormal behavior and any abnormal behavior has a tendency not to end well.  In the future, beware.  Live and learn. 

I'm sorry. 

 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Juha said:

All I have to say is unbelievable and how much people really do suck!  

Sorry this happened. How do you know each other and why is it a distance situation?

Yes, she sucks. You dodged a bullet. Redirect your focus on more deserving women.

[SooSad33]

It is sad that you went through this again with her.... but in reality, did you feel you could handle such a long distance relationship?

Things fell apart with her after 3 months a year ago.. I guess this be a lesson learned 😕 . I know a cpl people like this.

I agree, do not be a friend with her.. not worth it.

Move on now, and just leave this piece of your past behind!

[poorlittlefish]

You were likely Plan B.  She reached out because she was feeling lonely or someone had done something sh*tty to her and wanted some attention from you to feel better about herself.  She's now got what she wanted (someone local) and has no need for you.  Users like this are not people to be friends with.

[Kwothe28]

Never feel guilty for trying. You had the best intentions and acted on them, its the other side fault that it fell through. Sure you invested some time(and money, but that is your fault) but at least you tried and now know what kind of person she is.

What is your fault is assuming interest. From the girl that ghosted you. If she cared about you and your feelings at all, she woud have never done that. Also she had no real intention of actually meeting you. As soon as it became obvious that she would have to meet you, she found some local chump and avoided it again. I wouldnt even believe the timeframe, she just told you about him because she couldnt avoid meeting you anymore. She was fine with distant attention. She never probably intended to meet you in real life. In 3 months she could if she wanted but she never did. Ask yourself why. Was it because she was busy or because she didnt wanted it? In a situation like that, you should have never assumed that much interest from her. And never book that trip before you officially get back together. All of that is on you.

What is on her is for leading you on. She contacted you because she knew you would give her that attention. Even after ghosting you. She knew what buttons to push to get what she wants. Even her answers after she told you she has someone I find ridiculous. She expects you to care about her hapiness after she lead you on for 3 months. And to still stay in touch to give her more attention(though that may just be courtesy). Its very clear that she doesnt care how you feel and has no empathy regarding it. Just how it affects her. She probably even thinks she did nothing wrong here. And that its her God given right to do whatever she wants because she feels like it. Just like she had the right to ghost you because "she was going through tough times". Be aware that persons like that exist. And question more when their words dont match their actions. Always trust actions more then words. That is who they are and where they show us that. She showed you that she doesnt care about you. So you shouldnt care about her at all. Dont be like her, be better. Say that you dont want to be friends and that you dont want to waste anymore of your time on her and that you will block her. And then just do it and dont look back.

[Jibralta]

8 hours ago, Juha said:

I agree to be friends to end the conversation, I will never contact her. 

^I hope for your sake that this is true.

8 hours ago, Juha said:

Tells me I know I am not a good person for doing this, I never should have gotten back in touch with you

Lesson learned: when someone tells you that they aren't a good person, LISTEN TO THEM--even when they try turning things around on you down the line, like she did with this:

8 hours ago, Juha said:

I then say, so I guess you got back in contact with me because you were lonely and just felt like using me for attention to make you feel good.  She says no and that I am mean for saying that.  lol

Onward and upward!

[Juha]

11 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Good grief man, why?

This woman does not respect you. You are her back-up when she is between other guys. It was a mistake to agree to be friends. Just block her and be done. 

In the future, don't give the time of day to people who ghost you. There is never a good reason for not communicating one's interest, so don't fall for the "I was having a bad time" excuse. No. Adults are fully capable of saying it isn't working out. Takes a few seconds to communicate that messgae. Anything else is just noise to distract from their own crappy behaviour. 

I only said I would be friends and stay in touch so I could end the conversation with her.  

She would not let it go, obviously because she knew she treated me poorly and wanted to not feel like she is a bad person.  Whatever...  I am not going to be friends with her, I am never going to contact her.

[Juha]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How do you know each other and why is it a distance situation?

Yes, she sucks. You dodged a bullet. Redirect your focus on more deserving women.

We met through a mutual friend.  We don't live in same state   3 hour drive

[Juha]

8 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

You were likely Plan B.  She reached out because she was feeling lonely or someone had done something sh*tty to her and wanted some attention from you to feel better about herself.  She's now got what she wanted (someone local) and has no need for you.  Users like this are not people to be friends with.

Totally agree.  I even said that to her, she contacted me because she was lonely.

She denied it, said she always thought about me, etc   Did not buy it

[tattoobunnie]

I married and had kids with the man that was living 3 hours away when we were dating, if people want each other, they make it happen.  She may also not have someone...just letting you down gently or has been with someone all this time, and was bored.  Some people like to keep a fantasy, and a person on the hook, or back up plans.  Just block her number and delete.  Delete off social media.  She is a  but+munch.

[Rose Mosse]

You should have gone on the weekend getaway anyway. She used you as an emotional crutch unfortunately. That's ok - you'll be all the wiser now. Don't contact her again. Be a bit more wary of the long distance options as it's more difficult to discern how genuine a person is. 

[Lambert]

live and learn... when someone shows what they are capable of (ghosting) don't give them the opportunity to do it again.  

Try not to beat yourself up, as others have said.  It's a good thing to be forgiving and to give people a chance.

Next time you want to get off the phone, hang up! You owe her nothing block and delete. 

Know that she's someone else's problem now. 

[melancholy123]

1 hour ago, Juha said:

I only said I would be friends and stay in touch so I could end the conversation with her.  

She would not let it go, obviously because she knew she treated me poorly and wanted to not feel like she is a bad person.  Whatever...  I am not going to be friends with her, I am never going to contact her.

I hope you stick to that plan.  You assumed too much and it backfired.  She should not have agreed to meet up with you since she had a new bf.

Learn from this and move on.  If you haven't blocked her, please do that NOW.

[catfeeder]

If someone were to ghost me, it would show me the level of trust to invest in them should they ever contact me again.

This person would need to EARN their way back into trust over t.i.m.e, I wouldn't just fork it over.

Planning a surprise getaway with someone who has flaked on you before was not the best choice.

So, there you have it, she behaved predictably based on her past behavior, and the question becomes, why would this surprise you?

[WalterSobcha]

On 10/14/2021 at 3:48 AM, Juha said:

I then say, so I guess you got back in contact with me because you were lonely and just felt like using me for attention to make you feel good.  She says no and that I am mean for saying that. 

Even though she denied it, it looks like that's was happening. Sorry about that.

In the future, I advise you to warn the person in advance about surprise plans, like don't spoil the surprise, but ask them if they're free on days X and Y, and ask them to keep those days free.