Photos of women on his phone

[LoreliFinn]

I went out on 3 dates with a guy and we have chemistry.  Lots of smiles, flirting and hugs.

He spends a lot of time each date showing me his antique cars, things he has built for other people and roofs he has repaired.

There are at least 6 photos of other women that are conveniently within eye reach of the stuff he shows me.  I asked who a couple of them were and he said "oh she's a friend".  Hmmm.  They are very attractive women.  

My point is that after our dinner, movie or beach stroll, each time he pulls out the phone and proceeds to go over the same pictures he did the previous night.  I already saw them and feel a bit irked too at seeing so many of his female friends.

No other guy has done this and it feels weird.  It's fine and dandy to see all your accomplishments.   But the same thing over and over?

I wonder if I should refuse another date.  What do people think?

 

 

[Tinydance]

Well I think this is a difficult situation to really judge to be honest. Some people genuinely do have friends of the opposite gender. I think it's a bit strange he's showing you all these photos, that's true. I think you're acting a bit jealous though considering you've only been on three dates. You seem jealous of these women. The problem is if you don't feel comfortable to date a guy who has attractive female friends then yeah this guy may be not for you. Because it's clear he does have those female friends. Different people have different beliefs about having opposite gender friends. For example, I have a few male friends and I don't mind if my boyfriend had female friends. As long as it's clear they really are just friends and nothing more. However, some people prefer that their partner didn't have opposite gender friends. I think that both of those are OK but both people just need to be of the same opinion and on the same page. If you want a guy with no female friends then this guy is not it unfortunately.

[MissCanuck]

38 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

My point is that after our dinner, movie or beach stroll, each time he pulls out the phone and proceeds to go over the same pictures he did the previous night.

This is weird. Is he showing you these photos on each of your dates?

 

[LoreliFinn]

Yes during our dates, each time.  I don't know why he's doing this.  Showing off?  I'd rather not see them a second time.  Once is fine.  

[MissCanuck]

Just now, LoreliFinn said:

Yes during our dates, each time.  I don't know why he's doing this.  Showing off?  I'd rather not see them a second time.  Once is fine.  

To clarify, is he specifically showing you photos of these attractive women? Or they're in his camera roll when he's showing you other things? 

[Wiseman2]

It's just 3 dates. He's being who he is. If you can't handle pics of women on his phone and need to ask about each one, it seems like you are not a match.

[LaHermes]

14 hours ago, Tinydance said:

If you want a guy with no female friends then this guy is not it unfortunately.

That's about it, Tiny. 

It's your call, OP.  Do what you think best. 

[DancingFool]

Sounds like after three dates you are learning that he is very boring and has nothing more to offer besides some surface flirting and same old stories and pics bragging about himself and his life. I'd pass if I were you.

If after three dates you are already feeling irritated, that tells you everything you need to know - hard pass and next.

[SooSad33]

Yup, I agree.

After 3 dates and he has this need to brag. Plus, you are bothered by his pics.

Then just end it all.  No loss there.

 

[Rose Mosse]

No. Decline politely and let him know you are not a match.

[Batya33]

Is it possible he is socially awkward and  this is the way he chooses to relate? I wouldn't like it either.  It's not like you asked to see them again.  

[waffle]

On 8/31/2021 at 11:58 PM, LoreliFinn said:

 . . . each time he pulls out the phone and proceeds to go over the same pictures he did the previous night.  I already saw them and feel a bit irked too at seeing so many of his female friends.

 

 

I would be completely turned off by this (actually it has happened and I have been turned off by this, because they were not "friends" they were pics he downloaded from womens' profiles off of a dating site).  It's up to you how you feel about it, but it sounds like it makes you uncomfortable (as it did me) so don't be afraid to take a pass as you have nothing invested at this point.

[LoreliFinn]

Thanks Waffle.  Why do you think men do this, flaunt these women in our face?  Seems a bit immature to me!

[waffle]

11 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

Thanks Waffle.  Why do you think men do this, flaunt these women in our face?  Seems a bit immature to me!

I wondered that too.  I don't know, but I have a couple of theories (and I am working off the assumption that the claim of these women being simply "friends" won't actually be believed by us):
1) to let us know we have competition so we can up our game? or
2) to raise their value in our eyes i.e. "look at all these gorgeous women I associate with."

Regardless, I think it's in extremely poor form (and yes, immature) and turns me off to the point where it is a 100% instant dealbreaker for me.

[Lambert]

37 minutes ago, waffle said:

I wondered that too.  I don't know, but I have a couple of theories (and I am working off the assumption that the claim of these women being simply "friends" won't actually be believed by us):
1) to let us know we have competition so we can up our game? or
2) to raise their value in our eyes i.e. "look at all these gorgeous women I associate with."

Regardless, I think it's in extremely poor form (and yes, immature) and turns me off to the point where it is a 100% instant dealbreaker for me.

I agree. it's a weird move. I also think it shows a lot of insecurity.

Also - what the heck is up with looking at the same pics on his phone over and over. 

I would not be into this guy at all. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, LoreliFinn said:

Thanks Waffle.  Why do you think men do this, flaunt these women in our face?  Seems a bit immature to me!

A bit? Yes for sure - and just ..... rude.  

[LoreliFinn]

Totally odd, no other men have done this with me in the past. This fella would also talk about how he helped this female friend or that one of these friends had a husband who was controlling, etc.  Mentioning them (not by name BTW) in passing a lot.  It's like he wanted me to think he is popular with the ladies and thus desirable?? The whole thing turned me off and didn't at all raise my attraction to him.

 

 

 

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

It's like he wanted me to think he is popular with the ladies and thus desirable??

Probably. 

I wouldn't waste any more time with him. 

[SherrySher]

Those are more than likely, not friends, but other women he's dating or interested in dating.

It's early in your dating with him, if you're not okay with casual, or him dating other women besides you....or add into it, lying about it, then yes, move on.

He sounds like a player to be honest.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

 The whole thing turned me off and didn't at all raise my attraction to him.

Maybe he's trying to come off as a "sensitive guy". Someone who is not macho and has women as friends.

Misguided, but it's doubtful he's trying to get you this ridiculously jealous over it.

[Lambert]

11 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

Totally odd, no other men have done this with me in the past. This fella would also talk about how he helped this female friend or that one of these friends had a husband who was controlling, etc.  Mentioning them (not by name BTW) in passing a lot.  It's like he wanted me to think he is popular with the ladies and thus desirable?? The whole thing turned me off and didn't at all raise my attraction to him.

 

 

 

Sounds like he doesn't have a lot of social skills.  When talking to people like this. I sometimes think about what it would feel like, if he were with me and my friends.

Like holy embarrassment. It is one thing to have a friend come up or even an ex in conversation but, you've just met. You should have a lot to say about yourselves. 

So you have to wonder how genuine a person he is and how comfortable he is with himself.  Those are really important things in order to build a healthy relationship.

You don't want to be with someone you don't ultimately respect on his own and that you aren't proud of to say that's my partner. Chemistry can fade, you need more to bloom as a couple.

[LaHermes]

On 9/1/2021 at 7:51 PM, DancingFool said:

If after three dates you are already feeling irritated, that tells you everything you need to know - hard pass and next.

I agree with DF. 

[Rose Mosse]

13 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

Totally odd, no other men have done this with me in the past. This fella would also talk about how he helped this female friend or that one of these friends had a husband who was controlling, etc.  Mentioning them (not by name BTW) in passing a lot.  It's like he wanted me to think he is popular with the ladies and thus desirable?? The whole thing turned me off and didn't at all raise my attraction to him.

 

 

 

Lack of discretion. 

Move on.

[waffle]

Bottom line is a quality man will never do this.

[Carnatic]

He sounds a bit boring, constantly showing you his work. Vintage cars I get but once is enough unless you have a different car the next time. Roofs though, I don't get why anyone would think that would be a good topic of conversation on a date. Anxiety over running out of things to talk about on a date can lead to having some strange ideas but most people if they got a second date would just be relieved they got away with it and never mention it again. However you make it sound as though other than this the dates are going well so it's your call.

I wouldn't be surprised if the photos of women were deliberately saved to his phone to make it look as though he has been attracting interest, in the belief that this will make him more attractive to you. What I'm assuming from your post is that if course it doesn't but you like him enough anyway, provided this behaviour doesn't continue .

I don't know if there's a way to make him see this without straightforward telling him to stop doing it. Maybe confrontation is the only way, or if you don't fancy that and aren't as into him as I'm taking three dates to suggest, then just break it off.