Partner thinking of someone else during oral sex

[miniimee]

I was giving my partner oral sex, he was moaning as if he was into it, and then he pauses and starts talking about a female we both know, he noticed wasn’t at an occasion we were just at. he first said i don’t think it’s the right time to say this, then proceeded to say it anyway. I stopped oral and got quiet. took a while to process everything. is my partner just not into me? why is my partner stopping oral pleasure to mention this? am i in the wrong for being uncomfortable? should i just let it go? 

[Tinydance]

Why is he even talking during oral sex, when it's not dirty talking lol What did he say exactly about this female friend, was it sexual? Sounds pretty weird...

[Tonight.majestic]

How long have you been together? 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, miniimee said:

 why is my partner stopping oral to mention this? 

You need to end it. Why be a semen recepticle for this creep?

Stop providing these services for men who have zero respect for you. 

He's treating you as an unpaid escort.

Get yourself together and talk to trusted adult family about safe and appropriate dating.

Also get to a physician for STD testing. You don't know where else his penis has been lately.

[miniimee]

13 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Why is he even talking during oral sex, when it's not dirty talking lol What did he say exactly about this female friend, was it sexual? Sounds pretty weird...

he had smoked weed, it was nothing sexual, just that he realized she wasn’t there. he’s known her since she was a kid. 

[miniimee]

12 hours ago, Tonight.majestic said:

How long have you been together? 

it’s complicated, we dated for about a year, i was not his gf, then we reconnected, & he asked me to be his gf, it’s been 3 years now. i’m currently pregnant with our second baby together. 

[miniimee]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You need to end it. Why be a semen recepticle for this creep?

Stop providing these services for men who have zero respect for you. 

He's treating you as an unpaid escort.

Get yourself together and talk to trusted adult family about safe and appropriate dating.

Also get to a physician for STD testing. You don't know where else his penis has been lately.

he’s the father of my baby’s. i know he means well, he says his mind works that way, he meant nothing sexual, & didn’t mean to make me feel uncomfortable. he doesn’t understand how i really feel, no matter what way i explain it to him. i only angered him, he said he did nothing wrong. 

[lostandhurt]

Does your bf usually do and say stupid things?  When your gf is giving you oral the last thing that should come out of his mouth is the name of another woman.  What a knuckle head.

 Let him get angry but be clear with him that talking about other women when you are being intimate is a big no no.  If he still thinks it is no big deal when the baby is born and you start being intimate again start talking about how hot you think some guy you both know is during the act.  See how much he likes it.

  Small talk during oral is strange to me.  Heck I can hardly think straight if they are doing it right!

Lost

[Rose Mosse]

42 minutes ago, miniimee said:

he’s the father of my baby’s. i know he means well, he says his mind works that way, he meant nothing sexual, & didn’t mean to make me feel uncomfortable. he doesn’t understand how i really feel, no matter what way i explain it to him. i only angered him, he said he did nothing wrong. 

Why would your hurt feelings anger him? This makes no sense and he's too defensive and dismissive. This would be repulsive to me and there's no way I'd be near a man like that. Take care of yourself and your babies.

[Wiseman2]

57 minutes ago, miniimee said:

he’s the father of my baby’s.

Ok go to court for child support. You don't have to perform this to care for your child with someone who doesn't respect you.

[DancingFool]

1 hour ago, miniimee said:

he’s the father of my baby’s. i know he means well, he says his mind works that way, he meant nothing sexual, & didn’t mean to make me feel uncomfortable. he doesn’t understand how i really feel, no matter what way i explain it to him. i only angered him, he said he did nothing wrong. 

Oh come on.....do you really think he is this stupid? Just doesn't know what he is saying and doesn't have a clue why you feel upset? I guess you just found the world's dumbest man. Congrats.....

Consider that he knows exactly what he is saying and what he is doing and gets off on it. Please stop breeding with him, get away from this creep and file for child support. Also, going forward start making better choices in men. Get your own head screwed on straight.

[miniimee]

4 hours ago, DancingFool said:

Oh come on.....do you really think he is this stupid? Just doesn't know what he is saying and doesn't have a clue why you feel upset? I guess you just found the world's dumbest man. Congrats.....

Consider that he knows exactly what he is saying and what he is doing and gets off on it. Please stop breeding with him, get away from this creep and file for child support. Also, going forward start making better choices in men. Get your own head screwed on straight.

i said before he said it, he knew it was not the right time to say it. it sucks how i’m feeling hurt & i honestly had no one else to talk to about it, so i found this forum, hoping to get other peoples feedback, not knowing i’d get harsh ones. my head is screwed on right, i do make mistakes, i’m not perfect, i’m human. i don’t need child support, it’s not something i seek or think about if things don’t work out with my babies dad. i was just wondering if i’m over reacting or if he’s just not understanding how serious i thought the situation was. i have moved forward, he’s not me perfect, he has many flaws, as do i. my mental health isn’t perfect. i’m pregnant & over emotional, i’m actually a very sensitive person in general/: but like i said i just wanted to hear other people’s feedback. i guess harsh or not. the hard truth, etc. thanks for your response. i know the real world is harsh. i should’ve expected it. i’m a bimbo.

[miniimee]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok go to court for child support. You don't have to perform this to care for your child with someone who doesn't respect you.

i don’t care much for child support, i guess it’s a fantasy to have the father of my babies to be with us till the end, wishful thinking. i love him, we’ve been through a lot together. i just yeah felt disrespected & misunderstood. he said i should’ve said something right then and there instead of giving him the silent treatment & waiting for an apology. 

[miniimee]

5 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Does your bf usually do and say stupid things?  When your gf is giving you oral the last thing that should come out of his mouth is the name of another woman.  What a knuckle head.

 Let him get angry but be clear with him that talking about other women when you are being intimate is a big no no.  If he still thinks it is no big deal when the baby is born and you start being intimate again start talking about how hot you think some guy you both know is during the act.  See how much he likes it.

  Small talk during oral is strange to me.  Heck I can hardly think straight if they are doing it right!

Lost

yes he’s a clown. he says he wants to be able to tell me everything on his mind, or like past experiences, about his ex’s, which i really don’t feel comfortable hearing, he wants to hear mine, but i also don’t feel comfortable telling him my past sexual encounters. maybe i should be more open to hearing him out but i don’t like that. i’m the jealous type, which i know is bad, i’ve tried changing that but it’s very hard for me. i know somethings wrong with me. 

i’m not like that, wish i was, i did explain to him what if i did that to you, & he said he wouldn’t care. he wasn’t complimenting the female, or anything sexual. but it did make me feel like maybe the moaning was fake, and my oral was not good. although i know my head game is strong. not trying to be cocky or anything, porn worthy head. lol. but he’s never done it before. i guess him being high had an impact on it.

but thank you for your input

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, miniimee said:

i don’t care much for child support

It's not for you. It's your kids' rights and you need to, as their parent, stand up for them and protect their rights and procure the support they are entitled to.

[arjumand]

Wow, so if the relationship doesn't work out he is free and clear and has no financial responsibilities for children he made because you "don't like child support." So you are the only real parent, the only one who has to be there for everything, and him, well, he doesn't have to do anything if things don't work out. There is nothing there I understand. 

He knew exactly what he was doing when he said what he said, do not kid yourself. He is not being nice to you and you clearly have self esteem problems because you have been putting up with crappy behavior for years. And I see that since you won't hold him to caring for his own children if you break up that you are unwilling to deal with the realities of this situation and your children's futures. 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, miniimee said:

. i guess him being high had an impact on it.

Instead of buying weed, he should be paying child support.

Stop being his sperm recepticle.

Focus on your children. Do you live with parents? Who takes care of the kids?

He's not a clown, he's a jerk.

[poorlittlefish]

I seem to be seeing this differently from everyone else.  The guy's timing was bad, but he didn't say anything suggestive or sexual about this woman and she's someone he's known since she was a child.  Maybe he just wasn't in the right frame of mind for oral, he couldn't focus and so he was thinking of random stuff that was nothing to do with what was going on at that specific moment.  I've had times when I didn't really feel like it and unimportant things keep coming into my head; it didn't mean anything.

[waffle]

18 hours ago, miniimee said:

 . . . he says he wants to be able to tell me everything on his mind, or like past experiences, about his ex’s, which i really don’t feel comfortable hearing, he wants to hear mine, but i also don’t feel comfortable telling him my past sexual encounters. maybe i should be more open to hearing him out but i don’t like that. 

Be very careful of this; the sharing of inappropriate and unwanted information under the guise of "honesty."  This is most usually a manipulation tactic meant to damage your self-esteem and cause insecurity.  And it's clearly working.  When you said you felt disrespected?  It's because you ARE being disrespected.  As you told us, he actually said "this is not the right time to say this" and then said it anyway!  And then said he did nothing wrong, and is mad at YOU.  That's rich.  No, this pot-smoking idiot does not "mean well" and you should not "let it go" because that's how you got into this mess in the first place.

Is he employed?

[lostandhurt]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you because you don't want to hear about his ex's during intimacy or any other time.  No good comes from over sharing the past so stop thinking you are wrong or something is wrong with you.  You don't want to hear it and you don't want to talk about yours to him and that is perfectly okay and actually healthy.  Why live in the past...

If he is a clown and you are staying with him then just train him how to act around you.  If he pulls stupid stuff during sex then stop right then and there.  He will learn if he says or does stupid stuff at the wrong time then sex stops. 

Not sure why you want to be with him but that is your choice.  Don't reward bad behavior and don't tolerate it.  He should be more respectful and sensitive to your feelings. 

Lost

[Atlguy]

I can't say I've never thought of another woman during this act, but almost never.  I like to be in the moment.  And even if I did think of another woman how disrespectful to actually say something! Why not guide the woman as to what you like? I don't get this at all.