What would you think/do if your SO told you "I've met someone"?

[ZebDed]

Say they've moved abroad temporarily or they're at University some place.

 

If they told you "I met someone", what would you think and how would you feel?

 

 

To me, this is 100% clear they're cheating.

 

 

What would drive someone to continue seeing a person who has told you this??

[Capricorn3]

21 minutes ago, ZebDed said:

Say they've moved abroad temporarily or they're at University some place.

If they told you "I met someone", what would you think and how would you feel

I would take them for their word - they met someone else and if that's the case, bye-bye.

[ZebDed]

44 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

I would take them for their word - they met someone else and if that's the case, bye-bye.

You'd also firmly believe, beyong reasonable doubt, she has cheated?

 

If you had any respect for yourself and if your SO had told you something like that, you'd jump ***

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, ZebDed said:

If fhey told you "I met someone".

This is crystal clear, no?

It means it's over and they're informing you why.

Maybe she left her bra there so now they're dating?👙

[ZebDed]

25 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This is crystal clear, no?

It means it's over and they're informing you why.

Maybe she left her bra there so now they're dating?👙

Well, it's not the direct 'It's over between us', it's the slightly softer 'I hope you understand that by telling you I've met someone, we're finished'.

I mean, if my gf told it to me, I would know what happened and I would definitely end it and cancel all plans I had with her. So why would someone not get it?

[Kwothe28]

Maybe not cheating, "met someone" just means she met someone interesting who she maybe wants to be with. And that she wants to try that. LDR are hard and maybe she just wants somebody closer. But yes that is your sign to move on and that you have nothing to seek there anymore. 

[ZebDed]

4 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Maybe not cheating, "met someone" just means she met someone interesting who she maybe wants to be with. And that she wants to try that. LDR are hard and maybe she just wants somebody closer. But yes that is your sign to move on and that you have nothing to seek there anymore. 

It's a clear sign for him to move on yes, but it could go as far as to tell him something physical happened.

[Capricorn3]

3 hours ago, ZebDed said:

You'd also firmly believe, beyong reasonable doubt, she has cheated?

No, not necessarily.  Could be literally what she says:  she met someone else and is interested in him and no longer wants a relationship with (you?), whoever.

You seem fixated on her cheating.

[Batya33]

I've been in that exact situation and wasn't cheating.  It did mean I wanted to end the relationship.  I was in a situation many years ago where I confessed to having a crush on someone and I was not cheating in the least  - crush had no idea.  It was foolish of me to share even though he asked me.  I actually think it's honorable to tell your partner that as a way of ending a relationship rather than going behind the partner's back.

[Lambert]

You know there are several phrases that are structured in a way to soften the blow of what the person is saying.... The common ones are:  it's not you. it's me, I need space, I don't know what I want, I met someone. 

I am sorry OP.  It means they met someone and they like them, you are now on notice they are seeing someone else.  And you are free to act as you see fit.  Which should be-- Goodbye.  Don't ever call me again.  

It's not a nice thing to hear and all that... but here's the good news-- they told you.  That is the more respectful thing to do.  There is no good way to break up with someone.  The best is a conversation.  But it doesn't always happen.  People do what they do.  

Hang in there.  It stinks but sounds like you could do better, anyway.  

[ZebDed]

43 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

No, not necessarily.  Could be literally what she says:  she met someone else and is interested in him and no longer wants a relationship with (you?), whoever.

You seem fixated on her cheating.

I'm just saying it's the first thing that would come to my head, but of course you're right it could be that she's found someone else and that's it. Sorry if I came across that way.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, ZebDed said:

So why would someone not get it?

Is this debate with your GF?

[ZebDed]

35 minutes ago, Lambert said:

You know there are several phrases that are structured in a way to soften the blow of what the person is saying.... The common ones are:  it's not you. it's me, I need space, I don't know what I want, I met someone. 

I am sorry OP.  It means they met someone and they like them, you are now on notice they are seeing someone else.  And you are free to act as you see fit.  Which should be-- Goodbye.  Don't ever call me again.  

It's not a nice thing to hear and all that... but here's the good news-- they told you.  That is the more respectful thing to do.  There is no good way to break up with someone.  The best is a conversation.  But it doesn't always happen.  People do what they do.  

Hang in there.  It stinks but sounds like you could do better, anyway.  

I really appreciate your post and feedback. This was hypothetical

[ZebDed]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Is this debate with your GF?

No not at all

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, ZebDed said:

No not at all

Then what's your point and who are you arguing with about this?

[ZebDed]

18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Then what's your point and who are you arguing with about this?

It's a hypothetical question, that's all

[catfeeder]

2 minutes ago, ZebDed said:

It's a hypothetical question, that's all

If it's hypothetical, then there are infinite outcomes, one of which would be to respect the reactions of any number of people that we don't understand.

There might be someone willing to tolerate dating others while in a LDR, especially given that there are couples in 'open' relationships.

Just because we wouldn't accept something for ourselves, that doesn't make it 'no so' for others.

We don't get to superimpose our own standards onto anyone else, we can only speak for ourselves.

[rchubn]

This happened to me except it wasn't abroad, we just had a long distance thing going on (1-2 hours away).

He broke it off with me very unexpectedly. I was devastated. 

What did I do? I was in shock and denial for a while. I kept calling him and even begged which didn't help my case at all because he lost respect for me. 

Its a messed up thing to do to a person. If you find yourself getting uninterested you NEED to express this immediately. Instead, my ex healed himself to make sure HE was okay with the relationship ending and then blindsided me and dumped me and then a month later went to someone else. I suspect that him and this girl were "talking" during our relationship and once he determined he could effortlessly dump me and walk into a relationship with her, he did just that. He claimed he didn't cheat but I find it hard to believe.  

However months later he realized she wasn't what he thought she was and that he was better off with me so he attempted to contact me multiple times. 

 

First time: to rub it in. He attempted to give me closure I did not ask for and out of the blue messages me listing off all the reasons why he broke up with me/didnt pick me. It was traumatizing 

 

Second time: he had blocked me weeks before but unblocked me. Once I saw him in my fb recommendations I immediately blocked him and he texted me about how sorry he was and that I was the only one who cared for him. 

 

Third time: I had ghosted him and he decided to send a "How are you?" Text but I sent him away and didn't speak to him again. 

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, ZebDed said:

It's a hypothetical question, that's all

Zeb...are you still looking for things to be worried and anxious about?

I thought you had decided to relax and enjoy.  Are you just not happy unless you're worried about something?  And if so, why?  Do you enjoy turmoil and conflict so much you will sabotage anything good you have just so you can ruminate and roil?

[melancholy123]

Tell them goodbye, block and delete, and move on.  Pretty simple, really.

[LaHermes]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Are you just not happy unless you're worried about something?  And if so, why?  Do you enjoy turmoil and conflict so much you will sabotage anything good you have just so you can ruminate and roil?

Therein lies the heart of the matter, Bolt. 

[lostandhurt]

You need to get out of your own head and enjoy what you have in front of you.

You seem to conjure up a lot of what ifs instead of focusing on right now.

Lost

[smackie9]

I don't think it was cheating, just giving you the heads up/courtesy that they want to end things before they pursue dating this person. making a clean break.

I say this is better that being ghosted, or they act distant for months while you worry.

[LaHermes]

12 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

You need to get out of your own head and enjoy what you have in front of you.

You seem to conjure up a lot of what ifs instead of focusing on right now.

Yeh. The OP seems to suffer from considerable anxiety. 

[boltnrun]

Just now, LaHermes said:

Yeh. The OP seems to suffer from considerable anxiety. 

Or when there's nothing to worry about he invents a hypothetical scenario.

Zeb...what's up?  Do you crave conflict and turmoil?  Do you wish for a "drama" relationship?