DELETED Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 this guy has a gf, he’s very cute and he’s flirting with me. i need to get over the last guy so bad... we first met on sunday, he rents a room in my aunts house he kept looking at me. he has a gf and she lives with him. am i playing with fire? i’m starting to like him. he messaged me first on facebook, i kept thinking about him he’s very attractive. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 So how strong is your stomach. Let's say you date him -have an awesome night with him - won't you wonder who he's flirting with when you're not there? Link to comment
DELETED Posted March 24, 2021 Author Share Posted March 24, 2021 3 minutes ago, Batya33 said: So how strong is your stomach. Let's say you date him -have an awesome night with him - won't you wonder who he's flirting with when you're not there? you’re right, he’s very attractive. on his facebook he gets many likes from woman. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 46 minutes ago, Carolina23 said: you’re right, he’s very attractive. on his facebook he gets many likes from woman. Irrelevant . It depends on what is inside -his character, values and integrity. People who choose to more than harmlessly flirt are, if not cheating, at least behaving inconsistently with being in a committed relationship. People who value loyalty and integrity can be showered with attention from the opposite sex and they will choose loyalty to their partner. So it's not whether he gets attention but how he chooses to react. Since he is flirting with you and it seems to be in a way that's full on then if you kiss him goodnight know that if he returns to your aunt's house and she has a female friend over let's say won't you wonder if he'll come on to her So I ask -how strong is your stomach? How good are you at sleeping when you're anxious, wondering, etc. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 Do you think this will be an improvement over your previous dating experiences? Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 3 hours ago, Carolina23 said: his guy has a gf, he’s very cute and he’s flirting with me. i need to get over the last guy so bad... we first met on sunday, he rents a room in my aunts house he kept looking at me. he has a gf and she lives with him. am i playing with fire? i What do you think? Seriously! Why would you even think on something like this? How about you just leave it be. He is involved and you know this. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 I get it, you are weakened and getting attention from a hot guy is like heroin. You want it bad even tho is goes against everything you believe in....but but....it could be the quick fix you have been looking for. Girl just look away, and go fine something else to do with your time rather than flirting with probably the most reckless act you could ever do. Just think how many people this will effect. It won't be just his gf, but his family and friends, hers, yours. You think your aunt would be impressed? The consequences are not worth it. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 How would you feel if you were the gf? Would you like the same done to you? If you don't care, then you seriously need to address your character and values. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 17 hours ago, Carolina23 said: you’re right, he’s very attractive. on his facebook he gets many likes from woman. So what. he is a creep. In your first thread you mentioned you only dated "bad men." Here we go again! What attracts you to this? Do you value yourself so little that you gravitate towards jerks. This is on you! Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 So there are no single guys where you live? How is helping some guy that lives with his gf at your aunts house cheat going to help you move on? Lost Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 You go visit your aunt and you see this guy cuddling his girlfriend. Do you think that would make you feel better? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 On 3/24/2021 at 6:52 PM, Carolina23 said: he has a gf and she lives with him. am i playing with fire? Oh, please. You know the answer to that. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 You need to take a break from men. Your picker is way off and flirting with a guy who has a girlfriend says a lot about you, and not in a good way. Link to comment
Clio Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 This guy has a live-in gf yet you are choosing to focus on him. What makes you think that the road to happiness ever involves winning over players/cheaters/other women's boyfriends? Imo, getting involved would be trading one relationship train-wreck for another. You need to work on your self-esteem. No self-respecting person goes after people who are already in a relationship. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 On 3/24/2021 at 10:52 PM, Carolina23 said: . am i playing with fire? Do you really need to ask this? Same mess, different guy. It will be of no emotional help to you at all. Link to comment
whiteroses3230 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 What if you were his girlfriend? You need to move on from the last guy. Assuming he did you wrong, hurt you. Would getting involved in an affair be a good step towards healing? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 21 hours ago, whiteroses3230 said: What if you were his girlfriend? You need to move on from the last guy. Assuming he did you wrong, hurt you. Would getting involved in an affair be a good step towards healing? She treated her ex bf terribly that is why it ended. Link to comment
limichelle Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 I’m at a loss for words. Sure you can play with fire as long as you don’t mind being burned. What advice are you seeking? It’s okay to be with hot guy even though he has a girlfriend? Sorry you won’t find that advice here. Link to comment
maritalbliss86 Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 On 3/24/2021 at 5:52 PM, Carolina23 said: this guy has a gf, he’s very cute and he’s flirting with me. i need to get over the last guy so bad... we first met on sunday, he rents a room in my aunts house he kept looking at me. he has a gf and she lives with him. am i playing with fire? i’m starting to like him. he messaged me first on facebook, i kept thinking about him he’s very attractive. Based on how you said you're in treatment for BPD... I think you need to stop dating altogether for awhile, and just slow things down. Can you step back, take a break and see how you're doing self-destructive behaviors and sabotaging yourself for an actual, mature and deep relationship? What kind of partner would a cheater be? Why are you deliberately going after a cheater or paying him any attention? When you get mentally stable, I think you'll be able to see the bad choices you're making, and then paying for later on. You treated the only man who you said was ever really great to you, like crap, and then wondered why he walked away. Unfortunately, this is part of BPD... you are letting your mental illness drive your life-train. You're so young though, it doesn't have to be like this, you can make better choices simply by slowing down long enough to think about the end results. And the positive thing is that BPD tends to actually get better with age... you'll find yourself being able to, "see," the bad decisions before plunging into them. Most BPD women get dramatically better overtime, but it's better if you can learn now not to make all those mistakes and destructive life choices that will harm you for years. Link to comment
DELETED Posted March 31, 2021 Author Share Posted March 31, 2021 9 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said: Based on how you said you're in treatment for BPD... I think you need to stop dating altogether for awhile, and just slow things down. Can you step back, take a break and see how you're doing self-destructive behaviors and sabotaging yourself for an actual, mature and deep relationship? What kind of partner would a cheater be? Why are you deliberately going after a cheater or paying him any attention? When you get mentally stable, I think you'll be able to see the bad choices you're making, and then paying for later on. You treated the only man who you said was ever really great to you, like crap, and then wondered why he walked away. Unfortunately, this is part of BPD... you are letting your mental illness drive your life-train. You're so young though, it doesn't have to be like this, you can make better choices simply by slowing down long enough to think about the end results. And the positive thing is that BPD tends to actually get better with age... you'll find yourself being able to, "see," the bad decisions before plunging into them. Most BPD women get dramatically better overtime, but it's better if you can learn now not to make all those mistakes and destructive life choices that will harm you for years. i stopped talking to him, because my therapist advised me to do so. & you’re absolutely right about it. i appreciate your advice. Link to comment
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