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Possible cheating (online)


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Hi all

New to site, so please bear with me.

Here's the dilemma. My partner of four years, who is loving and affectionate, is doing some odd things with his phone and it is making me suspicious.

Sometimes (not all) puts phone down when I walk into the room.

When we're sitting together on the sofa, sometimes sits with phone tilted away so that I can't see what he's writing or looking at.

Takes phone to the bathroom every time he goes.

And lately, if he wakes before me, lays on his side, toward the side of the bed and spends time on his phone. If I pretend to stir, he puts down the phone and pretends to be asleep. Then when I don't "wake up" he goes back to doing the same thing. If I wake up, he puts it down or takes it to the bathroom, having pretended to have just woken up. Now I know he is on many groups of particular hobbies of his, but there is no need to hide anything from there. So what am I supposed to think? He doesn't disappear off for hours or anything like that. His phone is locked and always has been since we met.

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Sometimes (not all) puts phone down when I walk into the room.

 

This could be him simply wanting to focus his attention on you. Or he puts the phone down and pretends to be doing something else?

 

Takes phone to the bathroom every time he goes.

 

I do this a lot when I get into a new game on my phone and can't stop playing it. LOL

 

The other signs sound suspicious, especially if he wasn't like that before and only recently started acting this way. But if he's always been protective with his phone maybe that's just who he is. Anyway, why not share your observation with him and see what he has to say? If he gets defensive or deflects the question, maybe he's not trustworthy.

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Any one of these actions could be something or completely nothing. However, the totality of the picture certainly comes across as shady behavior. As you said yourself, if he is just chatting with friends, reading, playing a game, there is no reason to hide or pretend he isn't using his phone, let alone pretend he is sleeping. That is just weird and very shady.

 

Unfortunately all you can really do is ask him about it and see how he reacts and judge from there what's going on. Overall, keep an eye out for other shady actions. Maybe check in general on the health and status of your relationship. Is it heading somewhere or are you both just coasting along bored and complacent?

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When we're sitting together on the sofa, sometimes sits with phone tilted away so that I can't see what he's writing or looking at.

 

Have you asked him what he's looking at? Maybe he'll show you.

 

If I pretend to stir, he puts down the phone and pretends to be asleep. Then when I don't "wake up" he goes back to doing the same thing. If I wake up, he puts it down or takes it to the bathroom, having pretended to have just woken up.

 

Now that's a little suspect, but again... have you asked him about this?

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Why the sudden concern? The phone activity in itself may mean nothing but why the suspicion?

My partner of four years, who is loving and affectionate, is doing some odd things with his phone and it is making me suspicious. His phone is locked and always has been since we met.
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If this activity when using his phone is new, then yes, it seems a little off.

 

You should point it out to him, but he'll probably just hide it and do it on the down-low. All you can do is talk to him about it and wait and see. If there is something going on, you'll find out eventually.

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How long has the odd phone activity been occurring for? Also, here's a thought: do you possibly have a big event coming up (birthday? anniversary? etc.?) I'm throwing that out there because something similar happened with a close friend of mine, whose longtime boyfriend was behaving very cautiously with his phone for a couple weeks. It turns out he had planned a surprise romantic weekend getaway for the two of them, as well as a proposal. He sometimes behaved oddly while using his phone around her only because he was in the middle of planning everything out, and didn't want to accidentally ruin the surprise.

 

It's best not to automatically jump to the conclusion that your partner is up to no good based on odd phone behavior alone. There could well be a reasonable explanation, so I advise that you give him the benefit of the doubt for now. If the behavior escalates to the point at which you are truly concerned, then it's best to ask him about it.

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Sorry, but most on here are giving you terrible advice. If he’s hiding something, do you think he’s going to tell you? No, he’s not. If it is a surprise (probably not) do you want to ruin it? No. It’s best to keep your eyes open and mouth shut. If you get a chance, look at his phone. Or next time he’s acting that way, take his phone. See what he’s doing.

 

Look, the worst thing you could do is ask him at this point. If he is doing something he will just hide it more. Then, you will never find out what’s going on. You already feel like something is off. Trust your gut. Just start snooping.

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Sorry, but most on here are giving you terrible advice.
Agree, terrible advice
next time he’s acting that way, take his phone. See what he’s doing. Just start snooping.
Edited by Wiseman2
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Sorry, but most on here are giving you terrible advice. If he’s hiding something, do you think he’s going to tell you? No, he’s not. If it is a surprise (probably not) do you want to ruin it? No. It’s best to keep your eyes open and mouth shut. If you get a chance, look at his phone. Or next time he’s acting that way, take his phone. See what he’s doing.

 

Look, the worst thing you could do is ask him at this point. If he is doing something he will just hide it more. Then, you will never find out what’s going on. You already feel like something is off. Trust your gut. Just start snooping.

 

Snooping is a really "healthy" way to have a relationship. God forbid there be communication.

 

Terrible advice.

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We don't know if he's cheated yet, though. We only know about his phone behavior. We don't have any other background about their relationship. Maybe they're two honest but paranoid oddballs who jump at shadows and don't communicate.

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

The strength & weakness of a site like this is that you get advice from everyone. Some who apparently have little experience in relationships.

 

Do NOT snoop. It could be he's looking at porn, or gun clubs, or anything he thinks you may disapprove of, though it does sound like it may be more simply because of your own attitude towards it.

 

DO communicate. Not because he's definitely doing something wrong or because he'd definitely admit it, but because you can glean something from his reaction and subsequent behaviour.

 

Do NOT ignore it if it continues.

 

Best of luck

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