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JenCrowley

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JenCrowley last won the day on May 8 2019

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  1. People can and sometimes do change. However, this can only happen if the person in question actually WANTS to change. It's clear from your post that you really want him to change, it's not so clear that he really wants to. If he has no genuine desire to really change, then change simply won't happen. No matter how badly you want him to. If he doesn't want to change, the important question to ask yourself is the following: can I accept him as he is, flaws and all? If the answer is "No," then it's best to walk away, this relationship is not a good fit for your wants and needs.
  2. Introducing her children to you and having you sleep over while the kids were around, all within 8 months, was rushing it. I suspect she also rushed into a relationship with you not long after her two past relationships. It's worrying, and also quite damaging, that she chooses to bring home one man after another to her family in quick succession. Yes, continue working on yourself, I also advise that you refrain from any further contact with the children.
  3. Interesting. Well, I think that this is your key right here, the root of the problem in the relationship so to speak: this something missing. I agree with others that you should look into counseling and, hopefully, through counseling you may discover what this missing something is. Have you had any serious relationships before the one you are in now? If so, how did your past relationships compare to your current one?
  4. Could you elaborate on this part right here? What, exactly, was "missing" in this person you met three years ago?
  5. That right there is a red flag worth paying attention to. How a person chooses to treat others is a direct reflection of that person's character. To me, it suggests that if this guy doesn't believe he has something to gain from someone else, then he will choose to treat that person poorly. If I were to guess, the sudden change in his behavior towards you cause he now believes he has something to gain from you. It now behooves him to do what he must to stay within your good graces because you have something he is after. What that could be, I have no idea, but please do not confuse his sudden change in behavior towards you to be a complete transformation of his character. His character has not changed, his poor treatment of others is proof of this.
  6. From your description, it sounds to me that the guy is emotionally immature. He clearly lacks patience (eager to meet up ASAP despite the distance, complaining when you don't respond within the time frame he wants a response) lack of patience and need for immediate gratification are signs of emotional immaturity. The love bombing very early on and the eagerness to rush the relationship also point to emotional immaturity. Bottom line, he's choosing to ghost you because it's the easiest and most convenient option for him. He's behaving badly, and there's no justification for it. At his age, he ought to be adult enough to communicate with you and end things with you respectfully. Yep, good riddance to this man-child, no need to waste any more time with this one.
  7. Agreed that this is a situation the two of you will need to find a compromise on that you can both agree to and be happy with, otherwise I do not foresee this relationship working out. My advice is to continue to brainstorm ideas together: yes, try getting a new mattress and/or bed if this may be a solution for the two of you. Discuss a new sleeping arrangement if this may be a solution for the two of you (such as the weekends in the same bed/week days in different beds that was previously suggested) My biggest advice to you, for now, is to NOT move in together until BOTH of you have reached a compromise you are 100% happy with. Also, do a trial-run of the compromise for at least a month before you officially begin the move-in process (just to be absolutely sure that this is something that will work for you both).
  8. Okay, well I admit that I read your original post very differently. From the way it was written, it came across as that you were afraid to be around him, and would rather give him space so he could "calm down". Anyways, if it's true that you feel that you may not be enough for your boyfriend, this is an issue you must address within yourself and has nothing to do with your boyfriend. If you constantly second-guess yourself and question if you are "enough", this is an issue to do with your own self-esteem. You determine your own self-worth, your value must come from within. To address your question: "what can I change to make sure that this won’t happen again?" the change starts with you. Work on yourself so that you will begin to value yourself in a positive light.
  9. I want to clarify what you mean when you say that you felt "scared"? Are you afraid of your boyfriend? Does he have anger issues or blow up at you when he's in a bad mood? Do you constantly feel as if you are walking on eggshells when around him?
  10. Immediately cutting off any and all contact with anyone who crosses the line would be a great start (this includes friend A, women texting him for sex, sending inappropriate messages, etc.) If he tells you he has done this, all you can do is take him at his word. Time will tell if he is serious about you and the relationship and is no longer indulging in inappropriate interactions with others.
  11. Your constant feelings of worry and fear that the cheating behavior may be repeated are understandable: he has broken your trust in him and, from what I can tell, has made no attempts to restore your trust in him. Besides the cheating incident, your boyfriend has very poor boundaries set in place when it comes to other women who clearly are crossing the line. He feels too "guilty" to cut contact with girls messaging him trying to sleep with him? What the what? So he's essentially telling you that he will continue to maintain contact with women who are sexually interested to him, because to do otherwise would make him feel too "guilty". Ask yourself this: would you continue interacting with other men who sent you flirty messages and asked if they could come over and sleep with you? The only way to realistically restore your trust in your boyfriend is for him to begin making major efforts to help restore that trust. This would entail respecting you, and the relationship, by setting and maintaining a strong set of boundaries. Unfortunately, you cannot control your boyfriend nor the decisions that he makes. You can absolutely voice your concerns regarding his present behavior, and explain how it hurts your relationship and your trust in him, but if it all falls on deaf ears there is very little chance he will do anything to change his current behavior. Without trust, I do not see this relationship lasting. If you are determined to stick with this relationship and if your boyfriend is not willing to make any effort to help rebuild your trust in him, then the only advice I can give you at that point is to accept that this is who your boyfriend is. He has poor boundaries and he behaves inappropriately with other women.
  12. Sorry that you are hurting, OP. I'm curious: has he actively been applying to jobs in the USA? From your description, I'm under the impression that he was not actively applying to USA jobs, only thinking of/planning to do so upon arrival to the USA. If that's the case, do you know his reasoning behind this decision? Why wait to apply, and not begin applying now? Employers accept applications from all over the world, his current location in no way means that he cannot apply for a position in any part of the world he wants. If an employer really likes what he/she sees in an applicant's profile and really wants said applicant, he/she will go above and beyond to hire the applicant. Many employers will even cover moving/travel expenses as part of the hire-on package. It just seems to me, as limichelle pointed out, that he has given up far too quickly and is sabotaging himself career-wise by not actively seeking out the positions that he wants and by settling for the same position he had pre-MBA. Anyways, as to your questions regarding moving on: my best advice is to begin creating a life for yourself. From your description, it seems this long-distance relationship was just about your entire world. Talking together all day, every day for 13 months......it's very co-dependent behavior. Yes, I do understand that the long distance aspect necessitated keeping in touch with one another more often, but "all day, every day" is just overkill. When did you find time to interact with friends or engage in activities you enjoy (ones that did not involve the long-distance boyfriend, that is)? Starting now, it's time to build a life for yourself, one that you can truly enjoy whether you are single or in a relationship. If you have friends in your life, now is the time to reach out to them. If you don't, now is the time to begin cultivating friendships. Pick up some hobbies you enjoy, whether it be painting, gardening, writing, whatever passes the time in an enjoyable way for you.
  13. Your girlfriend was 100% in the wrong for stealing your book. Yes, it was stealing. Once the book was given to you as a gift, it became your property. It doesn't matter that she was the one who purchased it, once she made the decision that it was to be gifted to you, she essentially transferred ownership of the book to you. Hopefully, in addition to her apology, she is doing all that she can do on her end to make sure you get your property back. Yes, I agree with you that you may want to reflect on all of this and how it speaks to her character.
  14. OP, I'm getting the impression that you have already made up your mind on this. That's fine, it's your life and it's ultimately your decision as far as where you end up and what job you take. I'm curious: have you already gotten actual, job offers in Texas? Or are they only invites to interview at this point? If it isn't yet an actual offer, the position isn't exactly "in the bag" just yet. They can still decide to give the position to someone else. So keep that in mind before actually packing your bags and making such a big move. If you do have invites to interview and they are on-site, I would advise that you take advantage of this if you are seriously considering the move to Texas. Most companies will cover the cost of travel and hotel stay for their interviewees, it's a good chance to visit the area, explore, and see if you can legitimately see yourself happy living there. It's one thing to envision yourself living in a totally different area of the country, quite another to actually live and experience it. And, while you're in town interviewing, you can contact your ex and ask if she would like to meet with you in-person. If you are curious how an in-person interaction with your ex would turn out, you can find out your answer without actually committing to a job and life in Texas. I'll be honest OP, if you are making this big career decision and a big move all while hedging your bets that you and your ex will get back together and live happily ever after, it's very risky. Your ex has already demonstrated that she is overly anxious and that her anxiety causes her to believe that things won't work out and will end in disaster. In your shoes, I would be very hesitant entering back into a relationship with such a person, always wondering when the shoe was going to drop and my partner suddenly decided it wasn't going to work out.
  15. Reading through all of this, my thoughts are that your severe lack of good judgment and your inability to recognize a plethora of red flags is cause for much concern here. This woman is deeply, severely troubled; I strongly advise against any further engagement with such a person. She ought to be blocked so that she is no longer able to randomly message you. Have you ever heard of the "Jodi Arias, Travis Alexander" crime case? This situation is eerily similar to it, I suggest reading up on it as Travis Alexander made many of the same errors in judgment that you are making. He ignored many red flags in Jodi, her erratic behavior, her obsession, her inability to let him go and leave him alone. Travis kept letting Jodi back in, and in the end, he paid dearly for it. My advice is to NOT allow such a disturbed individual any access into your life whatsoever. Also, continue working on yourself so that you learn to recognize red flags and may avoid toxic people in future.
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