rjc149 Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 I saw a woman long-distance (her in DC, me in NYC) for about 5 months. She had just gotten out of a marriage that I had played a part in undoing (we kissed once while she was married). We spent 4 weekends together during this period. The weekends were extremely passionate, physical, and close. In the downtime apart, we texted most days like bf/gf but I would sometimes act aloof and distant, and go 2-3 days without contacting her, which she said bothered her. I was generally investing less into the communication than she was but always replied to her texts (I was excited to get texts from her and never ignored her), and reached out to her 2-3 times per week. We never had the 'talk' and there was never a verbal confirmation of our status or the expectations. However, we would call each other "just to hear your voice" and make plans to take trips and do things etc. So it felt like a relationship. After a 2-week stretch of spotty communication where her texts were less frequent but still upbeat and chatty, I called her, and she told me that she had been seeing another man in DC who was more nurturing, emotionally open, and boyfriend material. The 'opposite' of me, she said. She also said "you're too hot and cold" and "I'm very attracted to you but I'm confused about what I want because I like him too" and "I'm just getting out of a marriage and I have options." Basically, 'I've met someone new and I am moving on' and 'I don't want to commit to a LDR with you, and I'd rather date locally right now with men who will fulfill my emotional needs.' I ended things and did her job for her. I have been in NC since. Fine, her attraction for me fell from its height as she felt more and more emotionally neglected, and attractive women always have interested men in their orbit, so she decided she was tired of how I was showing up in our 'thing' and decided to go give one of these men a shot. It developed into a connection. I can own that. She's a 32 old woman, newly single, we had no exclusivity, she's within her right to move on to a better mate. It's my loss. What I'm having some trouble is is this: Prior to my last visit to her in DC, some things stuck out. We had sort of been on bad terms that week, not communicating, and she texted me Friday morning 'hey not sure if you're still coming, we haven't really spoken this week.' I said I was, and she asked me to come after 9PM so she could 'clean up her apartment.' She was then suspiciously insistent on using a condom that evening, when she was on the pill and I had been cleared for STD's. We had never once used a condom, although she did mention that me ejaculating repeatedly into her gave her vaginal irritation and yeast infections (we would have sex 9-10 times during on these weekends). But she was really adamant about it that evening which wasn't ordinary. Do I have reason to be suspicious, and if she did indeed have sex with another man before me, is this cheating? Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.