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Angry husband and puppy


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My husband and I recently got a puppy. When puppy misbehaves husband lashes out at puppy by yelling and screaming and breaking things. Most recently husband smashed his laptop and broke our bedroom door off its hinges. I'm really worried and dont know what to do. We have had puppy for 6 months and I already love puppy. Of course I love my husband too. But this is not normal behavior. I have told my husband that he should get help..talk to someone about his anger but he refuses and says it's all the dogs fault. Example; puppy was outside, husband told puppy to come in, puppy wouldn't listen, husband gets furious, breaks his laptop, blames puppy for breaking his laptop.? Should we get rid of the dog? Or should I still try to convince my husband to get help? Both? I dont know I'm at a loss here. I cant keep having him break things and potentially harming our puppy. I also feel if we get rid of puppy my family is going to ask all kinds of questions of why we got rid of him. Help

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Faaaaaark no! If he won’t go to counselling for anger management I implore you to give some serious consideration to breaking up with him. What about when it’s a child he’s angry at? What about when it’s you? People unfold as we get to know them and the introduction of the puppy has caused your husband to reveal that he can’t control his emotions and fast resorts to violence.


I know it’s no small thing to say leave, but this behaviour is no small thing either. Very worried for you op. (And even if you don’t go better rehome the puppy before he damages or kills it)

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Sorry this is happening. This is not about a puppy. Your husband is the classic escalating abuser. Read up on abusive relationships. Google "cycle of violence". Get to a therapist alone, privately and confidentially. Do not tell him. Do not engage him. Take the dog and leave immediately when he becomes violent. Stop arguing or pleading or negotiating with him. Call law enforcement if needed. Abusers Never "get help". Ever. You need to extricate yourself from this. It will 100% only get worse.

husband smashed his laptop and broke our bedroom door off its hinges. I


I have told my husband that he should get help..talk to someone about his anger but he refuses

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You're both not ready for a dog. I'm finding it hard to believe that there were no warning signs for his short fuse. I wouldn't blow it out of proportion either. There's obviously something very wrong in the picture and NOT ok but I think you owe it to your marriage to dig deeper and communicate better with each other. He clearly didn't hit you or the dog. He took it out on his laptop and the door, and very unnecessarily so as now not only is he stuck with a wife who is shocked with him and a puppy that couldn't care less about him but he also has a broken computer and a broken door.


When someone is in a fit, it's probably not the smartest thing to tell them to get help. It just escalates the matter and has the potential to create a more tense situation. That dog has to go. Both of you need to work on your marriage and communicate better.


The rage shouldn't be allowed to continue and he needs to know he has to check that. When people trip up on rage and realize that they can overpower others or animals or intimidate others, it becomes an unhealthy and violent habit. See if you can get through to him and speak with him. I would resist the urge to insult or accuse or enact any elaborate homemade clinical diagnoses. Open up the lines of communication better without condemning each other just yet.

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Please do not "speak to him". As you already realized he will not get help. You can not fix or change him. It's not about the dog. It does not matter that he hasn't hit you...yet. Educate yourself appropriately on domestic violence and the role animal abuse and property damage have in predicting more violent behavior. Educate yourself from appropriate sources such as this excerpt from Emory Law Journal.


Emory Law Journal

The Abuse of Animals as a Method of Domestic Violence

A substantial amount of research in recent decades has focused on the relationship between domestic violence and animal abuse. This research has shown that an abusive household often contains more than one victim, and that an abuser is likely to harm both his intimate partner and domestic animals in the home. The bulk of this research has focused on the degree to which these forms of abuse co-occur, the predictive utility of these statistics, and the effect that animal abuse has on a victim’s decision to leave the abusive household. Research findings in these areas have spawned a number of efforts to build upon this link to protect both humans and animals, such as including animals in protective orders, encouraging women’s shelters to accommodate companion animals, requiring cross-reporting between animal welfare and domestic agencies, and educating the public as to the potential risk implicated by an animal abuser in the home.


By contrast, relatively little attention has been paid to a different aspect of the problem: the intentional abuse of animals as a method of domestic violence. Often, abusers exploit the close, emotional bond shared by a victim and her companion animal to inflict harm upon the human victim. The abuser may harm or kill the animal in order to emotionally harm the human, use threats against the animal to gain compliance or control over the human, or use these methods to abuse the human or coerce her return after she leaves the household. These forms of abuse constitute one aspect of the broader pattern of control that characterizes an abusive relationship. The abuse of an animal is a potent source of harm and control: victims have described their anguish and despair at witnessing their partner torture their beloved animal in front of their eyes, and frequently speak of how their concern for the animal obstructs their ability to leave the home. Because domestic violence shelters typically do not accept animals, a departing victim must leave her animal in the household. By doing so, she is left vulnerable to harm through the ongoing abuse of the animal—abuse that may force her to return to her abuser just to protect it.


This Comment argues that domestic violence statutes must treat animal cruelty as a domestic violence offense when committed with the purpose of harming or coercing the human victim. The law’s failure to do so leaves a powerful method of harm underregulated, and thus leaves the significant abuse of both humans and animals underpunished. Designating animal abuse as a domestic violence offense would plug a prominent gap in the criminal approach to domestic violence and make available a large number of specialized protective and rehabilitative measures currently available to domestic violence victims, such as protective orders and mandatory therapy for the abuser. Moreover, implementing a domestic violence animal cruelty provision poses a relatively straightforward task, because the current statutory schemes of most states already recognize a variety of offenses as involving domestic violence. Ultimately, the frequency with which domestic violence and animal abuse co-occur, the severe harm that this abuse inflicts, and the substantial protective and remedial benefits that would follow together suggest the criminalization of this form of abuse is a necessary and highly effective approach against both domestic and animal abuse.

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Interesting information. I still think it's a bit premature to diagnose anyone at home or over the internet. I still stick to better communication and working things out. You mentioned this was 'recent' so calmly go over it once the dust settles. If you are experiencing more difficulties in your marriage and it's irreconcilable(or you can no longer see a future with this person due to this or any other number of factors), I'd suggest speaking to a lawyer instead.

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I don’t think you need to go to the trouble of diagnosing. If an adult is blaming a puppy his choice to act out his rage this way that’s all you need to know. Get the puppy to a safe place first and if he has never ever treated you this way then you have a bit of time to explore whether something unusual is going on with him - is he on a new or different medication? Lost his job or risk of? Not as a therapist just some practical questions. Also did he want a puppy as much as you did ? Has he ever had a pet before ? How does he deal with “road rage “. Again if he’s never ever treated you this way I don’t think you leave today but it must be addressed ASAP. Good luck.

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This behavior is definitely not normal and I would be very concerned. I totally agree with the other posters, if he's going to completely lose it like this and break stuff just over a dog not coming when called, what about children? Kids cry and scream and misbehave all the time. He is completely irrational and has no compassion because a puppy is still a baby and still learning. All puppies can be naughty. My family always had dogs, so I know. To get to such a high level of anger as to smash his laptop is really bad and inappropriate. And then to blame it on the poor defenseless dog! If he can't even recognise that he has a problem and get help then that is even more worrying.

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Operating on the pretense you won't actually get rid of the husband, get rid of the dog. Take whatever personal risks you want with whomever, but the puppy lacks agency, and it's your absolute responsibility to ensure its security. It's still young enough it can likely be rehomed to a safe and loving household with relative ease.

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YOU and the puppy need to get somewhere safe. If he does this about a puppy, he will do this to you. Sorry, but that's what I would do.

Don't dump the puppy at the shelter - use this as a warning sign, People who do this almost ALWAYS end up hurting another person , particularly a child or spouse.

I would also be taking the puppy to obedience classes. Puppies are puppies and don't always listen, but it helps the puppy understand what you expect with positive reinforcment. I wouldn't come if someone screamed at me, either!

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