Pocketrocket Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 Do you and your so have access to each others phones and facebook passwords etc? My bf of 18.months says its n invasion of privacy and isnt secretive but hates snooping and sees it as a trust issue.. He messages girls at work as i see it pop up but no idea what the convos are about Just wondering if others think same? Link to comment
indea08 Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 Most people will tend to agree with your boyfriend. If you feel differently, that’s okay, you’re just going to have to date someone who feels the same way you do about it. I don’t have access to my husbands Facebook or messages or anything, but we’ve had 5 years together to build trust. If right at the beginning he had said “you will never have access to my messages or Facebook” honestly it probably would’ve deterred me. And that has nothing to do with trust issues, just more of being realistic and knowing how easy it is for people to cheat and be secretive and with absolutely no time together to build any trust, I’d wonder why that was even something to be said so early. But after 18 months together, you know who he is. Do you feel secure or not? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 Per your thread you posted a few days ago, you seem to feel insecure in this relationship. I can tell you that having "permission" to snoop on his phone won't make you feel more secure. Link to comment
Pocketrocket Posted March 7, 2019 Author Share Posted March 7, 2019 Per your thread you posted a few days ago, you seem to feel insecure in this relationship. I can tell you that having "permission" to snoop on his phone won't make you feel more secure. I dont want to snoop and dont want him to snoop haha But its more about not being open or if i ask who someone is tahts nessaging him he feels violated .. i dont ask ro see messagesjust who they are etc He did message a random in first few weeks of our dating ..flirting and chatting and he wouldnt add me on fb until he deleted her etc maybe it still haunts me Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 You clearly are insecure about it, so your sentence about him seeing it as a trust issue is exactly what it is Link to comment
j.man Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 About the closest I've ever come is when wedding services and coordinators all kept emailing my now-wife instead of me despite it having been my off season from work and me very openly handling the bulk of the approvals and organizing. Couldn't buy a cc even if I offered to double their rates. Got to the point she just logged and saved her email onto my computer because she was tired of relaying. Kinda defeated the purpose. That's a pretty exceptional example, though. I have zero interest in having access to her facebook, nor does she in having access to mine. I also don't care who happens to be messaging her. Wouldn't care if tomorrow she got on my computer and logged off her email. I don't check it. I trust her enough not to wonder. If I didn't, we'd have been done long ago. And I honestly don't see what reason you'd have to care about him flirting with women while you'd just started dating. How do you know of it anyhow? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 It's been 18 months and outside of him wanting you to respect his privacy, has he done anything to warrant your mistrust? If you trusted him, you wouldn't care who he was texting. My current bf will suggest I change the music on his phone or Ipad. He volunteers his password, though I would never ask or feel entitled to it. For that matter, I haven't shared mine and doubt I ever will. I don't have anything to hide either. It just value my privacy. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 There's such a lack of trust in this world. My husband and I can look on each other's phone and computers and emails. Maybe we are the weird ones because we do trust each other. Seems like you and your bf have major trust issues. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 sorry, you are being very insecure. Where is this coming from? Sometimes when people have a lack of confidence, that feeling is the result. Maybe a better alternative is to figure out how/why you feel that way He should not have to report to you everyone who contacts him. if you are with him, and he sends a short answer to a woman from work in front of you - i doubt if anything is going on there. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 Nope. I don’t have any of my husband’s passwords and he doesn’t have mine. We have been married 25 years. We believe you can be very close and be autonomous. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 I'm with the bf. What are the other issues? Link to comment
Pocketrocket Posted March 7, 2019 Author Share Posted March 7, 2019 I'm with the bf. What are the other issues? He has made some poor choices in the past Life choices etc Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 My husband and I can look on each other's phone and computers and emails. Maybe we are the weird ones because we do trust each other.. Ditto. Add us to the weird list. We can look at each other's phone, computers etc but we never do. The only time he ever looks at anything is when I ask him to "fix" something for me, lol. I am not tech savvy in any way, shape or form and he has full control/access of all my devices as he does all the updates and whatever else phones and computers need done. I couldn't be bothered because I don't understand most of it, lol. We have nothing to hide and we have no need to "snoop" - I even call him to come and read some of the threads here on ENA. OP, sounds like you have major insecurity/trust issues. You need to ask yourself where it's all coming from and why. Link to comment
maew Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 My bf doesn't even use social media so it's a non issue for us. That said I have no desire to be one of those couples that shares social media accounts and passwords or reads each others texts... I like my independence. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 No, and we don't open each other's mail either. We don't share our pins for bank cards or cc either. I know some couples share everything but I like it this way. If one of us needs to use the others comp or phone for some reason, we'll do that. But that's about it. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 He has made some poor choices in the past Life choices etc Such as????? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 So I have given him my passwords to various things when he needs to do our taxes or similar. But no we don't and I have seen some of his work emails if I'm on a computer and they literally pop up - no biggie. Once in awhile if one of our phones rings we'll check for the other person if it's important. But what I have been thinking about is whether we should have each other's phone passwords for safety reasons -what if one of us had an accident and I needed to get into his phone or vice versa? I'm a big fan of privacy/respecting someone's privacy so even when he gets a lot more texts at night than usual I most often won't comment -once in awhile I do if it's a lot. I agree with your boyfriend. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Ditto. Add us to the weird list. We can look at each other's phone, computers etc but we never do. The only time he ever looks at anything is when I ask him to "fix" something for me, lol. I am not tech savvy in any way, shape or form and he has full control/access of all my devices as he does all the updates and whatever else phones and computers need done. I couldn't be bothered because I don't understand most of it, lol. We have nothing to hide and we have no need to "snoop" - I even call him to come and read some of the threads here on ENA. OP, sounds like you have major insecurity/trust issues. You need to ask yourself where it's all coming from and why. Let me clarify, just because we can look at each other's devices, doesnt mean we do. We dont, unless it's to look at a cartoon or joke on facebook, that type of thing. It's never to snoop. I'm the techy one and I have fixed stuff on his PC and I've installed a few apps on his phone because I can get it done a lot faster than he can. It's never for nefarious reasons. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 So I have given him my passwords to various things when he needs to do our taxes or similar. But no we don't and I have seen some of his work emails if I'm on a computer and they literally pop up - no biggie. Once in awhile if one of our phones rings we'll check for the other person if it's important. But what I have been thinking about is whether we should have each other's phone passwords for safety reasons -what if one of us had an accident and I needed to get into his phone or vice versa? I'm a big fan of privacy/respecting someone's privacy so even when he gets a lot more texts at night than usual I most often won't comment -once in awhile I do if it's a lot. I agree with your boyfriend. I have a book with passwords written in it, for the very reason of what if something happens to me and he needs to access banking stuff or whatever. Perhaps something you and others could consider. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Saw your history. It seems that everyone warned you to run. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Let me clarify, just because we can look at each other's devices, doesnt mean we do. We dont, unless it's to look at a cartoon or joke on facebook, that type of thing. It's never to snoop. I'm the techy one and I have fixed stuff on his PC and I've installed a few apps on his phone because I can get it done a lot faster than he can. It's never for nefarious reasons. Wait, I thought you said HE said it was an invasion of privacy. Now you say you look at each other's devices ? So what's the issue? Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Wait, I thought you said HE said it was an invasion of privacy. Now you say you look at each other's devices ? So what's the issue? She’s not the OP Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 She’s not the OP Duh. I just woke up from a nap. Sorry, OP. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 How does he support five kids? Are all three baby mommas in the picture? Link to comment
Pocketrocket Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 How does he support five kids? Are all three baby mommas in the picture? He pays child support for 3 the other ones are older Yes the exes are civil and occasionally communicate as far as i know Link to comment
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