Pocketrocket Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 How does he support five kids? Are all three baby mommas in the picture? He earns good money but yeh its 300 a week Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 He pays child support for 3 the other ones are older Yes the exes are civil and occasionally communicate as far as i know Isn't the last one three years old? He does not seem to have a great track record with responsibility and relationships. Does he want more kids? How long have you been dating? Link to comment
Pocketrocket Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 Isn't the last one three years old? He does not seem to have a great track record with responsibility and relationships. Does he want more kids? How long have you been dating? Shw is 4 soon No he wants no more and neither do i 18 months Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 That's good. I hope he has gotten a vasectomy? Link to comment
Pocketrocket Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 That's good. I hope he has gotten a vasectomy? Nope I have mentioned it but said he will when ready Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 5 kids, three baby mommas...? Normally the first few weeks of dating is nonexclusive so I wouldn't have cared what they're doing. And yes, wanting to look at his messages is invasion of privacy. Link to comment
Pocketrocket Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 5 kids, three baby mommas...? Normally the first few weeks of dating is nonexclusive so I wouldn't have cared what they're doing. And yes, wanting to look at his messages is invasion of privacy. Yes thats correct Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Let me clarify, just because we can look at each other's devices, doesnt mean we do. We dont, I know. I was agreeing with you and saying it's the same for us. We have access to each other's devices, but never do so - unless asked. He's the techy one and fixes my stuff when required and that's about it. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 My partner I do not share passwords or snoop through each other's communications. We see no need to. However, your problems with this guy run far deeper than simply having access to his phone and social media. You are overlooking the more serious issues that are behind your desire to keep an eye on his contact with other women. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 He's correct. Passwords should not be shared or demanded nor should free snooping access to anyone's phone be demanded. If those things are happening, there is very little trust, respect or appropriate boundaries in the relationship.. Once you've entered this type of parent/child dynamic, cat-and-mouse game the only certainty you have is that it will further erode respect and trust and increase resentment and estrangement..If he is keeping you at arm's length or not forthcoming with you, stand back and reflect on the relationship as a whole. My bf of 18.months says its n invasion of privacy and isnt secretive but hates snooping and sees it as a trust issue.. Link to comment
Annia Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 With boyfriends I never shared passwords, but never got into the trouble of hiding anything and I'm usually an open book. If I was married and only then, I might consider my husband having access to my accounts for safety reasons if anything happens to me, but I don't think that him having access to my social media or something is a safety necessity. One of my best friends is married to this man now and it seems like he cooled off, but I remember when they were still dating and they had each other passwords and he snooped a conversation between her and a female friend of her (and some conversations with me) where there were playful comments about a guy. Something to the effects of my friend saying to her friend joking "wow, the guy is hot, you should ask his number" and her boyfriend snooping and making a huge deal of my girlfriend saying to a friend that a guy is hot and being mad to the point of my friend almost broking up with him because he was being an idiot. I don't know if I'd have continued with him after him snooping a conversation WITH A FEMALE FRIEND talking stuff friends talk about in a joking manner but apparently they got over it. I think it's weird that at the beginning of your relationship you knew who he was texting with and on top of that. How did you know? Link to comment
Pocketrocket Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 With boyfriends I never shared passwords, but never got into the trouble of hiding anything and I'm usually an open book. If I was married and only then, I might consider my husband having access to my accounts for safety reasons if anything happens to me, but I don't think that him having access to my social media or something is a safety necessity. One of my best friends is married to this man now and it seems like he cooled off, but I remember when they were still dating and they had each other passwords and he snooped a conversation between her and a female friend of her (and some conversations with me) where there were playful comments about a guy. Something to the effects of my friend saying to her friend joking "wow, the guy is hot, you should ask his number" and her boyfriend snooping and making a huge deal of my girlfriend saying to a friend that a guy is hot and being mad to the point of my friend almost broking up with him because he was being an idiot. I don't know if I'd have continued with him after him snooping a conversation WITH A FEMALE FRIEND talking stuff friends talk about in a joking manner but apparently they got over it. I think it's weird that at the beginning of your relationship you knew who he was texting with and on top of that. How did you know? The chic messaged me a few months later.. saying she was happy for us etc Link to comment
DancingFool Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Sharing passwords etc, not going to be acceptable for most people. However, not sharing who he is talking to when asked is a huge red flag. There is a big difference between maintaining some personal privacy and autonomy within a relationship and being shady and secretive. If you asked who Susie is that's messaging him and he gets evasive, you ought to know you have a problem and the problem isn't Susie, it's the guy you are involved with. This guy has so many red flags, I don't understand for the life of me why you keep trying to stick around. Get rid of him. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Still doesn't give you the right or reason to have his passwords. Nope I have mentioned it but said he will when ready I think you should not require a vasectomy. I think you should meet a man without multiple kids with different women and have a child of your own with him or if you don't want to, meet a man that doesn't want to either, but doesn't have the entanglements. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 I sure hope you're on some very reliable birth control. This guy is very irresponsible with his sperm. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 I sure hope you're on some very reliable birth control. This guy is very irresponsible with his sperm. I agree. Damn! Five kids! If he didn't want more he would get a vasectomy. His irresponsible behavior was still occurring in his 40's. How often does he see the kids? Link to comment
superfan Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 My husband and I have all of each other's passwords and we have even programmed each other's finger prints into our phones so if I ever need to grab his phone and check something I can. That said, it is only ever with his permission and even though we could snoop on one another, we don't. I respect his privacy and he does the same. It sounds like you have issues beyond privacy. I would let this one go. Link to comment
Pocketrocket Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 I agree. Damn! Five kids! If he didn't want more he would get a vasectomy. His irresponsible behavior was still occurring in his 40's. How often does he see the kids? 4 x a year He was 37 so late 30s with last baby Link to comment
Annia Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Sharing passwords etc, not going to be acceptable for most people. However, not sharing who he is talking to when asked is a huge red flag. There is a big difference between maintaining some personal privacy and autonomy within a relationship and being shady and secretive. If you asked who Susie is that's messaging him and he gets evasive, you ought to know you have a problem and the problem isn't Susie, it's the guy you are involved with. This guy has so many red flags, I don't understand for the life of me why you keep trying to stick around. Get rid of him. Yes. It's one thing not wanting to give passwords (I think I wouldn't either as I value privacy), but a whole different thing is hiding who he is talking to. Link to comment
Annia Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 4 x a year He was 37 so late 30s with last baby He only sees his kids 4 times a year? Does he live far away from them? Link to comment
j.man Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Yeah here's the thing. You don't get to just pick guys with a problematic history and use it as an excuse to have unreasonable expectations to their social media accounts and private correspondences, to ask them goofy loaded questions, and to scrutinize their 3-day camping trips. Don't get me wrong-- if I caught a woman who had five kids between three dudes, I'd toss her right back into the pond just as quickly as pretty much any woman would this guy. But once you put him in your cooler, that dinner is 100% on you. You either let him go or let it be. Personally, I don't know your history to have any idea whether you two are in fact made for each other, but I know the choice I'd make for myself. Link to comment
Pocketrocket Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 I agree. Damn! Five kids! If he didn't want more he would get a vasectomy. His irresponsible behavior was still occurring in his 40's. How often does he see the kids? His kids are with women he had relationships with 10,4 .and 5 years.. i most definitely agree it was irresponsible .. thing is he plays it down sees it as perfectly ok to have multiple exes Yesterday it general convo he makes a passing statement that its worse when women have more than 2 fathers to their children ..its acceptable if men do .. he said he knew quite a few men who are some situation as him.. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 His kids are with women he had relationships with 10,4 .and 5 years.. i most definitely agree it was irresponsible .. thing is he plays it down sees it as perfectly ok to have multiple exes Yesterday it general convo he makes a passing statement that its worse when women have more than 2 fathers to their children ..its acceptable if men do .. he said he knew quite a few men who are some situation as him.. Are you still dating him? After that statement? Link to comment
Pocketrocket Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 Are you still dating him? After that statement? After being a counseller for 12 years he knows everything lol (Apparantly) Link to comment
Pocketrocket Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 Are you still dating him? After that statement? I know he thinks deep down its not ok .. I'm actually fine with him having kids to 2 mums .. as we are in our 40's we come with exes and kids (sometimes) 3 is something i ahve never come.accross in my life ive said this and he normalizes it by saying oh its common for.men .. ummm no lol Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.