Phone access Facebook and private messaging etc

[figureitout23]

I must say I’m not getting what’s drawing you to him...

[boltnrun]

I must say I’m not getting what’s drawing you to him...

 

I'm sure she "loves him".

[Gary Snyder]

There is nothing private about Spacebook - it's a social network - social involves other people.

 

That said, nothing bad will happen there - you can't kiss over the 'net.

 

But if he's not introducing you to his friends, including women, that could be a problem. The first thing a good guy does (after 6 months) is introduce you to the lady friends - unless he has something to hide.

 

Facebook is tALK, real life is real - talk is cheap but actions (face-to-face) screams.

[Nickel Speed]

Coming from the view of a betrayed spouse, my wife was always secretive of her phone and demanded privacy.

 

Turns out the reason was that she was cheating on me. I had no issue with her having access to my stuff, because I was not up to anything suspicious. I will not let that happen in a future relationship.

[ShaunW1990]

I don't read my GFs messages, she doesn't read mine, and neither of even think to ask to see them.

 

If you can't trust your partner... what's the point?

[Oh me Oh I]

I disagree with most of the people here. If you have nothing to hide, why hide it? From the best relationship advice that people watch, that's what I hear, and it makes sense. But! I don't believe in directly asking each other for all social media accounts and log-ins directly, or...I don't know how to explain it, because I feel like you can do that if that's your style, but I said that because I believe in more so having more strategy about it. Like, when they are logged in their facebook and walk away, or they don't walk away from you, but somehow they're not using it and and you "playfully" (and I put quotes because for real you checkin, lol) look through it in front of them. If both parties have nothing to hide, it shouldn't be a problem, ESPECIALLY at 18 months. But if you just got together, I don't believe in asking for all social media accounts right away directly; only if you've been together for a long time, like a year and over. Before that time, I do believe in using strategy. Also, you really do have to have dated someone for a good while to give them the passwords because you don't want to end up learning someone was untrustworthy and have bad stuff happen to your accounts.

 

What I do agree with on what others have said, is letting each other have privacy, but! adding being able to balance checking and trusting. Why not be able to check their stuff while trusting? You NEVER know someone until you know someone. Check when you can, once in a while, but not ALL the time, and not in such an insecure way. I once found something out about someone I just got with that I wouldn't have had I not just playfully checked their computer, that they hid from me, and I really was just bsing with what I looked through; I didn't actually think I would find anything. It revealed to me why they seemed down more compared to before, as it was over someone else; they weren't over them. In that case, just because someone looks down isn't an automatic knowing of them brooding over someone else; it could have been anything! so being able to reveal this through checking was the only way. Leave their social media stuff alone most of the time, because checking all the time or a lot is unattractive; it would corner anybody, but once in a while, when you feel intuitively to do so, you should when you can. The more time in the relationship, they should be able to let you gain access to it. Even when you have that, I still advise to not go crazy and check all the time. What I've been able to do, is have a huge trust in God and the universe to show me evidence if need be, and honestly, they have NEVER failed me. Sure, I wish they could have shown me even sooner than when they have actually showed me, but honestly they always showed me right before things were going to go into a deeper direction; they always nipped the bud before it sprout and my feelings and investment even took that first step to get deeper. Trust them and they will show you.

 

Also, I once met a guy at work who had been dating this girl for 3+ years, but because he liked me, lied and called her a friend, then went further to describe her as a family friend, and he actually seemed like a good guy, no lie. I found his social media, and with help from his own words that he slipped out and from a friend who knew people that knew her, I discovered that it was either his ex or STILL girlfriend. And on her social media, she looked REALLY happy with him and was saying all these great, mushy things about him. From this point, I'm pushing, what's wrong with checking and trusting? We're saying 18 months and you should just trust? This guy was practically on 4 years. It only makes sense. And what Nickel Speed said 2 posts above me about how his wife was so private because she was cheating is another reason why I believe in this. If someone really does give off trustworthy vibes, that just means less checking/more coincidental, natural incidences of checking.

 

Again, if you have nothing to hide, why hide it? I don't agree with people who get mad when their partners check and it's not even all that excessive and are like, "Why don't you trust me? I don't like this!" It's just part of being with someone. You'd be unwise not to check, or to have never checked at all, then find yourself in a situation where you wish you had known sooner.

[figureitout23]

How do you playfully check up on someone?

 

I’ve dated men who have left their social media’s open around me, never felt the need to check, been around men who held onto their phones like Fort Knox no trust, that’s what its all about. The checking is a symptom it’s not a cure.

[Oh me Oh I]

How do you playfully check up on someone?

 

I already explained everything in what I wrote. We just have two different beliefs. We can agree to disagree.

[Oh me Oh I]

How do you playfully check up on someone?

 

I think I know what you mean now. There are people who are dead on serious about it with their approach, like just, "I'm checking your Facebook to make sure you're not talking to anyone else," while playfully checking is not appearing so serious, as to put the other person more at ease about it. Like, you might be smiling while checking and telling them so laughing, or while you guys are joking around and one of you are on your social media using your phone and you playfully take their phone from them to look through or when they're away from the room to go get something or etc. If someone was dead on serious when they checked, I'd be more worried than if they just appeared playfully skimming through and didn't do it very often.

[boltnrun]

If I had to "check up" on the man I'm dating (whether it's "playfully"

 

I don't believe there should be a "but...." after "I trust him".

[Gary Snyder]

As far as lady friends go, I do the only right thing - I introduce them to my girlfriend.

 

If you never met his lady friends, he's a bad man.