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So I've been talking to this guy

Honeycomb8

By Honeycomb8
in Dating Advice

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Honeycomb8 Veteran

Honeycomb8

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I met this guy on a dating app and am wondering if it's too much to wanna maybe have a brief chat with him on the phone?

 

He's someone really smart and seems incredibly well rounded as well as good looking. I find him really interesting, and we've talked a lot the past few days.

 

But I'm a bit worried that he's my height lol. I know I should just ask but dunno how.

 

For the record I'm 5'6 n a half. I've always dated guys 6'1 or 2, as least in the last 6 years.

 

How to bring this up without seeming shallow as?

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SherrySher Grand Master

SherrySher

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It kind of is shallow though, no? A good man is a good man, height has nothing to do with it.

 

Yes, I understand preference and all, but what if he's 5'8, 5'9? Do you drop him then? You might want to reconsider your priorities.

 

But if it's that important to you, may as well just ask him how tall he is...something like, "Hey, btw, how tall are you?"

 

There really isn't an easy way to find that out besides meeting and if you really would dump over height, no point in meeting if he shows up and is too short for you and then you dump.

Might as well spare you both the energy and ask before suggesting meeting.

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dias Grand Master

dias

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Apart from the fact that the man she's describing sounds like a dream. I wouldn't care if he was 5'7..good men are hard to find these days!

 

Meh all generations are the same.

 

Of course we all have to compromise with some things. It's not possible to find 100% what we want. OP, I would say if you have a good feeling about it, go for it.

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Starlight925 Grand Master

Starlight925

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Meet in person. That should be happening anyway.

 

Right. Why aren't you just meeting him? A cup of coffee or a drink together takes like, an hour, and it will put all this to rest.

 

All the texting, emailing, and yes, even phone calling doesn't take the place of an in-person meeting. Meet already, and you'll know within minutes.

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Starlight925 Grand Master

Starlight925

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He has tried to make a time but I've been busy the last few days. We are gonna chat Monday night and I'll ask him then. I'm chatting to a few other guys and have a date planned with another guy but this is the one I'm kinda interested in.

 

I promise you, he's talking to other people too.

 

If he's tried to make a time, but you're too busy, then he's seeing you as the "too busy" to meet girl.

 

Next time a guy you're interested in asks for a time to meet, if you're unavailable then, come up with an alternate time. Plan it, right then. They ask for Tuesday, but you're busy then, so you say "I'd love to, but Wednesday is better for me. Does that work for you?" and if not, you continue the conversation until you have a firm date.

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Annia Veteran

Annia

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I'm going to be honest... I'm a tall girl (to the standards of my home country but not in the country I'm living now) and always had trouble finding men taller than me (and compatible with me), which is a preference of mine when it comes to physical attraction. Of course that if everything else is great I'd forget it. I understand also if men who are shorter than me also prefer shorter girls or that I'm not everybody's type. I've also seen many tall guys who prefer really short girls.

 

As to the OP question I'd ask directly. I had guys online asking my weight directly (which I find a bit rude), but it's not the end of the world asking. Or you can start by inserting your height in the conversation and ask his too.

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Annia Veteran

Annia

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I promise you, he's talking to other people too.

 

If he's tried to make a time, but you're too busy, then he's seeing you as the "too busy" to meet girl.

 

Next time a guy you're interested in asks for a time to meet, if you're unavailable then, come up with an alternate time. Plan it, right then. They ask for Tuesday, but you're busy then, so you say "I'd love to, but Wednesday is better for me. Does that work for you?" and if not, you continue the conversation until you have a firm date.

 

I totally agree with you. When I'm interested in meeting that's what I do. And now that I'm slowly coming back to online dating I tend to dismiss the "too busy" or "flaky ones" / "just text but no date" right away. Maybe he thinks the same.

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katrina1980 Grand Master

katrina1980

Posted
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He has tried to make a time but I've been busy the last few days. We are gonna chat Monday night and I'll ask him then. I'm chatting to a few other guys and have a date planned with another guy but this is the one I'm kinda interested in.

 

HC, I'm a bit confused.

 

You're too busy to meet the guy you're interested in, but have a meet scheduled with another guy you're not as interested in? Is he taller?

 

Why not gracefully reschedule the meet with the guy you're not that interested in, and meet the guy you are intersted in?

 

Re his height, meet in person, you may surprise yourself and not be bothered by it.

 

JMO, but a man's energy/vibe trumps height, even looks any day. You might *really* click!

 

Does that scare you a bit and that's why you're hesitating meeting?

 

Just a thought, I've experienced that feeling.

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

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I agree with Katrina and understand about how something like height can be an issue. But here's the issue -so if you ask him he might be offended and he might not know if he's 5'6 or 5"7 etc -sometimes men don't know/don't focus on it so that you might show up and he is an inch shorter than you, or seems so. I really resented when I met men who were overweight in person -very visibly so- and had lied about their weight/put up older photos - because often weight was an issue for me as in a turn off (height was not although my preference was not too tall plus skinny -just didn't do it for me). I also was lied to once about a very severe and significant facial deformity and did not appreciate being surprised with it when we met although I understood why he wanted to hide it in the hopes that upon meeting he would click with the person and the person could look past it. I see both sides.

 

I think you should make a plan and the text again only to confirm the plan. Meet ASAP.

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Jibralta Grand Master

Jibralta

Posted
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He has tried to make a time but I've been busy the last few days. We are gonna chat Monday night and I'll ask him then. I'm chatting to a few other guys and have a date planned with another guy but this is the one I'm kinda interested in.

 

I think the fastest solution to your problems is to meet him as soon as possible. You'll avoid seeming shallow and also (hopefully) discontinue this unfounded rumination over him.

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figureitout23 Grand Master

figureitout23

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Right. Why aren't you just meeting him? A cup of coffee or a drink together takes like, an hour, and it will put all this to rest.

 

All the texting, emailing, and yes, even phone calling doesn't take the place of an in-person meeting. Meet already, and you'll know within minutes.

 

I agree.

 

This post alone, the overthinking is WAY too much for someone you havent even met yet.

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Honeycomb8 Veteran

Honeycomb8

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I think I do have interest so I'm alil worried that it'll be ruined if that makes sense. He says if we get along he wants to take me to this concert next month and says he's gonna teach me to snowboard. I'm gonna chat with him in the phone in the next few hours and hopefully decide what I wanna do.

 

The other guy was very straight forward and set up a time n place so I thought why not. This one, feels more personal.

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