SarahBeth Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 I know I'm sure this has been asked hundreds of times... and I've read many articles but I want peoples opinion on my specific situation. I last saw my ex in the flesh late February of this year... and it wasn't a positive experience. We were trying to be friends initially. Which is something I know he desperately wants. He told me after we broke up that he still wants me in his life and would love to be good friends with me when things settle down. Unfortunately, while trying to be friends, we started hooking up with each other. One night he makes this "joke" as he calls it *eyeroll* and makes a comment about me "crawling back"... and was like WHAT? So I straight up ask him, "Do you have any intention of getting back together?" and he says, "No." So I felt used because he was still having sex with me even though he had no intention of it leading to anything else. I know NOW that I was so so so stupid to think anything would come of it but I was in a very vulnerable state of mind at the time. So I said, "OK. Then we can't keep doing this (as in hooking up or seeing each other at all)." He started crying a lot (so confusing..) but that was the last time I saw him. I swore, after that comment he made about "crawling back", I WOULD NEVER EVER TEXT HIM AGAIN. Well flash forward to mid July and he texts me about some "important" letter he got for me at his apartment (we use to live together). I just said "thanks, I'll deal with it" and left it at that. I never got the letter from his place. And I still to this day have no idea what it was but I just didn't want to have a reason to see him or talk to him. Then mid August comes around. He texts me he is moving out of our old apartment and he is going to give me half of whatever he gets from the security deposit. I signed away my rights to the deposit with the landlord after we broke up. So he has no obligation to give it to me or contact me about it. Sooo I'm thinking in his own way he is trying to make amends. It has been 6 months since I last reached out to him. And his birthday is coming up... so since he has made these efforts to reach out.. I'm wondering if I should extend my olive branch a little and just show him all is good and no hard feelings. And just wish him a simple happy birthday. No intention of it going anywhere. Just so he knows all is good and I'm in a different state of mind than I was then. So if we do see each other in person... it won't be bad blood or anything. BUT THEN the other side of my brain is like "NO F HIM! He chose to not have me in his life!!! HE doesn't deserve a text from me!!! He never even apologized to me about how he treated me!!" So I don't know which one to listen too...... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 No. There is no purpose to a birthday text other than to get embroiled back in the same drama . I wouldn’t bother . Link to comment
Andrina Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 The past has nothing new to say. You still haven't achieved closure since he is very much on your mind, and communicating will set you back even more. He didn't care about your feelings when he wanted to be your FWB and nothing more. You don't need to make nice with someone like this, and being buddies with an ex is not good for your future romantic life. In fact, you need to block his phone number so that he doesn't disturb your moving-on process, and then delete his number. He no longer deserves space in your brain, so just let go. Link to comment
yatsue Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 Keep no contact. You seem to be rationalizing contacting him. Don't do it. It opens the door for him to hurt you more. You don't need to prove anything, show him there are no hard feelings, or you've moved on. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 I agree with the earlier peeps. Don't do it.. Keep moving forward :) Link to comment
SarahBeth Posted September 17, 2018 Author Share Posted September 17, 2018 AHH you guys are right... Yatsue you are spot on... I am trying to rationalize contacting him. He was my first boyfriend and first everything... so its just so hard not having him in my life. It really feels like I will never feel that way about anyone else. But I have to keep moving forward. Thank you all!! I will stay strong and continue my NC. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 No........................... Link to comment
bluecastle Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 Agree with the others. My general rule of thumb is that you send the "happy birthday" text if, and only if, you truly don't really care. It's just something you do, not something you dissect in your mind or on a forum like this. The fact that you're here posting—well, that says it's simply not the time. There are still too many raw nerves, too many emotions swirling. Let them heal and die down. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 This is the common sense side. the other side of my brain is like "NO F HIM! Link to comment
SarahBeth Posted September 17, 2018 Author Share Posted September 17, 2018 This is the common sense side. HAH! Thx guys Link to comment
abitbroken Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo don't Link to comment
boltnrun Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 He wasn't "trying to make amends". He was trying to regain the booty. Eff him is the way to go. Only, not literally. Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted September 18, 2018 Share Posted September 18, 2018 No. I wrestled with this for a few months, including when/after the dumper X breadcrumbed me on mine. But with time comes clarity. So no I didn't. Link to comment
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