I don't know what to do

[MissCanuck]

Sigh. I thought I had everything worked out. My parents and my fiance decided so we can heal, to delay it 2 months. Everything was going fine! Then my fiance calls and says HIS family won't do it and won't come to the wedding because of my Dad's "bigoted" views. So now, my fiance is begging me to elope, and if I don't want too, it's over. He's too hurt to try to fight anymore and won't negotiate.

 

I'm so torn and messed up right now.

 

Your venue and guests and hired service-providers will be able to rearrange everything and postpone on such short notice? I have a hard time seeing that happening.

 

And your fiance's parents won't attend their son's wedding because of your dad, whether in 2 weeks or 2 months?

 

And your fiance is threatening to end your relationship if you don't do what he says?

 

I would be shocked if a wedding happens at all at this point.

[SnugglePuggle]

They say my dad but also I think apparently his mother, who knew of his sexuality, told the WHOLE family, that he was bisexual at the same time as she told them that the wedding was to be post poned.

 

Therefore, they were dealing with this new ordeal and lashed out at us. Just like my parents were, but I got mine to calm down and work with us. His family lashed out at him, and he told me he did the best he could to fight for me and the dream wedding I wanted, but then gave up after that. I don't know how mean or upset they were at him so they probably scared him as much as my parents did to me.

[Seraphim]

Ok, a “ dream wedding” is not a marriage so don’t make that mistake. You are still just as much married whether your reception is a backyard barbeque or your reception is in the Taj Mahal or the Plaza Hotel. It won’t make you more married nor will it make your marriage better . What WILL make a marriage better is for people to stand on their own two feet as adults and stop fearing parents. You guys need to get out maybe separately and live on your own a bit.

[SnugglePuggle]

I get that. But we also love our families, and we all are hurting. I'm trying to hold everything together because my fiance is having a hard time doing himself from all the pain. And that gives me the bigger burden, I accept that but I'm also working on how to get him to feel better and to work with me on this.

[MissCanuck]

Wait, if his parents already knew about this sexuality, I don't get what they're so angry now.

 

Have you spoken to them yourself, or is this all coming from your fiance? This isn't making a lot of sense to me, to be honest.

[SnugglePuggle]

Wait, if his parents already knew about this sexuality, I don't get what they're so angry now.

 

Have you spoken to them yourself, or is this all coming from your fiance? This isn't making a lot of sense to me, to be honest.

 

 

His mom knew, besides a few close friends. The rest of the family didn't, especially his father and stepmother. They just found out yesterday from his mother, on top of that the wedding was being postponed, and lashed out at him and us.

[Seraphim]

This situation needs some boundaries. Anyone who wants to mess up your life should be held at arms length. That includes parents and siblings . His family , whoever. If you guys still want to marry you should do it on your own terms pay for a wedding you can afford and maybe have your big celebration star wedding or whatever you want for your 10th anniversary or something . We had a Convalidation years later.

 

But people need to understand you guys are adults now and call the shots in your life.

[SnugglePuggle]

This situation needs some boundaries. Anyone who wants to mess up your life should be held at arms length. That includes parents and siblings . His family , whoever. If you guys still want to marry you should do it on your own terms pay for a wedding you can afford and maybe have your big celebration star wedding or whatever you want for your 10th anniversary or something . We had a Convalidation years later.

 

But people need to understand you guys are adults now and call the shots in your life.

 

 

Well, there won't be any wedding now. He let the pain get to him too much and ended it. Ended everything. I've lost him again.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It wasn't in the cards for you. "Again"?

I've lost him again.

[SnugglePuggle]

We had a split before. Now it's all gone. Now I have to cancel everything and throw out all this wedding stuff. Ugh.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is all happening. Hopefully you can confide in someone neutral/professional/clerical to navigate this, hopefully so there are no "I told you so" coming from your parents.

We had a split before. Now it's all gone. Now I have to cancel everything and throw out all this wedding stuff. Ugh.

[SnugglePuggle]

I have been confiding in a pastor and my therapist through this awful week, and called them right after it happened. They know and are sorry. I just feel like my world is turned upside down.

[Seraphim]

I am sorry to hear that. :(

[SnugglePuggle]

It hurts so much more this time. Not just because it was so close to my wedding, but that he gave up on us. My pastor and therapist agreed that he must be pretty lost right now and that he can't love someone right now if he can't love himself.

 

I just wish he would've stepped up and fought with me, but he was in too much pain to do that, and now we both are even in more pain. It hurts so bad.

[Seraphim]

Let him go his own way at this point. It is hard. I know. But you will love again .

[SnugglePuggle]

Let him go his own way at this point. It is hard. I know. But you will love again .

 

I don't think I can at this point.

[Seraphim]

I don't think I can at this point.

 

It doesn’t seem so today. But you will. In time.

[SnugglePuggle]

It doesn’t seem so today. But you will. In time.

 

I don't want to love anyone else.

[Seraphim]

I don't want to love anyone else.

 

Like, I said, that is reality today. It won’t always be that way . For instance ,my stepdad his first wife dropped dead a week before their 25th wedding anniversary . A few years later he met my mom . My mom had to give up on my dad was the love of her life because he was an extremely abusive person . And now both her and my stepdad have been married will be 24 years this October . They both found new loves . And they both were a lot older . My mom was 47 and my step dad was 53.

 

But for now you have to mourn what is lost .

[SnugglePuggle]

Like, I said, that is reality today. It won’t always be that way . For instance ,my stepdad his first wife dropped dead a week before their 25th wedding anniversary . A few years later he met my mom . My mom had to give up on my dad was the love of her life because he was an extremely abusive person . And now both her and my stepdad have been married will be 24 years this October . They both found new loves . And they both were a lot older . My mom was 47 and my step dad was 53.

 

But for now you have to mourn what is lost .

 

I still don't want to love anyone else. I feel like I'm in a nightmare that I can't wake up from, and when I blink, it hits me that it is real and he's gone. That I can't touch him, or hold him, or kiss him. Or talk to him ever again. I can't believe this happened to me.