Boyfriend doesn’t want me to meet his friends

[marymag]

Didn't he accuse you of being jealous as his rationale for excluding you? You can tiptoe around his anger, believe his bizarre stories and acquiesce to his crazy demands, but that won't make him love you or respect you or be honest to you or faithful to you.

 

No that’s what I’m saying. He didn’t tell me anything that has to do with him excluding me. I just asked him a few hours later who’ll be there, he answered and he asked me if I’m okay with her being there and when I asked “no why would I?” he said because I get jealous. Nothing of that has to do with him excluding me. I made the connection and figured that maybe that was rhe reason but he was never the one to say that

[marymag]

Can I ask why you agreed to send a "no" to his invite?

 

Why would you do that? Why not just say: "I'd rather not be a part of whatever it is you've gotten yourself into. Have fun, I look forward to hearing about your time." You clearly didn't want to send the text so why did you, Mary?

 

Something to ask yourself if you don't want to answer here.

 

I was shocked. I didn’t know how to respond. I remember just sitting there and looking at the text just being like what the hell. I asked him why would I do such thing and he said because he wanted to send the screenshot to his friends and I was just shocked. I figured I’ll do what he says and then I’ll ask for explanations which I did and I got no actual response. After that I figured I’m not gonna talk about this over text.

[Wiseman2]

Huh? Who thinks you're jealous if according to you, he accused you of being jealous? You actually went along with his insane demand and claimed you were invited and it's you who declined? Why? Is this some sort of BDSM relationship where he orders you around, no matter how unreasonable you comply and humiliates you, that you need to be hidden from his other women friends,etc?

he said because I get jealous. Nothing of that has to do with him excluding me.

[Honeycomb8]

I feel really sad for you. When your parents brought you up, thry definitely wasn't intending someone like this to be your bf. Seriously :/ your self respect is underground.

[TheRawTruth]

I'd be wondering too, but I wouldn't have asked about it through text. (It was pretty obvious why he wanted you to say no.) I would have waited til I saw my girl in person again and asked her THEN. People always wanna discuss serious issues via text, which is never smart. But I digress.

 

SHOULD this bother you? YES. But until you find out what his deal is, you won't know. Could he be embarrassed of you? Yes. But he's obviously not going to say that. Sometimes we can be ashamed of what we like, thinking that other people won't understand. I'm not saying that's IT, but it's a possibility. And since this was posted yesterday (and I don't wish to read 8 pages, lol) can you tell me if there's been an update?

[BecxyRex]

I haven't read all the answers, but to me it sounds like he's afraid these new college friends will spill some information that might embarrass him. Maybe he's doing badly in some class or got into trouble and doesn't want you to know. Maybe he's adopted a new "cool" persona and doesn't want you to call his bluff in front of them, since you know his childhood friends and family and presumably the real him. Sometimes people want a fresh start and with a new group of friends they can be whoever they want. Who knows maybe he's even told some lies to make himself sound better and obviously you would know.

 

Of course he might have an interest in one of the girls and has told her things to make himself sound better. But we don't know this. Fact is, he's treating you poorly, whatever reasons they may be. I'd have a calm talk with him and let him know how it makes you feel. If he blows up, go h

[BecxyRex]

My phone sent that too soon... if he blows up just go home and give him time to think about it. Let him approach you first, but I would accept anything less than an apology and an explanation. Good luck.

[ThatwasThen]

I was shocked. I didn’t know how to respond. I remember just sitting there and looking at the text just being like what the hell. I asked him why would I do such thing and he said because he wanted to send the screenshot to his friends and I was just shocked. I figured I’ll do what he says and then I’ll ask for explanations which I did and I got no actual response. After that I figured I’m not gonna talk about this over text.

From now on, no matter who is asking you to do something that goes against your better judgement or sensibilities, take the time to do some thinking on it and really get to contemplate what the request is and if doing it is in your best interests, decide if it is respectful or disrespectful or if it is something to be suspicious of. Then, if it is any of those negative things, don't do it. A good man would never ask you to do something that would cause you to feel negative emotions so if he has, then be confident in your boundaries and refuse. If he loves you, he would understand and he would respect you more for sticking to your boundaries.

 

Be confident, realize your worth and he will too.

 

Let us know what he has to say after you talk to him about this in person.

[figureitout23]

I'm still on the fence about the chicken and egg thing and honestly leaning towards your jealousy is creating a problem, I'm basing this on the way you speak of the other woman.

 

I guess my question to you OPer is why is another woman's sexuality any of your business? That's an honest question and please don't tell me 'well she's around my boyfriend' because it is the definition of counter productive to blame her for your insecurities. If you had trust in your guy no woman would make you act out of character. If you trust him, you trust him. If you don't, what's the point? That's not her fault. Even if she chased after married or taken men, it wouldn't be a concern if you trusted him.

 

We're getting closer and closer to the root of this issue, seems like it's a little of everything.

[Vexna]

I haven't read all the answers, but to me it sounds like he's afraid these new college friends will spill some information that might embarrass him. Maybe he's doing badly in some class or got into trouble and doesn't want you to know. Maybe he's adopted a new "cool" persona and doesn't want you to call his bluff in front of them, since you know his childhood friends and family and presumably the real him. Sometimes people want a fresh start and with a new group of friends they can be whoever they want. Who knows maybe he's even told some lies to make himself sound better and obviously you would know.

 

Of course he might have an interest in one of the girls and has told her things to make himself sound better. But we don't know this. Fact is, he's treating you poorly, whatever reasons they may be. I'd have a calm talk with him and let him know how it makes you feel. If he blows up, go h

 

This is exactly what I was thinking since it cant be that he's ashamed of her since he's let her meet the other friends. He did something while knowing them that he's ashamed of and doesnt want her to know. Maybe he was a big time player in college? If he was bullied, it'd come out since when a guy cares for a girl, he tells her about his weak moments.

 

Love to find out how this one goes..

[Annia]

At first I didn't see the big deal but then when you talked about him wanting to send a screenshot of you saying no... that's fishy as hell. Something is up. Big redflag.

[Annia]

I haven't finished reading the thread yet but it might not be about there being someone else or someone he likes. He might feel that he doesn't want the relationship to progress or that he's finding ways to finish it in the future, but I still can't understand the screenshot. It seems to me though that he's very dismissive of you and everything has to be on his terms. And also that you tip roe around him and are afraid of upsetting him. This is not a good sign. At 1 year into the relationship you shouldn't be afraid of being straight forward with him and ask what's up. Why would he be upset with you asking about it? Even him must know it was very weird that screen shot saying no thing. And if he gets upset with you (calmly) asking him face to face then it might mean that he's too immature for a healthy relationship. I think the point is not if there's someone or not but instead the way he deals with you and with communication in the relationship. And these can make or break a relationship.

[Jibralta]

At first I didn't see the big deal but then when you talked about him wanting to send a screenshot of you saying no... that's fishy as hell. Something is up. Big redflag.

 

I agree. The screen shot is what makes it super fishy.

[Pleasedonot5]

Yeah, ask about the screenshot in person. You should get mad when people treat you this way.

[boltnrun]

How did the conversation go yesterday?