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No need to be rude


NIN2000
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A few weeks ago I️ was working at a hospital and there was a nurse who caught my attention, not only by her natural beauty but by her work ethic. I️ only saw her for a few hours and prior to the end of my shift I️ approached her, asked her name a held a brief 10 minute conversation with her. As we spoke I️ realized I️ had a large Godiva chocolate bar -which I️ never touched- and gave it to the nurse as a parting gift. She was very surprised, thankful and eager to try out the chocolate.

 

On the following day I️ thought of her and couldn’t help but to wonder if ever I️ would run into her again. I️ never asked her number and didn’t know if she was dating anyone but I️ was left curious.

 

Recently I️ was back at her hospital on a work related assignment and I️ ran into two law enforcement officers who were on duty. Ironically one of them knows a close family member of mine. As we spoke, the nurse who I️ gave the chocolate weeks ago appeared. Her station was only a few feet away.

 

Upon seeing her, I️ excused my self from the officers and went to say hello to the nurse. Calling her by her name, I️ said hello and expressed how nice it was to run into her again. Her reaction took me by surprise; she looked at me with an angry face and responded coldly with “hi” and then she gave me her back.

 

At first I️ was confused. The last time I️ saw her we had a very pleasant exchange. While it was short, it was polite, outgoing, friendly and respectful. I️ had never done anything to her and we really know nothing of each other.

 

One of the officers who I️ was talking to, approached me and continued to speak to me. That act drove a wedge through the moment.

 

10 minutes later, in the presence of the officer, I️ turned back to the nurse and simply asked if she liked the chocolate I️ gave her last time we spoke. Again, her faced turned angry and intense and without looking at my stated that “she’s not a chocolate person and doesn’t care for sweets”. (However, originally when I️ met her she was elated when I️ gave her the chocolate but now it was reverse).

 

Trying to figure out what was going on, I️ apologized and told her that my intention behind the chocolate held no malice. I️ then asked her if she had a break during her shift and maybe we could go get coffee at the cafeteria and just talk for a few minutes. She responded by stating that she was seeing someone and thought that my offer was inappropriate.

 

I️ apologized for the chocolate, for seeking to speak with her over coffee and further expressed that I️ go to lots of hospitals and throughout the years have made great friends with numerous doctors, nurses and hospital staff and was only seeking to expand on the friendship list. I️ further stated that I️ know nothing of her and was not trying to seek her hand in marriage or disrespect her. I️ concluded by wishing her a goodnight and promised not to take any more of her time.

 

When I️ turned around one of the officers who I️ was originally talking to was standing there as a witness, and he was as shocked as I️ was. The officer told me that “arrogance and disrespect destroys beauty”; and reassured me I️ did nothing wrong.

 

I️ was taken by surprise by her aggressive angry stance. She knew nothing about me nor my intentions and was very cold and rude. While I️ originally found her attractive, I️ would have been more than willing to simply remain friends and have a respectful interaction.

 

I️ don’t understand the need for rudeness. Then again, it has always been my belief that such behavior eventually catches up to people. I️ rather keep my distance from people like that.

 

While I️ walked away disappointed, I️ laughed at her reaction and saw it as immature. In an irony of all irony’s, 20 minutes later as I️ was leaving the hospital with the other officer we ran into the nurse once again at a corridor; when she passed by I️ smiled at her and wished her a goodnight. She looked at me in anger.

 

Very strange.

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I️ don’t understand the need for rudeness. Then again, it has always been my belief that such behavior eventually catches up to people. I️ rather keep my distance from people like that.

 

It sucks when people have this rude behaviour, maybe she was having a really tough day. To play devil's advocate, people in healthcare have some great challenges.

Anyway, she did you a HUGE favor. Now you have the opportunity to find a better friendship with someone else who is polite. As you say it will catch up with people. She'll always be a miserable person to be around.

Stay happy!

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I'm curious....after the very obviously cold initial "hi" and very obvious signs that she is in a bad mood and your attention isn't welcome - why did you continue to persevere? Furthermore, why are you surprised and offended that after you continue to persevere, the person is going to react badly to you? Don't you think it's kind of rude of you to persist when someone is clearly indicating they aren't interested right off the bat?

 

It reads to me almost like you gave her something and you felt entitled to her attention and shocked it didn't pan out.

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Agree with DancingFool. She may have taken the chocolate out of politeness, expecting that you will never cross paths again.Her response that she is seeing someone indicates she thinks you were hitting on her, which isn't appropriate at work. I know when an overly friendly man makes me uncomfortable, it's sometimes easier just to be polite to avoid conflict, and then pray I never run into him again.

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I'm curious....after the very obviously cold initial "hi" and very obvious signs that she is in a bad mood and your attention isn't welcome - why did you continue to persevere? Furthermore, why are you surprised and offended that after you continue to persevere, the person is going to react badly to you? Don't you think it's kind of rude of you to persist when someone is clearly indicating they aren't interested right off the bat?

 

It reads to me almost like you gave her something and you felt entitled to her attention and shocked it didn't pan out.

 

Originally I️ was stunned by the “cold hi”, but was more confused. We know nothing of each other and our first encounter was very positive. Nothing ever happened to warrant such anger.

 

You can call it persistence, I️ called a second chance at clearing the air over “nothing”. When I️ asked 10 minutes later if she had a break and she gave me the “boyfriend” response then I️ realized her defensive mode. However, I’m not asking her out, I’m not asking her for her number and instead made it very clear that I️ go to numerous hospitals and through the years have made great friends with doctors,nurses, etc.

 

You state “Don't you think it's kind of rude of you to persist when someone is clearly indicating they aren't interested right off the bat?” I️ only said “hello”. And based on her cold “hi” I’m suppose to get the impression that she’s not interested? Interested in what? How does she know? Is she a mind reader?

 

In addition, the officers told me that she was in a very good mood all day. They two were surprised by her rudeness.

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That's kind of my point though. Nobody owes you a conversation. The cold "hi" was her putting a flashing red stop sign, stop, desist, do not proceed, not interested in talking to you. It was very loud and clear. There was no air to clear, you attempting more was pushing a boundary she put up. Your reaction is still, how could she decide not to want to talk to me and be cold. She can and did and she didn't owe you any explanation nor did she need anything from you other than to go away. You didn't.

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That's kind of my point though. Nobody owes you a conversation. The cold "hi" was her putting a flashing red stop sign, stop, desist, do not proceed, not interested in talking to you. It was very loud and clear. There was no air to clear, you attempting more was pushing a boundary she put up. Your reaction is still, how could she decide not to want to talk to me and be cold. She can and did and she didn't owe you any explanation nor did she need anything from you other than to go away. You didn't.

 

I️ disagree with your conclusion. She has the right not to talk to me or go out with me. I️ never persisted after she said so. But I️ was never rude to her.

 

You don’t need to be rude to do what she said. Moreover, she doesn’t know me nor did she know where I️ was going. In our first conversation weeks ago it was 180 degree difference of behavior and I️ stared with a “hello”. She wasn’t rude and we spoke lots about work. There was no disrespect.

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I keep this in quote my wallet:

 

"You have $86,400 in your bank account and someone stole $10 from you. Would you be upset and throw all of the $86,390 away in hopes of getting back at that person who took your $10? Or move on and live? Right, move on and live.

 

See, we have 86,400 seconds in every day so don't let someone's negative 10 seconds ruin the rest of the 86,390. Don't sweat the small stuff, life is bigger than that."

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I️ disagree with your conclusion. She has the right not to talk to me or go out with me. I️ never persisted after she said so. But I️ was never rude to her.

 

You don’t need to be rude to do what she said. Moreover, she doesn’t know me nor did she know where I️ was going. In our first conversation weeks ago it was 180 degree difference of behavior and I️ stared with a “hello”. She wasn’t rude and we spoke lots about work. There was no disrespect.

Big deal. This kind of misunderstandings/miscommunications happen everyday. You erase them from your memory as they have never happened.

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My husband was a nurse at a hospital. It's an incredibly high stress environment. I'm betting she had a tough day. If she was short on the first response, you should of backed off and found a better time to chat with her rather than in front of the officers you were chatting with.

 

Also, when you first spoke with her, why offer a gift? You weren't sharing it- you gave the whole thing away like a present. You barely know her. That gesture itself can be seen weird and pushy. A Godiva bar isn't something you get out of the nearest vending machine- that is luxurious Valentine's Day chocolate.

 

I suggest you become watchful on your approaches. Especially in a professional workplace.

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I keep this in quote my wallet:

 

"You have $86,400 in your bank account and someone stole $10 from you. Would you be upset and throw all of the $86,390 away in hopes of getting back at that person who took your $10? Or move on and live? Right, move on and live.

 

See, we have 86,400 seconds in every day so don't let someone's negative 10 seconds ruin the rest of the 86,390. Don't sweat the small stuff, life is bigger than that."

 

I️ agree with your assessment. I️ was simply venting over “unexpected rudeness”.

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My husband was a nurse at a hospital. It's an incredibly high stress environment. I'm betting she had a tough day. If she was short on the first response, you should of backed off and found a better time to chat with her rather than in front of the officers you were chatting with.

 

Also, when you first spoke with her, why offer a gift? You weren't sharing it- you gave the whole thing away like a present. You barely know her. That gesture itself can be seen weird and pushy. A Godiva bar isn't something you get out of the nearest vending machine- that is luxurious Valentine's Day chocolate.

 

I suggest you become watchful on your approaches. Especially in a professional workplace.

 

A Godiva bar cost $4.00 and purchase them regularly and happen to have one in my pocket. I️ don’t work in healthcare. I’m Law Enforcement and spent two days working on her floor next to her. There was never any rudeness between us. That night I️ left her the chocolate bar, and after speaking for a while, never asked her for her number or about anything personal. Yet our conversation was polite. To be met by rudeness was odd.

 

I️ agree with most who see the issue as petty. It’s something that caught me off guard and simply vented on this forum.

 

I️ am very happy to walk away with a smile and not feed into rudeness.

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Honestly, I would be super creeped out if a guy I do not know just randomly gave me a chocolate bar. I would also assume he’s hitting on me if he turned away from one conversation to talk to me.

 

She turned away from you - she’s allowed to do that. You persisted. If she said she liked the chocolate, that would’ve opened her up to further advances. Then you continued to push and ask her to coffee.

 

Your approach honestly creeps me out. I would’ve reacted the same way as her.

 

I don’t find it rude, I find it to be a defense mechanism to a guy who can’t take a hint.

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I would also assume he’s hitting on me if he turned away from one conversation to talk to me.

 

 

And? That's the point... Half of the women in this world complains that men do not approach them and the other half complains that they are hitting on them.

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Being a female who used to work in service, I can give you another perspective to the “she had a bad day”-theory. She thought you were hitting on her and wanted to nip it in the bud. Happens all the time to women in service, and especially to the attractive ones.

 

Here a more detailed explanation:

This “rudeness” she displayed was likely based on her previous experiences with male patients.

The thing is, if you’re working with people you have to be friendly, which she was previously. And she probably was happy about the chocolate and thought it was a nice gesture.

 

However, when you came back and – despite her obviously not being open for further interaction – tried to communicate with her, that was the turning point. From her perspective, you might have come back to ask her for her number, and when you kept asking and being pushy (she indicated to not want to interact, despite that you asked to go for coffee and how the chocolate was – which can sound like you’re saying “I gave you something, now you owe me a coffee/date”).

 

That may very well not be your intention, but it probably has happened to her a lot before, so she wanted to avoid any further communication right there. Every woman I know who worked in a service position has had experiences, where they were nice to male customers and that lead to bad situations. That can range from constant contact attempts, to harassment, and stalking one on one’s place of work. And if that happens once, you try to avoid that in the future, which means not taking any risks – hence why she would immediately try to show she’s not interested in any further contact. So for the future, be nice, be professional, but not pushy. And if somebody obviously doesn't want to interact with you, leave them alone and don't try to make them, being pushy won't change their mind but rather confirm them in their opinion.

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Also keep in mind that some people feel nervous around those in positions of authority, such as police officers, even if they are straight arrows.

I can enjoy a good banter with friendly police officers, yet I know many people who act out of character and get on edge even seeing a cop car! And these are great people, who have zero to worry about there. Just some people aren't comfortable with cops, I'm sure you know! :)

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