No need to be rude

[mustlovedogs]

I know he is a troll but I'm working this weekend and it is slow...at least it passes the time

 

I also just like seeing how insecure he is too.

 

Such an unhappy tool he is...

 

I know, this troll just oozes insecurity. I’m sure someone who is getting action with all the hot girls would be online posting thread after thread. Because that’s what cool in demand guys do ...

[thealchemist]

I’ve been the guy who has given out the nice chocolate and given her my coat in cold weather and bought her nice dinners and was there for her. It doesn’t work. Her response to my niceness was to be rude.

 

Once I got rid of the niceness suddenly got females were competing for my attention.

When I give chocolate and my coat I always get a lot of praise and attention from woman.

 

Is it more likely that every woman is the problem or just you?

 

Occam's razor...

[journeynow]

This is one woman. One. Not all women. And one chocolate bar. One event. My advice is let it go and go be nice to some one else. You are right, OP, she doesn't know you (you've pointed out several times) and you don't know her. But now you know something, and that is your attention is better spent on some one else.

[thealchemist]

If you can only sleep with a woman because you make them insecure what does that say about you? That is extremely pathetic and the root to PUA. So by your own words you are a practitioner.

 

Yes, I am pretty sure I am not a female. What exactly constitutes a weak man? I very well may be on by your definition. You have some pretty crazy ideas...

[thealchemist]

You are either rich or a bodybuilder or more likely a liar. You have issues. Not me.

Well out of those 3 things I am without a doubt more a liar than the other two.

 

Definately not rich. Just a normal professional.

 

I do an MMA based routine for explosive strength training for fighting. But body building is an inefficient training routine that is based only on muscle definition and not utility. I would never in my life be a body builder.

 

But even so...

 

If you are rich you very likely worked hard to get there. Can't condemn someone who worked hard to make money.

 

If you are in awesome shape and a body builder you once again very likely worked very hard to get there.

 

Both of those traits that you shame require effort.

 

Putting people down and taking advantage of the weak doesn't though.

 

So you rage against the world when people achieve things though work.

 

But being a jerk to people and being too lazy to change your situation is a trait to be honored?

 

I am at a loss

[mustlovedogs]

Is everyone here that stupid? I have a life and have wasted too much time already replying to you dummies.

 

The only smart thing you’ve posted! [emoji23]

[thealchemist]

Is everyone here that stupid? I have a life and have wasted too much time already replying to you dummies.

I very much doubt that a troll has that much of a life.

 

Why else would you waste it trolling?

[IAmFCA]

So?

 

You say, "There are millions like her." There are millions like you. There are millions of candy bars at the candy store. It doesn't matter which one we pick.

 

I am glad I am neither one of you.

[Krankor]

@Krankor, come on she didn't treat him like "garbage." That's such an over-exaggeration.

 

She was just very blunt, she was at work for heaven's sake! His persistence was very much "inappropriate" and annoying!

 

I understand the risk men take when approaching women, and personally when a man approaches me, I am always pleasant.

 

But a man showing up while I am busy at work? And persisting (pushing) the way he did?

 

And for anyone who doesn't consider his behavior pushing, read his post again and imagine yourself as the woman. Trying to do her job and this man is there bringing her chocolate, continuing to talk to her, asking her to take a break and get coffee.

 

Yes that was very much "inappropriate."

 

He thinks her response was rude? Under the circumstances (her being at work, her initial rebuff, him continuing to push) he's lucky she just didn't tell him to get the f*** out of her face.

 

"That" would have been rude not what she said.

 

And to the OP, this bs about your wanting to add to your "friendship list" come on.

 

No one is buying that, none of us are nor did she.

 

I appreciate you were attracted and were hoping to get a date, but not while a woman is working. Not many women are going to positively respond to that.

 

I just meant that "garbage" comment in general. No, I wouldn't say that she treated him like garbage, but I do think she was kind of rude.

 

You are right; we all know that he wasn't just looking for friendship. That was him (understandably) trying to save face. But I do think by the end he was beginning to realize that things weren't going to turn out the way he'd hope and really was just trying to clear the air and get things back to the positive note that their last interaction had seemingly ended on.

 

Ideally, the OP would have gotten the hint right away after he said "hi" to her. But if it is as he describes there was just such a disconnect between their first interaction and the second that I really don't blame him for wanting to further explore and press the issue a bit.

[Krankor]

Agreed with catfeeder and Katrina.

 

Like I said posts ago, this whole interaction felt a bit creepy to me too.

 

I’ve told this story here (eNA) before, but I’ll tell it again. I was at a bar with some coworkers and some of their friends. One of them kept hitting on me. Blatant, rude, sexual comments. I started polite. Then I said I’m not interested. Then he tried to convince me why I should be interested. I tried to be polite but continued to get more icy.

 

Eventually he said “if I got you drunk enough, I could just carry you home without an argument”

 

EXCUSE ME?

 

I snapped. I yelled at him in the bar.

 

So, men, sure. We can start polite. My success rate is low, as is the success rate of other women on this board.

 

Take the hint the first time. Maybe the second time. Or even the third. But we do not owe you our kindness if we feel uncomfortable.

 

I think you're kind of projecting your own experience at the bar onto this one and they are quite different.

 

In your case you had a guy who just wasn't getting the hint. You progressed from politely turning him down to getting cold to finally telling him off when he got way inappropriate. There was an escalation that happened in steps, in other words.

 

In the OP's case he had a very pleasant interaction with this woman the first time. They had a nice talk and she graciously accepted a small gift from him. Then when he ran into her again she pulled a complete 180 and iced him right out of the gate. That would be a little jarring. Obviously he believed that they'd made more of a connection the first time they met than they actually had. He needed to be disabused of that notion but it could have been handled differently on her part.

[katrina1980]

@Krankor what you said about there being a disconnect between their first interaction weeks back and the second, that is precisely the point many of us are trying to make.

 

In their first interaction, she was pleasant and "nice."

 

So what happened? He presumed she was interested, so he returned.

 

Hoping, perhaps even expecting, to get a date.

 

Problem is she wasn't interested, she was simply being polite.

 

But this is what often happens when we are friendly and nice. The guy misinterprets and assumes interest.

 

Her cold response was her attempt to avoid that. She realized that by being friendly during their first interaction, she misled him.

 

But even after her cold response, he continued to push. He wasn't getting the message.

 

Hence her blunt and direct (okay rude) reply to the coffee invite.

 

Yay, he finally got the message and backed off! Mission accomplished

 

Which is great but now he's got his knickers in a knot because she was rude!

 

Like I said before we just can't win sometimes.

 

Friendly, nice = interested

Blunt, direct (not nice) = rude

 

Ugh!

[thealchemist]

I have given the wrong impression before too. Just because I am talkative and smile a lot with a lot of eye contact. Honestly just mainly because of how nice I am with them. Just the way I communicate...

 

But sometimes woman get the wrong idea. I don't have any issues telling them about my wife if I get that vibe. But many people don't like that confrontation. My wife is like that.

 

So if you approach a person with ulterior motives like that and they don't like having to explain their relationship status or give a simple "not interested" you might just get their rude side.

 

I was at a parent/child event with my 3 yo daughter a couple of months ago. At this event with my daughter I had many woman try to interact with me. Most were just being social.

 

Some had other ideas. The first couple were fine but after the 4th person tried to monopolize my time away from my daughter I just started being rude when I felt "motives".

 

I was there to be with my daughter, not have mom's take time away from my daughter in an attempt to get friendly with me.

 

I am just saying try to see it from her side.

 

You might have been the 4th person to attempt to socialize with her trying to spark something. People aren't perfect and sometimes respond rudely.

[Krankor]

@Krankor what you said about there being a disconnect between their first interaction weeks back and the second, that is precisely the point many of us are trying to make.

 

In their first interaction, she was pleasant and "nice."

 

So what happened? He presumed she was interested, so he returned.

 

Hoping, perhaps even expecting, to get a date.

 

Problem is she wasn't interested, she was simply being polite.

 

But this is what often happens when we are friendly and nice. The guy misinterprets and assumes interest.

 

Her cold response was her attempt to avoid that. She realized that by being friendly during their first interaction, she misled him.

 

But even after her cold response, he continued to push. He wasn't getting the message.

 

Hence her blunt and direct (okay rude) reply to the coffee invite.

 

Yay, he finally got the message and backed off! Mission accomplished

 

Which is great but now he's got his knickers in a knot because she was rude!

 

Like I said before we just can't win sometimes.

 

Friendly, nice = interested

Blunt, direct (not nice) = rude

 

Ugh!

 

Both times he ran into her he was working. He didn't go back specifically just to see her; he was there for work. He's a cop and his job duties are going to send him to the hospital from time to time. It's not like he was there for no good reason. Cops dating and marrying nurses is actually pretty common, probably partially just because they cross paths often.

 

I get what you are saying; sometimes men don't get the point and press the issue until the woman is forced to be rude. What I'm saying is that there was no progression to that here; not really anyway. I mean, there KIND OF was because he did press a little bit, but I just don't see why she couldn't have politely turned him down first before resorting to accusing him of being inappropriate. It's a matter of degrees between polite and friendly and cold and rude. She just jumped from one right to the other. She missed a few steps. Her right, but also his to find that pretty rude.

[katrina1980]

Yeah he was working, but he admitted he had been thinking and wondering about her, so I have no doubt he sought her out at her work station for the sole purpose of solicting a date. Based on their first interaction weeks back when she was friendly and nice.

 

But yeah agree she didn't have to be quite so blunt (rude).

 

Perhaps she has an issue with cops in general. May have had more than her fair share "hitting" on her, who knows it could be anything.

[mustlovedogs]

Oh, I missed that detail. It was a few weeks separated?

 

It’s possible she didn’t remember who OP was...

[katrina1980]

Yeah he was working, but he admitted he had been thinking and wondering about her, so I have no doubt he sought her out at her work station for the sole purpose of solicting a date. Based on their first interaction weeks back when she was friendly and nice.

 

But yeah agree she didn't have to be quite so blunt (rude).

 

Perhaps she has an issue with cops in general. May have had more than her fair share "hitting" on her, who knows it could be anything.

 

ETA: Just read his initial post again. He said he was at the hospital again on a "work-related" project and "ran into" two cops.

 

@Krankor, where did you get that HE is a cop? I don't think he is, not that it matters. She just found him annoying and reacted.

[Krankor]

ETA: Just read his initial post again. He said he was at the hospital again on a "work-related" project and "ran into" two cops.

 

@Krankor, where did you get that HE is a cop? I don't think he is, not that it matters. She just found him annoying and reacted.

 

He said in one of his responses that he's law enforcement. Actually, nurses hitting on cops is probably more common than the other way around.

[katrina1980]

He said in one of his responses that he's law enforcement. Actually, nurses hitting on cops is probably more common than the other way around.

 

Ok must've missed that. Doesnt necessarily mean he a cop though, but it doesn't matter.

 

Funny you say it's the nurses who hit on cops more than the other way around.

 

Maybe she's been burned by cops! Maybe her last BF was a cop and he beat the s*** out of her. (This has been a real issue in my neck of the woods).

 

Hence her issue with them.

 

Oh who knows, we're just speculating now.

 

Whatever he does, she found him annoying.

 

But yeah agree she could have handled it more politely and still got her message across. .

[NIN2000]

I don't know--I can definitely understand the OP's confusion and slight indignance here. There is quite a wide gulf of degrees between being super warm and friendly and being a total ice queen. I mean, sure, she doesn't owe him anything for accepting his chocolate bar, but it was obvious by her immediate reaction to seeing him again and that she knew he was interested. It is also obvious that she has no problem being assertive. So why didn't she shut him down then?

 

In my opinion if she were a somewhat nicer person here's how that second interaction would have gone.

 

OP: "Oh hi, good to see again."

 

Her: "Oh, hi."

 

OP: "Did you enjoy that chocolate I gave you?"

 

Her: "Yes. That was kind of you, thank you."

 

OP: "So, I was wondering if you'd like to get some coffee."

 

Her: "No thanks. You seem like a nice guy but I have a boyfriend and I'm not interested."

 

Now, here's where things go one of two ways. Maybe the OP respects that, backs off, and that's that. Great. Message received and no need for unpleasantness.

 

However, if he won't get the message, that's when I don't blame her for turning into the Ice Queen and essentially telling him to eff off. But why immdiately go to that? She doesn't technically owe the OP anything but he is a human being after all.

 

Now, OP, to answer the question of why she was so friendly and happily accepted your gift, only to do a 180 the next time she saw you? Well, so far the answers you've gotten are either that she was stressed and having a bad day or that she's sick of guys hitting on her and not getting the hint. Both are fine theories but I think they are off base. What I think is with your first interaction she knew you were interested. She wasn't interested back but she thought she probably wouldn't see you again so she happily allowed you to stoke her ego and affirm her sexual market value. However, when she DID in fact run into you again, she decided to quickly and coldly shut all that down.

 

Hold your head up and move onto a nicer woman.

 

Sent from my SM-G920P using Tapatalk

 

I️ agree with your view and I️ agree that she doesn’t owe me anything.

 

My overall opinion was and remains that her 180 degree, rudeness was unwarranted.

[NIN2000]

True, but I think he was still kind of reeling by her reaction and the 180 she'd pulled and honestly at that point just wanted to clear the air after their initial very pleasant interaction. It's not as if she just politely informed him that she had a boyfriend--she was pretty rude about it and then rather bizarrely accused him of being "inappropriate" as if he should have somehow just have known that.

 

Now, she would have been more justfied in that if she has told him that during their initial conversation. So, OP, did she tell you that? Because if she did that kind of changes things.

 

In our first conversation she never told me anything about a boyfriend. She works at night and I️ was struggling staying awake at 3,4,5,6 AM. We spoke at length of the difficulty of working such hours and living a normal life “outside of work”. She spoke at length about her personal life away from work and never stated anything about a boyfriend.

[katrina1980]

In our first conversation she never told me anything about a boyfriend. She works at night and I️ was struggling staying awake at 3,4,5,6 AM. We spoke at length of the difficulty of working such hours and living a normal life “outside of work”. She spoke at length about her personal life away from work and never stated anything about a boyfriend.

 

Maybe she didn't have a BF at the time? You said your first interaction was weeks ago.

 

Just a thought.

[NIN2000]

Krankor you gotta see it from the woman's perspective though.

 

I've met men like OP before. I am pleasant at first, then for whatever reason, I find them creepy and shut off. I'm not obligated to be "nice" am I? When I find a man creepy?

 

Instead of taking the hint, they proceed to *push* under the guise of wanting to be *friends* and it's really annoying!

 

No offense to OP, but I sensed the creep factor and her annoyance simply by reading his post! Between the chocolate, him showing up in her work area again, the entire interaction seemed creepy.

 

His behavior was almost cringeworthy. Not intentional on his part but that's how it came off.

 

"That" is why she responded the way she did.

 

Such “senses” are no different than judging a book by its cover, or judging a person by their skin color, religion or looks. That’s shallow.

 

Forgive me; I️ mean no offense but you can’t label someone a creep by a “sense”. In the two days I️ worked on that floor I️ was respectful, friendly and respectful not only to her but all the staff on that floor: male, female and gay!

 

Furthermore; I️ did exchange numbers with a young doctor who asked for assistance (he was seeking contract work for the Federal government and I️ promised to help him). I️ guess “that’s freaky also?

[katrina1980]

And geez OP for someone only wishing to add to his "friendship list" you're sure making mountains out of molehills.

 

Agree she was rude, so what?

 

I've had men scream at me in parking lots, talk about rude!

 

I don't start a thread about it.

 

That said, there's a venting thread somewhere around here, I think in the off topic section.

[NIN2000]

Also, I'd add this: if she takes her relationship with her boyfriend so seriously that she is basically clutching at her pearls and retiring to her fainting couch over a man asking her to coffee then why was she basking in the OP's attention and accepting gifts from him when they'd first met? You can't say that she didn't know what was happening, otherwise she wouldn't have immediately turned on the ice machine the moment she saw him the second time.

 

Also remember that asking a nurse “if she had a break during her shift to go down to the hospital cafeteria and get coffee” is very different than asking her out on a date to dinner and a movie.

[NIN2000]

Putting myself in her shoes (not difficult) when you first saw her at the hospital (while she was working) weeks back and gave her the chocolate, she was simply being polite by having a pleasant convo with you.

 

She may have thought your approach was "creepy" though, even then, you have NO idea how your approach came off to her.

 

Then when you showed up in her work space *again,* I can imagine her first thought being "ugh, there is that creepy guy again."

 

She KNEW what was up, what your 'game' was, she's not stupid.

 

Hence why she was "cold." She didn't want to encourage anything.

 

ETA: catfeeder just explained it perfectly.

 

None of this justifies rudeness.