reinventmyself Posted December 22, 2017 Share Posted December 22, 2017 As much as it hurts, it's a painful reminder that touching that fire burns like heck. We need to go back and learn that lesson a few more times before we get it through our thick head. The good news is, we do bounce back quicker. It may not seem like it at the moment but watch and see. You'll overcorrect some and then find yourself back on track. Shake it off. . The lesson here. . NC means not discussing her w mutual friends. It's one of many ways of staying attached. Even if it is indirectly. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 22, 2017 Share Posted December 22, 2017 I kinda broke NC tonight...kinda.... I reached out to a mutual friend tonight and told her that it is burning me up not being able to 'be there' for my ex because I was her rock and support for 5 years and can't just turn that off... Hey bud, dont feel to bad your only human. Its not all down the drain. NC is for you do not forget. It might set you back abit but i think you will recover from you set back. If you want to talk to people thats totally okay, i would say talk to people who dont know her so you can get the feelings out without it getting back to her. You are a stand up guy and like sputnik says you can all ways come on here to talk it out or just vent. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 22, 2017 Share Posted December 22, 2017 Thanks Sputnik, but don't be too proud just yet... I kinda broke NC tonight...kinda.... I reached out to a mutual friend tonight and told her that it is burning me up not being able to 'be there' for my ex because I was her rock and support for 5 years and can't just turn that off... She said that she was going out with my ex tonight to a gig and would give her my love...! She also reminded me that I was the one who had asked for space... *sigh* 4 weeks of NC down the drain in one phone call.....and I feel like total sh*t... So here I am, struggling at work and she's out dancing... This breakup has really devastated me.... But, this is strengthening my resolve to focus on my healing and getting through this... And something else I'll give myself a little leeway with is that I probably wasn't going to hear from my ex for a long time, if ever...so tonight won't really matter in the long term... One day in the future I will stand with you Sputnik and say you are right...this IS her loss...one day.... Carus* oh don't worry darling , what the hell , I think we can ram this NC stuff home too hard sometimes ..it is a guideline isn't it , not a sin if you break it , all part of the journey xx Link to comment
Carus Posted December 22, 2017 Author Share Posted December 22, 2017 Thankyou all so much* Journal ~ Moving Forward* This morning was rough...3 dreams about her including one where we were running down a grassy hill and laughing....and then I woke up.... I think the events of the last three days definitely sent me back over the cliff a bit but tonight as I lay here I feel strangely calm and definitely better.... My caregiver brought me coffee today and sat with me for a while while I purged the poison... I almost canceled my Pilates session because my body was so weak and heavy, but I forced myself to go and was glad I did...It did indeed lift my mood a bit... I also had a session today with a lady who is what I guess I would call a Shaman..or perhaps a channeler or healer.... I've know her for a while and despite my quite skeptical nature, she really is very good.... She agreed that I did the right thing by just sending the mum a msg and not contacting my ex directly....BTW: I did get a reply today from the mum saying she really appreciated my message... She also seems to think that my ex is very confused and is in for a bit of a rough ride for a while....My thought is that maybe, or maybe not...but it is not for me to know or worry about anymore.... She seems to think that my ex will contact me at some point (4-6 months) and also said don't be surprised if the mother contacts me as well.... Now the mother and I were very close and she would have been very happy that I was looking after her daughter and grandkids so well and deep down is probably not happy about what's happened...I know my mother certainly isn't..! But as for any contact coming from over there, my response was "I would be surprised!" :) I really don't see it happening.....But she looked at me quite sternly and said when she does, you cannot go back if it's 6 months...maybe 12 or 18 months, but not at 6.... As for me she says that I will surprise myself at how quickly I will move through this and how strong I will be once I do....Interestingly she said that part of that was because I'd actually been preparing for this for around 16-18 months.....Spot on, as when I look back the serious cracks started to appear 15 months ago! She said a few other things that were very accurate (including that I'd done everything I could to make it work, especially those last 3 months)....But when it comes to getting contact, I'll have to remain skeptical...BUT, if the mother did contact me, wouldn't that be spooky...! I'll let you know if that happens.... Overall though it was a nice healing session...She made me hold a wand made of rose quartz...When she gave it to me it felt really light...When I gave it back at the end it felt really heavy...(?) So tomorrow I think I'll go and get some rose quartz and put it in my bed.....Rose quartz is good for healing the heart apparently... So after this last event, and STILL not getting a peep out of my ex, my resolve is to now really start trying to shift my focus away from the whole thing and onto me and what I need to do now to rebuild my life....Obviously I still have quite a long way to go, but at least I know now that that is my path...I have no other choice. I've done all I can... Let's see what tomorrow brings... We have Xmas this weekend so let's all just get through it the best we can and remember it's just another day. The sun will rise and the sun will set just like any other day* I hope we can all find peace in our hearts* Carus* Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 22, 2017 Share Posted December 22, 2017 hey Carus, Slow day at work today (everyone clock watching!) and I have been anticipating your next post :) I am very glad to hear that today has been positive.. yes, there is painful realisation along the way, but it needs to be part of the process. Perhaps you will hear from her.. perhaps you won't (you probably will..) - is it likely to be meaningful, who knows? Just keep moving and see where that eventually takes you. "As for me she says that I will surprise myself at how quickly I will move through this and how strong I will be once I do....Interestingly she said that part of that was because I'd actually been preparing for this for around 16-18 months.....Spot on, as when I look back the serious cracks started to appear 15 months ago!" - Yes, looking back, the cracks are usually evident buddy. "So after this last event, and STILL not getting a peep out of my ex, my resolve is to now really start trying to shift my focus away from the whole thing and onto me and what I need to do now to rebuild my life....Obviously I still have quite a long way to go, but at least I know now that that is my path...I have no other choice. I've done all I can..." - You have a wonderful foundation.. YOU! As I informed, I received a nice xmas card from the ex's Mum and family this week... I think it was a goodbye from the family as a whole (there are still loose ends, which they have all conveniently forgotten, which I must now too).. "Let's see what tomorrow brings...We have Xmas this weekend so let's all just get through it the best we can and remember it's just another day. The sun will rise and the sun will set just like any other day*" - Indeed, we all owe it to ourselves to embrace the time as best possible, and the opportunities it brings. Looking forwards... x Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 Hi darling , I do believe in all of this stuff as you know ... but my concern is the hope she has given you , I don't want you to keep that in the forefront of your mind or walk down the false healing path , ie: only start to feel better because you have it in your mind she will attempt to come back . I am glad you had a session though and I carry Rose quartz on me and have it by my bedside as well . Rose is a good all rounder for love for yourself , for giving off love , for balance , protection , calm , healing ....so I hope you do make the purchase . You are doing fabulously Carus and I must tell you this , you deserve so much happiness because you really have done your upmost to get yourself through this , your strength is amazing , never forget that . I hope you , sputnik and the others , all get through these next few days as best you can , when you feel despair , remember the universe has so much lined up for you guys , there is so much more to come in your lives I assure you . Many Christmas wishes to you all , be blessed xx Link to comment
Carus Posted December 23, 2017 Author Share Posted December 23, 2017 I always love seeing you Pippy* If you truly believe in the Shamanic stuff then you would agree with what she's saying no? But don't worry, that tiny sliver of hope does lift me a little but I still know the grave reality of what is... As dear Sputnik said and I agree, even if I did hear from her, I'm certain that she would more just be seeking closure and alleviating her own guilt rather than reconciliation. I did buy a small piece of rose quartz today which I will carry with me and put in my bed at night. I do hope I find happiness again. I used to be so positive and full of life and I miss that dearly... I came across a very good podcast series which I am working my way through now. I highly recommend it. The link is: http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/category/podcast/page/38/ Thankyou so much for everyone here and the PMs I am receiving. It helps tremendously* Carus* Link to comment
Carus Posted December 23, 2017 Author Share Posted December 23, 2017 Another thing my shaman lady friend said was that I gave it my all, 110%...and through my kindness allowed my ex to go through her grieving process with me there to help her...I've actually been a bit annoyed about that but when she said 'through my kindness' that made me feel a bit better...and she also said that once I am healed I will look back and be happy and proud that I did that. Journal ~ Day and Night* The saying 'The difference is like Day and Night' really seems to reflect my days and nights at this time... The mornings are the worst...Waking up to the reality really seems to make it hard to get out of bed with any real enthusiasm... The pain was acute today and the ensuing meltdown came around 4-5pm...thankfully it did seem to lift that pain off my chest.... As the day went on my mood did lift quite a bit....Many great friends checked in on me today which was nice... I found the podcast series I posted above and I also downloaded 'Getting Past Your Breakup' by Susan Elliot on audiobook...Really enjoying it so far... Tonight at work I was at an airport cafe that I always go to on Saturday nights...There was a new girl working there. Kind of cute with a real bouncy energy. I ordered my food and could tell she was being 'very friendly' with me....This has been happening quite a lot lately which is nice, but sadly I am just not healed enough to take advantage of any of it... When I was leaving I asked her if she was the new night shift girl....She said "Yes, for now"...She then stuck out her hand firmly and said "I'm Eden"... I shook her hand and said "Nice to meet you...Eden, that really is a beautiful name".....We smiled and I left.... The Passing Of The Crystal* So today I went to a gem shop and bought a beautiful little heart shaped piece of polished rose quartz to carry near my heart and sleep in my bed with me, and a piece of Lapis Lazuli to keep in the car to keep me safe whilst on the road...(Little bit of a trigger as our wedding rings were made of Lapis...).... Then at work, I was at another airport cafe that we all go to and was talking to a quite gorgeous blonde girl I know who has been working there for some time. She is from Eastern Europe and is out here studying...and making coffee...We've always got along... I asked her how she is...I could see she was not feeling the best....She told me her ex boyfriend was making things hard for her and today had essentially stolen $2000 from her...! I asked her how long ago they broke up...She said about 2 months now....I could see the pain in her eyes and that she was struggling to be at work...We all know that feeling right? I thought, "Poor girl. She's just stepping into the fire and is behind me in her healing process"....My ex cut me off 5 weeks ago but the difference is that it seems this girl is still interacting with her ex whereas mine only exists in my thoughts and memories now.... I felt this overwhelming urge...and so, I reached into my pocket, pulled out the rose quartz heart, and pressed it into her hand....She looked at me with such gratitude and I just said "It's rose quartz. Good for the heart".... It just seems I bought that gem today for that particular moment....and anyway, I'll go in and get another one tomorrow.... So between these two encounters today, I drove home feeling pretty good.... I'm going to go to sleep now listening to my new audiobook. I expect tomorrow will be pretty much the same routine.... Namaste' Carus* Link to comment
Mikey383 Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 Hang in there Carus... Good things will come in due time... As per my recent thread...I am seeing "her" tonight :).... I will keep you posted... Not going in with rose filters on...lol Link to comment
Carus Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 As always, many thanks to everyone who has posted and helped me. Journal ~ The Long and Winding Road* It's been an interesting 24 hours and I'll try not make this too long...But first: Morning wasn't too bad as I was determined to just get up and go to the beach..which I did. I went and bought another rose quartz heart and donated a heap of paper bags that I had to her shop. She was rapped with that... Then I went to the beach...a beach me and my ex used to walk our dogs on. Was I hoping I would see her..? Yeh kinda...but I didn't... I walked on the beach and had a quick swim. Sat on the sand, stared out at the horizon and thought about how I used to love watching her come out of the water and walk towards me...There were some nice looking girls there though. I love living in a country of bikinis...and sunglasses :) After that I hit the gym for a bit then got ready and went to work....Pain level sitting at the usual 2. Now for the meatier part of this journal entry: Perhaps you will hear from her.. perhaps you won't (you probably will..) - is it likely to be meaningful, who knows? Just keep moving and see where that eventually takes you. Last night I went to bed listening to my new audiobook. As I lay down and closed my eyes I got this overwhelming feeling that my ex came and laid next to me....I'm skeptical about stuff like this but cannot close my mind to any possibility...it really was a strong sense... I reached over and held her hand for a while and then said in my mind "You better go now"...She didn't want to go...but eventually it passed and she was gone again... So at work tonight I was on the phone to a good friend of mine when I got a text....Yep, 5 weeks of NC and here she was...! Now before anyone gets too EXcited I will post the text here and my reply then we'll have a look at a couple of Pros and Cons.... Her text read "Thinking of you and hoping you have some lovely plans for xmas. Whatever they be, I hope they are nurturing and good for your soul. Thankyou for taking the time to be loving to [Child 1] and [Child 2] and my mum. Wishing you all good things xxx" I talked it over with my friend. Of course I felt somewhat excited yet cautious....I have studied breakups, NC and reattracting someone for years...and so, drawing on all my knowledge I waited 2 hours and then sent the reply: "Hey thanks gorgeous. Same to you. Hope you made it to the beach today xx" And that was that....for now. Even if a couple does get back together it can be a long and drawn out process that requires a truckload of patience and a strong and confident fortitude... Now we could over analyze all that until Jesus returns, but let's just look at a couple of pros and cons: Pros: ~ It took courage for her to send that. ~ She's thinking about me and I would say missing me on some level. ~ She has given me back the power ball. ~ This has extended an olive branch and definitely put a little wedge under the door. NC has been broken and opens it up for future potential communication. ~ It has to be seen as a positive whatever the outcome. Cons: ~ She is just trying to alleviate her own guilt and tie up loose ends. ~ She cares about me, but care doesn't necessarily equal attraction. ~ It IS Xmas so emotions are high.... Would love to hear some thoughts....* So yes, that did bring some temporary relief to my pain and anxiety but even now that it's later and I'm home, I'm feeling ok and just trying to look at it as a positive rather than anything else.... We've talked about Hope a lot on this journey and I am doing my best to just keep that down and keep moving and detaching....there is more going on here than just what we see on our 3 dimensional plain.... And hey, the Shaman was (kinda) right....although it may be still some months before I hear from her again, if ever.... So it just goes to show that the very best thing we can do is move on and be the best we can be....And just be prepared for IF this ever happens... And that will still be my plan going forward....I would dearly love to be one of those mythical success stories we all read about just ONCE in my life, but it's still a long shot. Probably 80-20% at this stage... Still, it's been a good day and I feel I will sleep well tonight....Might try it without a sleeping pill. I do want to get off those as soon as possible. Let's see how I'm feeling tomorrow* Xmas will come and go. Hang in there my dear friends* Carus* Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Dear Carus, Your journey so far has really touched me. I always thought, your ex loved you too much to completely let this go right now. She has reached out to you, but I honestly don't know where this path will go.. I then look back to your previous post and I read; "I felt this overwhelming urge...and so, I reached into my pocket, pulled out the rose quartz heart, and pressed it into her hand....She looked at me with such gratitude and I just said "It's rose quartz. Good for the heart".... It just seems I bought that gem today for that particular moment....and anyway, I'll go in and get another one tomorrow...." You have such a good heart and your wife acknowledges this. It is very evident in her text to you (and in all your writings to date). I actually love the response you made.. short, personal and classy. You must have thought about this (and whether to even reply (so hard). My thoughts on your Pro's and Con's below; Pros: ~ It took courage for her to send that. That is true, for sure. ~ She's thinking about me and I would say missing me on some level. Yes, she would think of you and miss you often. You were a big part of her life and and that does not just disappear. ~ She has given me back the power ball. ~ This has extended an olive branch and definitely put a little wedge under the door. NC has been broken and opens it up for future potential communication. I am unsure on these two points. She loves you and misses you, yes. She has reached out to you on Christmas Eve and wishes you well. This MAY mean no more than this for now. It is either the "true" end, or the beginning of something completely different. I think that you should now carry on with healing and NC, as before. If she reaches out again, then cross that bridge when you reach it. ~ It has to be seen as a positive whatever the outcome. Yes, you can definitely see this as a positive mate. It is very nice that she has reached out for you and I believe it will help you get through the next few days a little easier too. Cons: ~ She is just trying to alleviate her own guilt and tie up loose ends. Part of me thinks this is an ideal opportunity for her to do this now. ~ She cares about me, but care doesn't necessarily equal attraction. At this exact moment in time, she does not have the urge to be in the relationship with you, but she cares about you heaps. ~ It IS Xmas so emotions are high.... Emotions are definitely high right now mate, trust me. Even for the dumpers, there are alot of triggers right now. Keep the hope in your heart mate.. not for her, but that you will be truly happy very soon. It will come. Always here for you Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Aww, this gives me goosebumps! I do hope you rest better tonight. I know when my ex reached out I stopped losing sleep. Crickets again, lol but it's okay. I'm strong enough to turn down FWB. Your ex, yes it took courage and you definitely are on her mind. And what a lovely text she sent, very much from the heart. Stay strong, don't break the urge to initiate contact, and you will probably end up in a good place with this. Link to comment
Carus Posted December 25, 2017 Author Share Posted December 25, 2017 Thankyou both so much. I'm at work so just quickly: I hope they were good goosebumps Sweetgirl* :) You are both right. It could go either way, although I still think the chances of us actually reconciling are slimmer than not... It's hard and the pain is back up to about a 3. As far as I, you guys here and my coaches can tell, I've played this breakup almost to the letter... Not getting back together almost seems unfair lol But I know now is not the time to change anything...so I will carry on. Her mum would be staying there at the moment. The mum would NOT be happy about this. But sometimes in life, there are things that cannot be explained or controlled... So I will continue to just try and let go... Carus* Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 I havent caught up today yet , but just wanted to pop on and wish you all a merry Christmas xxxx You WILL all get through this xx much love from the uk xxx Link to comment
Carus Posted December 25, 2017 Author Share Posted December 25, 2017 Thankyou Dear Pip* xx Journal ~ First Xmas Down* I feel kind of lucky..I live in GMT +8 so my first xmas without them is now over...whilst I know some of you are just starting or in the middle of it.....and I do hope yours goes better than mine.... I will never forget what I felt like, the pain, the suffering. I think I cried for a year, always hoping my ex would come back. This was from a beautiful post today from CuddleCat*. That bit though was hard to read....It reminds me of how far I am from true acceptance... Which is pretty frustrating....Acceptance is the first task of mourning (Worden) so I haven't even accomplished that yet! grrrr The hit from her text wore off and the morning was very tough... As much as I tried to frame it as a positive thing and be ok with it, I just couldn't stop the pain....I broke down at work....in more ways than one.... What I mean by that was about halfway through my shift, my car broke down....! My car is my lifeline...my income...and right now it is the last thing I need....Also because at this time of year how long will it be before I can get it fixed..! Every day off the road costs me 100s of dollars..... THANKFULLY, and praise be to my spirit guides, I managed to get it going and limp home....Made a couple of bush mechanic adjustments and it seems to be ok now, so at least I'll be able to get out again straight away.... :whew: But this also put a dent in my plan of 'staying busy' on this damn day....Luckily though I called a friend and was able to hang out at his place for a while before returning to the loneliness.... I was texting with a dear friend tonight who is now questioning her own marriage...Poor girl was in tears.... AND I got a message from my eldest sister saying her marriage of 10 years had broken down and now they are not speaking....! It's too much for me to bear....What a day...! Merry Xmas indeed.... :( In the words of Comic Book Guy: "Worst Xmas Ever!"...... But I've been determined to try and make my journal more positive going forward.....I really was starting to come up for air until these last 48 hours....and that text... I'm in bed now...I've taken a calmative....and the pain has subsided again and I can slightly feel myself coming back on track.... Let's see what tomorrow brings...Depending on what time I start work I'm planning to hit the beach and the gym* Carus* EDIT: I just got a great email reply from my coach, Mac McCarthy in regards to her Christmas Crumb and my response...If anyone would like to see it I will gladly post it here. I really recommend him as a Coach...* Link to comment
Carus Posted December 25, 2017 Author Share Posted December 25, 2017 The Shaman* I just wanted to note something from my session with the Shaman lady too... She was talking and then stopped. She was rubbing her forehead saying "I'm getting this pain here".. Then she looked at me and said "You know your wife is going to be going through a tough time. That is what this pain is..." She then asked me "Have you been getting these headaches?" I said no, because I haven't.... Then starting yesterday evening and most of today I've had this splitting migraine....! It's probably just a coincidence or something but still.....just sayin'..... Link to comment
lostinlove44 Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 I don't think they go through a tough time...we do thou...they just make do, like we will later...they know something we don't, and I don't think we will ever understand...the wake ups a 3am, the pain at 7am, leg shaking all the time...i mean, this is some tough ...im going through it at the moment...not in the best way really, thats why i admire your thread...But I went through it 10 years ago with my last girlfriend...same pain, different person, doesn't get any better...but we will, in time....just all these heartbreaks...im beginning to wonder if its the pu**y....sorry for my french. Link to comment
Carus Posted December 26, 2017 Author Share Posted December 26, 2017 Thanks for dropping in LIL44* I don't think they go through a tough time...we do thou...they just make do, like we will later...they know something we don't, and I don't think we will ever understand... It depends really...A lot of the time the dumper gets to deal with guilt and the wondering if they've made the right decision..(unless they are truly done)... But yes, it is nowhere near as extreme as the rejection side of things... Also the dumper has a head start because they've obviously been thinking about it and talking to friends about it, so they do a lot of their grieving before the actual split... In a lot of cases too the poor dumpee usually get's dragged along for a while longer hanging on in prolonging Hope....I did 3 months before she cut the cord... ...the wake ups a 3am, the pain at 7am, leg shaking all the time...i mean, this is some tough ...im going through it at the moment...not in the best way really, thats why i admire your thread... If my thread is helping in any way then I am grateful for that* And yep, going through all of that myself...It's truly horrible and I hate it...Especially the physical toll it takes on our bodies and mental health..! So please look after yourself the best you can...You will get through it just as I must.... I'm listening to the audio book "Getting Past Your Breakup" by Susan Elliot.....It's definitely helping* ...im beginning to wonder if its the pu**y....sorry for my french. Well that's one way of putting it lol But yes, there's the sex addiction side of it as well.... My ex and I had extremely deep, passionate and explosive sex....everywhere....every day....for 5 years! Even the day I moved out and then for 3 months after that.... ....the withdrawals have been extremely traumatic and harsh* Journal ~ Autopilot* Life is just on autopilot now...The world seems empty and void...but somehow I'm pushing on... Managed to get into the gym and the ocean.... My caregiver came and hung out with me today for about 4 hours which was great. It's hard to fill the extra time I have on my hands now.... She also brought me a mandarin tree for the balcony! Sooo sweet* I would love to get a pet, something to love you know...But I live in an apartment and work 10 hours a day, so I don't want to leave the poor thing here alone like that every day....And so a young fruit tree is the next best thing* We talked a lot about life and general stuff...I cried hard twice....she understands.... She has some cards...They're not tarot but similar...I pulled the Moon card.... According to the book it says "When you get the Moon card in a reading, there is nothing to do but yield to the feelings. If you try to figure things out intellectually, you will fail. If you can enter the darkness with eagerness and courage, then you will learn from the voyage and gain consciousness as your initiatory gift" Pretty poignant no,,? And it goes along with Susan Elliot saying you need to accept that you are hurt, accept that you are wounded and accept what has happened. She also talks about the constant thinking and ruminating about your ex and the relationship... You know? That film that runs in your mind that you just can't switch off..? She say's: "It's frustrating and maddening, but is an important part of the brain processing the sudden change".... Work was quiet tonight but my car seems to be running ok....I am so, SO grateful for that..... I hope everyone is doing ok...Tomorrow is another day closer* That's Xmas done....Just NYE to go now* Carus* Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 Hi dear Carus, Welcome buddy to the now desolate remnants of 2017, where the days seem to merge into one and we can soon rid ourselves of this year, to try and start "afresh". Autopilot is a reasonable state of mind for the next few days, in my opinion. Should then look to approach the new year with a degree of positivity of what may come our way. I have a feeling that you may be finding it more difficult now, as you DID receive contact, which was very nice, but not the unequivocal olive branch to potential reconciliation. If anything, try and take it as a firm endorsement of you as a person, from someone who cannot quite let you go. Not yet. You have so much to offer, if it is to be with someone brand spanking new, so be it. You will one day be able to embrace and enjoy it. I hope to be around when that day comes! Good news about your wheels. I remember you saying it is vital to you on a daily basis! "If my thread is helping in any way then I am grateful for that*" - Hand on heart, your thread has helped me no end and I will always be thankful. I too am not allowed pets, but I do have my son here, who is messier than a pet and eats more.. but I wouldn't have it any other way! I will look up the Susan Elliot material - I appreciate you guiding us to such places. I hope you get some well earned rest tonight and I look forward to hearing about your day tomorrow. Praying the pain monster is kept at bay Yours.. Link to comment
Carus Posted December 26, 2017 Author Share Posted December 26, 2017 Thankyou dear Brother* If anything, try and take it as a firm endorsement of you as a person, from someone who cannot quite let you go. Not yet. Mm yes...Another friend of mine said that too...She is trying though...She'll get there I'm sure.... You have so much to offer, if it is to be with someone brand spanking new, so be it. Well my new mantra which I learned from Chaz Ellis on YT is: "Give good love. Be the best you can be at all times. That way it makes it that bit harder for them to go out and find it somewhere else".....I like it... I've always given good love to the best of my abilities but didn't consider the second part* And don't think it's going to be all roses and ribbons for your ex either mate..... You will one day be able to embrace and enjoy it. I hope to be around when that day comes! We'll definitely always be in contact ma man...I can't wait to see you there as well...! I too am not allowed pets, but I do have my son here, who is messier than a pet and eats more.. but I wouldn't have it any other way! You are a good man and father...Never forget that Bro* I hope you get some well earned rest tonight and I look forward to hearing about your day tomorrow. Yeh I'm feeling ok at the moment so I'm going to try and start weaning off the sleeping tabs...I'll go without tonight. Had another dream about her this morning.... Praying the pain monster is kept at bay meh...He'll be there waiting for me I'm sure....Just gotta spend the rest of the day letting him have his fill and then he'll have a nap til the next morning... One day he'll be dead...one day* Carus* Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 carus I have so much to say about the shamen hahah arghhhh damn you man , can you just land in my kitchen so we can smoke some good stuff , drink yorkshire tea , eat warm mince pies and cream ....and talk ...... I think a beach house and the glorious sun is actually a better option then the uk right now though What you did with your Rose and that girl was just frickin wonderful , she will never ever forget that Carus and the energy , intent and love that filled that stone from you will be filling her life . My friend and I had a couple of things that we felt wasn't for us ..mine was a pack of tarot cards and I couldn't connect with them , I knew in my heart someone was meant to get these , just not me and I can't remember what my friend had , but she felt the same . So we went to a place here that has a ribbon tree . That is a memory tree , you tie a ribbon and a picture or note or something to remember a loved one . There is a little wooden seating area around this tree and nearby the monks live . We lit incense and tea lights and placed the stuff at the base of the tree with a note , something like * We have left these to pass onto the person they are meant to be with , we leave them with love and good intent and hope they can guide you in your life * or something like that ......The next time I went , they had gone and it still makes me smile to this day wondering who the universe sent to pick them up Anyway ..my kitchen ..oh no no ..your beach , I think we settled on that didn't we Carus and co ... do you have a re occurring number going on , wake up at the same time ? Keep turning a book on the same page number , or keep seeing a number plate with the same number or numbers ? Or even a favourite number ? Just pop it down here and I can tell you its spiritual meaning . Just remember lads it is now Saturday ..or is it Friday ...no Saturday ...you have a couple of days left of 2017 and 2018 is that fresh start ...you are nearly there my darlings x No it is Friday ...possibly.. anyone in the uk ..what day is it please . Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 It's Friday Pippy.. I think You OK dear Carus? Looking forward to your next update. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Its Friday That made me smile Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 haha thankyou lads Link to comment
Carus Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 Hello Dear Friends...Thankyou for checking in on me...You are all more than welcome here at the beachside... :) carus I have so much to say about the shamen hahah arghhhh damn you man , can you just land in my kitchen so we can smoke some good stuff , drink yorkshire tea , eat warm mince pies and cream ....and talk ...... That would be so nice...just to get out of here for a while....So what have you got to say about the Shaman Pip*? ;-) There's not much to report. Each day fades into the next. I am getting tiny pockets of light here and there though...I have the most amazing support crew including everyone here. I am so grateful for that. I had some nasty dreams this morning about kissing her and we were saying the 'I love you's'...and then of course, reality came back..... Yesterday was a pretty good day. I felt real good for a period of the day but later on I could feel the heart seeping again. I did actually make it through yesterday without the meltdown...So that's 3 days out of almost 6 weeks where it hasn't happened....so tiring and frustrating.... I pulled out one of my text books from Uni about grieving....The first 'Task of Mourning' is acceptance, and I'm afraid I'm still working on that. I may do a post soon about the 4 tasks of mourning...Could be a good thread for this forum.... I remember years ago a guy called SuperDave put up a lot of very helpful posts that would still be relevant today. A couple of things from this book that I noted were: Society doesn't allow us to grieve a divorce the same as losing a partner to death. Death seems to bring a lot more sympathy from people whereas we are expected to just bounce back straight away from a divorce or breakup.... Anyone here, or has been here a while, knows that the process after either can be just as brutal. There is no doubt that I have been traumatised over this....When I'm sobbing and screaming her name, that is trauma.... One big difference though is that 'Dead people don't throw breadcrumbs' (Carus 2017). Thankfully those kind of meltdowns are getting fewer...The more recent ones are just the sobbing and they don't last as long.... One of the other tasks is 'Adjusting to life without the Deceased'....Ok, deceased because the book is based on grieving a death.... It says that the reality of life without the other person seems to really start emerging after about 3-4 months.... I wonder if that is why it is common for exes to make contact starting at or shortly after this time period...and of course, a lot never do... But sadly we've all seen what generally happens if the ex does start to contact you...I think the reasons are, and a rough % of exes if they do contact: 1) To alleviate their own guilt. (75%) 2) To announce that they've found someone else. (30%) 3) To actually see how you're doing because they're fine and therefore, so should you be. (5%) 4) They want to get back together (5%) So I'm doing what I can and I guess making progress..... I set my stereo back up today and started reconnecting with music. Oh how I've missed it. Let's see what tomorrow brings..... Love n Light to you all* Carus* Link to comment
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