Carus Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 A further thought about NYE... We're all looking forward to the New Year...Fresh start, all that.... I hate to throw a possible wet blanket on it but, as much as I WISH it were the way, it's not like we're going to wake up on Jan the 1st and be totally fine...(I really wish that though)..... So just know that and accept it...As good as it will be to put this horrible year behind us, we still will have a little ways to go... I've even had people say 'It'll be over when you decide it's over'..... Tried that....Didn't work....lol C* Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Hey Carus, Great to hear from you buddy. Glad to hear that yesterday was a better day. Losing someone is losing someone, death or not. I would never wish death on anyone, but seeing someone you care for, hurt you, then give love to someone else is like a death, of sorts. A death you may have to put up with, again and again! One big difference though is that 'Dead people don't throw breadcrumbs' (Carus 2017) - that humour is right up my street Pleased that the meltdowns are lessening. Let it all out if you need to. Happy that you are reconnecting with music. It is a truly wonderful release. "It says that the reality of life without the other person seems to really start emerging after about 3-4 months..." - Sounds about right! 3 months next week for me. "A further thought about NYE... We're all looking forward to the New Year...Fresh start, all that.... I hate to throw a possible wet blanket on it but, as much as I WISH it were the way, it's not like we're going to wake up on Jan the 1st and be totally fine...(I really wish that though)..... So just know that and accept it...As good as it will be to put this horrible year behind us, we still will have a little ways to go... I've even had people say 'It'll be over when you decide it's over'....." I fully agree with you bro.. I do think that it provides a good "starting point" to start/continue NC, self improvement etc with an extra resolve.. like a resolution. However, at the end of the day, it is just a start of a year, so what we actually do with it is up to us! I hope tomorrow brings you sunshine and rays of happiness. Keep it moving mate, Link to comment
Carus Posted December 30, 2017 Author Share Posted December 30, 2017 Firstly, as always...Thank you so much to those posting here, those working in the background through PMs, and anyone who is just reading my thread. Journal ~ A Shift* So today was an interesting day....No dreams thank goodness. When I woke up Pain Monster had his hand on my chest but was snoozing...So I snuck away and went to the beach... The beach is a bit of a double edged sword for me. It is a place of healing, but it was also something that both me and my ex loved doing. We went on so many wild adventure to remote beach, camping at night, making love on the edge of cliffs...Good times* But it was gorgeous there today and I swam out to the shark net and back...Then got ready and went to work... So, for those of you following along, when I had that session with the Shaman last Friday she said "I feel you are on the brink of getting angry...and you're going to have to be careful where you direct that anger...".... And today, one week later, it came ..... About 8pm I was driving and the meltdown came....But it came on real quick this time. Usually I can feel it coming a few hours out, but this one just swept up and hit... I pulled over and let it out...And for the very first time the tears were filled with anger at my ex.....! At the disbelief of what she had thrown away...Not just me, but the property we had, the stepfather the kids adored, the business that I have now set up, a man who loved and supported her...man, just so much.... I was sobbing and crying "You '....' Idiot..!"....over and over. I was genuinely angry at her....I couldn't believe it...The Shaman had been right! I found myself getting angry at stoopid drivers on the road...Doing 2mph in the fast lane etc... Then my last job, I picked up an older couple from the airport who had come out here to visit their son and his two boys.....I asked what about the mother? And they said that is why they had come out...The mother has left and they are getting divorced....That is why the couple had done the emergency dash to be with their son who was obviously taking it pretty rough.... When I dropped them at the house the son came out....I could see it on his face and in his eyes, and the way he embraced his parents... I shook his hand, told him i was going through it too and just said "Stay strong. Take care of your health"..... We all wished each other well and I left.... As I drove away I was angry...Angry at this damn world where so many relationships are going down the drain. It's just so messed up. We all want love yet we struggle to maintain it these days....Why does it have to be so friggin hard?? It's horrible....(I feel anger as I'm writing this).... I also reflected on how I thought I was impervious...How I thought my marriage was so strong and solid...How dare I? How dare I be so arrogant or blind to think that despite how beautiful and productive those 5 years were that it was not subject to the ways of the world these days.....* Ok, but here is the positive...I NEED to feel this anger and it shows that I am now starting to move along in the grieving process...Yay! In one of his videos, one of my favourite coaches Craig Kenneth mentions that it wasn't until he was able to get angry at his ex that he was able to start getting over the breakup.... I remember watching that video and wishing that I could get angry at my ex....and finally tonight, I did.... Now anger seems to be an important part ofthe process but obviously you do not want to act on it...and if you are thinking of doing anything harmful, please seek help immediately* Like all the other emotions associated with this horrid process this too will pass and I can already feel that, so let's see what tomorrow brings...I'm going to work through but I have a feeling that when the clock strikes 12 I'm gonna feel it...I know she'll be out somewhere partying whilst I continue to suffer..... But I'm trying to counter that with the knowledge that it doesn't really matter...she's goes out partying all the time so what's different...* A good friend of mine expects that my ex is going to send me another text or FB message over the next 48 hours....Doubtful, but if she sends me a text that says 'Happy New Year' I can tell you that if I'm feeling like I am tonight I wont be so accommodating.....I will probably just not respond or at the most send something like "You're kidding right? Well I'm glad you're happy..."....I'm sick of pretending to be ok with all this in an effort to make her feel it is safe to come around me.... See what comes I guess....Nada is my guess and in some ways that would be the easiest.... As for the Shaman, she's got a lot of things right but when it comes to where she said the mother might try and contact me, my ex is in the same pain I am and is going to try and come back to me within the next 6 months, those are things that I still believe have a slim chance of happening..... But IF it does play out that way, I'll be a full believer...... See you on the other side peeps. Stay safe out there* Carus* Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 Heading out buddy, so will update tomorrow. Just wanted to say that I am very proud of you.. This is a significant development and the feelings of anger will definitely help you drive forward from here. If I don't hear from you, I hope you enjoy NYE as best possible and have one for me! Looking forward to what 2018 brings us. You are a great guy and fantastic things lie in wait. Nite x Link to comment
Carus Posted December 30, 2017 Author Share Posted December 30, 2017 Oh you'll hear from me buddy...I still have aways to go yet.... Thankyou for your kind words and your support* Have a safe night and no drunk dialling or texting ok?? :) Carus* Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 In one of his videos, one of my favourite coaches Craig Kenneth mentions that it wasn't until he was able to get angry at his ex that he was able to start getting over the breakup.... I really do agree with this , although you will see me preach love and kindness lol deep inside I also had to get angry , hateful , resentful , regretful and losing respect as well ...all known negative emotions ....the trick is to allow it all in , a slice of reality pie ....but then LET THEM GO once they have served their purpose . Stay strong lads , thinking of you all x Link to comment
lark265 Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 I like to believe that God's notion is that each bee sting immunizes your body a bit more and strengthens your heart for the next one.... Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Oh you'll hear from me buddy...I still have aways to go yet.... Thankyou for your kind words and your support* Have a safe night and no drunk dialling or texting ok?? :) Carus* Hey Carus, Mission accomplished my friend.. I hope you have a cracking New Years Eve (and no partying with the pain monster!) I look forward to your next update and wish you every happiness for 2018. Always. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Happy New Year Carus my friend , I just watched all you OZ lot seeing in 2018 on the news . Blessed be x Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Hey Pippy, you are not far from me if you are in M.K.. have a great NYE too :) x Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Hey Pippy, you are not far from me if you are in M.K.. have a great NYE too :) x Yep good old MK , home to the concrete cows haha Happy New Year to you as well sput x Link to comment
Carus Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 Hi everyone. Sorry I'm late...Looks like you've all made yourselves at home haha... Journal ~ And That's That* Another brutal morning...I wanted to do swim n gym today but got debilitated by this bloody grief....grrrrr So I just had to sit with it. I thought tonight was going to be full on at work and so I wanted to get it out but then just try and rest before the big shift....Turned out to be a fairly normal night really...Happy about that.... In fact it was good to work tonight...Just to keep some sort of balance or normalcy in my day to day....To me it wasn't New Year...It was just Sunday, and tomorrow is Monday... Got sick of people saying Happy New Year within the first hour....maybe next year eh? So as I expected I got nada from the ex....and I replied in kind.... Little bit disappointing but it fuels my resolve to keep moving towards acceptance.... I also think it's for the best because I really didn't know how I would react if she sent 'Happy New Year'...I mean, seriously..? So yeh, glad she didn't.... As usual, by the time I get home I am tired but my mood is better.... I've had a profile up on a couple of dating websites....Been mostly rubbish but it does help in trying to shift the focus away from the 'Oneitis' we get when we have been rejected..... One woman even had a photo of herself holding a machine gun...! Haha...No thanks! However, when I got home tonight I got an email from a girl who has piqued my interest...! I'm almost pinching myself actually.... I replied to her and I won't say too much yet, but let's see what happens here..... And I can't lie...Yes I'm aware of getting into anything else whilst still healing, but my ex is gone, I need to accept that, and this email from her was like a soothing balm on my heart.... We'll see what the morning brings but at least I'll go to sleep with a smile on my face tonight* There's life in the old dog yet...Woof Woof! :-) Carus* Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Life in the old dog hahahahaha Anyway , not my words , they are from * The law of attraction teachings *.......... Be positive! Make a promise to yourself to be as positive as you can possibly be. Make a promise to yourself to be more positive than you’ve ever been in your life. At the beginning of each day promise yourself: “Today, wherever I go and whatever I’m doing, I will be positive!” Being positive means that you will look for the positive things in people, circumstances, and all things. Being positive means that if any negative words come out of your mouth, you will stop mid-sentence and immediately turn the sentence into a positive one. Being positive means that you will have fewer negative emotions, and even if a negative emotion arises you will be positive about it too by allowing the negative emotion to be rather than trying to push it away. Being positive means that you will automatically focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. Being positive means that you will become an attractive force for what you want. Being positive means that negative thoughts and words will begin to fall away. Being positive means that you will begin to feel happier and happier each day. Being positive means that you will have fewer problems. Being positive means that life will go smoothly for you, everyday events will fall into place, and things will go your way. Being positive means that you will feel good! Make a commitment to change your entire life in 2018 through the simple, singular act of being positive! Wishing you a Happy, Positive New Year for 2018! Link to comment
Carus Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Great post pippy* Thankyou so much.... Well, better late than never. This just in: "Happy New Year Carus. Hope this year brings you lots of happiness xxx"... Dear oh dear....poor girl just can't let go of a good Carus....lol Anyway, going with the Corey Wayne method of getting an ex back, which is also espoused by other great coaches like Craig Kenneth and Mac McDonald, I sent back "Hey. Just got in from the beach. It's great to hear from you. I'd love to see you. When are you free to get together?" Have to say, it felt a little uncomfortable sending that because we get comfortable in our NC....This is what I was trying to point out in my last post on Sputniks thread...We can convince ourselves that they are gone forever, and in a lot of cases they are.....but....* But since I've got nothing to lose anymore I put faith in the stuff I've been studying for months in case this happened and sent it.... So she replies: "Beach sounds nice. Coffee this week maybe?" I send: "Meh coffee...Beach window at 11am Wed or Thurs. Let me know k. Off to the gym now. Besos x" She replies: "Ok :). I'm usually at work by then but let's see. Enjoy the gym x" So we'll see...She'll probably have to go to work...BUT...If she takes time off work to come see me, that is a good sign* I have to say this really is amazing as I see this playing out just how all the books say.... And the one thing that all these strategies need is: Mindset. If you are not emotionally healed enough and don't have the right mindset then none of these strategies will work.... I am not 100% ready yet so a little longer in NC would have been nice, but strike while the irons hot I guess..... Anyway, we'll see what comes....In the meantime, I really AM off to the gym :) Love to you All* Carus* Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Oh darling ... Don't get me wrong , I am over the moon for you if this is the start of recon ...but .....I don't know , it is is your journal so I am not going to turn this into anything negative , just be careful ok xx Link to comment
Carus Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 .... just be careful ok xx Most definitely....! I agree and I think the chances of a recon will depend quite a lot on how I handle it from here....But I've had some fantastic coaching over the last 6 weeks. Big thanks to: Corey Wayne. Craig Kenneth. Ape. Mac McDonald. Another important thing that has a bearing is what we do with our time in NC.... As you've read I've been journaling here, processing the emotions when they come, reading improvement books, working out and trying to stay as healthy as possible....and getting to work everyday. Physically I'm in great shape for a recon....So it is just the mental side I need to polish up on.... Which is why dear Pip*, your post about positivity came in right at the right time....just as you knew it would ;-) Anyway, as we all know, it could still go either way from here so we'll see....In the meantime: Ever Forward Carus* Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Im happy for you Carus I do have to say like you did to me a week ago. Be careful. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I wish you good luck! Don't end up where Piaresssss and I have, falling for it and end up going our own ways again :( Though I'm fine with it, at least it was my choice this time, lol. Soooo....... what's the rest of your plan if you do meet? I know you've thought this out. I'm curious how you will handle it since your emotions are high. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Dear Carus, Firstly, Happy New Year break-up brother! I wish you every happiness for the year ahead. I sense an incredible year for you. Now to the first task in hand.. I think we both knew this was coming, deep down. Admittedly slightly earlier than I thought it may have.. but this is the most emotional period of the year! (keep that in mind too) So she has contacted you at Christmas AND New year, and a meeting is being set up for this week, if she can escape work for abit? How long since actual break-up, has it been? (with ~6 week post NC?). Including the time spent you helping her "get over" the relationship? Gotta say, I do like your responses to her. caring, punchy and to the point. She clearly still cares for you so much.. my only advice is that you move forward from here with an open mind. I would be genuinely surprised if she had someone else on the go, after agreeing to meet up with you (please note, I am FAR from an expert on such matters though!). I guess this is a critical time for you, so please keep yourself on here and we will all help as much as possible. I have grown very fond of you and we all love you, so we will be rooting on a happy outcome for you. Always x Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Life in the old dog hahahahaha Anyway , not my words , they are from * The law of attraction teachings *.......... Be positive! Make a promise to yourself to be as positive as you can possibly be. Make a promise to yourself to be more positive than you’ve ever been in your life. At the beginning of each day promise yourself: “Today, wherever I go and whatever I’m doing, I will be positive!” Being positive means that you will look for the positive things in people, circumstances, and all things. Being positive means that if any negative words come out of your mouth, you will stop mid-sentence and immediately turn the sentence into a positive one. Being positive means that you will have fewer negative emotions, and even if a negative emotion arises you will be positive about it too by allowing the negative emotion to be rather than trying to push it away. Being positive means that you will automatically focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. Being positive means that you will become an attractive force for what you want. Being positive means that negative thoughts and words will begin to fall away. Being positive means that you will begin to feel happier and happier each day. Being positive means that you will have fewer problems. Being positive means that life will go smoothly for you, everyday events will fall into place, and things will go your way. Being positive means that you will feel good! Make a commitment to change your entire life in 2018 through the simple, singular act of being positive! Wishing you a Happy, Positive New Year for 2018! Dear Pippy, I meant to say, this is beautiful and such a great outlook to try and take into 2018 and beyond. :) Thanks again. Link to comment
Carus Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Hi Dear Friends....Thanks for such great posts...Here's one positive to come out of all our breakups: Without the breakups we probably would not have landed here and met each other :) My thread is becoming better than a TV soapie no...? lol Well today was pretty good...Obviously aided by this text event that came in..But I did a full gym workout and work went smoothly... I'm not too excited though and don't want to over analyze things too much, so I'll just address a couple of points: Firstly, Happy New Year break-up brother! I wish you every happiness for the year ahead. I sense an incredible year for you. Well it was certainly a good start to the year! lol Now to the first task in hand.. I think we both knew this was coming, deep down. Admittedly slightly earlier than I thought it may have.. but this is the most emotional period of the year! (keep that in mind too) Yeh I guess..I really was convinced, or at least trying to convince myself that she was gone... That said, admittedly I am trying to also apply a tinnnny bit of LOA to my situation.... Lucia from The Art of Love believes you can use the LOA to reattract an ex, and you only need to believe it 51%...as in, more than you don't believe it... So I've been hanging onto that 51% whilst doing what I can to move on...And it's gone between 51-54% depending on how I'm feeling on the day.... And today it was pushing 60% ;-) And yes, perhaps Xmas/New Year has worked in my favour....However me and my caregiver (and Shaman it seems) were actually thinking more mid Jan/early Feb/March as this time of year starts to wind down, life goes back to normal and my ex suddenly finds herself with more time on her hands to reflect on what has happened... So she has contacted you at Christmas AND New year, and a meeting is being set up for this week, if she can escape work for abit? Looks that way yes....And if it doesn't happen that's kool....I would actually like a bit more time anyway to heal and become stronger... It's fine...The kitty has just gone off to roam the neighborhood a bit more....But she certainly came for a sniff around today no? NC has been working it's magic* How long since actual break-up, has it been? (with ~6 week post NC?). Including the time spent you helping her "get over" the relationship? Moved out in August...Then those 3 months of her coming and going really confused etc....Then she cut it off early/mid November....radio silence since then until this week... So all in all, about 5 months.... Gotta say, I do like your responses to her. caring, punchy and to the point. Thanks Bro, and I'm just thinking now, I've always said "She's gone. She's not coming back etc...", but I guess I've still kept up with my homework for some reason no? Also, I first came across all this stuff after a major breakup back in 2009. That time through was just a training run though and I did not get that ex back. But since then I've helped hundreds of people navigate these tricky waters.... Most of them never got their exes back but that is because it's not really the strategies, it is the mindset needed and most people are not prepared for this in the aftermath of the breakup.... This is where I kind of messed up back in that 3 month period...I knew never to initiate contact and she was coming to me, but I was fooling myself that I was emotionally stable enough to handle that period...and eventually panicked and dropped the ball....and she was also obviously still in turmoil herself.... This is why a period of NC is so important...To be able to reset the foundation before trying again if it is ever to happen... We've had that now and as we've said, a little more time would have been nice, but we'll see what comes...I'm certainly out of that desperate stage and willing to let the chips fall where they may....This is because of what I've done with my time in NC...also a very important component...Some coaches point out a difference between NC and Active NC.... If she comes back, great...If not, then I'm already this far down the road and will find a better one* She clearly still cares for you so much.. I would agree...But Care does not equal Attraction.... You've probably all heard the old 'I love you but not IN love with you"......Well that means exactly that. Translation: "I still care about you but I'm no longer feeling that spark for you"....and that is what we are trying to reignite here.... A period of NC can help with this as negative memories wash away and we are left with positive ones, unless the relationship was particularly toxic, but even then...* I would be genuinely surprised if she had someone else on the go, after agreeing to meet up with you (please note, I am FAR from an expert on such matters though!). You should give yourself a little more credit my brother...you've spent time on here so you know a lot more than all the people out there who have never visited a site like this one...This is part of your own NC journey. All this knowledge you are learning* So I would agree with you and some friends have dropped hints along the way that she isn't seeing anyone.... When we were still talking and hanging out in the 3 month period she actually told me she'd tried flirting with some guys whilst out with friends and it did not feel right at all... Haha...I could of told her that but anyway.... Now there are a lot of people who say if they find out their ex has slept with someone whilst apart that they would never take them back.... I am not like that and here's why: 1) We are broken up and she's free to do whatever she wants as am I. 2) She had relationships before we got together the first time so why is it so different this time? 3) If she has been with 1 or 2 other guys and still contacting me then it's actually worked in my favour ;-) In fact, I reckon she went out last night, went home alone, woke up this morning with a hangover and you know the rest... I guess this is a critical time for you, so please keep yourself on here and we will all help as much as possible. I appreciate having such a great team...Both on here and out here in my immediate world...I'm so blessed. Yeh critical I guess, but again, I'm the prize here so maybe it's more a critical time for her! ;-) I have grown very fond of you and we all love you, so we will be rooting on a happy outcome for you. That is so nice of you to say that....And that's the beauty of NC....Through the strength we garner by pushing through the pain of NC, it will be a happy outcome one way or the other* Now, to my dear SweetGirl*: Don't end up where Piaresssss and I have, falling for it and end up going our own ways again That is sage advice but I think that's what happened to me in that (notorious) 3 month period.... So as surprised as I am that she is still around in some capacity, I'm now in a stronger position, done so much more preparation, research and coaching and am now more of the mindset that she is the one who needs to earn a chance with me....! Soooo....... what's the rest of your plan if you do meet? I know you've thought this out. I'm curious how you will handle it since your emotions are high. Ok, well....As far as emotions go, this has really given me a shot of getting my power back and I'm feeling a lot better regardless of what happens. If she was truly gone or over me, I doubt today would of even happened...Agree? Firstly, despite what has transpired today, I need to stay focused on what I've been doing. Why? Because that has what has led to this point in the first place...and yes, it could still go either way from here. I still have my doubts that we'll even meet this week....So that would be the easy way...just continue on doing what I've been doing and see if she comes around again.... But let's say this really is the start of something: I said no to coffee because that's too 'friendsy'. The beach is much better because it was always one of our main connections and she'll get to lay her little eyes on my buffness...lol....This is why it's so important to really take care of yourself during NC. Not just because of the obvious health reasons, but also if this chance ever comes around.....Remember, this is all based on re-attraction....and if they do come sniffing around, a lot depends on what they find... If they find you jobless, depressed and living on your couch in your sluggos eating junk food...NOT attractive ;-) I'm quite positive now though that this first meet up will happen. If not this week, then soon...although I'm off to Bali for next week.... The meeting needs to be short (1 hour tops). And it needs to be fun, casual and light. She needs to walk away from it feeling good so she will then start associating positive feelings with me rather than negative ones.... I do not start talking about the breakup or any heavy stuff and certainly not start talking about us getting back together...UhUh...No way. She needs to think that I MIGHT take her back....and that's the truth really. My rose coloured glasses have come off and whilst I've been doing a lot of heavy lifting in my time in NC, has she? She is not perfect and has a bucket load of her own issues....Do I really want to go back into all that....? If she starts to talk about the relationship or breakup then I will just listen and reflect back to her. But I would also probably say something along the lines of "There'll be a time for all that but for today, let's just hang out and have some fun"..... In leaving, I will say "I have to go. It's been great seeing you. Keep in touch"....I will not ask to see her again. She needs to bring that up..... And that's my blueprint...How's that for NOT over analyzing...hehe.. Going forward, she will need to do 100% of the contacting and initiating for at least another month or two....If you let an ex come back too easily then the chances are high that they have not truly thought it through and will probably run off again.... But anyway, let's see what comes.... I want to get back into gratefulness a bit more, and being that I usually journal when I get home before bed, I'm going to try and end my posts with 2 or 3 things I am truly grateful for before going to sleep. So for today: 1) I am so grateful I have this forum, all you wonderful people here, and the friends I've have around me out here...truly amaziing. 2) I am so grateful that the Universe has looked after me all through this and may now be presenting me a chance at opening up communication with my darling exwife* 3) I am so grateful the great Neo told me to keep journaling here. No sleeping pill tonight for me! GNite everyone. Carus* Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Lol, Carus, I like the way you think! You're right, she would not have reached out again unless she wanted to. And I agree, meeting for coffee is too "friendsy". The beach, something you both enjoyed together, is definitely the way to reattract, if it's going to happen. As long as there were no bad memories there. So, if she can't make it because of work, will you try again for a weekend day? I know you said you are leaving for Bali(send me a postcard! Haha) but maybe after that? Even though feelings of love can dissipate, it is true reigniting attraction can restart a romance. And feelings of love can most certainly develop again. With time, distancing from the bad memories, and creating positive new ones, anything is possible. My recent ex always called me a doll, like Barbie I look even more like one now, if he saw he'd be hot to trot on me(got lip filler, microdermabrasion, body sculpting therapy, teeth whitening, tanned,more blonde highlights lol) well what can I say, I had to pamper myself. I did it for me, he made me feel so shamed (he admitted out of jealousy, okay) but I felt worthless. Everything I did needs to be redone or will be lost with time, lol but giving of myself so openly and freely, only to be made to feel worthless was a huge hit to me. I could have gone the opposite way and stopped caring for myself, stayed the exact same, or made these easy and subtle improvements. I decided to block him because I'm not his, nor anyone's, sex toy. My point is that you had a seemingly positive, loving relationship where you didn't inflict upon her any emotional damage to her self esteem and confidence, right? For me, what he did, then the silent treatment, then reappearing, then the FWB suggestion, and then asking for inappropriate pics just led to me feeling like a sex object. Wrong way to try to win anyone over, you know? These changes made me even more aware of what men are approaching for fun vs something more. I ended up stronger. Out of something bad comes positive, always. You are doing everything right. You truly want this to work. You respect her. Whatever your outcome, you can look back and know you were a good man, an honorable man, and an intelligent man who while protecting his own heart, still held her interests in his heart . And honestly, how much love does this show? A great deal. Whether this works out or not, she will hold you in high regard for not bashing her. While many just choose to act from hurt and anger, you made the conscious choice to better yourself, and educate yourself, and will end up fine. So....you show that buff body you've worked hard for! What woman could resist?? Link to comment
Carus Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Thankyou darling SweetGirl* - Sounds like you're doing good...Don't forget to work on the inner as well as the outer x So, if she can't make it because of work, will you try again for a weekend day? I know you said you are leaving for Bali(send me a postcard! Haha) but maybe after that? Well I would like to leave the door open. If she cancels I would probably send something like "No probs. When you figure out your schedule, give me a call in 2-3 weeks and maybe we can work something out then. Gotta run. Keep in touch"....and then back to Active NC* She will either then push for a definite date or run off again.... How does that sound? ;-) In the event that I just don't hear from her, well that will just further strengthen the steel to move on* Even though feelings of love can dissipate, it is true reigniting attraction can restart a romance. And feelings of love can most certainly develop again. With time, distancing from the bad memories, and creating positive new ones, anything is possible. I'll have a bowl of hope, with hope, topped off with extra hope please....lol But you are right....Ive heard those mythical stories of exes coming back...Never seen it myself but I have heard...* You are doing everything right. You truly want this to work. You respect her. Whatever your outcome, you can look back and know you were a good man, an honorable man, and an intelligent man who while protecting his own heart, still held her interests in his heart . And honestly, how much love does this show? A great deal. Whether this works out or not, she will hold you in high regard for not bashing her. While many just choose to act from hurt and anger, you made the conscious choice to better yourself, and educate yourself, and will end up fine. That is very nice to hear, thankyou....and maybe one day she'll realise it.... The Shaman did touch on that actually and said that although I may beat myself up a bit for letting her drag me under the bus for the last 4 months, in 6 months I'm going to look back and be happy I did it...Because I will look back and be satisfied that I gave 110% and did all I could, out of kindness.... Makes sense...I guess we'll see in 6 months time. She's already been right about almost everything else! So....you show that buff body you've worked hard for! What woman could resist?? lol...Well my ex for one....I've always been pretty well toned due to the life I've had. In fact I've lost a bit of weight which I need to put back on. I'm having a diet at the moment mainly based on pasta, green vegetables, water, coconut water...and gym n swim.... I gotta stay fit so I can attract another female...Kinda like a bird of paradise lol....Have you seen the insane courting nests those guys set up..?? Do a google on 'Birds of Paradise Nests'.....Truly amazing.... Also because I am on the brink of reconnecting with the big surf, and you must be fit when you're out in those dangerous seas.... I remember a beautiful day a couple of years ago when I got back to the beach, my wife at the time said 'It's so big I can't even look!"...lol God I do miss her* Journal ~ Day 1 of NC* So I'm calling it Day 1 again since she broke it yesterday....Let's see how long we can go for this time....I know 'I' won't break...Why should I? In fact, as a little aside, I haven't been the one to initiate contact in this whole 4 months.....Not once!...Take that as you will* The day has gone ok. No tears, a little bit of pain, but I'm trying to hang onto that tiny bit of power she gave back to me yesterday... It's quite amazing how it starts to shift as we ascend out of the darkness... I think I posted this vid before, but it's one of my favourites by Coach Ape ~ In it he touches on, that maybe your ex is off partying, staying busy with work and possibly already dating someone else. Meanwhile we are doing the heavy emotional lifting, reading books, journaling here, meeting new people here, watching vids and maybe like me, even getting coaching and counselling....and through all that and the pain we rise above, every day we are growing stronger and stronger.... Which do you think is the more healthy approach in the long run? One concern I have is that my ex wants to meet me for that bizarre reason that they feel they need to tell us they're seeing someone else....Not sure how I would react to that, although I have also already been implementing that thought into my healing over the last few weeks...I mean, it's gotta happen eventually... So 4 options I've pondered are: 1) Brush it off and say "Oh kool. Well he can keep you busy when you're not with me". 2) Ask "I see, and so why are you here with me?". 3) Say "I see. Anything else?", and make my exit... 4) Gather my things, say nothing, and walk away for good. I'm leaning towards 1 or 2....It would sting though no matter how much I try and intellectualize my way through it....Thoughts? Other than that, let's try and keep it positive and think that she just wants to see me because as Mystic Sputnik says, she still loves and cares about me.... ;-) Today I am grateful for: 1) The amazing friends and support I have. 2) The fact that I am not homeless, in jail, or in hospital. 3) The fact I live in a beautiful and safe place. At home with Marvin Gaye on repeat..... Other than that, that's another day closer.... See what tomorrow brings... Carus* Link to comment
Carus Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Actually, I'm just sitting here doing some business bookwork and looking around at my apartment. I'm gonna give myself a proud moment.... When I left our home I basically left her with everything....And I've had to rebuild from scratch.... I bought a fridge. I bought pots, pans, knives, forks, bowls and plates...I literally had nothin'...! But....I'm doing it* C* Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Hey break-up bro, I think i'm now addicted to your updates ;p Well done on Day 1.. it gets easier .. as you say, you are truly unbreakable "It's quite amazing how it starts to shift as we ascend out of the darkness.." - I can have all 4 emotional seasons in the same 30 minutes these days! "In it he touches on, that maybe your ex is off partying, staying busy with work and possibly already dating someone else. Meanwhile we are doing the heavy emotional lifting, reading books, journaling here, meeting new people here, watching vids and maybe like me, even getting coaching and counselling....and through all that and the pain we rise above, every day we are growing stronger and stronger..." - I for one think that is very true. "One concern I have is that my ex wants to meet me for that bizarre reason that they feel they need to tell us they're seeing someone else....Not sure how I would react to that, although I have also already been implementing that thought into my healing over the last few weeks...I mean, it's gotta happen eventually... So 4 options I've pondered are: 1) Brush it off and say "Oh kool. Well he can keep you busy when you're not with me". 2) Ask "I see, and so why are you here with me?". 3) Say "I see. Anything else?", and make my exit... 4) Gather my things, say nothing, and walk away for good." I'm leaning towards 1 or 2....It would sting though no matter how much I try and intellectualize my way through it....Thoughts?" To be honest, i would be astonished if she meets up with you and says that. If in the unlikely event she does though, I would go with 4 buddy, with a quick goodbye (and mean it). Loving your things to be grateful for lists! Have been listening to music all day today myself (whilst working!) "When I left our home I basically left her with everything....And I've had to rebuild from scratch.... I bought a fridge. I bought pots, pans, knives, forks, bowls and plates...I literally had nothin'...! But....I'm doing it* You certainly are buddy..noone does it better Have a sound sleep. Link to comment
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