Carus Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 Most of you will be familiar with the horrible dreams and nightmares associated with a breakup. 3 months ago I separated from my wife. It was her decision. The separation anxiety has been brutal to say the least...! Due to my previous experiences I managed to avoid the begging and pleading stage and just took my stuff and went. The instant NC had the desired effect and she started contacting me within days... Words were said like "I miss you. I'm lonely. Maybe we can go on some dates. Maybe we can work it out...etc" This broke down my boundaries and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. So I've spent the last 3 months being there for her, supporting her, sleeping with her and going on these said dates. I've never initiated contact. It's all come from her... Great huh..? It's what we all want... Not so fast.... All this has done is soothe her anxiety and helped her heal and slowly wean off me... I can feel and see her drifting away now. So after a couple of events this week I feel there's not much more l can do and l have gone back to square one and told her (once again) to not contact me unless she changes her mind about us... This finality and letting go of any remaining hope has triggered a fresh new grieving...and the dreams. The last two nights I've had brutish nightmares about her rejecting me and waking up every few hours in sweats. I've not had these intense dreams until now. Now I have a degree in psychotherapy. I figure this is the brain processing that finality as it realizes, it's over. I've said to her from the outset to not contact me unless it's about getting back together, but she has called my bluff and found a way through by saying those things above^ And I have enabled it by not being strong enough to back up my words with actions. I need to find that strength now for my own wellbeing..! I still struggle a bit by thinking that I SHOULD be able to just handle her coming around me at a casual pace...but I just can't. Plus like I said, she's drifting now... Keeping in mind it is her that does 100% of the contacting, am I just being impatient? Should I just be strong enough and nonchalant enough to let her continue coming to me at her own pace? Or has she indeed just done this to alleviate her own guilt and bad feelings about the breakup? She has obviously wanted to keep my in her life in some capacity.... I'd love to be strong enough to continue on but I feel it's working against me now anyway... So it's 4am now... Let's try sleeping again....>> Caruzzzzz* Link to comment
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