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joker78

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Everything posted by joker78

  1. hi all, its been close to 2years since the drama in my life started.. 2years ago, my ex cheated on me and i crashed into the lowest point of my life.. i had a hard time letting go and going on no contact. i remember every day was a torture, every day i was wondering if the next day is going to get better.. every day i cry, thinking about our memories and the regrets i had. fast forward 2years later, after many nights of crying, lone drives crying.. a couple of relationships, i finally felt myself feeling better again. i dont cry that easily anymore.. i still mourn the loss of our relationship, but i am not that miserable anymore. when i see her at work i dont feel like im crushed anymore.. our interaction at work was kept to the minimal, simple hi/byes or sometimes even pretending not to see each other at all. i was sure i had no romantic feelings for this girl anymore. then last month she sent me a message, asking how was i and if i would like to catch up.. we eventually had dinner together, chatted and briefly updated about each other's lives, but we avoided the topic of our current relationship.. i receive texts from her now and then, briefly chatting abit.. and heres the thing.. i dont know how to feel about this. on one hand i am very sure i don't have romantic feelings for this girl anymore.. i cant even bring myself to hate her for what she had done to me. sometimes i still feel angry thinking of what happened but i do not hate her. but.. on the other hand i miss the old us so much.. sometimes i miss us so bad it hurts.. why am i feeling this way? i dont want to get together with her anymore, but why do i still feel so sad?
  2. nice point of view mikey. everything happens for a reason.. and if it’s meant to be it will be :)
  3. hey sweetgirl, thanks for your reply. you are right, i am not ready for another relationship at this point of time. there was a point of time when i was so lonely i just needed company.. when someone appeared we jumped into the relationship(both of us were rebounds to each other) and as proven.. most rebound r/s dont last. i felt more lonely than i ever was after the breakup. i had asked myself many times did i miss her, or was it that i missed the comfortable and familiar feeling i had with her. up till now i still dont have a clear answer.. i certainly miss her as a partner, but feelings have faded, ugly things happened.. probably i had been just ruminating and sugarcoating the past. i am happy to hear that u are into someone new! that’s like a whole new window of opportunities opened.. it’s comforting to know that we can be attracted to someone else other than our exes again. kind of make us feel sane again.. thank you sweetgirl, i wish you well too! let’s look forward to the new day with new beginnings.
  4. yeah i would be glad to see us get there.. the process gonna be long, i took years to get over my first love but i do remember(or rather forget) how one day i just wake up and realize i haven’t been thinking of her for days.. i guess being alone is better than being with someone and feeling more lonely than ever?
  5. hey sputnik, lol i was always around looking at your updates :) but yeah it sucks, really don’t know how long this will last. getting to know new people works both ways.. at my stage now i still cant stop comparing other ppl to her. having somebody new by your side sometimes make you feel more lonely.. :(
  6. Hi all.. it’s been awhile. I would like to say i have been healing well, but I havent.. I managed to get through the major events(xmas, nye, new yr) without her. I got into a brief relationship with someone new but broke it off with her as we both couldnt connect well. I saw my ex a couple of times at work and we did talk abit in friendly terms.. I thought I was getting on well without her.. But these few weeks I have became weak again. I miss her, i miss our times together, I am afraid I cant find someone whom I can connect with like I did with her anymore.. I am feeling weak, down and really lonely :( just really needed to vent..
  7. Sputnik bro it sucks to hear that... I hope u stayed strong!
  8. hang in there, stay strong this too shall pass.. u will emerge from the darkness one day!
  9. Thanks buddy. Well it’s hard to totally fall off her planet since we revolve around the same sun (work).. I didnt see her for a good 2months+, healed a fair bit but now its back to haunt me since she’s back at workplace. I have to admit though, her effect on me has definitely lessened.. I no longer feeling sick in gut when i see her, i kind of accepted her relationship with the new guy, i cry less often.. But she f*cked me up quite badly.. i was always an open book, but my ex.. she’d always changed her words. she lied.. till a point i finally stopped finding excuses for her. but i have serious trust issues now. I have trouble trusting the new girl, I know i shouldnt compare and blame a new one for something the old one did, so i am working on it... i hope this new relationship im building will be healthy. A big part of me doesnt want my ex back anymore, i accept that things wouldnt be the same again.. but you know this small crazy part of u? that one that whispers.... “hey maybe she will leave him one day and realize her wrong.. maybe fate will bring us back together... maybe...” it’s stupid i know. and it’s not fair to my current gf.. i am trying to keep the devil out.. but it still haunts me. we dont stop caring for someone.. no matter how much they did us wrong :( i wished i had been more cold blooded.. i wished i could just really treat like i never knew her at all..
  10. Yes sputnik, it came at a good time.. i guess we have to keep going back for reminders. just a short update.. i briefly saw her walk past me at work today and i pretended to not see her. heard from my colleagues again that she isnt doing well. had to resist the urge to check on her.. the hardest part for me is really having to not care for her anymore.. :(
  11. chanced upon this post today and it made me feel a little better- https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2018/01/theres-a-reason-why-god-brings-you-closer-to-certain-people-and-then-lets-them-go/?utm_content=buffera38b9&utm_medium=quote-catalog-jane&utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=social everything does happen for a reason i suppose.
  12. thank you all for your replies.. to tell the truth i am not happy yet, i still cry at the thought of us once a awhile. yes, i am moving forward but i certainly have not moved on. but i know forward is the only direction and only choice i have. similar to many of us here, we had been a pillar of support to our ex, we were each other’s everything for a good period of time.. so it’s gonna take a long while for us to get used to disposing this role. but yes.. i will continue moving forward until the image and shadow of our memories are so blur..
  13. u are right sweetgirl :( i know it is wrong, coz i am just impeding my own progress.. but i really wanted to be a friend for her. is it even possible to get to a point whereby there would be no longer complicated feelings about her/us anymore and really just be friends?
  14. thanks man.. i actually had a talk with my current gf yesterday about my ex. i told her that i am not being fair to her as i still have thoughts about my ex. we were open about it as she too broke up with her ex around the same time as i did. ok i will limit contact with her.. my feelings and emotions are still unresolved.
  15. yes sputnik buddy, thank you.. i thought i could be a bigger person and try to be there for her. total NC would be difficult as we would see each other at work next week onwards. i guess i would try to stay away..
  16. i recently had a thread regarding my breakup with my ex and finally after 6mths, i met someone new and slowly opening my heart to someone again... i finally am feeling a little better, having lesser thoughts about her and spending more time with the new girl. i always felt that there is some barrier between me and the new girl though.. i havent got over my ex completely, i still care alot about her but i dont want to be back with her anymore. i initiated contact few weeks back asking about her progress at work and was happy to hear that she was doing fine. i contacted her today again, asking about a purchase we made long ago and the delivery was sent to her house.. and we chatted a little bit more and she told me she was struggling with work. it kind of validated my feelings... i was worried about her, and i really wanted to just help her.. i may still be angry over what she did, but ultimately i still want good for her. am i sabotaging my own progress? am i doing the wrong thing?
  17. sorry to hear that you are going through this. while everyone tell you that NC is the way, which indeed it is, i kind of learnt it the hard way. i tried deleting the app(s), but i wasn’t disciplined and i always found reason to reinstall them. i kept checking on their social media and each time i checked i felt sick in the gut. but hey.. guess what, many months down the road my desire to check their pages dropped alot as compared to the initial stage. i guess there is a limit to how much your heart can hurt and allow you to hurt it. i still chance upon her updates once in awhile (i wasnt ready to unfollow her) and get that sick feeling but the negative feelings are indeed getting lesser. we will heal ultimately no matter what. slowly but surely. if you could afford the time too i suggest you take a trip to somewhere new and foreign and make it a point to not have internet connection, until probably at night where you have to/cant avoid. visiting new places will take your mind off things.. hang in there!
  18. thanks all.. i really cant wait till the day when i dont feel anything when i see her. it’s funny how things happen, i bumped into her at work today.. didnt expect her to be around as she was supposed to be on course. it was awkward, we avoided each other, turned away from each other when we see each other on the hallway.. when we were in the same room as other colleagues, it was just weird that we weren’t talking when we were both obviously listening out to each other’s news. i am very sure i dont have any more romantic feelings for her, basically just feelings of betrayal and anger.. when she left, i decided to drop her a friendly message and asked about her progress in her course. we had a civil chat (considering our last text was angry and messy) and everything ended well. although i am still sad and angry over what happened, i guess what hurt me more was how we had to ignore each other.. i know i may be sabotaging my own progress, but i want to be a bigger person. at least for today. i want to be a bigger person and show concern and show her that i am moving on.. i am sad that we dont talk like before, but i do not hold expectations anymore.. i am sad but i do hope to be friends with her one day. am i doing the right thing?
  19. i was doing well the past week, going out with the new girl and distracting myself. i realized i stopped thinking about her so often anymore but.. today my colleague mentioned about seeing her outside with someone and it brought me crushing down again. i thought i was well, but the news of her crushed me again. a reality check i guess? sigh. i am really afraid i will never get over her
  20. guys... i succumbed and checked their social media.. and all i got was a sick in the gut feel when i saw updates. what i don’t understand is why is she still checking out private blog for updates? is she waiting to hear from me?
  21. yeah carus, few weeks back i disabled any memories of her from my FB lol. if only we can do this to our brains as well!
  22. i hope you are feeling better today mate. i feel your pain and all that you have described is familiar to me too.. that was how i felt few months back.. and we/you will get out of this tunnel one day. hang in there.. we are all here for you.
  23. everytime i look back at how i was a few months back, i know i have come a long way and i know many months down the road i would certainly be much better... but this journey is painful.. she appears in my mind every now and then when i am idle, when i do things familiar to us.. i know i should be concentrating on getting her out of my system totally, but there’s this tinge of sadness that it’s happening.. that there’s no way to mend this.. anyone feeling this as well?
  24. thanks dave.. it was indeed much more difficult in the beginning. i will probably never stop caring about her, i guess i just have to follow the flow and let things be.
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