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  1. hi all, its been close to 2years since the drama in my life started.. 2years ago, my ex cheated on me and i crashed into the lowest point of my life.. i had a hard time letting go and going on no contact. i remember every day was a torture, every day i was wondering if the next day is going to get better.. every day i cry, thinking about our memories and the regrets i had. fast forward 2years later, after many nights of crying, lone drives crying.. a couple of relationships, i finally felt myself feeling better again. i dont cry that easily anymore.. i still mourn the loss of our relationship, but i am not that miserable anymore. when i see her at work i dont feel like im crushed anymore.. our interaction at work was kept to the minimal, simple hi/byes or sometimes even pretending not to see each other at all. i was sure i had no romantic feelings for this girl anymore. then last month she sent me a message, asking how was i and if i would like to catch up.. we eventually had dinner together, chatted and briefly updated about each other's lives, but we avoided the topic of our current relationship.. i receive texts from her now and then, briefly chatting abit.. and heres the thing.. i dont know how to feel about this. on one hand i am very sure i don't have romantic feelings for this girl anymore.. i cant even bring myself to hate her for what she had done to me. sometimes i still feel angry thinking of what happened but i do not hate her. but.. on the other hand i miss the old us so much.. sometimes i miss us so bad it hurts.. why am i feeling this way? i dont want to get together with her anymore, but why do i still feel so sad?
  2. nice point of view mikey. everything happens for a reason.. and if it’s meant to be it will be :)
  3. hey sweetgirl, thanks for your reply. you are right, i am not ready for another relationship at this point of time. there was a point of time when i was so lonely i just needed company.. when someone appeared we jumped into the relationship(both of us were rebounds to each other) and as proven.. most rebound r/s dont last. i felt more lonely than i ever was after the breakup. i had asked myself many times did i miss her, or was it that i missed the comfortable and familiar feeling i had with her. up till now i still dont have a clear answer.. i certainly miss her as a partner, but feelings have faded, ugly things happened.. probably i had been just ruminating and sugarcoating the past. i am happy to hear that u are into someone new! that’s like a whole new window of opportunities opened.. it’s comforting to know that we can be attracted to someone else other than our exes again. kind of make us feel sane again.. thank you sweetgirl, i wish you well too! let’s look forward to the new day with new beginnings.
  4. yeah i would be glad to see us get there.. the process gonna be long, i took years to get over my first love but i do remember(or rather forget) how one day i just wake up and realize i haven’t been thinking of her for days.. i guess being alone is better than being with someone and feeling more lonely than ever?
  5. hey sputnik, lol i was always around looking at your updates :) but yeah it sucks, really don’t know how long this will last. getting to know new people works both ways.. at my stage now i still cant stop comparing other ppl to her. having somebody new by your side sometimes make you feel more lonely.. :(
  6. Hi all.. it’s been awhile. I would like to say i have been healing well, but I havent.. I managed to get through the major events(xmas, nye, new yr) without her. I got into a brief relationship with someone new but broke it off with her as we both couldnt connect well. I saw my ex a couple of times at work and we did talk abit in friendly terms.. I thought I was getting on well without her.. But these few weeks I have became weak again. I miss her, i miss our times together, I am afraid I cant find someone whom I can connect with like I did with her anymore.. I am feeling weak, down and really lonely :( just really needed to vent..
  7. Sputnik bro it sucks to hear that... I hope u stayed strong!
  8. hang in there, stay strong this too shall pass.. u will emerge from the darkness one day!
  9. Thanks buddy. Well it’s hard to totally fall off her planet since we revolve around the same sun (work).. I didnt see her for a good 2months+, healed a fair bit but now its back to haunt me since she’s back at workplace. I have to admit though, her effect on me has definitely lessened.. I no longer feeling sick in gut when i see her, i kind of accepted her relationship with the new guy, i cry less often.. But she f*cked me up quite badly.. i was always an open book, but my ex.. she’d always changed her words. she lied.. till a point i finally stopped finding excuses for her. but i have serious trust issues now. I have trouble trusting the new girl, I know i shouldnt compare and blame a new one for something the old one did, so i am working on it... i hope this new relationship im building will be healthy. A big part of me doesnt want my ex back anymore, i accept that things wouldnt be the same again.. but you know this small crazy part of u? that one that whispers.... “hey maybe she will leave him one day and realize her wrong.. maybe fate will bring us back together... maybe...” it’s stupid i know. and it’s not fair to my current gf.. i am trying to keep the devil out.. but it still haunts me. we dont stop caring for someone.. no matter how much they did us wrong :( i wished i had been more cold blooded.. i wished i could just really treat like i never knew her at all..
  10. Yes sputnik, it came at a good time.. i guess we have to keep going back for reminders. just a short update.. i briefly saw her walk past me at work today and i pretended to not see her. heard from my colleagues again that she isnt doing well. had to resist the urge to check on her.. the hardest part for me is really having to not care for her anymore.. :(
  11. chanced upon this post today and it made me feel a little better- https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2018/01/theres-a-reason-why-god-brings-you-closer-to-certain-people-and-then-lets-them-go/?utm_content=buffera38b9&utm_medium=quote-catalog-jane&utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=social everything does happen for a reason i suppose.
  12. thank you all for your replies.. to tell the truth i am not happy yet, i still cry at the thought of us once a awhile. yes, i am moving forward but i certainly have not moved on. but i know forward is the only direction and only choice i have. similar to many of us here, we had been a pillar of support to our ex, we were each other’s everything for a good period of time.. so it’s gonna take a long while for us to get used to disposing this role. but yes.. i will continue moving forward until the image and shadow of our memories are so blur..
  13. u are right sweetgirl :( i know it is wrong, coz i am just impeding my own progress.. but i really wanted to be a friend for her. is it even possible to get to a point whereby there would be no longer complicated feelings about her/us anymore and really just be friends?
  14. thanks man.. i actually had a talk with my current gf yesterday about my ex. i told her that i am not being fair to her as i still have thoughts about my ex. we were open about it as she too broke up with her ex around the same time as i did. ok i will limit contact with her.. my feelings and emotions are still unresolved.
  15. yes sputnik buddy, thank you.. i thought i could be a bigger person and try to be there for her. total NC would be difficult as we would see each other at work next week onwards. i guess i would try to stay away..
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