Silverbirch Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 WOW, I haven't seen any of Carus's threads for a long while. I remember when I first came here and was in a bad way, he helped me. He was kind. Thank you Carus. I hope things are better for you now. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 The word legend is used far too loosely these days, but our *Carus is definitely one! Link to comment
Carus Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 Wow! Well I see the party's in full swing...! Thankyou to the new posters on this thread for your very kind words. I'm truly humbled....I see this blog has had almost 10,000 views! Amazing! I have to say sorry though to the new arrivals coz you've basically missed the show..... Two things I think attract people to this thread are my style of writing, and also that dreaded 'H' word...Hope... I guess maybe Hope for that magical ending most of us would like (ex back), but maybe Hope that we're going to be ok regardless...And not just that but better than OK. A guy we haven't seen for a while, Neo*, certainly inspired me with his openness and honesty on his thread, and he certainly came out smiling :) But yeh, I still don't see a reconciliation happening here so the thread may slow down a little now...see how we go...I still enjoy the journalling at the end of the work day* Helping others is also a big part of my recovery and is also part of the path I'm on so I'll be around. Bali was great and the biggest thing I got out of the seminar was I need to get more meditation into my day to day, and really focus on healing. I suffered a gaping wound and it needs attending to...I think I'm about halfway...Hard to really say though... I always have intense dreams when I'm up in those islands and it didn't disappoint again this time...Not exactly the dreams I want to be having though. I'm sure you can all guess who they involved :-/ How nice to see SilverBirch again. Yes I remember those days...And thank you for saying that you bawled every day for four months. That makes me feel a bit more normal and to just be patient.... BumbleBee* just posted about the old adages we get like "Just get over it...etc..."....Which is not good because it makes the person feel like there's something wrong with them..."Am I really broken? Yeh, they're right, I should be over it...etc..." This level of grief though shows that you have a good heart and you loved deeply...and it will take as long as it takes. As a counselor, imagine if someone came into my clinic grieving the end of a marriage and I said "Oh just get over it...That'll be $200 thanks"...I mean, come on... So yeh, while it was nice to have a break, it's kinda nice to be home and back into my routines and 'things to do'....Not least of all because I need to rebuild my finances, coz no matter which way you slice it, divorce costs money :-@ I spoke to both the kids tonight. I told the older boy that I am here if he needs me. He thanked me for that...And the younger one was really excited to talk to me. I could hear it in his voice which was great because I know he's been having a hard time of it....I hope to see them both in the next week or so... Other than that, I'm feeling ok. It's still there but it's more of a dull pain now most of the time..... Getting back to Daves question which was a good one, and after reading your post Dave I can see why you think my ex might come around (don't bet on it though), and I can also see why you had a hard time readjusting to when yours did.... But let's throw it out there....OK so IF it were to happen I think it could work. Would I be worried that she would leave again? Not really...If (or ok, when) I get into a new relationship, well I'm running the same risk aren't I....So that is kinda irrelevant.... Plus, the changes I've made were a continuum of things that started in my marriage and strengthened by the breakup....The irony there of course is that we're broken up now *sigh*.... However, has she made any changes? Maybe a little, but she certainly wouldn't have been to the bottom of the abyss like I have...and it is there we find the treasure. IF it were to happen...I think we could make it work yes.... But at the risk of having stuff thrown at me by SweetGirl* and Beetie*...I'm just gonna stick with she's gone and that's that... :) You mentioned looking at dating other girls...I work 6 nights a week so I have the social life of a rotting capsicum that's been sitting at the back of the fridge, but I have been doing a little bit of online...um...'chatting' shall we say.... I think it's a good medium to just talk and maybe flirt with others without having to go through the motions of actually dating while your heart is still mending. If you break your leg, it's pretty much impossible to go out and hit 18 holes of golf the next day....same with a broken heart....You gotta let it heal... I see some of you already have some new love interests and I'm a little envious of that...But the Universe will provide when it feels it's the right time.... Ok. All for now. Tomorrow, gym, Pilates and then my caregiver is taking me to a Sound Healing session. Really looking forward to that and I'm going to try and do more of these of the next weeks/months... I'll drop in on everyone tomorrow as it's 3:30am here now, but I just wanted to update here and acknowledge the outpouring of love that is going on in here. We are all blessed to be part of this community. Be Strong. Be Patient. Carus* Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Hello b'up bro, Glad you got back nice and safe. "I spoke to both the kids tonight. I told the older boy that I am here if he needs me. He thanked me for that...And the younger one was really excited to talk to me. I could hear it in his voice which was great because I know he's been having a hard time of it....I hope to see them both in the next week or so..." It's so wonderful that you keep in touch with the boys (I can't recall their ages), as we have discussed. It reminds me that not only did I lose an ex, but 2 lovely girls that I saw watching growing up before my eyes (plus 2 step kids I have lost contact with since divorce..) I just have a few questions related to your contacts with them? does their Mum help facilitate the contact? Does she know? Do you think they discuss what was spoken about afterwards? Am just curious, as if any news or updates gets back to her, it may alter her thinking towards direct contact with you slightly... Tomorrow sounds like a fab Friday to you my friend.. Have a great one. Sleep well. S x Link to comment
Carus Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 Dear Sputnik* Thanks for your very astute post. I just have a few questions related to your contacts with them? does their Mum help facilitate the contact? Does she know? Do you think they discuss what was spoken about afterwards? No she doesn't. I speak with them directly. Yes she knows.....I don't think they discuss the meetups with her too much. I'm sure she probably asks how was it. They would reply "Fine", and that's probably about it.....Being that she's moved on I don't think she would have much interest in it... It's nice though to know she trusts me with them* Am just curious, as if any news or updates gets back to her, it may alter her thinking towards direct contact with you slightly... Can you expand on that a little...? My thoughts are that after this meetup with the younger boy, which is on Monday, knowing that they are ok, I'm gonna drop out from there. If they need me they know where I am, but they're gonna do fine I'm sure.... This is mainly because as much as I wish I could do this, I'm just not healed enough. The pain is up today. Which also reminds me that I've obviously still got an agenda behind all this, and that ain't good.... Tomorrow sounds like a fab Friday to you my friend.. Have a great one. It's a sparkling day! Gonna go down the beach for a bit....>> Hope you're doin' ok buddy* Carus* Link to comment
Makeit Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Hey carus thx for response on my post. Will post tag a bit with you. We seem kinda connected brother. I too find myself searching for expansion online. Mouthoftheape posts, corey wayne ect. Boy what a tongue lashing they would give us brother! These woman have taken our energy. In regards to your meet up with her kids. I think maybe youre a little nieve as to what they tell her. I also think shes smart enough to realize youre contacting them because you want a connection with her still. She knows she has all your power. You are running on empty and she cant even use you to fill up anymore. My opinion is if. There is that small chance of winning her back you have got to fill your tank up enough for her to want some of that energy. Then youre gonna have to use that to somehow rabbit out of a hat feelings again. Gonna be hard man. I think my ex senses subconciously my anger and throwing in the towel. I think she knows I have no energy to give and wont contact me. If she does slip up tho. I am going to use it to get some of my power back. I wont get back with her. Most likely tho I am going to have to get it back the slow painful way. Trudging through this nightmare alone. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Hi dear Carus, "Quote Originally Posted by sputnik123 View Post Am just curious, as if any news or updates gets back to her, it may alter her thinking towards direct contact with you slightly... Can you expand on that a little...?!" I guess I just meant that it could get back to back to their Mum how good you are doing, thus creating the impression that you are "O.K" with things. As I said though, it's wonderful that you are keeping the link. Hope the beach is soothing, as ever. S x Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Hi dearest Carus, Just want to say I'm sorry your pain is up again, I was hopeful after your trip it would begin to lessen every day. I know you dont want to reach out to her , so you do what is right for you. I still firmly believe this in not really due to much else except her being very determined to try and make it without you. She's holding out. I'd bet money she wants you to reach out and try all in your power to get her to stay. I gave up on an ex once because I thought he didn't try enough, and I found out a couple years later that he thought I was okay without him, and wanted him to leave me alone. That wasn't the case though. I wanted him to show me he valued me because other things seemed more important, while I was always doing everything for him. Just a little food for thought. Right now this can all seem dead in the water, this might be a case where a year or more down the line it reignites. If you want to consider it done, do so and keep that mindset, and do what you need to do to build a new life without considering her being a part of it. That means trying a few dates when you're ready, and creating some fun distraction for yourself. Chatting online is a good start, which I see you mentioned you are doing. Your idea with the boys is good--reinforce that they can always contact you, and you will be there for them. I don't know how old they are, but they are just the innocent victims in this. You're a good man for still wanting to be there. Its just as confusing for them as it is for you. I hope you have a great day:tongue: Link to comment
Carus Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 Thanks for the replies....and the ongoing support* SweetGirl that story does resonate with me...Perhaps that is the case...How much you willing to bet? lol The thing is I do want to reach out to her but I have to be careful with my mindset...it's getting there.... When we met up two weeks ago I burned my fingers that time so I gotta be careful before touching the stove again. Plus I'M the prize here! Even the programs that advocate it agree to an NC period of at least 30 days...I only saw her 14 days ago, so there's time....actually lots of time lol I would agree with you that she is just determined to stick it out. She's very much like that. Fiercely determined....And she will if she hasn't already.... So look here's a thought....The youngest boy (13) was communicating with me through text. I can tell he wants to make this happen, and he even started putting an 'x' at the end of his texts....He never does that....! Just a little thing I noted.... I'll see him on Monday and drop him off afterwards at his part time job he got for the holidays..... I went to my first Sound Healing session tonight and it was really great...I'm going to do a lot more of it going forward. I think it's truly going to help me... So perhaps if I see my wife when picking up the son I could ask her if she'd like to come to one with me....I know it's something she would love.... We'll see where my head's at on Monday....If I'm in a strong place I may do it....But I kinda expect her to already be at work so I may not even see her....But we'll keep it on the table ok.... Quick Journal* Today was a sparkling day so I strolled down to the beach...Every time I go there, there seems to be some honey sunbathing down there.. God it'll be good when I'm further down the healed road and feel it's even worth talking to them.... But as I said, when you work at nights, every night, it makes it that little bit harder.....I think Ian is in the same boat....What I need is a nurse or a pastry chef etc lol The pains gone down again so don't worry too much about that. Again the Sound Healing and meditation is really helping with that..... Hope you are all doing what must be done* Carus* Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Sound good! I'm hoping she's not at work already on Monday!! My honesty is daunting, I know lol Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Dearest Carus, "So perhaps if I see my wife when picking up the son I could ask her if she'd like to come to one with me....I know it's something she would love.... We'll see where my head's at on Monday....If I'm in a strong place I may do it....But I kinda expect her to already be at work so I may not even see her....But we'll keep it on the table ok...." Oh wow! this would be a very interesting development... Glad you had a good day my friend. I really should give the meditation a try.. Many people here swear by it. It's great that you are "practising" online.. I'm sure these girls on the beach would be putty in your hands, if you felt like it Have a great night shift and speak tomorrow. S x Link to comment
Carus Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 Since I've been following in the shadows I must say my feeling is with sweetgirl on this. Putting my feet in your ex-wife's shoes, I feel she still has a lot of love for you. But I get the feeling she is not in a strong place emotionally, firstly second-guessing the decisions she's made with you and you mentioned some issues with one of her sons as well. Meanwhile, I feel that you've given her the vibe that you're doing just fine. So if it were me that imbalance might have me feeling like I also wouldnt be able to give you what you need and leave me hesitant to reach out. Besides she made the first move to break NC initially so in her shoes I might be thinking if you really cared you can write too. Not advocating to break NC as I understand you need a certain emotional strength to handle it not going as you invision, but if and when you get there, I dont think reaching out in some fashion would be the worst move :) pride and stubbornness can hinder any positive outcome. She loves you, you love her. Sometimes it isn't enough. But I'm still hopeful that it will be So I'm not sure why but l just woke up this morning and it's a beautiful day. I was looking out the window and just got this flash thought "Fk it. I'll call.." This came from a culmination of so many things that have made me do this. Many things that are challenging my belief in NC at this point. So I called.... She didn't answer... But she called back and seemed happy to talk to me.... We're meeting up in 2 hours...Probably go for a bush walk. Same plan as before...Keep it light and fun...and short... I'm not sure why I keep doing this to myself :-/ Link to comment
chattygirl Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 So I'm not sure why but l just woke up this morning and it's a beautiful day. I was looking out the window and just got this flash thought "Fk it. I'll call.." This came from a culmination of so many things that have made me do this. Many things that are challenging my belief in NC at this point. / May I ask what are the things challenging your beliefs about NC? Just curious to hear your thoughts. Link to comment
Carus Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 In that if I just stay in NC, I'll never hear from her. Another belief I have is that the dumper should do the initiating. That way you know there's at least some interest there... It is mostly agreed on that if you actually want to get your ex back then NC itself won't do that... NC is about a period to calm the emotions and/or just moving on. I don't know what will come of today and I don't know why I had that overwhelming urge to call her, but it's happened now and it'll be nice to see her... Thanks CG* Carus* Link to comment
Makeit Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Ahhh Carus. Good luck my friend! I remember my feeling of F it. When you see her face......be strong my friend. It is going to feel like heaven on earth mixed with walking on a tight rope. Im not going to comment anything other then be strong, be confident and be cool. Let us know how it goes. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Once more unto the breach, dear Carus, once more... I hope you get everything you want and need out of this my friend. Have everything crossed for you. Your journey has been a true inspiration so far. Keep us posted. I'm sure you will! S x Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Have fun Carus, good luck! Those were my feelings. She wanted you to do some initiating. Link to comment
Carus Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 And you may have been right. I'm at work now but will post when I get home.... There's good and bad....mostly good.... Thankyou Carus Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 And you may have been right. I'm at work now but will post when I get home.... There's good and bad....mostly good.... Thankyou Carus Awwwwww (((hugs)))) I feel happy for you, and positive here, I don't care what the bad is. Focus on the good and build upon it. I'll wait for the juicy story!!! Link to comment
Carus Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 Thankyou SweetGirl. Such an apt name x I look forward to the female perspective on it... And you're so right. Focus on the positive* I finish in 4 hours so don't wait around :) C¥* Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 (edge of our seats...) Link to comment
semaj281 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Of course I have more hope for you because what led to our breakup was her cheating on me and me acting cold so I guess whilst we were apart I wanted nothing more than to have her back but when I had her, the resentment came back and the fact she left me while I was trying to forgive made it harder, so since your situation had little animosity I have faith that should it happen for you it will be a much more pleasant experience. As for getting her back, it honestly happened around the point that I was over her and didn't care one way or another, it made it much easier to flirt and be myself again. Just wanted to let you know so you don't make the same mistakes I did if what you truly want when the fog is lifted is to be with her :) This must have been hard. Did you continue loving her even after her cheating? Have you guys patched things up now? Link to comment
Carus Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 Hi Everyone...Home from work and here is the next installment in this never ending breakup :-/ This will be a little long and a fair bit of 'She said. I said' but I will try to make it as succinct as I can and write more about what I think are the more poignant points. I feel it was mostly positive except for maybe a couple of points, but I'm not here to be perfect so as SweetGirl said, don't worry about the negative stuff, I only wanna hear the positive lol x Let me start by pulling out this quote again from SweetGirl* as it really plays in to what's happening at the moment: Pride and stubbornness can hinder any positive outcome. She loves you, you love her. Sometimes it isn't enough. But I'm still hopeful that it will be Journal ~ The Torment of Carus* She texted me and said she was running late. I replied "Do you still want me to come or we can make it another time?" She wrote "2:15 if that's not too late. Or another time if you like :)"...I said "2:15 is fine".... I arrived at her house at 2:20. She came to the door and motioned me in....I stepped inside and we hugged a long and embracing hug. I looked into the eldest boys room and his face lit up. He got up and we hugged. I whispered with a cheeky grin 'I just couldn't stay away any longer'.... I then went into the younger boys room. He said "Carus!!" and came to me and we held on tightly. I held him and kissed him on the head and cheek. She was standing behind us looking on... I then followed her into her bedroom while she grabbed a couple of things. Sticky Point No.1 ~ I noticed an empty glass and an ashtray on the other side of the bed. She does smoke but we never used to really smoke inside and certainly when the kids were there. So I'm not sure what to make of that. I teased her "You're not smoking in the bedroom are you!?"...She teased back "Don't come into my room and judge me!".... So I don't know if she's had another guy there, but with the kids there at the moment, I'm going to have to doubt that she was smoking and having sex in the room with some guy whilst the kids are there.....But I never brought it up and in the end, it shouldn't really matter should it? I saw her new guitar and we sat on the bed. I showed her a couple of chords and she was asking me some things. I then passed her the guitar and said "Here, show me what you can do"....She strummed it a little and told me where she felt she was having trouble and I got her to readjust that.... We then got up to go. I hugged her again and picked her up. She said her ribs were broken. I said "Broken??"...She said "Well no, just sore..." We then drove to the cafe outside my apartment. I like the cafe, we haven't been there together before and it has a stunning view out over the ocean. There wasn't any parking, SOOOO, I drove into my building and just parked in there. She was looking around. She knew where she was. When we got into the elevator, I could have pressed up and I feel she would have just followed me up there...*wink*....But I resisted that and we went down and over to the cafe... We sat overlooking the ocean. She said what she wanted and I went and ordered for us.... The general banter was good between us but I wanted to push it a little deeper today because I was feeling calm, confident and wanted to do away with any 'strategies' and be completely authentic with her..... This is what she has always wanted from me throughout our whole relationship, but stupid pride and trying to be some sort of 'Alpha Male' had always hindered that....and I admit and accept that now. Sticky Point No.2 ~ She was talking about some stuff that was stressing her out so I had this thought to put her hand on my arm to see if that would soothe her....She did not like that and took it away...I said "Don't you want to put your hand on my arm?"...She retorted "I just don't want you telling me to. If I want to put my hand on your arm then I will!".....heh. You go girl* :) A little bit more chat about her and work and stuff and then I said "I wanted to see you today because I miss you and you have a calming affect on me". She asked "Are you not calm?".....I said "No. I know you may think that I'm fine and ok with everything, but I'm not. My chakras are all out of whack and I really miss you"... I think she was taken aback a bit by this openness and honesty and also because I really think she did think that I was over it etc... She reached out and stroked my arm and put her hand on my leg and said "I'm sorry you're not calm".... I said there's still pain and I'm frustrated it's taking this long...She said "Yeh. Healing doesn't happen overnight"....I said "Tell me about it....Are you healed?".....She said "No." She brought up being friends again and I said "It's difficult for me because I love you and I feel there's more to be done. I just wouldn't be being authentic about it"....Again she was taken a bit by that.... She was sitting back....I asked her "Are you ok?"....She said "Yes. I'm just processing everything you're saying".....(I also think she was processing 'Why the hell am I having these rising feelings for Carus!?). She was really noticing the change in me.... In general chat she told me that she is just over working and not taking care of herself. And it had been getting worse. The kids sent a text saying they were hungry because there's no food in the house...She said "I've got no time these days. Even on my lunch breaks I've got to pick the kids up and run them around"....I said "Well you get to have Monday off (as I'm picking the younger one up and dropping him at work after we hang out)"...She said "Thankyou so much"..... When we finished our lunch I said "Shall we go for a smoke?"...She agreed.... We walked down onto the pier, she rolled a cigarette and we shared it together. She said she wanted to give up. I said me too....She said "It's just a matter of finding something else to do"....I smiled at her and said "Sex?"...She laughed and said "Yeh but pretty difficult to do it all day"...... We walked along the pier looking at the boats and she was asking me questions about the boats and the marina. She knows I'm a man of the ocean and been in boats my whole life..... We got to the end and started walking back....She dropped back a little and said "Do you want to sit here and talk some more?"....I said "Sure..." So we sat and looked at each other....I said to her "There's still a lot of love there isn't there N?"....She paused and said "Yes".....I said "Me too...." She brought up that she hadn't been catching up with her friends as everybody seemed too busy these days...and that even the pub was getting boring.... I said "Well maybe we'll hang out in a couple of weeks and do something fun".....She liked that idea..... After a bit she said "I feel I better get home coz the kids are hungry and there's no food there"...... So we walked back to the building, picking up rubbish like we do....We went inside and waited for the elevator...She was looking around. I could tell she was intrigued. This was the closest she's got to my apartment and I'm sure she was wondering ;-) We got into the car and I drove her home.....When we pulled in she said "Thankyou so much for lunch" and grabbed me again. I held her and gave her a little 'Mmmm' in her ear....As she got out I held out my hand and said "One little smack for Carus?"....She smacked my hand and said "One smack for Carus"....(Just a little thing we used to do)... She got out and walked around the front of the car staring at me....I blew her a kiss and drove away..... I may or may not see her on Monday when I pick the youngest boy up..... ========================================================================================================== So there you have it.....The biggest difference between this and any other meetings we've had is there was no more mask to wear. No more playing up to some strategy. No more pretending to be fine....I came from a place of complete authenticity and told her how it is.... So good, bad or ugly....Please give me your thoughts.... My initial thought is : There is still a lot of love there so I at least have a better foundation that a lot of people to be able to maybe build something on. She still loves and cares about me, but there is still something blocking her....and that is the missing piece of the puzzle... I know that women are very good at being able to say "I love him so much..but I just don't want to be with him"....and really mean it. There are still some glowing embers there, but how to reignite that spark, that flame, is the unknown....But if I look at it like a Rubiks Cube, there must be a solution to getting that spark to ignite....It's nothing logical...It's all about her emotions and if it shifts from where it is at the moment. For now though I know to just back off again for a while.... My close girl friends were talking about getting clarity from her...I don't really think I need to push anything here but I did say one thing I do have clarity on is that the door is not slammed shut and locked at this point...If it were I think we would all know it right....? I feel we're so close yet still so far.....But I can see she loves hanging out with me at least.... I will carry on for now and see if the Universe wants to help out here..."Whatever is meant to be with you, will be with you" Ok guys and girls. Hopefully you enjoyed that. Don't get too excited though. I seem to be holding steady and the pain is quite dull tonight....It's certainly obvious that all the pain and heavy lifting I've done over the last 2 months seems to have put me in a stronger place than her, emotionally and spiritually..... I truly appreciate everyone who has followed this '21st Century Love Tragedy' lol....I'm sorry it's dragging on, but perhaps we haven't written the final pages yet. In fact, in debriefing with my caregiver I said "This has got to be the longest breakup in history!"....She said "No it's not..." Carus* Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 my dear Carus, Honoured to be the first to respond! Sounds like you were magic, buddy. I'm so proud of you. This sounds so much better than the 1st meet up, in all honesty. No games, no strategies, just authentic C man! Right.. I am worried about the ashtray. I also think you are, as you wouldn't have mentioned it. I am speaking from experience on these things, trust me! However, as it is always (rightly) pointed out on here, what people get up to post break-up, is entirely up to them, I guess and you are certainly man enough to cope, should it be the case of her seeing someone else. Her love for you should outweigh this in the end anyway.. There is something holding her back, unless it would all fit back together.. or not even broken apart in the first place! It is indeed a puzzle, but I do think you are right back in there, with more than a fighting shout. I think in the week I gave myself final closure, you are potentially right back at what could be a new beginning. So happy for what this could mean for you and that you put yourself out there in such a courageous, yet lovable, Carus way! You two have obviously got such a bond and connection, that never really fades. This update truly put a massive smile on my face and excited to see what happens in the next episode of this story.. One thing is for sure, I won't be switching channel! I have no doubt you will sleep well now. S x Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Thoughts by the ever so hopeful sweetgirl, lol!! Do not think much of the ashtray, maybe because you're no longer there she smokes in the bedroom now. What did stand out to me was the sore ribs, and I say this because sex can bring that about (omg do not ask me how, just....don't lol I'm blushing just typing here) but you are not together so she can do as she pleases. So can you! Her pulling away originally when you placed your hand on her arm is what makes me feel she is with someone. I do that too. It's a guilt reaction, not a reflection of how she feels(because I do believe she wants you to touch her). So, her life is still upside down. It seems no real progress has been made on her part, which is going to impede the process. But......she's still feeling it. She would have let go already. If she wasn't. So, there's hope here. It's going to be a long process and a lot of work. Do I think it's worth fighting for? Yes. And if I didn't, I'd be brutally honest with you. Don't go NC. Why can't you try LC , and she how much she initiates? If you're both reaching out , it will be a great sign. If you don't feel she puts in the effort, you can do NC again, but let it be final the next time. She knows how you feel, you layed it all on the line clear as day. So to be NC will not prove your words are sincere. Women need it shown by actions. I'm happy for you ! Hope you have a great rest of the day Link to comment
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