Dreams and Nightmares*

[chattygirl]

 

What do you think? Does love really conquer all? I'm not sure I agree that it always does. Many variables involved.

 

I think its more about the ability to still have love for someone, even if the relationship can't be sustained. But as we often see, love itself is not always enough. Or put it another way: love as a feeling, is not enough. Love as an *action*, well that is perhaps what gives some couples the ability to sustain and survive even the most difficult times.

 

Like I mentioned earlier and I think Morello is touching on it similarly, love fluctuates and evolves even in the best relationships. Many things influence relationships and certainly prompt questioning as to whether feeling love for another is reason enough to remain in the relationship. If there is genuine love and a solid commitment to the relationship, it is less likely that a person would leave. But the active choice to continue loving and to continue committing to the relationship is what I think makes the difference in relationships that succeed vs those that don't.

 

Love as an action can conquer. Love as a feeling can be fleeting and fluctuate.

[Carus]

Hi Everyone* I'm between sleeps. Sleep is still disrupted and mornings are still the worst :(

 

Please feel free to post whatever you want on here. The reason for starting this thread is pretty much over now so it's nice to carry on with healthy discussion about love and relationships.

 

I'd rather talk with you guys than most people out here that just wanna talk about politics, the weather or sports etc...

 

Whilst it's good to start talking about things other than our exes and do our best to return to normal life, we're diving deeper here which is good for ourselves, our knowledge and hopefully better relationships in the future.

 

I must say though that a very important component in healing the wound we have suffered is talking it out until it's healed...and noone understands more than someone who's right there with you...and as you know, most people around you just don't want to hear about it anymore.

 

Will drop back in a bit. Must try and get a few more zzzz's....

 

Much respect to you all

Carus*

[Makeit]

Agreed Carus! Now Get some sleep. We all know how difficult it is these days.

 

Some more Makeit food for thought.

 

Do any of you feel like by constantly talking about our ex’s on here. Our heartache, our situation, our failures that we are limiting the healing process? I always found AA meetings odd. For the record I dont drink (thank god) but I hear how when you go you have to state your name and then announce I am an alchoholic! To me I always found that odd? Are you just confirming your addiction to yourself? So when u fall back u just go oh well Im an alchoholic its what I do!

 

Sometimes I wonder that in some sick and twisted way we are getting little hits of our addiction thinking about our ex’s. But at the same time its not like we can stop thinking about them anyways. I have to say I enjoy having you guys to talk to and go thru this again with. I just hope its good for me.

[SweetGirl28]

Agreed Carus! Now Get some sleep. We all know how difficult it is these days.

 

Some more Makeit food for thought.

 

Do any of you feel like by constantly talking about our ex’s on here. Our heartache, our situation, our failures that we are limiting the healing process? I always found AA meetings odd. For the record I dont drink (thank god) but I hear how when you go you have to state your name and then announce I am an alchoholic! To me I always found that odd? Are you just confirming your addiction to yourself? So when u fall back u just go oh well Im an alchoholic its what I do!

 

Sometimes I wonder that in some sick and twisted way we are getting little hits of our addiction thinking about our ex’s. But at the same time its not like we can stop thinking about them anyways. I have to say I enjoy having you guys to talk to and go thru this again with. I just hope its good for me.

 

I thought I healed, because ready to date means healed to me lol. But not finding a connection. Tears flooded me

again because I agreed to a date with another man this weekend, and he knows I love country music so he picked out

a place I used to go with my ex to see live bands. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The pain I feel, but I can't tell the guy my ex and I have been on dates there! He feels so proud he found something to make me happy on the date. Being on here does make pain resurface, that's why I don't read as many posts anymore.

 

This place......The house of Carus, I love this thread, all of you, most especially the main man!

Here is where you won't be impeded, you will be guided and supported, when your real life peeps

get tired of listening to you, lol.

He is a source of inspiration, information, and his kindness, patience, and feelings shine like diamonds to

a soul that's hurt and lost. He's on his own hard journey, yet has compassion for everyone, always.

Truly a catch.........Carus your ex will be foolish to let you slip through her fingers.

[Carus]

Dear SweetGirl* Your kind words get me all choked up! :)

 

The story about your date organising that country music dance at that particular venue ~ Oh the irony huh?

 

Still, you could be honest with him and just calmly explain why you don't want to go to that particular venue. If he is a real man he will understand... Kind of a good tester actually*

 

Or you could go and just say "I'm reclaiming this place. This is now where I'm going to create a new memory!"....

 

Coupla options for you to consider x

Carus your ex will be foolish to let you slip through her fingers.

Yeh well, what can I say...?

 

I guess a fool and her Carus are easily parted :)

 

I see an old ENA Quotes thread I started back in 2011 got bumped and added to today.

 

I went back a had a bit of a look. Interesting to see all those old names from back then.

 

Came across this quote from Learning2relax*:

 

"Originally Posted by learning2relax

In the end, if our ex's left us and don't come back, it wasn't meant to be. No matter how great it was it wouldn't work if they don't love themselves enough to receive the love we have for them."

 

Sound familiar..? :-/

 

Carus*

[Silverbirch]

Hi Darlings*

 

I'm sorry if today triggered some stuff for you. I'm sure you did what was right for you at the time as my ex has done.

 

My caregiver coined the phrase 'Pinning the Tail on the Donkey '.

 

This means that she was blaming our relationship for her misery. But now we are coming to see that now we're broken up, life is still not a bed of roses for her...and in some ways worse*

 

They will all be fine I'm sure and the boys know where I am if they really need me.

 

As I am now heading back into NC again I doubt I'll hear from anyone for a long time to come and in the meantime my healing will continue.

 

I'm sure I will one day come to peace with the whole affair.

 

Love n Light

Carus*

 

Hugs Caris and Sweetgirl,

You haven't triggered anything for me. All these years though, I sometimes regret having left my husband. Yes, he turned out to be gay, but I bear no animosity - in many ways, he suffered more than I did. He was basically a good guy. He turned out to be a much nicer person than any of the other men I have been with since. I felt I would be living a lie by staying. We had a few xmases together, but things like that, sharing a child, and even into adulthood, the child having to divide his time between both parents wasn't what I had originally signed up for.

 

I have wondered if your wife might be one of those people who "needs" a new relationship every 3-5 years. They thrive on the excitement of the early part of relationships, but after a few years, it becomes too ordinary and boring for them. I have an ex whose relationships all lasted 5 years. I was with him 8, but I learnt he had been cheating on me so for him, it may have even lasted less than 5 years. The guy thrived on drama, and at the end of it, I didn't know if I was coming or going. It seriously affected my mind in the end as it had with his previous exes. Life with my husband was much better than that.

 

Anyway, I hope you can stay NC, at least for a while. Even if you do get back together, without backing away from her, it would all end up with everything on her terms.

 

Stick with Ralph. Xxxx

[Carus]

Today is a write off and I'm going to have to somehow get through a 12 hour shift on 5 hours sleep....I hate my ex :-@

 

The counseling session was good although I pretty much bawled through the whole thing. That's ok, I knew it was coming.

 

Not that the guy studies 'NC strategies' but he still thinks being authentic is a better way to go, especially in my situation...

 

I did get a txt from her during the session just saying " loves his gifts. Happy boy. Thanks. :)"...

 

I just replied "No probs"....

 

At the end of the session I asked him "So do you ever work with couples who have broken up and then gotten back together?". He said "Oh loads!"....

 

*sigh* I had to ask him that didn't I...*

In our friend Carus' situation, three of the possible options could be:

 

1) She does not have strong feelings for him anymore

2) She does have strong feelings, but thinks she cannot give him what she thinks he wants/needs/deserves

3) She does have feelings but thinks her feelings are not as strong as his

 

If she's not the 'selfish' kind, the two last options would probably be a deal-breaker for her.

Well it's just speculation and educated guesses but I'll go with a cocktail of all 3 :)

 

It's the old "Oh I love him and care about him and he's such an amazing guy....but I don't want to be with him".

 

I'm sorry ladies but us men just struggle to understand this. If I am with someone I love and who I consider to be amazing, I'll do all I can to keep it going! :)

 

Still, whatever it is that causes this^, it is what it is....

 

I will say though that men will definitely use the old "It's not you it's me" line.

 

I think love CAN conquer all. The question is how to maintain that level of love in yourself and/or the other person?

 

There are deep seated reasons why the divorce rate has gone from around 20% in the 40s, 50s and before that, to around 54% in today's world which I don't have time to get into now, but let's just say that back then couples still had their struggles and had to cope with a world much harder than the one we know today, but they weren't so easy to just give up on their marriages.

 

Of course the downside of that was it led to many unhappy marriages... But most elderly couples seem to be still so in love and grateful for their partners*

 

TBC....

[Carus]

I have wondered if your wife might be one of those people who "needs" a new relationship every 3-5 years. They thrive on the excitement of the early part of relationships, but after a few years, it becomes too ordinary and boring for them.

There is an element of truth to that. She is the same with a lot of things including her jobs and she has been the one to leave all her relationships....

 

But due to her relationship with her father (which wasn't good) and her experiences as a teen, she has trouble allowing love into her life. I think I got closer than just about anyone actually...But when that love becomes too close it overwhelms her and her core issues kick in and she has to sabotage it and get out....Leave them before they hurt me kinda thing...

 

Sadly the fallout from that is as you've read in this thread...Both emotional and fundamental....

All these years though, I sometimes regret having left my husband.

 

He was basically a good guy. He turned out to be a much nicer person than any of the other men I have been with since.

 

I have an ex whose relationships all lasted 5 years. I was with him 8, but I learnt he had been cheating on me so for him, it may have even lasted less than 5 years. The guy thrived on drama, and at the end of it, I didn't know if I was coming or going. It seriously affected my mind in the end as it had with his previous exes. Life with my husband was much better than that.

Do you think if he wasn't gay you would go back to him though...?

Anyway, I hope you can stay NC, at least for a while. Even if you do get back together, without backing away from her, it would all end up with everything on her terms.

Totally agree and you are right, that is not what I want....Otherwise it would probably end again fairly soon after....

 

No it has to come from her....And sadly for both of us, the chances are slim....

Do any of you feel like by constantly talking about our ex’s on here. Our heartache, our situation, our failures that we are limiting the healing process? I always found AA meetings odd. For the record I dont drink (thank god) but I hear how when you go you have to state your name and then announce I am an alchoholic! To me I always found that odd? Are you just confirming your addiction to yourself? So when u fall back u just go oh well Im an alchoholic its what I do!

 

Sometimes I wonder that in some sick and twisted way we are getting little hits of our addiction thinking about our ex’s. But at the same time its not like we can stop thinking about them anyways. I have to say I enjoy having you guys to talk to and go thru this again with. I just hope its good for me.

This is a point that has been brought up many times in this forum and others....

 

I think it varies from person to person. There are some who come in, make one or two posts then vanish again, and there are other long termers like myself, Catfeeder*,LaHermes*, Keyman*, Wiseman*, SherrySher* et al, and of course the Mods....

 

I'm a bit torn between the two at the moment...Some time away might be good for me but I'm still very hurt and wounded so I feel writing it out is still good for me at this point....And I also feel I am helping others by still posting on this thread...

 

We will heal whether we are here or not and I've definitely seen a lot of people who visit briefly then disappear, but then come back some time later still upset or facing another breakup etc.....

 

So perhaps in some ways it's better to tough it out for the longer term healing*

 

Ok, time to face the work day....and then sleep the sleep of a thousand sleeps....

 

Love n Light*

Carus*

[SherrySher]

Sending you positive thoughts and a hug. Good to hear from you. x

[Silverbirch]

Carus, if he hadn't been gay, I never would have left him. Too much time has passed now, and in any case, he is very happy in a live-in relationship with another man. I suppose it's true to say that I knew he would never be able to live me the way I wanted to. In the first year after we broke up, he told me that he had become obsessed with another man, and that he couldn't handle it. There were times I felt very angry because I think he must have known before he married me, but he swears he didn't. After a while though, I knew I had to be very careful how I handled things - for my sons sake. Overall, as far as dealing with the divorce and my son, I think I handled that as good as anyone could have. My son didn't know until about his father being gay until he was 15. My son is 30 now, and opens up to me mire and more about some things other people said and did to him about his father being gay. I always say to my son, "Well other people can go get Fd because it's none of their business". My son and I both supported the plebiscite for gay marriage. My son has remarked how do much has changed in the last 15 years (homophobia and fiscrimination) and gives good examples. My reasoning is that if my ex did not have to deal with that discrimination when we were young, he would not have married me, and AI would nit have ended up hurt and in a predicament. Anyway, that's all water under the bridge.

 

Hugs Carus. I know you will be okay. You're doing good. Xx

[Silverbirch]

Ps. more than likely your partner grew up in a very high drama household which seems to be the case for a lot of those people who eel the need to completely reinvent their lives, partner and all, every couple of years. If you do go through any reconciliatory discussions, I think either you or someone else should call her out on it or else she will never get rid of those demons.

[sputnik123]

Good morning Carus (or evening for you),

 

I hope you had a good sleep!

 

Just wanted to say it's great your thread has brought so many people together.

 

The support is fantastic :)

 

S x

[SweetGirl28]

Hi Carus. I'm not going to say anything to the guy, I'm gonna hold onto hope that the night goes well

and yes, I leave a new memory there(though everywhere I went with the ex was a great memory, outside

of the outdoor concerts, those I need to replace with new memories lol) I won't even attend those concerts

this summer unless I have a great guy to bring. Don't want to run into the ex with a new woman, and be

alone with my gf's. They would hurt, especially because that man loves beautiful women, he'd never even

consider anyone that isn't near perfect on his scale, so it would triple the hurt :(

 

Seems you're jumping the hope floats boat and swimming to the shore. You're getting closer to healing

every day. Your confidence is really starting to come through in yourself, and I'm getting the feeling you're

going to be ready to let go soon. I do wish you'd get a straight answer and you could return to sheer bliss.

Life is too short to be filled with uncertainty every day.

[Makeit]

Carus. I actually joined this site years ago facing another breakup. And looking at my posts I was just as hopeless as I am now. So that gives me hope that eventually I will get over this again. Just seems to get harder and harder each time love fails for me. I also recall the patterns I have made as to me “dissapearing”. from the looks of that I am using this site as a tool to heal.

 

What a buncha saps we all are. We should all just meet at a big bed and breakfast and cry it all out together! Hah! Who knows maybe sparks would fly between some of us. Atleast we would all share similiar values in Love!

 

All kidding aside. Heartbreak has topped the list time and time again as the worst experiences Ive went through. Its a cruel thing that pushes me to the very edge of the cliff then takes turns making me step back a few steps one day then right back to the edge another. We deserve better. For me finding and keeping love is the one thing I am missing in my life to where I would be totally happy. Not having that completion tears me up.

[Carus]

Ps. more than likely your partner grew up in a very high drama household which seems to be the case for a lot of those people who feel the need to completely reinvent their lives, partner and all, every couple of years. If you do go through any reconciliatory discussions, I think either you or someone else should call her out on it or else she will never get rid of those demons.

You are right...Her father had affairs and then left the family for a younger girl when my wife was about 14...So her trust in men didn't start on the best of foundations....

 

As for any reconcillatory discussions, I'll hand that one over to the guys in the 'Hope Gallery'...

I hope you had a good sleep!

Ello mate...I've had about 10 hours in the last 3 days so I'm absolutely knackered...Tonights the night then gym n swim tomorrow*

 

A good friend of mine has just recently had an ex come sniffing around him after about 2 years NC....And because of that, the way he talks about my situation, I was wondering if he could join you guys in the Hope Boat....

 

Hi Carus. I'm not going to say anything to the guy, I'm gonna hold onto hope that the night goes well

and yes, I leave a new memory there(though everywhere I went with the ex was a great memory)

You go grrl*....I believe it's good to push through those trigger points and reclaim them for ourselves....

 

And yes, when you've spent 5 years traveling the world with someone, the whole friggin' world turns into Triggersville...!

 

I live 5 mins from my exes house...So there's a lot of stuff I've had to reclaim including cafes, shops, music, and of course Bali....But I've done most of it now... :)

 

There is a therapy called Exposure Therapy which is pretty self explanatory...In that you gradually and continually expose someone to what they fear or get upset with until the impact on them is dramatically reduced....I've had good success with some of my clients with that strategy, especially one teenage boy who was extremely anxious around crowds...After some months of therapy he actually started going to music concerts! :)

 

Seems you're jumping the hope floats boat and swimming to the shore.

My dear I've been trying to get off that boat for a while now....lol

 

But I was thinking about your quote today and you know what? The Hope is there. I can't kill it. I can't get rid of it. It's less than it was but I accept that it's just going to be around whilst I work my way through this*

I do wish you'd get a straight answer and you could return to sheer bliss.

Life is too short to be filled with uncertainty every day.

If you mean a straight answer from her, I think things are pretty clear to me for now anyway. Sure things could change in the future, but for now, watch her feet.

 

And yes, life is short and that LimboLand is a real horrible place to be....I think that is part of the reason I continue to try and douse the Hope Fire. I did have another thread I started whilst I was still living with her. I'm not sure if any of you have read it, but boy that Limbo was truly horrible! And then of course there was the ensuing infamous 3 month period where she dragged me along behind the bus!

 

Anyway, I'll push on*

Carus. I actually joined this site years ago facing another breakup. And looking at my posts I was just as hopeless as I am now. So that gives me hope that eventually I will get over this again.

Yes correct. You got through that so there's no reason you won't get through this*

Just seems to get harder and harder each time love fails for me.

Well we get older for a start....And after having my heart smashed into pieces no less than 10 times since high school, I think it accumulates in the body like poison from bee stings....

 

After studying grief I think we don't heal those early wounds properly either...We just sweep it under the rug and push on....Sounds good right, but the problem is, they don't get dealt with properly and are still there waiting to spring out of the box and start dancing with our most recent heartbreak, which then obviously compounds it a bit....

 

I can also attest that the first heartbreak is not necessarily the worst....Not in my case anyway. This one is pret-ty bad...

Heartbreak has topped the list time and time again as the worst experiences Ive went through. Its a cruel thing that pushes me to the very edge of the cliff then takes turns making me step back a few steps one day then right back to the edge another. We deserve better. For me finding and keeping love is the one thing I am missing in my life to where I would be totally happy. Not having that completion tears me up.

Yep, I'm the same...Even the passing of my father was nowhere near as bad as the loss of the partners I have loved deeply....

 

As for the completion, I do remain independent in my relationships and encourage my partner to do the same...(Probably why they keep leaving lol)....

 

But I am an artist/musician, and I need my muse.....A musician without his muse is like a seagull without the sea*

 

Journal - Day...whatever it is*

 

After the last few days, although I'd felt better I was skeptical that I'd had my last meltdown, and today at my counseling session, it came....

 

My counselor did say that coming to his office triggers stuff for me yes? I said yes, because my wife and I did quite a few sessions with him as we tried to salvage our marriage. Especially the chair she used to sit in....I look over at that empty chair now.....

 

But again, this will lessen over time the more times I go there....

 

So because of that meltdown and the fact I've had little sleep, I'm pretty fatigued....Hoping to pay off that debt tonight*

 

I mentioned before about a meditation that I seem to have come up with which I call the Swiping Technique*

 

Basically you close your eyes and start the memory reel up in your head....Then as the images of them and things you did together come up, you swipe them away like you do when your scrolling through photos on your phone or on FB etc.....

 

Keep practicing that at every opportunity and what I've found is that when the movie starts playing in your head while your doing something, your brain starts to just do it automatically....

 

God I'm good! :)

 

Today I am so grateful for the food I ate today, the fact that summer is in full swing....and of course, all of you here.

 

I now hand you back for the next episode of 'Hope on a Rope'.... ;-)

 

Carus*

[sputnik123]

My break-up brother in arms,

 

"But I was thinking about your quote today and you know what? The Hope is there. I can't kill it. I can't get rid of it. It's less than it was but I accept that it's just going to be around whilst I work my way through this*"

 

- I know this is what you have come to expect from me.. but never give up hope. ever.

 

"Triggersville...!" - Population, me, you and whoever else here cares to join us! It's a wonderful place to hang.. (ourselves? JK!) .

 

I work with the "if you don't cry, laugh policy".. Please excuse the U.K sense of humour.

 

"A musician without his muse is like a seagull without the sea*" - Masterful... your talent is wasted on us

 

"Journal - Day...whatever it is*"

 

- Haha, exactly how I feel, Synchro buddy

 

"I mentioned before about a meditation that I seem to have come up with which I call the Swiping Technique*

Basically you close your eyes and start the memory reel up in your head....Then as the images of them and things you did together come up, you swipe them away like you do when your scrolling through photos on your phone or on FB etc.....

Keep practicing that at every opportunity and what I've found is that when the movie starts playing in your head while your doing something, your brain starts to just do it automatically...."

 

To be fair ,that does actually sound really good!

 

I do hope you get yourself some decent kip.

 

Tomorrow will shine brightlyfor you.

 

S x

[SweetGirl28]

Hope on a rope is dope! Dont you forget it !

Aside from being tired, you still seem pretty near acceptance here, so you've made progress.

The rest of us seem to be the hot messes now! Lol

Sleep well, Carus, and dream of better , easier, happier days ahead :unconscious:

[Makeit]

Dreams and Nightmares. Well its 6AM just woke up from a dream of my ex. She was seeing a friend of mine and then when I confronted her about it she was cold hearted and then started going after a random guy walking past. I said a buncha nasty stuff to her which she just shrugged off like I was nothing. You cant make this stuff up. I was feeling good yesterday too. It was a “good” day. Well good considering lol.

 

Why I had this dream last night when I had a good day I dont understand? Im still half asleep here and im processing that it was just a dream but it def feels like my sitches have been reopened a bit.

Damn this process!

[Carus]

Hi Guys.....Not a bad day today. Seem to be bouncing a little higher today....NC is doing it's thing.

 

Thanks Sputnik*, still need a bit more sleep but once you get so tired sleep just comes for you*

 

Had a productive day. I wanted to get to the beach but I just went to the gym and then caught up on admin, then went to work....

 

I really don't like the demotivation that comes with heartbreak. I used to be so organized and on top of things....I need to get back to that guy*

Aside from being tired, you still seem pretty near acceptance here, so you've made progress.

Thanks for that SweetGirl*....Healing can be a long slow process and it's nice when someone points out your progress even though it doesn't really feel like it yourself*

 

As dear Sputnik* said, I think I fast tracked it a bit after that last meeting as yes, slowly replacing Hope with Acceptance.

Dreams and Nightmares. Well its 6AM just woke up from a dream of my ex. She was seeing a friend of mine and then when I confronted her about it she was cold hearted and then started going after a random guy walking past. I said a buncha nasty stuff to her which she just shrugged off like I was nothing. You cant make this stuff up. I was feeling good yesterday too. It was a “good” day. Well good considering lol.

At least the dreams don't go on all day like the memories, images and flashbacks ;-)

 

Your dream sounds very common. It's basically the brain processing the rejection and the loss of that person....I still have 'em but they are lessening.....

 

Other than that, I find some people like to over analyze dreams...but it's basically that^

 

I'm not sure which is worse though...the 'rejection' dreams, or the 'We're back together and skipping hand in hand down a grassy meadow" dreams...(and yes I had that one lol)....Waking from either isn't the greatest....

....it was just a dream but it def feels like my sitches have been reopened a bit.

Dreams are just as real as the waking world for sure...

 

You'll push through it and over time the dreams will ease up.....I really hope I don't have one tonight coz I'm going to bed in a pretty ok mood*

Damn this process!

Yup.

 

Hope everyone is having an up day*

 

Carus*

[Piaresssss]

Glad you are bouncing higher today. Lovely way to put it.

 

 

"I really don't like the demotivation that comes with heartbreak. I used to be so organized and on top of things....I need to get back to that guy"

 

I cannot agree with this more. Im more of a carefree person and just go with the flow but right now my flow is non existent.

 

You will get back to that guy who is on top of everything. Just another one of those things that takes time.

 

"I'm not sure which is worse though...the 'rejection' dreams, or the 'We're back together and skipping hand in hand down a grassy meadow" dreams...(and yes I had that one lol)....Waking from either isn't the greatest...."

 

I hate having a dream about my ex. Luckily I have only had 2 so its not too bad. Both suck but I think the we are back together dreams sting that little bit more. Like your brain is trying to hang on to any hope it can.

[sputnik123]

Evening brother,

 

Glad you had a productive day!

 

Yes, when sleep comes for you, sleep comes for you.. enjoy it

 

"I really don't like the demotivation that comes with heartbreak".

 

- That is just sooo true. When I split up with the ex-wife and moved house etc, I really couldn't be bothered to do anything for around a month! This only really stopped when I met the last ex! lol...Oh dear...

 

A mixture of Hope and Acceptance is actually a decent equilibrium..

 

Although I am getting up very early at the moment, I'm not really dreaming of her..

 

I really hope you sleep soundly and have a cracking Thursday!

 

S x

[SweetGirl28]

Carus! Bouncing high, huh? Can I bounce with you?? Lol

I am feeling some good vibes from you! You're one step closer every day!

[sputnik123]

I hope you slept soundly Carus.

 

"Although I am getting up very early at the moment, I'm not really dreaming of her.."

 

- Words from my own mouth, only yesterday! I am my own worst enemy at times! I had a ridiculously clear dream last night.. even missed my alarm and was late getting up.. I really need to block and delete once and for all I think. It cannot be true NC if I can see her face on my phone.

 

S x

[Carus]

Hi Guys. Thought I'd give a quick update since I've had a pretty good day off and want to share the love. Hope you are all taking care of your hearts*

 

Firstly, let's draw a line under this thread now....

 

=======================================================================================================================

 

Ok, that's better...Now, moving forward....

 

As well as getting meditation into my daily routine, which by the way has really helped to reduce the pain in my chest, I have started going to Sound Healing sessions and O.M.G....This is something I cannot recommend highly enough and is healing my heart no end....! I've done two sessions now...It was recommended by the girl I was snuggling up to in Bali. She said it really helped her when she went through her own divorce....

 

Basically you lay on mats with a cover over your eyes. The healer then starts playing instruments like bells, Tibetan singing bowls, rain sticks deep gongs and drums, and didgeridoo....

 

He walks around the group playing next to each person....When he places these deep resonance instruments over your heart, oh my god, the rumbling and healing power is powerful indeed...! I'm going to go every week....! It's really helping....I highly recommend seeing if you have someone near you that does it....

Carus your ex will be foolish to let you slip through her fingers.

Well guys, don't go popping the corks just yet but I MAY have met someone....! My ex may have left it too late..not that she cares anyway....

 

My sistah was asking me where my 'secret beach' is, lol, coz she wanted to take her kids down there. I said sure, come over and we'll go down....Which we did...

 

We set up on the beach and the kids hit the water....

 

Then I see a G-orgeous girl walk down and set up her towel and stuff about 20 metres away....I'm thinking 'Wow! She is hot!".....I then spent the next 15 mins saying to myself "I HAVE to say something....coz you know you'll kick your azz all the way home if you don't!".....lol

 

Take note ladies...This is what goes through a guys head when he like you :)

 

I'm still fighting with my grief somewhat and having dumb azz thoughts like "Ah, what's the point...I work 6 nights a week. How am I gonna...etc etc..."...so I went for a swim...

 

When I came out of the water and back to the towel she was smiling at me...."That's it...I'm goin' in..!" :cool:

 

I walk up and say "Hello. What's your name?"....She says "I'm Jessica", and we shake hands.....

 

And from there it just rolled......and rolled and rolled and rolled.....

 

We talked and hung out for almost 2 hours. She was touching me and I was pouring sand on her toes. We had almost TOO much in common, and she laughed at my stoopid jokes....Always a good sign :)

 

I introduced my sistah and we all hung out.... I was telling her about Sound Healing and said "I would love to take you next week"....She said "I would love that!"....

 

We walked on the beach and went for a swim together then hung out for a while longer.....

 

It was then time to go. I said "I'm sorry I don't have my phone on me so I can't take your number down"....She just whips out a pad, tears a corner out and writes her name and number on it....! As we're leaving I teased her a bit and said "And what was my name?".....She laughed and was like "Omg. I got carried away with our conversation and didn't even ask...Please, please tell me..."....we were holding hands by this stage....

 

I laughed and said "I'm Carus".....As I'm walking away I say "Goodbye Jessica"....She says "Goodbye Carus. Look forward to hearing from you soon"....

 

Thank YOU Universe!

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So the take away from that is: I really like her (so don't fk it up! lol) and there was something going on in that meeting...The Universe just puts this gorgeous girl right next to me like that AND she's into me, like in a big way and from everything we talked about we are extremely similar...Kinda eerie really....

 

But anyone that's been in this situation will know, it's great, but there's still that shadow isn't there? That little pain that's still lingering around....So I need to be careful I'm not in rebound territory here....but I don't think so...

 

A couple of weeks ago I couldn't imagine saying this but, Jessica might actually be better for me than my exwife...! Wow! There, I said it...!

 

Hard to tell obviously from just one meeting like that but I have to say...>Wow!

 

Ok, so the lesson here is, (and all the coaches will tell you the same), this is why it is so important to keep up the heavy lifting and working on yourself, so when this happens you can at least be halfway there to maybe starting something anew....and as you know I've kept up the gym and swimming and meditation and reading and journaling and volunteering and working and diet etc etc....And today it all paid off* Go me! :)

 

It's Friday night now and I'm laying here listening to Jethro Tull and an album I produced years ago....I'll give Jessica a call on Sunday night and see if she want's to come to the beach again on Monday.....If she does and this rolls on I will definitely go with it....

 

If it doesn't then it has at least shown me that there is life after DDay.....

 

She is not working at the moment either so the fact that I work nights suddenly doesn't matter! We can hang out during the day or see each other after work coz she doesn't have to get up early etc....

 

So I hope that brings you all some Hope and Peace....Let's see what happens*

 

My ex never came back but I may just get out of here alive after all... :)

 

 

Carus*

[Mikey383]

Carus

 

Awesome news brother!!!!!... Keep us posted on how it goes with Jessica :)

 

I have been super busy lately myself with my new GF... So I apologize for not chiming in as much... However, I have been keeping up with your journal :)...

 

Keep strong my friend :)

 

Mikey