Makeit Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Thats great news man. Im a strong believer in the balance of the universe. Sure could use some of that positive balance my way. Link to comment
Bumblebee093 Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Yay Carus! I’m so glad something good is coming your way and I hope it will fill your heart up with love and happiness! It gives us some hope that love is always going to be waiting for us x I agree with what makeit said. The universe always finds a way to balance itself out even if it don’t feel like it. I’m so happy for you and Jessica even if it is early days yet! Keep us all updated Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Hi Guys. Thought I'd give a quick update since I've had a pretty good day off and want to share the love. Hope you are all taking care of your hearts* Firstly, let's draw a line under this thread now.... ======================================================================================================================= Ok, that's better...Now, moving forward.... As well as getting meditation into my daily routine, which by the way has really helped to reduce the pain in my chest, I have started going to Sound Healing sessions and O.M.G....This is something I cannot recommend highly enough and is healing my heart no end....! I've done two sessions now...It was recommended by the girl I was snuggling up to in Bali. She said it really helped her when she went through her own divorce.... Basically you lay on mats with a cover over your eyes. The healer then starts playing instruments like bells, Tibetan singing bowls, rain sticks deep gongs and drums, and didgeridoo.... He walks around the group playing next to each person....When he places these deep resonance instruments over your heart, oh my god, the rumbling and healing power is powerful indeed...! I'm going to go every week....! It's really helping....I highly recommend seeing if you have someone near you that does it.... Well guys, don't go popping the corks just yet but I MAY have met someone....! My ex may have left it too late..not that she cares anyway.... My sistah was asking me where my 'secret beach' is, lol, coz she wanted to take her kids down there. I said sure, come over and we'll go down....Which we did... We set up on the beach and the kids hit the water.... Then I see a G-orgeous girl walk down and set up her towel and stuff about 20 metres away....I'm thinking 'Wow! She is hot!".....I then spent the next 15 mins saying to myself "I HAVE to say something....coz you know you'll kick your azz all the way home if you don't!".....lol Take note ladies...This is what goes through a guys head when he like you I'm still fighting with my grief somewhat and having dumb azz thoughts like "Ah, what's the point...I work 6 nights a week. How am I gonna...etc etc..."...so I went for a swim... When I came out of the water and back to the towel she was smiling at me...."That's it...I'm goin' in..!" I walk up and say "Hello. What's your name?"....She says "I'm Jessica", and we shake hands..... And from there it just rolled......and rolled and rolled and rolled..... We talked and hung out for almost 2 hours. She was touching me and I was pouring sand on her toes. We had almost TOO much in common, and she laughed at my stoopid jokes....Always a good sign I introduced my sistah and we all hung out.... I was telling her about Sound Healing and said "I would love to take you next week"....She said "I would love that!".... We walked on the beach and went for a swim together then hung out for a while longer..... It was then time to go. I said "I'm sorry I don't have my phone on me so I can't take your number down"....She just whips out a pad, tears a corner out and writes her name and number on it....! As we're leaving I teased her a bit and said "And what was my name?".....She laughed and was like "Omg. I got carried away with our conversation and didn't even ask...Please, please tell me..."....we were holding hands by this stage.... I laughed and said "I'm Carus".....As I'm walking away I say "Goodbye Jessica"....She says "Goodbye Carus. Look forward to hearing from you soon".... Thank YOU Universe! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ So the take away from that is: I really like her (so don't fk it up! lol) and there was something going on in that meeting...The Universe just puts this gorgeous girl right next to me like that AND she's into me, like in a big way and from everything we talked about we are extremely similar...Kinda eerie really.... But anyone that's been in this situation will know, it's great, but there's still that shadow isn't there? That little pain that's still lingering around....So I need to be careful I'm not in rebound territory here....but I don't think so... A couple of weeks ago I couldn't imagine saying this but, Jessica might actually be better for me than my exwife...! Wow! There, I said it...! Hard to tell obviously from just one meeting like that but I have to say...>Wow! Ok, so the lesson here is, (and all the coaches will tell you the same), this is why it is so important to keep up the heavy lifting and working on yourself, so when this happens you can at least be halfway there to maybe starting something anew....and as you know I've kept up the gym and swimming and meditation and reading and journaling and volunteering and working and diet etc etc....And today it all paid off* Go me! It's Friday night now and I'm laying here listening to Jethro Tull and an album I produced years ago....I'll give Jessica a call on Sunday night and see if she want's to come to the beach again on Monday.....If she does and this rolls on I will definitely go with it.... If it doesn't then it has at least shown me that there is life after DDay..... She is not working at the moment either so the fact that I work nights suddenly doesn't matter! We can hang out during the day or see each other after work coz she doesn't have to get up early etc.... So I hope that brings you all some Hope and Peace....Let's see what happens* My ex never came back but I may just get out of here alive after all... Carus* *CARUS!!!* I am unbelievably happy for you. If there is anyone who deserves a magical Jessica coming into their lives, it's you brother! I'm not even going to lie, I have a little tear in my eye reading about this. It sounds wonderful. My faith that this would happen to you soon was very strong.. whether it be with the ex, or someone completely knew. Nurture it, cherish it, enjoy it. This could be the start of something very special.. I really hope so. Life is to be be lived once. You still have it my man. You always did. Really looking forward to hearing how this progresses on a regular basis. May I suggest just a simple change in your thread title.. "Hopes and Dreams" Love you brother S x Link to comment
Carus Posted January 26, 2018 Author Share Posted January 26, 2018 Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts...specially you Sputnik* I'm glad that brought some joy to your day.... I have little doubt it will happen to you too...to all of you. Just focus on healing your heart. Accept you have been deeply hurt and wounded and that needs attending to. Heart is the green chakra. When I do meditation and sound healing I focus all that energy into my chest...into my green chakra. And thank god that pain finally seems to be subsiding! And I need to remember that I'm nowhere near healed at all...and to continue focusing on that. We'll see what comes. I did send her a txt a little while ago just saying thanks for a fun day, this is my number and look forward to talking to you soon. She replied... She thinks I have a 'spectacular' name lol... That's pretty good interest level :) I'll call her on Sunday.... Ever Forward! Carus* PS: Don't forget, I couldna got this far without YOU* PPS: Jessica's already better than my ex coz she left me didn't she! So it's not hard....lol :) Link to comment
Ian4996 Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Pleased you've got some good news Carus! I bet you're kinda hoping your ex doesn't phone ya now wanting to try again............................that would be a headmash wouldn't it?? Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 ...this is where that dreaded female 6th sense comes in Be ready (and strong) my man! Link to comment
Carus Posted January 26, 2018 Author Share Posted January 26, 2018 Haha... Nice try guys but I wouldn't go putting money on it :) Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Wooooooo So happy for you Carus. Hope everything goes how you want it to. You have been through a hard few months. Time you got to be happy. Must say this has certainly put me in a better mood for the day. Echoing Sputniks thoughts on looking forward to see how this progresses Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Aww, I'm sooooooooooooo happy for you!!!!! There's nothing like that feeling of a very strong attraction to get you moving (yup that physical attraction needs to be intense) !!!! That's what I've been trying to find again!!!! I can feel your happiness through your words. I truly hope this works out for you! I know you've been wanting your ex yet getting to the point where you are done trying, so this girl happened along at a great time. My ex and I met by chance too, neither of us looking nor expecting, and it was instant chemistry, just like what you found. Not on a beach though, it was at a concert lol. I was dancing and he was walking by and grabbed me and danced with me. Oh geez now I'm getting sad :( nuff said lol. Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy for you!!!!!!! Xxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Yay, that's great news Carus! The sound healing sounds good. Is it something like reiki? I miss things like that being out in the country. Before I lived here, I lived in a really nice place not far from Melbourne where there was a Reiki group and lots of alternative groups and activities. Shame is that you literally have to be a millionaire to buy property there now. I miss it sometimes. Link to comment
dave4443 Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Glad you've met someone Carus! don't be afraid of it being a rebound at all, I don't really believe it in unless it's when you're still during your crying and can't get out of bed stage, as of now you've healed a lot, sure you might be sad still but who is to say that what gets you out of that sadness can't be someone to love? When I met the girl I'm dating now it propelled me forward through months of healing and the while at first I still missed my ex I rarely think of her now. So really happy for you man! At the very least at least you know you have a connection and an ability to fall for others Link to comment
chattygirl Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Yassss!! This is fantastic news, Carus!! Reading through the exchange you and Jessica had put a smile on my face. :) Sounds promising! :peaceful: Link to comment
Morello Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 That is great, Carus! The main thing here is that you have been able to feel attraction and interest for this new girl. This is unlikely when you're still holding hope or somewhat tied to the ex. Regardless of the future of this new fling, it is clear evidence you're getting over your ex. And I think your last step (asking the ex out, saying how you felt) had a big part in this. Despite of what Jack Johnson sings, losing hope is NOT easy :) So when you achieve it, doors start opening. These doors were probably there the whole time but when we're stuck in hope we don't even see them. Link to comment
Carus Posted January 27, 2018 Author Share Posted January 27, 2018 Thankyou so much everyone for your well wishes and support....We'll see what comes but it was certainly one of 'those' meetings :) I like these two quotes from Dave* and Morello*: At the very least at least you know you have a connection and an ability to fall for others The main thing here is that you have been able to feel attraction and interest for this new girl. This is unlikely when you're still holding hope or somewhat tied to the ex. Regardless of the future of this new fling, it is clear evidence you're getting over your ex. That is what I'm trying to hang on to....Through the pain and the fruitless efforts and ongoing Hope, I'm just trying to recognize that it is indeed a positive step away from the fire....The Hope is certainly in a new place now... ;-) I can see everyone is chuffed I met Jessica yesterday but please really try to get the message I am trying to convey...You MUST work on yourself bot externally and internally so that when these chances come along you are in a good place...if not just for your own wellbeing... Yes the pain is there and some days it's hard to even lift your head, but I hope that this thread is showing evidence that you have to push through it... I had a total collapse, days off work, not eating or sleeping and suicidal thoughts...the whole nine yards....for 2 months! And whilst I'm nowhere near out of the woods yet I am somehow still here.... Hopefully in reading this thread, others will gain some tips on things to do whilst going through Hell.... Internally, I'm on my second pass of Corey Waynes book '3% Man'....In it he uses examples of how to interact with girls...I like that in these examples he uses the name 'Jessica'....Ha! I had a little chuckle about that when she told me her name....I just thought "Of course it is" ;-) I think your last step (asking the ex out, saying how you felt) had a big part in this. Yeh I had little moments of kicking myself about that as far as trying to get her back goes, but it did release that pain a bit... But also I can safely say going forward that I did try everything to salvage that relationship and there is peace in that despite it didn't work out... Despite of what Jack Johnson sings, losing hope is NOT easy :) So when you achieve it, doors start opening. These doors were probably there the whole time but when we're stuck in hope we don't even see them. I would agree...When we're stuck in hope and grief that is all we can focus on at the time...and that is ok. It is important to grieve a heavy loss properly so it doesn't become what is known as 'Complicated or Unresolved Grief'....and that stuff can come out even years down the track... I still miss my ex a lot and probably will for a long time to come. The connection was rare and we achieved so much as a couple. And I recognize that Jessica has lifted my spirits a lot, so I will try not to get too excited and realize that I still have some healing to do.. I find in this junction I have a propensity to want to establish something with her asap, and that shows me I am still not 100%... But as Morello* says ~ I'm on the way :) Hope you all have a good day today. I'm off to work. Will call Jessica tomorrow and we'll know more then.... Carus* Link to comment
Makeit Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 Is 3% man a worthwhile read? Ive watched a lot of his YT stuff. When I get back out in the daying scene I migjt give it a read. I find a lot of those reads so impersonable and so I dunno....not me. I tend to be more of a romeo type (i am italian) then the somewhat cold hearted man that a lot of these PUAs tell you to portray. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 Dearest Carus, "I find in this junction I have a propensity to want to establish something with her asap, and that shows me I am still not 100%..." We are still at the same crossroads my friend. "Hopefully in reading this thread, others will gain some tips on things to do whilst going through Hell...." - Seriously, your thread has given so much to people here. Could look back on this in years gone by and see this as "The Break-Up Recovery Bible - the *Carus version" ;) One of the best quotes ever, refers to when going though hell, the the only thing you can do, is keep going (which you've previously picked up on). I'm so glad you are reaching the other side, as the same great man who entered it. S x Link to comment
Carus Posted January 27, 2018 Author Share Posted January 27, 2018 Today I am grateful for: A) My health. B) My income. C) My wonderful ENA family. D) It's summer here. - Seriously, your thread has given so much to people here. Could look back on this in years gone by and see this as "The Break-Up Recovery Bible - the *Carus version" Heh...Thanks Bro. Still a ways to go yet but I guess I'd better see it through now huh? But yeh, better than I was.... I'm so glad you are reaching the other side, as the same great man who entered it. I can see the light on good days...And I think I'll come out of this slightly more knowledged and somewhat emotionally stronger than when I went in* If I was such a great man I probably wouldn't be here now would I? ;-) But I appreciate your words Brother S* And to be honest, even through my marriage I still continued to work these forums.... Is 3% man a worthwhile read? Ive watched a lot of his YT stuff. When I get back out in the daying scene I migjt give it a read. I find a lot of those reads so impersonable and so I dunno....not me. I tend to be more of a romeo type (i am italian) then the somewhat cold hearted man that a lot of these PUAs tell you to portray. It's not a bad book to have in the toolbox...Coreys videos have certainly been a source of comfort and strength through such dark days. He does teach pick up skills but he also teaches dating and relationship skills. He does come across as a bit belligerent but I think he really does help men (and women) do better in LTRs. Like you I am a romeo and I've never had a problem meeting and forming relationships with girls, but after so many failed relationships I need to try and fine tune some things, and I think Coreys book is worth a read or two.... My marriage was my longest one yet so perhaps I'm getting better at it ;-) If Corey Wayne comes across as a bit harsh there's always Craig Kenneth and Mac McCarthy who both follow similar principles but have more of an empathic delivery... Another productive day today including the gym. Was nice to wake up this morning and go "No. Not thinking about the ex. Thinking about the new girl"... Let's see what the morning brings. Hope everyone is doing what needs to be done* Carus* Link to comment
Carus Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 Well it seems Jessica was just a brief patch of light. I tried calling her once this morning and then just sent a text.... It was nice while it lasted, which was about 2 hours lol. So I'm not feeling the best today. I'll go to work and see if things improve. I hope everyone else has a better day today* Carus* Link to comment
Morello Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Maybe she still replies, buddy. Give it some time... Remember what Ralph says about "what is meant to be yours will come your way". The ball is in her court now. Link to comment
Makeit Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Well it seems Jessica was just a brief patch of light. I tried calling her once this morning and then just sent a text.... It was nice while it lasted, which was about 2 hours lol. So I'm not feeling the best today. I'll go to work and see if things improve. I hope everyone else has a better day today* Carus* Here with you brother. She still may respond. If not then there is still some positives to take out of it. Look on the brightside. It gave you some light. Better then my situation. Viewing my ex drunk in the arms of another guy all weekend. Link to comment
Carus Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 Thanks guys...I will continue to try and see the whole thing as a positive... Yes Ralph is quite some guy...and I guess he is right in what he says there^. Some things just can't be forced which is also why I'm skeptical about those GYEB programs. If they wanted to be with us, they would.... Viewing my ex drunk in the arms of another guy all weekend. Mmm yes...I've been there with past breakups...Painful stuff indeed. Try not to look at anything like that mate. It will only hurt you and prolong things.... Ever Forward Carus* Link to comment
Morello Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I think my struggles in general are very similar to yours. I struggle a bit with anxiety, not sure if this is the case for you also in general or just the result of a bad experience with the break up. We need to practice not being too attached to the outcome like this. Or be too anxious waiting for the outcome. You met this nice girl, you had a nice interaction. You felt great. She probably felt great too. You seem to have done it in a nice, smooth, way. Otherwise she wouldn't have given you her number. Now you contact her. She might not respond. She might, in a few days. She might have a boyfriend and maybe gave you her number just to be polite. She might be emotionally unavailable in the same way you were (or maybe still are). She might just be just sad about something and don't feel like talking on the phone or exchanging messages. I do think calling can be good but sometimes it puts a bit of pressure on the other person when you barely know her. A message to begin with seems a bit of a lighter approach but there are no right or wrong in this. It's probably less about the method or about you than it is about her at this stage. What I'm trying to say is: there's no heaven nor hell in this situation. She is not (yet) how you portrayed her in your first post about her here. You don't know this woman yet. She's not the solution to your problems (I know you didn't say any of this, I'm exagerating to make a point lol). She is not (or shouldn't be) a source of more pain for you either if she doesn't respond. From your first post it appeared you were already projecting your unmet needs onto her. She's not gonna 'fix' you. You're already fixing yourself. She's just a woman you spent 2 hours with. The most difficult teaching in Budhism in my opinion is to remove all our attachment to the outcome. That's a tough one. But we gotta do it. If she responds, great! If she doesn't, her bad. You're just living your life in the best way possible and whoever wants to join the great Carus in the journey (if you also see value) is welcome. Good riddance for those who don't. I know you already know all of this but I felt like you needed to read it. Hope it helps! Link to comment
Carus Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 Thanks Morello* ~ It did help and I agree with all you say. Bit of a pity though. I really thought we had a great connection.... This also exemplifies why it's dangerous to try dating others whilst still heartbroken. As to your first point, I've never been an anxious person. I've always been strong, happy, confident and care free... This breakup has stripped me of all that. I do hope I can find my way back* Thanks Again Carus* Link to comment
dave4443 Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Yeah she may still get in touch but I know what you mean. When I first started dating again and if it didn't work out with someone it hit may way harder. I remember having two dates with a woman where I thought we hit it off and then after a few days she just went silent for good. For a week I was a mess, even though it was only two dates and I cringe looking back but I guess it's just a more emotional state during that time Link to comment
Carus Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 Well hold the phone...she did get back to me.... ;-) Note to self: Don't panic. Be more patient. Don't be an idiot :) Carus* Link to comment
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