Are these huge red flags?

[katrina1980]

Another option just to switch it up a bit.

 

If/when he responds back to your text, ask him if he wants to do something!

 

YOU plan something fun for a change. Out of the house. Not out of insecurity seeking reassurance, but from a place of confidence because you'd like to see him.

 

It sounds (to me) like thus far, HE's been calling all the shots, and you've been at the mercy of when HE asks you to do something.

 

Waiting around, obsessing, feeling anxious. The dynamic of this "dating situation" appears to be all of out whack, imbalanced.

 

Me thinks it's time for you to start calling some shots now.

 

Be brave, confident, change it up!

 

If he shoots you down, then oh well, feel good that you were brave enough to take a risk.

 

Then, pick yourself up, shake that **** off and carry on.

[Batya33]

Form what I understand she's texted him regularly and suggested getting together so that is why I responded as I did. Great idea to suggest an outdoor activity

[boltnrun]

Why do you have to "make it seem like" you have a life?

[Alex39]

I guess my mother was right. I was just trying to make it seem like I had been busy too and wasn't sitting obsessing over him in these last few days. I think I was trying really hard to make it seem like I have friends and a life and he has to pin me down for time because I have a lot going on.

 

I have texted him and told him I would like to see him in the past, so I don't know about that whole, be proactive and ask him to do something. He seems pretty proactive when he wants to see me. He calls me and makes a plan. In my mind, last Thursday I was unsure of I should go over. I told him it was last minute and I was unsure. At one point I was joking around with him saying how he was bribing me and buttering me up to hang out with him. He was. He at one point got weird and was like "jeez you make it seem like I am trying to coerce you into hanging out with me. If you don't want to, I understand."

 

I tried to clarify and tell him that I was kidding and I did want to see him, but was unsure about the last minute notion of it. To me, the fact that I went over showed interest enough, and then friday I asked him to grab some dinner with me.

 

I guess I feel bad I didn't ask him more questions in our texting today. I got excited and nervous and over talked. Not bad, but not ideal, and I should have been smarter. I'm thinking tomorrow he will talk to me again and hopefully make some plans with me for the near future. If not, then I have my friends.

[boltnrun]

What ARE you doing besides sitting around stressing over him?

[Batya33]

I don't think what you told him last week was off putting to any significant extent and I don't think you needed to ask him more questions while texting. You weren't talking -you were typing. If he wanted to see you in person he would have made sure to make a plan . He doesn't and that's ok -no reflection at all on you as a person. And I think it's great to seem like you have a fun, fulfilling life with a new person especially since you are working on making it so. Obviously you don't decline dates that are asked for in advance and appropriately just to play hard to get but it sounds like he was inviting you over last minute to hang out at his house.

[Alex39]

Yeah I guess i am just sitting here wondering what the heck went wrong. Maybe nothing is wrong. He could full well think we are still seeing each other and thinking we will be seeing each other this weekend. But I just have this gut feeling he's holding me away from him. Its a bit heartbreaking. I don't think I did anything. One of my friends came over last night and reassured me that I am just being me and I'm fine. He clearly had unfinished business emotionally and its unfortunate for me to have to sit by liking him and waiting for him to step up a bit.

 

We have chemistry. We had some great dates. He wanted to talk about us benign the same page. He's told me he likes me so many times I can't count. Maybe its me just overreacting and thinking about things. I read this article last night. I know there are so many options out there when reading about men who do this, act like this, say this. But it was interesting. It was saying how men will fall back when they are afraid. They feel themselves falling for the girl and are afraid of their own feelings. They need time to process being vulnerable and actually liking you so they go MIA to try and process the thought of being with you. It said how usually this is sparked by someone outside force, like a guy friend saying "Oh so you guys have been going out for a while now." and it will hit him that he actually likes you. If this is the case, and him being so emotionally fragile from his previous relationship, he could be so freaked out that he actually likes me that he may be keeping me at arms length to try and sort out these feelings.

 

I can't bet on this article as the basis for my issues, just thought it was an interesting concept.

[Batya33]

I think it's far more simple. Nothing went wrong. You met someone for 6 dates and many of them were hanging out at his house and in his bed so the focus became physical and sexual quickly. As can happen very often this early on, for whatever reason under the sun he changed his mind about seeing you again. What is wrong is that after 6 dates I would think it appropriate to tell the person you don't plan on seeing him/her again. I don't think you should analyze him psychologically or assume this is gender-based, or that he is "afraid" of his feelings.

 

With some remote exception I am not aware of that's a load of junk and something some friends tell the person who's "waiting" to make them feel better. People who are that afraid of their feelings that they would give up the opportunity to date a great person for them and choose fear instead are simply not ready to date anyone at that moment at all. Most people -with remote exception -who are looking to date someone or be in a relationship with someone choose the person over fear.

 

And if you think that someone's friends commenting "you've been going out for awhile" can spark that level of fear that the person would go MIA or withdraw - um, nope IMHO. And you haven't been going out for awhile. You've had 6 dates and he told you early on he doesn't want to be emotionally committed to you but is fine to have oral sex and cuddle. I think it's fine he wasn't ready to be exclusive. I don't think it was a good choice on your part to have oral sex with him since you tend to get so attached but it sounds like you had fun doing that and perhaps the risks were worth the benefits.

 

Yes, there was chemistry on the dates, yes you had fun. That describes many many people when they first meet. Many of those people stop dating especially that early on because for whatever reason they realize there's no real potential. Most often it's nothing personal. What's great is it allows the people to be even freer to explore potential matches with other people if that is what the person wants.

[Alex39]

So its friday and I haven't heard anything from him still. I sent the Tuesday text and he messaged right back, and was even asking about my weekend plans for this upcoming weekend. When I told him that I was free, he never answered. I have not heard from him since.

 

I have been talking to a lot of my friends, and even consulted my friends boyfriends to get a guys perspective. The consensus among them is that this has nothing to do with me, and that there's something more prevalent going on in his life with this move of his. My friends wonder if this move was bigger than we thought. They even said that he may have even had to have a lot of contact with his ex-fiancee and could have even been splitting stuff up for all we know. And then moving across the street from his family, and how there may be bigger issues going on.

 

My thing is that he can't even send a simple text to me though, just saying he's been so busy. But my friends boyfriends said he may have a lot going on, and he's just not focused. He also may have a lot going on and he's trying to get his stuff together and can't focus on me, or doesn't want me around until his stuff is all together. They both said how its very clear he's busy. I mean this is the guy whom last week wanted to see me Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Thursday, so they said there's no way that he's just ignoring me this week. They said he's definitely busy with something in his life.

 

I then asked them what I should do. Do I wait around for him to contact me, or should I follow up with him one more time in a simple text?

 

One boyfriend said I could send him a simple text today, because the weekend is almost here. They also mentioned how its a holiday weekend and he may be busy due to that as well. The other boyfriend said to wait it out more and see what happens. They both think he will come around and that again, this has nothing to do with me It has to do with his moving and his life right now.

 

I'm still unsure of what to do frankly. I feel like a sitting duck. I told my friends that my cutoff was late tonight and that if I didn't hear from him about the weekend, then I am going to assume we are over. My friends, and there boyfriend said that I'm overreacting and writing him off too fast. They said they think he will make plans with me, maybe just not this weekend, and that if we don't have set plans in a week or two, to then move on. They said after everything, us dating for about a month, and having sleepovers, and everything he said to me which was nice and promising, and just the way he is, which is the polar opposite of someone who is a user and plays with me, he isn't this way at all, that there's no way he's just phasing me out.

 

Not sure what to do?

[Batya33]

Please do not send a text and please stop telling yourself you are waiting or in limbo. He has not asked you out on another date and he has not asked to see you on a holiday weekend so I would move on (and that is the input I gave you above). You can "consult" everyone under the sun but it's simple and no need for analysis. You two are not in a relationship, you two have no regular plans like couples in a relationship do. You've done more than your share of asking him out, showing interest in every single way - so there's no question that he knows you would absolutely love to see him "yesterday". There is no next date unless there is a time/place plan for one so the last time you saw him and ended that date without a time/place plan was when you should have assumed that you would never be seeing him again unless there was another plan for a date -time and place. Not to be negative but just plain and simple reality -in these early stages of dating you must take it one date at a time.

 

You barely dated for a month, and you met 6 times. As I wrote above it's kind of jerky of him not to tell you that he doesn't plan on seeing you again but since it's so early on he's probably assuming that you assume that unless there's a plan you two are not going to go on a date again. He hasn't reached out to you in a very long time and he responded to your text (which was overkill IMO) without asking you out. No need to analyze. Waste of time to analyze and it will use up your stomach acid and raise your blood pressure. Make a playlist of your favorite tunes or podcasts, stick earbuds in your ears and go for a really brisk walk for at least 20 minutes even if it's around the block or a parking lot. As a starter. I'm sorry he's not interested in seeing you again but that happens with dating (and unless there was a life/death reason I would not plan another date if he can't be bothered to be in reasonable touch and ask you out for at least one evening on a holiday weekend.

 

My two cents.

[browneyedgirl36]

Please do not send a text and please stop telling yourself you are waiting or in limbo. He has not asked you out on another date and he has not asked to see you on a holiday weekend so I would move on (and that is the input I gave you above). You can "consult" everyone under the sun but it's simple and no need for analysis. You two are not in a relationship, you two have no regular plans like couples in a relationship do. You've done more than your share of asking him out, showing interest in every single way - so there's no question that he knows you would absolutely love to see him "yesterday". There is no next date unless there is a time/place plan for one so the last time you saw him and ended that date without a time/place plan was when you should have assumed that you would never be seeing him again unless there was another plan for a date -time and place. Not to be negative but just plain and simple reality -in these early stages of dating you must take it one date at a time.

 

You barely dated for a month, and you met 6 times. As I wrote above it's kind of jerky of him not to tell you that he doesn't plan on seeing you again but since it's so early on he's probably assuming that you assume that unless there's a plan you two are not going to go on a date again. He hasn't reached out to you in a very long time and he responded to your text (which was overkill IMO) without asking you out. No need to analyze. Waste of time to analyze and it will use up your stomach acid and raise your blood pressure. Make a playlist of your favorite tunes or podcasts, stick earbuds in your ears and go for a really brisk walk for at least 20 minutes even if it's around the block or a parking lot. As a starter. I'm sorry he's not interested in seeing you again but that happens with dating (and unless there was a life/death reason I would not plan another date if he can't be bothered to be in reasonable touch and ask you out for at least one evening on a holiday weekend.

 

My two cents.

 

I agree with this; if you've been out on six dates, and there's a holiday weekend coming up, and you haven't heard from him again, you should back away.

 

I don't think you did anything "wrong" per se to make him not contact you; I do think, as I mentioned in a previous post, that you both rushed things a bit -- on his end pushing for physical intimacy very soon, and on your end, going along with it and developing feelings in connection with that. The first weeks/months of seeing someone are always tenuous -- there's always a chance one or both people could decide not to proceed with a relationship. The trick is to be interested but not overly-invested. It's hard, especially when you're excited about someone and the potential for a relationship, but that's all it is in the early stages -- potential -- and you have to find a way to temper that excitement with healthy realism.

 

You already initiated contact with him a few days ago, and it really didn't go anywhere. Time to back off. If he initiates contact, you can decide what to do, but for now, just assume that he has decided, for whatever reasons, that he's not interested in moving forward with things. This is no one's "fault"; sometimes, people just change their minds, especially in early stages. After six dates, it would be the kind, considerate thing to do for him to tell you he's not interested, but unfortunately, not everyone subscribes to that viewpoint.

 

If things don't go anywhere with this guy, give yourself a few days to feel sad about it, then let it go and take it as a lesson about over-investing too soon. Many of us have had to learn that lesson the hard way -- it's pretty common.

[Titanll]

Isn't FB sort of public? What are you folks talking about digging up? I imagine if she did some "digging" and found out that he was a rapist, then her digging would be justified.

 

I say dig as deeply as you want.

[Alex39]

So he texted me today:

 

"Hey I'm so sorry, Ive been super busy. I can't wait for the weekend. Still no memorial day plans."

 

I said "No nothing yet."

 

Then he says "Its not supposed to be the best weather anyway right?"

 

And I said "No that what I heard cold and windy."

 

Then I say "If you are free we could plan something ?"

 

He says "Yeah let me see what's going on. My family does a lot this weekend. And I want to work on my garden."

 

Garden....his garden. He would rather tend to a garden than see a pretty girl?

 

I see I am lower on the priority list than a garden.

 

He then tells me how he wants to make a garden as soon as he can because of the spring weather. So I say

 

" Seems like your weekend is too busy for plans with me."

 

He says "I know, it stinks right now. This time of year is bananas. I want to get down your way and go to Pete's" (Its a restaurant nearby)

 

So I say "Hopefully you can get your schedule sorted out and we can go. I'd like that."

 

He says "Yeah maybe one evening this week coming up if its nice out. (Pete's is outside)

 

I say "Let me know. Hopefully I'm still around."

 

I don't even know if he will ever contact me about that dinner. I don't even know who I am talking to. This is not the guy I was seeing a week ago. This seems like the guy I was texting and talking on the phone to three weeks prior to our first date. I'm so confused. I don't feel like a priority. Maybe he does have a lot going on right now, but he can't coordinate his schedule to see me at some point. And he's technically free tomorrow, when the weather is supposed to be nice, but he would rather garden? Are you kidding me?

 

I question if now because I can't drive to him that now he's lacking in driving to me. Its funny, when I was able to go to his other place, before he moved, he had me coming there and everything. Now that I cannot come to his new place yet because of his mother being his neighbor, he isn't making all that effort to try and see me, because he has to drive down here.

 

I feel so defeated at this point. I'm hurt. I feel like I wasted time and energy. I had high hopes because he talked like he wanted a relationship. He's on a relationship site looked for a "smart, motivated girl" But clearly he can't prioritize anyone into his life to be that girl.

[Batya33]

You didn't waste any time or energy. You met someone 6 times. If that's a waste of time then I suggest you not date - I do agree that dating especially when it involves putting in the effort of a dating site is a waste of time unless you're looking for a potentially serious relationship or perhaps casual sex (the latter because maybe it's easier to meet someone for casual sex on an online site than spending time at bars/clubs/approaching strangers). It's irrelevant what he typed in his profile - he is not that interested in seeing you, period. He has some interest or he wouldn't have asked about your plans for the weekend but not ENOUGH interest to make it worth any further time or effort on your part to go on dates with this person. It's like the old joke "I'm sorry I'm too busy this weekend, I have to pair my socks".

 

You also write about him as if there was a pattern to his behavior -as if you have known him a long time. You haven't. There was no pattern and you've known him a short time. All you know is that 5 or 6 times he made a plan to see you whether he asked or you asked and he showed up - half or more of that time was you going to his place to hang out so he only planned a few actual dates. No pattern.

 

No confusion. He was very clear about his priorities this weekend. He hasn't seen you in almost a week and his priorities are gardening and tentative plans with his family. He made some vague references to a restaurant next week but has not made a specific time and place and therefore he doesn't care enough whether you end up being busy, even with another guy. It's only confusing if you're willing to settle for someone who only 6 dates in has at best mediocre interest in you. If you do settle for that and forego other options and "wait" for him to call about going to Pete's then I agree you are then wasting time and energy. You wasted this week "waiting" but I disagree that you wasted time going on the dates you went. Sure, there were red flags at first but for at least a few dates he was willing to make a time/place plan to see you and to show up. That has changed and he's no longer that interested. I'd move on completely and not go to Pete's even if he resurfaces next week.

[boltnrun]

I've asked this before and got no answer, but I'll ask again...what do you do besides work, stress over this guy and repeatedly ask your friends and your friends' boyfriends what they think of what he says and does?

 

Are you involved in sports? Volunteering? Community involvement? Events with friends? Are you communicating with any other men?

[browneyedgirl36]

So he texted me today:

 

"Hey I'm so sorry, Ive been super busy. I can't wait for the weekend. Still no memorial day plans."

 

I said "No nothing yet."

 

Then he says "Its not supposed to be the best weather anyway right?"

 

And I said "No that what I heard cold and windy."

 

Then I say "If you are free we could plan something ?"

 

He says "Yeah let me see what's going on. My family does a lot this weekend. And I want to work on my garden."

 

Garden....his garden. He would rather tend to a garden than see a pretty girl?

 

I see I am lower on the priority list than a garden.

 

He then tells me how he wants to make a garden as soon as he can because of the spring weather. So I say

 

" Seems like your weekend is too busy for plans with me."

 

He says "I know, it stinks right now. This time of year is bananas. I want to get down your way and go to Pete's" (Its a restaurant nearby)

 

So I say "Hopefully you can get your schedule sorted out and we can go. I'd like that."

 

He says "Yeah maybe one evening this week coming up if its nice out. (Pete's is outside)

 

I say "Let me know. Hopefully I'm still around."

 

I don't even know if he will ever contact me about that dinner. I don't even know who I am talking to. This is not the guy I was seeing a week ago. This seems like the guy I was texting and talking on the phone to three weeks prior to our first date. I'm so confused. I don't feel like a priority. Maybe he does have a lot going on right now, but he can't coordinate his schedule to see me at some point. And he's technically free tomorrow, when the weather is supposed to be nice, but he would rather garden? Are you kidding me?

 

I question if now because I can't drive to him that now he's lacking in driving to me. Its funny, when I was able to go to his other place, before he moved, he had me coming there and everything. Now that I cannot come to his new place yet because of his mother being his neighbor, he isn't making all that effort to try and see me, because he has to drive down here.

 

I feel so defeated at this point. I'm hurt. I feel like I wasted time and energy. I had high hopes because he talked like he wanted a relationship. He's on a relationship site looked for a "smart, motivated girl" But clearly he can't prioritize anyone into his life to be that girl.

 

I think it's time to pass on this one.

 

He seems to have asked if you had Memorial Day plans although I can't tell if it's a question or a statement that HE has no plans because there's no question mark. Regardless, even after you stated you had no plans, he didn't ask you if you wanted to do something. THEN, he stated he "might" have family plans and he wants to work in his garden? Instead of going on a date with someone he (presumably) likes? It's the equivalent of the old, "I can't go out tonight, I have to wash my hair" cliche/joke about a woman who gets asked out but doesn't want to go out with the guy -- it's a lame excuse. He can't garden during the daytime and go out with you one night over the weekend? Or, have brunch with you in the morning and garden later in the afternoon? Do you see where I'm going with this?

 

Even the dinner "suggestion" was kind of lame on his part, "I want to get down your way and go to Pete's" sounds like he really just wants to eat at that restaurant, and oh, you just happen to live near there. Ugh!

 

I'm sorry, but I really think he's just not that interested. I think he likes you, thinks you're a nice person, etc., but...for whatever reasons, that are entirely beyond your control, he's not interested *enough* to put in more substantial effort.

 

I hope you can plan something fun and enjoy your weekend anyway. I highly recommend not contacting him anymore. If he decides he DOES want to see you, he knows how to get a hold of you. As Batya said, though, even if he does contact you, it might be in your best interest to decline an invitation from him. He just seems very fickle.

[Alex39]

Yeah I don't plan on contacting him anymore. I'm still sitting here hoping he contacts me.

 

I just feel so sad and confused. I keep replaying it in my head of where it possibly could have gone wrong. I keep second guessing everything I did. I mean a few of my girl friends think what he's doing is okay. He seems very busy and has a lot he wants to get done with the place he just moved to, so he will come around. I guess I just don't want nor feel the same. Then I keep thinking maybe they are right and I am overreacting.

 

I'm not sure how I should feel. I truly did not think the last time I kissed him goodbye that we wouldn't talk all that much and this whole thing. I don't understand. Then other people I know keep telling me that I didn't do anything wrong and something is clearly just going on with him in his life for him to be like this. He went from acting like he really liked me, and telling me, to "maybe I'll see you next week." and being really flighty with plans.

 

I don't know if he is freaked out by us getting closer. But thats not my fault. But it still hurts me, because I'm involved. I question if he is not ready for a relationship. But then again, why is he on a dating site and why did he invite me to his bed and he set the pace, after claiming he didn't want to rush. I went along with it, and was okay with what we did. I still thought things were going in a good direction. I never asked him for more. Tried not to give off that vibe of wanting more. I think I gave off that I liked him, but I never asked for a relationship right away and I felt I tried my hardest not to pressure him.

 

Then I thought maybe he freaked out that he saw me still logging in to match.com. But the only reason I was logging in was to see if he was logging in. I would feel bad if he kept seeing me on there and then figured I was seeing other guys and wasn't serious about him. I just feel like guys don't think as in depth about that. They aren't like woman. I keep seeing he will log in from time to time.

 

I have been talking to a few guys online casually. They have not asked me out, which is fine. To be honest, after this whole crazy experience I am not quite ready to go on a first date with someone. I now have anxiety over this whole thing. I'm scared.

 

I was starting to fall for this man. And now he would rather plant a garden. One of my friends told me maybe he is working really hard trying to get his place looking really good so he can invite me over. But again, he can't text me and tell me that.

 

Like right now one of my girlfriends just texted me and told me she thinks he just has a lot going on right now. Moving out of the place he shared with his ex-fiancee and such, is emotional. My girl friend said if he genuinely liked me, as he seemed to last week, that it just doesn't go away like this. He may just be going through a lot trying to make this new life for himself. She thinks he will come around if he did like me.

 

I guess that makes me feel better, but it also makes me feel bad. Like maybe my friend is right. I mean for the last three weeks he has been telling me he is going to move, and every time I went over he never had anything packed. I remember being surprised thinking that he was never going to just be able to pick up and move, because nothing again, was packed up. Even thursday, when I was over, two days from moving day, he seemed to have nothing packed and he was just living like he was staying there. He told me his mother would come over, clean, and try and help him pack, and tell him he needed to pack up. Maybe he was avoiding it because it was more real if it packed that he was definitely moving out. Maybe it popped an emotional bubble he was living in. That he was leaving "their" place, where they would live when they got married and he was never coming back. Maybe there is so much going on with him right now, nothing to do with me. I keep speculating, but I truly don't know. I mean even Friday I wished him good luck with moving and he said he would keep me posted. And then nothing. No contact for days. Doesn't make sense. And when I asked him to dinner Friday night, he said my offer was so tempting and he would have loved to if he wasn't with his friend. Who says that they would have loved to and my offer was tempting, if they were pulling back?

 

He has to buy furniture, which he had done with her, but now by himself. He has to buy all cooking stuff, which he had with her, but now by himself. He has to now do everything he did with her, alone. Maybe he's totally not in a great place right now and he doesn't want me around for it. I don't know. I'm just so confused and confused. We seemed to be fine and things seemed to be heading somewhere slowly but surely, and now things seem awkward. I don't understand, how things change so quickly. Usually you would notice the person pulling away or not being as interested, but literally last time I saw him he begged me to come over. What happened?

 

I don't think I did anything wrong. He seemed to like me, and I liked him. There's nothing else I can do and I can't beat myself up over it.

[Jibralta]

Sorry to say this, but I think you and your friends are being overly-optimistic. Stick a fork in this one.

 

I don't think you did anything "wrong" per se to make him not contact you; I do think, as I mentioned in a previous post, that you both rushed things a bit -- on his end pushing for physical intimacy very soon, and on your end, going along with it and developing feelings in connection with that.

 

^I think this sums up the situation beautifully.

 

But then again, why is he on a dating site and why did he invite me to his bed and he set the pace, after claiming he didn't want to rush.

 

For some reason, you assumed that he was master of himself and his feelings. He obviously wasn't. Sometimes, when people repeat their boundaries over and over again, it's because they're violating them. They're hoping that the other person is going to say, "Wait! You don't want to have sex. LET'S NOT DO THIS." But as you can see, it doesn't work.

 

You don't realize it now, but you settled. He was the first thing that came along that met some minimal criteria like "pleasant" and "attractive" and "willing to meet." Seriously consider that. Why did you let him take the lead and set the pace?

 

I have been talking to a few guys online casually. They have not asked me out, which is fine. To be honest, after this whole crazy experience I am not quite ready to go on a first date with someone. I now have anxiety over this whole thing. I'm scared.

 

All the more reason to get back out there!!!!

 

I was starting to fall for this man. And now he would rather plant a garden.

 

Yup. I don't mean this to sound obnoxious, but that's exactly what happens when you rush in blindly.

 

Here's some more good advice:

 

The first weeks/months of seeing someone are always tenuous -- there's always a chance one or both people could decide not to proceed with a relationship. The trick is to be interested but not overly-invested. It's hard, especially when you're excited about someone and the potential for a relationship, but that's all it is in the early stages -- potential -- and you have to find a way to temper that excitement with healthy realism.

 

The feelings are FUN. No doubt about that. But you really have to go into these things brain-first or this type of thing will keep happening.

[Batya33]

Agree and wouldn't analyze it at all. Just a simple case of people often decide not o go for another date in the early stages often for reasons that are not personal at all and often can't even supply a real reason other than "it's not you it's me"? With remote exceptions no one is ever ever too busy to plan a date with someone they want to see or at the very least to say "I can't make it this weekend but would love to see you next week(or whenever)". And that person wil make it very very clear that he wants to see you again ASAP. And this was true even before cell phone and the internet - when the person had to call you on a land line when he knew you would be home to receive the call because no one wants to risk letting a person he or she wants to see again slip through his or her fingers because he or she is "too busy".

I am tempted to share my relationship as an example - we had to jump through many time and travel hoops to make time for each other- but the exception to what I wrote is so remote and you already know from his response that you are not a priority to make a plan with And that's ok. Y Time to stop analyzing about this person you didn't really know yet and move along.

[faraday]

Let him go. Seek therapy to figure out why you're self esteem is so low that you'll invest (and not just a little- 18 pages of thought) into a stranger that is a walking red flag. You have serious issues that you need to deal with before dating or this is going to keep happening.

[Alex39]

Thank you all for your help during this time in my life. I truly appreciate it.

 

I've heard your comments and I am working on my anxiety with a counselor. I've come a long way and hope to continue.

 

I'm going to focus on myself, my friends, family, and people that care about me. I know what I want and I have a lot to offer. This isn't the first time its freaked someone out and they have backed away. I'm accomplished, smart, pretty, and I work very hard in my life to make it as best it can be. My new motto is "too hot to handle"

 

I'm hoping this will help me stay positive in this blue time.

 

I am a catch and he saw that. Everyone I know sees it. I love hard, deep, and I am secure enough to be in a relationship and give someone my time and attention, and inevitably heart. Its unfortunate he and I weren't on the same page.

 

I can't let this ruin all I have worked hard for in my mental health. I spent over a year working on myself, being single, and living my life for me. I have come full circle. I feel good about myself and have my ducks in a row.

 

I again, appreciate all your help. I'm hoping to not have to keep posting on here anymore.

 

Thank You!

[Jibralta]

I'm hoping to not have to keep posting on here anymore.

 

Post all you want! You're not bothering anyone with your anxiety (and if you are, it's really more about them than it is you. Projection and all that). That's what forums like this are here for.

 

I am a catch

 

Of course you are. But it doesn't matter who sees that if you don't believe it yourself. You lack confidence in your own judgment and that gets you in trouble. Seriously, learn to listen to yourself. Your instincts are good.

 

One way to build confidence is to practice. So I think you should consider getting back out there and dating again. Don't let this setback floor you. Treat it like you would a sports injury: exercise, or you will lose the full range of movement in that limb. Don't let your dating limb become weak and arthritic.

[boltnrun]

I've asked this before and got no answer, but I'll ask again...what do you do besides work, stress over this guy and repeatedly ask your friends and your friends' boyfriends what they think of what he says and does?

 

Are you involved in sports? Volunteering? Community involvement? Events with friends? Are you communicating with any other men?

 

Quoting myself because it keeps getting ignored...

 

OP, can I ask why you dodge this question?

[katrina1980]

 

The first weeks/months of seeing someone are always tenuous -- there's always a chance one or both people could decide not to proceed with a relationship. The trick is to be interested but not overly-invested. It's hard, especially when you're excited about someone and the potential for a relationship, but that's all it is in the early stages -- potential -- and you have to find a way to temper that excitement with healthy realism.

 

You already initiated contact with him a few days ago, and it really didn't go anywhere. Time to back off. If he initiates contact, you can decide what to do, but for now, just assume that he has decided, for whatever reasons, that he's not interested in moving forward with things. This is no one's "fault"; sometimes, people just change their minds, especially in early stages. After six dates, it would be the kind, considerate thing to do for him to tell you he's not interested, but unfortunately, not everyone subscribes to that viewpoint.

 

 

So much this^.

 

Well said BEG!

 

amkxoxo, cut and paste to your fridge and read next time you start dating a guy and find yourself falling too hard, too soon.

 

Such wise advice.

 

That said, I'm sorry this doesn't seem to be working out the way you hoped.

 

Use this as an opportunity to reflect and introspect, there were many many red flags right from the get go that went ignored.

 

Try and have a good weekend, go out with friends, enjoy.

 

Hope you feel better soon.

[Alex39]

So I posted something on social media earlier with a picture of drinks I made for memorial day. I captioned it "the amazing drinks I made..."

 

He just texted me saying "looks amazing

 

I don't know what to do