Is it ok to tell the guy I am dating I am going on a date with someone else?

[Iknowaline]

Me-31

him-29

 

Ok- me and this guy have been dating over 2 months now- - seeing eachother about twice a week.. we both really like each other and have a great time together. He is a huge commitment phobe- I have already surpassed the usual time that he sees women which is great. We have never talked about dating other people but I am sure he has which is ok- because its still "new" and I have as well (but not had sex with others).

 

I typically go on other dates to take my mind off of him - but all i do is think about him on them. I dont date often. I got asked out on a second date with another guy (first date was a month ago due to summer traveling)

 

I was with my guy last night and he slept over..saying how much he likes to spend time with me and its dangerous with me and it scares him... I think little by little he is letting his walls down.. I really like him and i know he likes me. He took me on the most romantic date last night.. anyways..

 

I want him to realize I am not waiting around for him and high value and have other options - without saying those words (i hear that just scares and pressures guys like him and they run) My friends have advised me to let him know if he asks what I am doing tomorrow or what I did I should tell him causally "oh I went on a date, and you" very short and to the point.... Is this ok to tell someone that you're in a non exclusive relationship with? I kind of want to see how he reacts.

[Wiseman2]

Don't play games.

My friends have advised me to let him know if he asks what I am doing tomorrow or what I did I should tell him causally "oh I went on a date, and you" very short and to the point.... Is this ok to tell someone that you're in a non exclusive relationship with? I kind of want to see how he reacts.

[Snny]

I wouldn't. You might drive him away if he's serious about you.

 

If he doesn't want to be in a commitment, then you got your answer on what kind of a future you will have wth him.

 

What do YOU want from a partner?

[Matt3939]

Hay it's been two months if he hasn't put a ring on it. Time to move on after all you are "high value" no time to waste.

[Ms Darcy]

I want him to realize I am not waiting around for him and high value and have other options - without saying those words (i hear that just scares and pressures guys like him and they run) ... I kind of want to see how he reacts.

 

Sorry, but I find women who have to play games like this for a reaction of low value.

 

First, do you want a relationship with him? Second, if you want a relationship, why would go for one with a man you believe is a huge commitment phobe? Third, why don't you just let him know what you are looking for in general and ask him what he's looking for? That's not pressure. That's a conversation.

[j.man]

Needless drama and game playing. I think if he's making a special note not to commit yet, you're within your rights to date others, but telling him about it is just tacky.

 

Also, if you've been seeing someone for a couple months and know you'd prefer him and he's showing similar affection, it'd be an act of decency to the guys you're going on dates with to let them know you're dating for fun / "making friends." You can always introduce a change to the parameters should you and the guy you've been dating a couple months not work out.

[kbbcoop77]

Jeez really? I think you should make it crystal clear you're dating others if that's your plan..if I was letting my walls down after 2 months and the gal I was dating said she was on a date I would bail. Maybe that's the reaction you're looking for?

[Tanzi]

In this situation I would say don't date anyone else ... at least not until you have discussed your situation with this guy and not unless you can date other guys without an ulterior motive.

 

It's still only early days so I don't think there needs to be any expectations with this guy other than to see where things go. However, it's important to be on the same page as someone ... and it's also important to be able to communicate. There's nothing wrong with discussing what both of you want .... or where he thinks you're both at. You are either both "dating around" or you are exclusively dating each other. I would go down the route of talking to him about it instead of dating other guys just to tell him about it. If he doesn't want to exclusively date, you have your answer and you can freely date other guys without having to bring it to his attention each and every time. If he is assuming you're not dating anyone else, you could be shooting yourself in the foot by suddenly bringing other guys in the picture. In short, I would find out first where he thinks you're at before seeing other guys.

 

Depending on what he says, I think you need to decide whether or not you are too emotionally invested in him to: (1) carry on dating him casually; and (2) to date others whilst you're still with him.

[westwardho18]

Maybe you should ask him how he feels about you going on a date he is not going to run as long as you don't make it sound like your trying to nail him down your simply finding out where you stand just be prepared yourself to accept his answer without making him feel guilty if it's not what you want to hear

[ThatwasThen]

you are trying to finagle a relationship with a commitment phobe. Why would you do that to yourself? Are you like all those other girls that were hoping you'd be the one to schtuup him into monogamous submission?

 

P.S. Rubbing the fact you have options in his face won't faze him. He'll likely tell you its in your best interests to not tie yourself down to him. (if not outright then to himself).

[j.man]

he slept over..saying how much he likes to spend time with me and its dangerous with me and it scares him

This is the big reason I don't really hold it against the OP for wanting to keep her options open with other guys, especially if her reference to him being a "commitment-phobe" is something he confessed rather than her having insinuated it.

 

Again, no need to tell him anything. You're still a free woman and he's waving his red flags around in your face. So long as you're not leading this other guy you're dating on by suggesting he's a long-term interest while the main guy is your preference, I don't see much wrong.

[HeartGoesOn]

I want him to realize I am not waiting around for him and high value and have other options - without saying those words

 

Those words are meaningless without actions to back them up. You've already made the choice to sleep with him without knowing where you stand, therefore at this point it doesn't seem fair to back him into a corner...so to speak.

 

At any rate, if you want to be taken seriously say what you mean and mean what you say, before getting into a situation of this sort.

[boltnrun]

Did he tell you himself that he's a "commitment-phobe"? Because if he did, be prepared for him to NOT offer you a commitment. He was making sure you don't ask anything of him.

[limichelle]

I can see why you want to date others with him not wanting a commitment just don't need to play games by bringing it up to see which way he sways in that decision. If he asks you then be honest. You haven't declared each other in a relationship.

 

Lisa

[Tinydance]

Well I think that even though you're not in an exclusive relationship but you seem to want him to commit and for this to go somewhere. So after two months I do think it's a good idea to ask him what he's looking for with you and tell him what you're looking for with him. After two months I think he should have an idea what he feels about what he's got going with you. If he's not on the same page but you are clearly very into him and want more, so why waste your time with him? I think sure you can date other guys but I think you need to ask yourself why you truly want him to know you're dating others. It seems you want to make him jealous and to realise that if he doesn't commit then he'll lose you? But even if he does feel jealous and possessive about it, it still doesn't mean he truly wants to commit to you and his feelings are serious. I think honesty is the best policy in dating so I do think he deserves to know you are dating others because dating should be about respect and being upfront. But don't just date other guys to show him "what he's missing". I think if this guy doesn't want a relationship then just finish with him and date other guys in order to find something meaningful, not just to make him jealous.

[IAmFCA]

Handle your business without making it his business too.

 

If you have a need to address with him, address it directly.

 

If you have the emotional capacity to go on a date with someone else,then do. That isn't his decision to make for you.

[Vastaux]

After 2 months , seeing eachother twice a week and stopping over for the night and you can't get him to commit past dateing?

 

Maybe instead of playing games and trying to make him jealous have an honest chat with him about what it is he actually wants, lay down what you want and then see if there is room for you to grow or if you are on seperate pages entirely.

[rayfutz]

Jeez really? I think you should make it crystal clear you're dating others if that's your plan..if I was letting my walls down after 2 months and the gal I was dating said she was on a date I would bail. Maybe that's the reaction you're looking for?

 

Ill second that. Get to the point with this guy. Dont play around with him and jerk him on a chain.

 

You are dating other guys? Tell him. Let him know he is not really completely on your mind after 2 months and when he is, you date other guys to get him off your mind. Sounds like a commitment phobia on your end to be honest. Dating other guys to get him off your mind. What next? You become exclusive, and certain things continue to get him off your mind? Point is, let him know what is up. Let him decide, not just you. You two have never even talked about dating others while seeing eachother. He might be appalled at the idea, but its not like he isnt going to find out some way at some point anyways.

[iamlatoyahart]

If you aren't in a committed relationship you do not have to tell him.

[Sportster2005]

No, it is never ok to tell someone you're dating that you are going on a date with someone else

.

Don't resort to games.

[ThatwasThen]

... But, Op.... It is okay to ask for exclusivity and if he won't give it to you then you best stop seeing him because you have more feelings for him then he should be trusted with.