Are Women Too Quick to Label Men as "Creepy"?

[Cheetarah]

Only 14 year old girls or ones with the maturity level of such would want 'bragging rights' about creepy men trying to get with them.

 

We spend way too much time worrying about what other people are thinking of us and/or trying to change it. It is such a waste of precious time and energy. Now I get it when my mom's old tenant said she couldn't wait to get older(she was mid 20s, I think I was a teenager). She wanted to be at that point that really only life experience can bring, where the lightbulb goes off and you realize there are over 9 thousand better ways to spend your time than trying to get other people to change their perceptions of you. It's exhausting.

[ParisPaulette]

Wait, there are women out there who actually say a guy is creepy just because he tries to talk to them and they aren't attracted to him. SMH what the heck????

 

No, no, no. Creepy or sleazy or slimy or just flat out wrong is when someone, guy or gal, makes overtly sexual remarks or noises at you when you don't know them. They stand too close meaning they could reach out and hurt you and have no reason to do so or look you up in and down in a really overt way that says you're a piece of meat and they don't care about you.

 

Creepy is a word that originally meant inducing fear. We all pretty much know what it takes to induce fear in someone. If you're doing that then stop it. Otherwise no, you aren't creepy. It's not creepy simply to say hi or strike up a conversation in a grocery line.

 

That said there will be a certain segment of the population is frightened away by even that, not because of anything you've done, but because of their own past bad experiences. I was a survivor of a near abduction in college. It took me years to be able to talk to certain types of men, the all american blonde football type, without being slightly scared because they looked like the guy had who tried to hurt me. It had nothing to do with the guy himself and I was never mean, but yeah sorry if you were blonde and looked a certain way and tried to approach me and I was less than enthusiastic. Nothing to do with the guy, it was my own issues.

 

And that's the other thing you have to keep in mind. No one owes you their friendliness and they may have things that make them scared or cautious of others in general. That doesn't make you creepy. It just makes you in the wrong place with the wrong person.

 

Don't be a jerk and make sexual comments or gestures to women and you'll be fine. Be friendly, polite, don't expect them to respond if they don't want to do so. It's what I do too and no, not every guy out there is friendly to me. A few have even eyed me in what I'm pretty sure is a "Well, now isn't this lady just creepy way" before backing off. And I don't take it personally. How can I? I don't know them, they don't know me.

 

Big deal if a stranger doesn't want to get to know you, right?

[TMifune]

Only 14 year old girls or ones with the maturity level of such would want 'bragging rights' about creepy men trying to get with them.

 

We spend way too much time worrying about what other people are thinking of us and/or trying to change it. It is such a waste of precious time and energy. Now I get it when my mom's old tenant said she couldn't wait to get older(she was mid 20s, I think I was a teenager). She wanted to be at that point that really only life experience can bring, where the lightbulb goes off and you realize there are over 9 thousand better ways to spend your time than trying to get other people to change their perceptions of you. It's exhausting.

 

I agree, though I'd say that immaturity ranges much farther into some womens' twenties than you might believe. Especially in this era of prolonged adolescence / delayed adulthood.

 

My point is that men and boys are both biologically and socially programmed to want to protect women. So when they're shamed with language like "creepy" it's not just "they need thicker skin". It undercuts them on a deep psychological level. Now, they have this biological and social drive to want a fulfilling romantic and sexual relationship with a woman competing with mounting evidence (if it happens more than once) that their sexual / romantic desire is somehow threatening to women. And that taps into the drive to protect women, so it can become very very difficult for men who've faced this type of shame to actually express romantic interest in a woman.

 

It ends up making them come across really awkward, because they're both trying to express their interest to a woman and at the same time protect that woman from the threat that they've seen other women take their interest to be.

 

Ultimately you're correct, we need to build up both our boys and girls to respect other people's opinions, examine them with logic, and rationality, and reject those opinions when they're personally damaging and have no basis in fact. I'm just saying that "creepy" and other shaming language as applied to boys and men is part of the reason that we have timid guys posting here saying that they're almost 30 or 34 or who knows what and have never had a relationship. They haven't just been rejected, they've been taught (probably through shaming) that their romantic and sexual needs are somehow a threat and should never be expressed.

 

I understand that everyone here has their own take on what's "creepy", but to many women 30 and below "creepy" quite literally means that a guy is unattractive enough that he should have known better than to express interest in her.

[Doc Blaze]

To be honest I don't hear teens or early 20 yrs olds say it. in my experience the most ive heard it is around the mid 20s to early 30s

[mfan]

Are Women Too Quick to Label Men as "Creepy"?

Yes, but when you see what women go through on a constant basis, you can't really blame them for it.

[Blue Spiral]

"creepy" is definitely overused, but I don't mind...as long as women don't mind if we overuse the term "gold-digger". Just as women have to fear physical harm from men, men have to fear financial harm from women. Look at the divorce initiation and alimony stats. So, just for our own safety, we may say "gold-digger" a lot, as a warning to other men. Please respect our suffering and allow us to do what you do--namely, insult flesh-and-blood people based on hypothetical scenarios.

 

That said, I feel that "loser" is the true go-to insult of women everywhere. I've seen it used in all sorts of ridiculous contexts. You'd think that it would mainly refer to social/economic status, but women have really expanded the definition. There are a lot of examples on ENA. If a guy does something a woman doesn't like, he's a loser. If a guy wants to date (or doesn't want to date) a certain woman, he's a loser. If a guy has an opinion that a woman disagrees with, he's a loser. It's really interesting.

[rosephase]

There are a lot of gendered insults that cut deep. That is what they are made for. Women get labeled "b****" and "s***" and "crazy". Also things like "w****" and "cheap" and "easy". Men get a lot more "loser" and "creep" and "a******" and "d***". It can be super hard to be labeled in a way that says you are unacceptable socially. We are social creatures. We need each other to survive and be fulfilled. To be isolated socially is a really hurtful and difficult moment that cuts people very deeply.

 

But that is life in our culture. Men who make women uncomfortable have hurtful words leveled at them. And sometimes perfectly nice guys acting in socially acceptable ways get hurtful words leveled at them. Lots of people aren't good at being nice a respectful to each other. Lots of people don't think about how their words impact people around them... or worse enjoy hurting people.

 

It really doesn't have much to do with gender other than which words are used because of gender roles in our culture.

[boltnrun]

Yeah, I've been called a frigid "b" because a guy bought me ONE drink at a bar and then expected me to go to his place to have sex, and I had the nerve to say no. He actually said he'd "paid" for the sex with the drink and I "owed" it to him.

 

In that case, "creep" doesn't even begin to describe what that guy was.

 

And there's this much younger guy I know who repeatedly asks me to have sex with him. And when I say no he asks "Why not? Don't you like sex? Don't you like a nice warm body to cuddle up to?" And I say, I prefer to choose who I do those things with, and he says "But if you come pick me up we can do it right now!" And I mean, repeatedly. His latest attempt included a text with a pic of his junk. I guess I was supposed to get turned on and tell him "Come over NOW!!!"

 

That kid is clueless and yeah, the junk pic was creepy.

 

But I don't throw that word around just because. Someone has to actually ACT creepy before I call them that.

[John John]

We are social creatures. We need each other to survive and be fulfilled. To be isolated socially is a really hurtful and difficult moment that cuts people very deeply.

 

Agree with everything you say. And highlighting this part because I think it's kind of a crock of sh*t when people say to be entirely happy on your own. Not what this thread is about don't mean to go off topic (and I know we have to have our own things going on in our lives, yadda yadda yadda), but you're right...people need people. Socially, physically and romantically.

[boltnrun]

I haven't dated in about 5 years. But not dating and being isolated socially are two different things.

 

I am fine, I do lots of things I want to do when I want to do them. And I have friends I do things with too. If I meet someone, it's icing on the cake that I already made.

[John John]

I haven't dated in about 5 years. But not dating and being isolated socially are two different things.

 

I am fine, I do lots of things I want to do when I want to do them. And I have friends I do things with too. If I meet someone, it's icing on the cake that I already made.

 

I understand and agree with this. But some people I guess just want it and some don't. I have other theories on this that are kinda gender-related, but just don't feel like arguing my viewpoints. Suffice it to say that certain people (regardless of gender) care more than others, perhaps.

[TMifune]

There are a lot of gendered insults that cut deep. That is what they are made for. Women get labeled "b****" and "s***" and "crazy". Also things like "w****" and "cheap" and "easy". Men get a lot more "loser" and "creep" and "a******" and "d***". It can be super hard to be labeled in a way that says you are unacceptable socially. We are social creatures. We need each other to survive and be fulfilled. To be isolated socially is a really hurtful and difficult moment that cuts people very deeply.

 

But that is life in our culture. Men who make women uncomfortable have hurtful words leveled at them. And sometimes perfectly nice guys acting in socially acceptable ways get hurtful words leveled at them. Lots of people aren't good at being nice a respectful to each other. Lots of people don't think about how their words impact people around them... or worse enjoy hurting people.

 

It really doesn't have much to do with gender other than which words are used because of gender roles in our culture.

 

Let me try this again. This thread is about "creepy" and whether it's used too quickly and I think to some extent the effect is has on the recipients. In the first page the OP pretty much had to indirectly suggest that if you want to talk about the women's equivalent, it would be fine to start another thread. But that hasn't changed the fact that people want to shift the focus onto the trials of women instead of focusing on what Op is talking about. Unfortunately in general, any thread about a struggle men face is almost instantly overwhelmed with women trying to re-frame the discussion into the struggles women face. This saddens me to no end because it pretty much presents the image that women have no real compassion or concern for men at all.

 

Call it gender roles instead of gender, but for the most part men have to make the approach. That's the way it is....there's even some biological basis for it as in most mammalian species, the female selects from the males who present themselves to her. When decent men (not the psychos who don't give a crap) but decent men, you know the men who actually care about women, are rejected and shamed with language like creepy....for the act of making an approach, they learn that it's not safe to make the approach. They come to believe that their sexual desire is shameful and in some way a threat to women. This wars with the part of them that you know, cares about and wants to protect women. So they end up in this self-fulfilling state, because the next time they try to approach a woman, she picks up on some weird undercurrent of that internal struggle and wants nothing to do with him. If she chooses to shame him too, then it reinforces the message that his sexuality is threatening to women. Which in turn makes it more difficult for him to make an approach. He stops trying to approach women because that internalized shame digs at him and makes the approach too threatening to his psyche. He stops trying! And I'm talking about decent guys who adore women. The real creeps don't care, but these guys do....they care deeply and that shame tears them apart.

 

By contrast, since women can usually wait for suitors to show up, sure they might get called some names when they reject someone, but it doesn't screw up their heads the same way. It doesn't break them of the ability to reject bad men. Remotely healthy women aren't out there having sex with guys they don't want to sleep with just because he called her btch when she said no the first time.

 

I just don't see how men and women really get along, really understand each other unless we accept that there are real biological differences, and we approach each other with real compassion. What I usually see in threads like this is the suggestion that we're really the same, often through a re-framing into the issues that women face. And in that re-framing, in my opinion I see a real lack of compassion. To me it really and truly comes across that women don't care about men.....and in my darker moments that they resent men for giving voice to any kind of problem / challenge they might face.

[Seraphim]

I don't hate men , even despite what has been done to me.

[itsallgrand]

TMifune, your post reminded me of a time when I was catching a bus late at night in an area of my city that is rather sketchy. And this big, intimidating looking man approached me and basically said he'd hang around until I got on my bus in case anyone bothered me, as the area was not safe. I felt fearful of him. Nothing bad happened that night. He hung around til I got on a bus, as he said he would. To this day, I don't know if he was a nice guy trying to help me or if he had other intentions he didn't carry through for whatever reason.

There's been more than one incident like that in my life. Some sexually tinged, some not (this story he showed no overt sexual interest in me).

I was nodding my head when you mentioned a mans protective instincts can sometimes come across awkward, even frightening.

 

Who are these women though who are older that throw around creepy interchangeably with not interested in the man?! It's interesting the posts from the men here versus posts from the women.

[itsallgrand]

And I did it right there too... reframed it from a woman's perspective.

I've been listening to the men on this forum express frustration about that very thing, and even with it in mind, I did it.

I'm sorry.

[Blue Spiral]

Agree with everything you say. And highlighting this part because I think it's kind of a crock of sh*t when people say to be entirely happy on your own. Not what this thread is about don't mean to go off topic (and I know we have to have our own things going on in our lives, yadda yadda yadda), but you're right...people need people. Socially, physically and romantically.

 

I'm one of those wacky people who disagree. I'm extremely solitary, and, if not for sex, I would avoid humanity as much as I could. I often fantasize about waking up one morning and finding that everyone else has magically vanished.

 

Now, I'd be a lot happier if I weren't sharing a planet with seven billion other people...but I will admit to needing other people to a degree. I'm not any sort of survivalist, so I'd die pretty quickly. Maybe if I could really stock up on canned food...

[Cheetarah]

I agree, though I'd say that immaturity ranges much farther into some womens' twenties than you might believe. Especially in this era of prolonged adolescence / delayed adulthood.

 

My point is that men and boys are both biologically and socially programmed to want to protect women. So when they're shamed with language like "creepy" it's not just "they need thicker skin". It undercuts them on a deep psychological level. Now, they have this biological and social drive to want a fulfilling romantic and sexual relationship with a woman competing with mounting evidence (if it happens more than once) that their sexual / romantic desire is somehow threatening to women. And that taps into the drive to protect women, so it can become very very difficult for men who've faced this type of shame to actually express romantic interest in a woman.

 

It ends up making them come across really awkward, because they're both trying to express their interest to a woman and at the same time protect that woman from the threat that they've seen other women take their interest to be.

 

Ultimately you're correct, we need to build up both our boys and girls to respect other people's opinions, examine them with logic, and rationality, and reject those opinions when they're personally damaging and have no basis in fact. I'm just saying that "creepy" and other shaming language as applied to boys and men is part of the reason that we have timid guys posting here saying that they're almost 30 or 34 or who knows what and have never had a relationship. They haven't just been rejected, they've been taught (probably through shaming) that their romantic and sexual needs are somehow a threat and should never be expressed.

 

I understand that everyone here has their own take on what's "creepy", but to many women 30 and below "creepy" quite literally means that a guy is unattractive enough that he should have known better than to express interest in her.

 

I haven't seen any ladies here say that they have used it. And if they have, well perhaps it might give a good one pause next time(in a situation with a man who is just socially awkward/shy versus actually feeling a fear or discomfort when it comes to safety). Just like rape culture threads would give pause to a good man.

 

And that comparison isn't to undermine any hurt feelings or hurtful words men have experience. People just empathize better when they can relate. What you are perceiving as a lack of empathy, I'm actually perceiving AS empathy. I use the most comparable issue to understand something when I haven't actually experienced it. Actually, I don't really think rape culture is a good comparison but stuff like 'crazy' is. And yes, that is hurtful. I've been on the receiving end of that and it made me feel like my emotions were a joke, that I could be summed up with the wave of the hand and "man, that b/tch is crazy", cue laughter.

 

Do you see what I am saying? That is the closest thing I have to being referred to as a creepy. I've never been called creepy so I can't really understand it, but I can understand it from the most comparable viewpoint I can think of.

 

I think that is how a lot of people empathize and it's not meant to create divide. It's meant to draw together. I do believe there are some very different things about men and women, even though we like to promote otherwise. We're never really going to 'get it' from the personal standpoint but we can bridge the gap by sharing. And that isn't designed to take away anything from you or any other man who has been hurt.

 

But I can see how just providing that example without saying "Yes, that must be hurtful" and not offering any validating words about that hurt prior to doing so could be construed as a lack of compassion. So I hear you.

 

However, we do have to stop worrying so much what people think of us. It's just for our own well-being. I don't think any person ever becomes completely apathetic about it, so I won't say "completely" but I will say "as much". It really is a life sucker to sit here and reflect on this stuff.

[sky09]

Let me try this again. This thread is about "creepy" and whether it's used too quickly and I think to some extent the effect is has on the recipients. In the first page the OP pretty much had to indirectly suggest that if you want to talk about the women's equivalent, it would be fine to start another thread. But that hasn't changed the fact that people want to shift the focus onto the trials of women instead of focusing on what Op is talking about. Unfortunately in general, any thread about a struggle men face is almost instantly overwhelmed with women trying to re-frame the discussion into the struggles women face. This saddens me to no end because it pretty much presents the image that women have no real compassion or concern for men at all.

 

Call it gender roles instead of gender, but for the most part men have to make the approach. That's the way it is....there's even some biological basis for it as in most mammalian species, the female selects from the males who present themselves to her. When decent men (not the psychos who don't give a crap) but decent men, you know the men who actually care about women, are rejected and shamed with language like creepy....for the act of making an approach, they learn that it's not safe to make the approach. They come to believe that their sexual desire is shameful and in some way a threat to women. This wars with the part of them that you know, cares about and wants to protect women. So they end up in this self-fulfilling state, because the next time they try to approach a woman, she picks up on some weird undercurrent of that internal struggle and wants nothing to do with him. If she chooses to shame him too, then it reinforces the message that his sexuality is threatening to women. Which in turn makes it more difficult for him to make an approach. He stops trying to approach women because that internalized shame digs at him and makes the approach too threatening to his psyche. He stops trying! And I'm talking about decent guys who adore women. The real creeps don't care, but these guys do....they care deeply and that shame tears them apart.

 

By contrast, since women can usually wait for suitors to show up, sure they might get called some names when they reject someone, but it doesn't screw up their heads the same way. It doesn't break them of the ability to reject bad men. Remotely healthy women aren't out there having sex with guys they don't want to sleep with just because he called her btch when she said no the first time.

 

I just don't see how men and women really get along, really understand each other unless we accept that there are real biological differences, and we approach each other with real compassion. What I usually see in threads like this is the suggestion that we're really the same, often through a re-framing into the issues that women face. And in that re-framing, in my opinion I see a real lack of compassion. To me it really and truly comes across that women don't care about men.....and in my darker moments that they resent men for giving voice to any kind of problem / challenge they might face.

 

The time has cometh for you to MGTOW, my brethren.

[BritterSweet]

@ TMIFune: This thread starts with the OP asking, "Are women too quick to call men creepy? Does it really mean ___?" And many of the women here are replying with, "Well this is why, and this is what it means to us. Here are some examples." They're just answering.

 

There is more I want to say in response to your post, but I need some more time to put the words together.

@ sky09: I'm familiar enough with the term MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), and ironically they are the ones most obsessed with women!

 

@ the general thread: Here is something that I think would be relevant for guys worried about coming across as creepy to women.

 

/

 

(If the link ends up removed, Google search "Doctor Nerdlove Creepy" and you'll find quite a few articles addressing the issue of "men being called creepy." The one I originally linked to was the one titled "How to Not Be Creepy.")

[TMifune]

I haven't seen any ladies here say that they have used it. And if they have, well perhaps it might give a good one pause next time(in a situation with a man who is just socially awkward/shy versus actually feeling a fear or discomfort when it comes to safety). Just like rape culture threads would give pause to a good man.

 

And that comparison isn't to undermine any hurt feelings or hurtful words men have experience. People just empathize better when they can relate. What you are perceiving as a lack of empathy, I'm actually perceiving AS empathy. I use the most comparable issue to understand something when I haven't actually experienced it. Actually, I don't really think rape culture is a good comparison but stuff like 'crazy' is. And yes, that is hurtful. I've been on the receiving end of that and it made me feel like my emotions were a joke, that I could be summed up with the wave of the hand and "man, that b/tch is crazy", cue laughter.

 

Do you see what I am saying? That is the closest thing I have to being referred to as a creepy. I've never been called creepy so I can't really understand it, but I can understand it from the most comparable viewpoint I can think of.

 

I think that is how a lot of people empathize and it's not meant to create divide. It's meant to draw together. I do believe there are some very different things about men and women, even though we like to promote otherwise. We're never really going to 'get it' from the personal standpoint but we can bridge the gap by sharing. And that isn't designed to take away anything from you or any other man who has been hurt.

 

But I can see how just providing that example without saying "Yes, that must be hurtful" and not offering any validating words about that hurt prior to doing so could be construed as a lack of compassion. So I hear you.

 

However, we do have to stop worrying so much what people think of us. It's just for our own well-being. I don't think any person ever becomes completely apathetic about it, so I won't say "completely" but I will say "as much". It really is a life sucker to sit here and reflect on this stuff.

 

I'll concede that for some it might be an effort to empathize. My specific objection was to posts that make it seem like a competition. The "Well, women have it worse because...XXX" type thing.

 

I was somewhat distressed by the apparent lack of acknowledgement that some men might have a legitimate complaint. The overwhelming majority of responses seemed to carry the implication that if a woman labeled a man as creepy than he must of necessity have earned that label. I'll have to think on it some more. My complaint may actually come down to the difference between a woman expressing her feelings "I felt uncomfortable" to making that discomfort an innate reflection of their perceived source of discomfort. i.e. "He's creepy" would seem more like a value judgement of a human being as opposed to "something about his behavior bothers me" which is an, I think, more accurate reflection of what's going on. Perhaps I just want to see the "creepy" label more clearly applied to behavior instead of to a person.

 

I do think that attraction overrides a great deal of what people would otherwise consider creepy behavior though. I imagine most women have had friends who got with an eye-roll worthy guy. And I'd be willing to imagine that in many cases that guy's behavior may have seemed objectively 'creepy' to her, but her friend doesn't see it that way because she's attracted to the guy. So I wouldn't necessarily say say that "creepy" only means "a guy hitting on me that I'm not attracted to", but I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand because in many cases, from the outside it would seem that the same behavior by two different people is considered creepy in one instance and sweet or romantic in the other.

[Moontiger]

There are several layers to this thread. Because of that there is no straightforward answer to the OP's original question.

 

For example:

 

Women (as they are human and thus individual and not a hive-minded zombie like group) each use the term "creepy" is different ways. As I stated before, if my gut tells me something is off about a guy but I can't point to something specific I will use the term "creepy". This instict has been prove right enough that I always listen to my guy feeling. Another woman though, might use it in a totally different way.

 

Then you have the "to quick" part of the question. What is "to quick"? How much time and how long should a woman have to feel uncomfortable around a guy for it to be NOT to quick to lable him creepy? For example, freshman year in college during the first week I meet a guy who gave me a really bad feeling. He did not do anything weird in my first couple interactions with him but I avoided him as much as possible (it was a small school). Well, one day he comes up to me and starts telling me how pretty I am and runs in finger through my hair. CREEPY. I reported the behavior and later found out he was asked to leave the school for a variety of reasons. I had only interact with him a few times, was that to quick to lable him creepy?

 

Then you have the "well attractive guys don't get labled creepy" argument. Which, in my experience just isn't true. Perhapes you could find some teenagers who this is true for but I haven't seen that from grown women. Just my experience. I have a friend who is dating an objectively attractive guy. But I would and have describe him as creepy (he is a serial cheater, "recovering" alcoholic, who lived off his wife's money only to have an affair with my friend and get kicked out).

[ParisPaulette]

This thread sort of reminds me of that saying a male friend of mine is fond of pointing out when this topic comes up in my little crowd of friends. (Introvert here, I will never have a huge circle of friends, don't want one either.)

 

Women fear being killed by men. Men fear being made fun of by women.

 

It is what it is. But really, people, as I said this morning in another post the whole topic of "labels" is one that does us all a major disservice. We humans love to put things in boxes and say, "This applies to everyone and everything," when in reality it doesn't. And both genders have plenty of labels that get tossed at them. I'm sure for every "creepy" out there a guy has had to suffer I can match you in numbers with the label "b*tch." Which got so bad at one point in my life one of my guy friends gave me a t-shirt that actually says, "You say b*tch like it's a bad thing."

 

Yup, I had to finally own the label that's been tossed in my face the most from closest loved ones (siblings love it, let me tell ya) to total strangers on the street.

 

Meh, both sides have their own burdens to bear. I think we can all agree on that. Label me alive and kicking and it's really the only label I want. (Well, brilliant and fantastic wouldn't be bad labels either, but I'm pretty sure I'd then get labeled "stuck up" or "arrogant" so you know...)

 

Shmuck it, I guess we all ain't nothing but a label. And in the wise words of Homer Simpson ….[video=youtube;-sbFhOeqTzY]

[Krankor]

Just a few things:

 

1.) I seem to have a kind face and disposition which makes strangers feel comfortable asking me for directions, etc, like others on this board. However, I'm also somewhat physically intimidating. My girlfriend's daughters male friend apparently remarked to my girlfriend after meeting me "That guy is intimidating times 10!" I remember one night walking home after dark, a woman was walking maybe 20 feet or so ahead of me. I noticed that she kept looking over her shoulder nervously at me. I was aware that she was perceiving a possible threat. As it turned out, we kept needing to make the same turns. I slowed my pace a bit for a while to let her get a little more distance, but, otherwise, I kept following her. It was a public street and I needed to get home, what else could I have done? But I sometimes wonder if she told people about the "creepy" guy who followed her home? I wouldn't even blame her, that's just survival instincts.

 

2.) I think TMifune did a good job making the points I was trying to make. I don't have a problem with women calling inappropriate behavior from men whatever they want i.e. excessive messaging, stalking behavior, repeated unwanted sexual advances, etc. However, I've also seen men who were maybe low-average looking, slightly awkward, but completely harmless get labelled "creeps" simply for showing an interest in a particular woman. That does seem to be a shaming tactic, as in "You should have known better than to think you had a chance with me, therefore I will shame you to put you in your place." That's always seemed mean-spirited to me. I also agree that this is partly to blame for the "I'm 28 and I've never had a girlfriend" posts we sometimes see here. I've also seen women humblebrag about all the "creeps" who are always after them. My own girlfriend has done that with me to a degree. I think in her case she feels insecure because she's a little older than me and so wants me to know that other men also find her attractive.

 

3.) I've also heard it said that women in general don't tend to have a lot of compassion for men. I don't know if that's true or not, but I do agree that anytime there's a discussion about struggles men may have women tend to have a knee jerk reaction and want to turn the discussion around to their struggles. In this case, saying "Well, this is what it's like for me as a woman, and why I use the label 'creepy'" I think is perfectly fine, I think, but I don't believe that "Oh yeah, well what about what men call us ?" really adds much to the discussion. I also remember once reading an article called "5 Mistakes Women Make With Their Husbands" or something like that. The comments section was filled with apparently angry women saying things like "Where is the article telling husbands what they need to do differently?" Or defensive remarks about why women do what they do and why they refuse to change their approach with their husbands. I didn't see one comment from a woman saying something introspective or saying something like "Interesting, I guess maybe I've been doing that with my husband and should try to change it." Nothing. Only defensive, "what about us" comments. It really bothered me a lot.

 

4.) I don't tend to feel "creeped out" by women who show interest in me, even in slightly aggressive ways, and even if I'm not at all attracted to them. Usually, my reaction--both external and internal--tends to be "Ahh, that's so flattering! No thanks, but how sweet of you." The one time I can remember ever getting really creeped out was when I was 19 and had a 30 something mother of four who I was very unattracted to who kept making repeated advances toward me. Even then, I was flattered the first time that she found me attractive; I just didn't like that she wouldn't take "no" for an answer.

 

However, I think there are evolutionary reasons that can explain this apparent difference between men and women; reproduction is a lot costlier for a woman than a man from a biological standpoint, therefore a less desirable guy making eyes at her from across the cave is "creepy" because she doesn't want to waste a precious pregnancy on his child. For a man; no big deal; he can always try again the next day.

[Krankor]

There are several layers to this thread. Because of that there is no straightforward answer to the OP's original question.

 

For example:

 

Women (as they are human and thus individual and not a hive-minded zombie like group) each use the term "creepy" is different ways. As I stated before, if my gut tells me something is off about a guy but I can't point to something specific I will use the term "creepy". This instict has been prove right enough that I always listen to my guy feeling. Another woman though, might use it in a totally different way.

 

Then you have the "to quick" part of the question. What is "to quick"? How much time and how long should a woman have to feel uncomfortable around a guy for it to be NOT to quick to lable him creepy? For example, freshman year in college during the first week I meet a guy who gave me a really bad feeling. He did not do anything weird in my first couple interactions with him but I avoided him as much as possible (it was a small school). Well, one day he comes up to me and starts telling me how pretty I am and runs in finger through my hair. CREEPY. I reported the behavior and later found out he was asked to leave the school for a variety of reasons. I had only interact with him a few times, was that to quick to lable him creepy?

 

Then you have the "well attractive guys don't get labled creepy" argument. Which, in my experience just isn't true. Perhapes you could find some teenagers who this is true for but I haven't seen that from grown women. Just my experience. I have a friend who is dating an objectively attractive guy. But I would and have describe him as creepy (he is a serial cheater, "recovering" alcoholic, who lived off his wife's money only to have an affair with my friend and get kicked out).

 

It maybe would have been better for me to ask "is the "creepy" label overused" than to ask if women are "too quick" to use it.

 

As for your last point about attractive guys, here's where I'd like to challenge you. You recognize that the man is "objectively" attractive, but you find his behavior creepy nonetheless. OK, but YOU aren't attracted to him. Just as there are women who I find objectively attractive but who I would have nothing to do with because of how they are. However, can you imagine a scenario in which a woman may like a certain behavior from a man she finds attractive and label it "creepy" if done by a man she doesn't? For example, tall, dark, handsome Steve who she doesn't know really well but who she's had a bit of a crush on for a while sends her a single rose with a message that he'd like to take her out to dinner and get to know her better. She's over the moon. Short, bald, dumpy Ted who she knows about as well does the exact same thing, and her reaction is "Eww, creepy." That's just an example off the top of my head and maybe not the best, but I think you get my point,

[HeartGoesOn]

This thread has run its course.