Are Women Too Quick to Label Men as "Creepy"?

[Krankor]

I've never been called "creepy" to my face, at least not that I can recall. I don't know if I've ever been labeled a "creep" behind my back. Then again, I don't tend to approach women unless I've been given a pretty clear green light. However, I've noticed that women use this term quite a bit, and I think it would really sting to be called creepy--it would almost make me feel less-than-human, as if I don't matter and have no business trying to date and find love. It seems a somewhat mean-spirited thing to call someone. I know that this topic has been discussed elsewhere, but I'm curious to get peoples' takes on it here.

 

My big problem with the term "creepy" is that it actually doesn't say anything at all about the person being described, it only describes the state of mind of the person using that label. It says nothing about the man's behavior, dress, age, hygiene, etc. It only describes an impression he's made. I've seen men described as "creepy" who really seemed to be doing nothing but mind their own business, who's only "crime" was being out in public at the same time as the woman who called him that.

 

So what do people here think? Are women too quick to label men as "creepy"? Also, does "creepy" really mean "man I'm not attracted to who shows an interest in me"? And why not just say "Thanks but no thanks?" Why throw an insult in there?

[boltnrun]

My ex sent me 18 unanswered messages .

 

I think that qualifies as creepy.

 

I don't throw that word around.

 

So, I'd like to know why men use the term "psycho" about women? That's hurtful.

 

Are men too quick to label women "psychos"?

[Krankor]

My ex sent me 18 unanswered messages .

 

I think that qualifies as creepy.

 

I don't throw that word around.

 

So, I'd like to know why men use the term "psycho" about women? That's hurtful.

 

Are men too quick to label women "psychos"?

 

Fair enough about the excessive messaging, but you're using that label to describe a definite behavior, not just a "feeling" you get from someone.

 

It's not nice to call a woman a psycho, you are correct. But making that point seems like a -for-tat deflection.

[notalady]

It means different things to different people. A plumber contracted to my work came in to fix something last week, he was late 40s-50 and had hit on the 22 year old receptionist and sent her a Facebook message after (he found her by searching her full name) and invited her to come to drinks with him and his six guy friends. I told her that's creepy. I think that his behaviour called for it. But I don't throw the term around to describe people (men or women), and never really heard it used by other women I know. I've described situations (nothing to do with men or dating) as creepy before, that's about it.

 

Maybe it's the women you've met that seem to like to use it? Or maybe it's an American thing. Certainly where I am, it's not often used to describe someone's vibe or appearance.

[Krankor]

It means different things to different people. A plumber contracted to my work came in to fix something last week, he was late 40s-50 and had hit on the 22 year old receptionist and sent her a Facebook message after (he found her by searching her full name) and invited her to come to drinks with him and his six guy friends. I told her that's creepy. I think that his behaviour called for it. But I don't throw the term around to describe people (men or women), and never really heard it used by other women I know. I've described situations (nothing to do with men or dating) as creepy before, that's about it.

 

Maybe it's the women you've met that seem to like to use it? Or maybe it's an American thing. Certainly where I am, it's not often used to describe someone's vibe or appearance.

 

In the US it definitely seems to be used to describe a person's "vibe" quite a bit, at least in my observation. I've noticed that female friends and have even heard my own girlfriend use that term to describe men who haven't exactly done anything to them, but who they just don't like the "feel" they get from them, especially if they think those men may be attracted to them.

 

I'd say that it would probably be fair to describe that man's behavior as "creepy" in your example.

[boltnrun]

The point I was trying to make is it's not fair to generalize.

[missmarple]

Creepy to me is someone who makes me feel uncomfortable (standing too close to me, touching me when I hardly know him, speaking to my face, following me around, etc) or scared. It has nothing to do with how he's dressed, how clean he is or how old he is...if it's a dark night and I walk alone and I feel someone is following me, for example, it could be Brad Pitt and I'd still be creeped out.

[notalady]

Creepy to me is someone who makes me feel uncomfortable (standing too close to me, touching me when I hardly know him, speaking to my face, following me around, etc) or scared. It has nothing to do with how he's dressed, how clean he is or how old he is...if it's a dark night and I walk alone and I feel someone is following me, for example, it could be Brad Pitt and I'd still be creeped out.

 

I do agree with this general rule.

[Krankor]

The point I was trying to make is it's not fair to generalize.

 

I think if someone were to start a thread asking if it seems that men are often too quick to label women as "crazy" and wondering why, that would be perfectly legitimate. I think men often are too quick to label women as "psycho" and "crazy" when we simply are failing to relate to them. I've been guilty of it myself.

 

Yes, I am generalizing, but it's just based on an observation I've made. But maybe it would have been better to ask "Are SOME women..."

[notalady]

I think if someone were to start a thread asking if it seems that men are often too quick to label women as "crazy" and wondering why, that would be perfectly legitimate. I think men often are too quick to label women as "psycho" and "crazy" when we simply are failing to relate to them. I've been guilty of it myself.

 

Yes, I am generalizing, but it's just based on an observation I've made. But maybe it would have been better to ask "Are SOME women..."

 

I think many a time, it's a situation that falls within MissMarple's description, the men make these women feel uncomfortable or scared in their presence, maybe they're just sitting/walking too close, or staring / looking too long, or could be something else entirely. Women are trained into identifying and avoiding unwanted attention or potentially unsafe situations in a way that sometimes men are oblivious to. This labelling possibly come from a place of defence rather than offence.

[boltnrun]

I had this conversation with a coworker.

 

Generally speaking, men are not afraid to walk to their cars in a dark, deserted parking lot. They aren't afraid to walk across college campuses alone at night, and they don't fear walking home from a bus stop alone at night. So it's difficult for them to understand the fear that many women live with daily.

 

I had an ex who didn't take kindly to me telling him I didn't want to date him anymore. He was the sender of the 18 ignored messages. I didn't really fear that he'd hurt me, but who really knows? And one of his messages was vaguely threatening.

 

So, yeah, some women might be creeped out by a persistent or overly touchy or overly friendly stranger. Because of that fear.

[notalady]

I had this conversation with a coworker.

 

Generally speaking, men are not afraid to walk to their cars in a dark, deserted parking lot. They aren't afraid to walk across college campuses alone at night, and they don't fear walking home from a bus stop alone at night. So it's difficult for them to understand the fear that many women live with daily.

 

I had an ex who didn't take kindly to me telling him I didn't want to date him anymore. He was the sender of the 18 ignored messages. I didn't really fear that he'd hurt me, but who really knows? And one of his messages was vaguely threatening.

 

So, yeah, some women might be creeped out by a persistent or overly touchy or overly friendly stranger. Because of that fear.

 

Luckily, kind men that are close to us (perhaps a male family member, a friend or a partner) usually understand this danger and will help us avoid these situations by staying with us / walking with us / driving us. That's what I call a gentleman

 

I have however spoken to a male friend once who didn't understand why my ex showing up at my place after break up and blocking, then tracked me down at a nearby cafe, was scary for me, he thought it was justified, maybe romantic even, when the guy is desperate to get the girl back lol... Even my ex himself didn't realise it was creepy / scary behaviour, he apologised and stopped after showing up that one time (lucky for me). But I was worried for a whole week after that, watching every corner and outside my house in case he showed up again.

[boltnrun]

Yeah, I told another coworker about the 18 unwanted messages and he said "Awwww, that's so sweet, he LOVES you!!!!"

 

Totally didn't get it. Then again, this same coworker sent a woman at work flowers on Valentines Day even though he'd never actually met her. And he didn't get why she thought that was kind of strange.

[notalady]

Yeah, I told another coworker about the 18 unwanted messages and he said "Awwww, that's so sweet, he LOVES you!!!!"

 

Totally didn't get it. Then again, this same coworker sent a woman at work flowers on Valentines Day even though he'd never actually met her. And he didn't get why she thought that was kind of strange.

 

Yea I think Hollywood rom coms gotta carry the blame for these kinds of behaviour and misguided view of romance.

[Krankor]

Yeah, I told another coworker about the 18 unwanted messages and he said "Awwww, that's so sweet, he LOVES you!!!!"

 

Totally didn't get it. Then again, this same coworker sent a woman at work flowers on Valentines Day even though he'd never actually met her. And he didn't get why she thought that was kind of strange.

 

It's funny; I'm not trying to be a wise guy, but I had an ex engage in similar behavior; tons of unwanted, hate-filled texts that I didn't respond to after I broke things off with her. This went on for over a month, I have no idea how many messages she sent me. She also randomly showed up at my door a couple of times.

 

However, I didn't label her behavior as "creepy." I labeled it as "crazy." That's interesting, now that I think of it. Behavior from a man that is labeled "creepy" is oftentimes labeled "crazy" when women do it.

[notalady]

It's funny; I'm not trying to be a wise guy, but I had an ex engage in similar behavior; tons of unwanted, hate-filled texts that I didn't respond to after I broke things off with her. This went on for over a month, I have no idea how many messages she sent me. She also randomly showed up at my door a couple of times.

 

However, I didn't label her behavior as "creepy." I labeled it as "crazy." That's interesting, now that I think of it. Behavior from a man that is labeled "creepy" is oftentimes labeled "crazy" when women do it.

 

It's just a different word that describes the same kind of behaviour. One of my friends also appropriately called it "unhinged". I don't think which words are used is really that important, it's only a problem if used to describe a situation or person that doesn't warrant that kind of description or seems condescending or mean spirited.

 

Like one of my ex's called me a drama queen because I very calmly told him, it's not cool that he wanted to cancel our date last minute to go to the gym (not an urgent situation), or when I calmly told him "I feel uncomfortable about your ex always finding excuses to contact and see you, I think she is still interested in more than friends". How convenient, one word to instantly turn it around and make it seem like my fault for speaking up. Ironically, this is the same ex that blew up my phone with calls and texts and cried and showed up at my place (mentioned above) when I broke up with him lol...talk about drama.

[Capricorn3]

Creepy to me is someone who makes me feel uncomfortable (standing too close to me, touching me when I hardly know him, speaking to my face, following me around, etc) or scared. It has nothing to do with how he's dressed, how clean he is or how old he is...if it's a dark night and I walk alone and I feel someone is following me, for example, it could be Brad Pitt and I'd still be creeped out.

I agree with the above - that's how I view "creepy" too. It has nothing to do with how he looks, but everything to do with making you feel very uncomfortable and getting too up close and personal etc.

[itsallgrand]

In my experience, who tends to use the word creepy excessively and cruelly tend to be very young women and girls. And it's mostly a reflection of their lack of maturity and not thinking before they speak.

 

It's very rare I hear grown women use it that way. If it's used, it's used to express fear mostly.

[Seraphim]

Creepy is someone who makes me fear for my safety.

[Ms Darcy]

It's funny; I'm not trying to be a wise guy, but I had an ex engage in similar behavior; tons of unwanted, hate-filled texts that I didn't respond to after I broke things off with her. This went on for over a month, I have no idea how many messages she sent me. She also randomly showed up at my door a couple of times.

 

However, I didn't label her behavior as "creepy." I labeled it as "crazy." That's interesting, now that I think of it. Behavior from a man that is labeled "creepy" is oftentimes labeled "crazy" when women do it.

 

Maybe it's just me, but I sort of think you are caring about the wrong thing in this instance. I think there's a very real and demonstrated gender difference in the way violence is perpetrated and addressed. In general, most victims of sexual assault know the perpetrator and from that often as an ex or a potential suitor. I think there's a justified sense that a lot of women would comparatively be much more physically defenseless to a man than vice versa.

 

So I think one has to contextualize your understanding of the underlying root causes of language before admonishing them.

 

For me, creepy is almost a shorthand signal alerting whoever I am telling that I felt uncomfortable and a bot objectified. It's unwelcome and generally a reason to put up my guard (e.g. to be ready to run).

 

I am not saying it's not overused. I am saying when people use it, it's usually part of a larger description where I.completely understand that use.

[treesandbees]

I don't use the word "creepy ".. I tend to label people sleazy though, meaning out to get something sexual off someone only out for that and nothing more and that turns me right off. I would only think someone was creepy is if they showed up in various places I regularly went, as in stalking me or sending me unwanted gifts and we never even went out on a date before.. Way too much.

[j.man]

I've heard a few different women say, "The only difference between a guy who is creepy and a guy who isn't creepy is whether or not I'm attracted to them." Obviously a bit of an oversimplification, but there's going to be some exacerbation that goes with someone approaching you whom you're simply not interested in.

 

Then there are guys who I think can objectively be considered creepy. Men can relate in how we describe some women as "scary."

[Seraphim]

I've heard a few different women say, "The only difference between a guy who is creepy and a guy who isn't creepy is whether or not I'm attracted to them." Obviously a bit of an oversimplification, but obviously there's going to be some exacerbation that goes with someone approaching you whom you're simply not interested in.

 

Then there are guys who I think can objectively be considered creepy. Men can relate in how we describe some women as "scary."

That's what I don't understand just because somebody is not attractive to you or you not attracted to them doesn't mean they are creepy . I kind of shake my head when I hear other women say that .

 

To me creepy is construction workers making whistles at an 11-year-old me and making sexual comments .

To me creepy is a fellow who stalks you at work and followed you home with his car and tries to drag you in it .

To me creepy is a man who stands outside the window of your work every single day for two years to stare at you .

 

Things of that nature .

[TMifune]

I've heard a few different women say, "The only difference between a guy who is creepy and a guy who isn't creepy is whether or not I'm attracted to them." Obviously a bit of an oversimplification, but there's going to be some exacerbation that goes with someone approaching you whom you're simply not interested in.

 

Then there are guys who I think can objectively be considered creepy. Men can relate in how we describe some women as "scary."

 

Except when we're talking about dating I'm not sure that the things we might consider are "objectively creepy" are going to earn someone the label creepy if the woman involved is attracted to the "creepy" guy. Attraction often overrides rationality and leaves many people making very, very foolish decisions. A girl posted on another forum I used to read about how this guy in her building would wait for her in the stairwell every day for months until he finally wore her down and she decided to be his. Many would say that's creepy...take a hint, right? To her it was romantic....ex post facto romantic I think, but still.

 

What I dislike is when creepy is applied to an average ordinary guy who's just trying to get a date. Maybe he was a little awkward, or clumsy. Maybe he's not up to some woman's visual standards. Maybe he doesn't give off signals of the status and wealth she thinks she deserves.....but that doesn't make him creepy. And all too often creepy is used for two things. It's used to shame men that she thinks "should have known he was no where near good enough to get with her"......or it's used to increase status among other women. "oh, I'm soooo hot I always have these creepers trying to get with me"

[Moontiger]

I use "creepy" in two different ways. First, the way described by other posters. When a guy does something (makes sexual comments to me, stands way to close, etc) that makes me very uncomfortable. Second, is when I get aa gut feeling that something is off with a guy but I can't put my finger on why I feel that way. And, that guy feeling has been confirmed enough that I always listen to it.