testcase Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I do love this post. Sorry I didn't get to read all the replies. I just think in this online age we get to be super picky. It's more disposable dating because we all feel we can log back online and find another person. What you see is the same people on these dating sites for years. I've been on a few for a few years... and I def see the same people I was talking to when I first started. I'll admit I'm picky... most likely to a fault. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 oh I miss everything .. and I am not reading ten pages ... just tell me ..did at any point sporty say he wanted my hand in marriage ? If yes I will read it all I would love to see London Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 But the height thing is for men what the chest size thing is for women. ParisPaulette, this is brilliant. Yes. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 A lot of people say they want a "good" man or a "good" woman -- and really THINK that's what they want -- but what they really want is "a good man or woman who fits all of my very exacting criteria." Often, these extremely picky types, while they may be decent looking, make a decent income, etc. don't stand out as being particularly special either, but they seem to think they are entitled to someone verging on perfect. I've seen a few of these types here on ENA, though I will certainly not name any names. Some days I'm not even sure if they even want a good man. It almost seems to be an afterthought. They want this and that, oh and it would be nice if you were't a serial killer. Sigh, that's probably just the cynicism talking. And I agree. Some of the demanding women out there don't bring a lot to the table. As I'm sure with the men. I've read profiles where they don't even try to sell themselves. Just show up with a picture and a list of demands. I've also seen the ones that are drop dead gorgeous. They just post a picture and say something like "I like stuff". But maybe that's an entirely different subject. I would NEVER have met this guy on online dating because I would have thought he was too young for me, most likely, and he would have fallen outside my search criteria, which probably would have been 40-55 (I am almost 45). (I tend to not want to date too much younger than myself because I don't want kids and I fear that men in their 30's will, and there's no point in meeting ones who do, in my opinion). It was a VERY big stroke of luck that we had a mutual acquaintance who thinks we're both awesome and that we'd really hit it off -- and we did. Otherwise, I'd still be single, and I would have been OK with that. Ahmen Anyway...I feel your pain, even though I haven't actually experienced it. Friends and family members of mine, as well as many folks here on ENA have, though, so I see it a lot, and you have some legitimate gripes. I think online dating sites were a good idea at one time, but the whole concept has morphed into something other than what it was originally -- it's created a whole lot of picky, entitled, never-satisfied people who are always looking out for the "perfect" match, so much so that they overlook some really great people who perhaps don't tick every single one of their boxes. Plus, I think it's created a mentality -- or at least exacerbated an existing one -- that there's always someone "better" out there, and God forbid you should "settle" for what you've got when there *MIGHT* be a "perfect" person out there. It's sad, really, which is why, yeah, I decided it wasn't for me. I couldn't agree more. Hang in there....I can tell from your posts what a great guy you are, and I am confident she's out there. All it takes is one. Thank You Oh she's out there. She's on my FB friend list. We've dated. I've written about her here. I just need her to wake up and realize it's time for her to make her life awesome and call me. Probably not going to happen, and I'm not waiting. When I last spoke to her I told her the door was open a crack, and she will never be pressured. I met her when I was 50. I joke that it took me 50 years to find the woman of my dreams. And I don't have another 50 years to find another Some days when I think about her, I may not be joking. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 OP made me grin. So true. LOTS of BS on POF. Also apparently "a few extra pounds" and "morbidly obese" mean the same thing lol. I have, however, met some cool honest women on pof. One I'm dating and 2 are friends of mine now. I have also. But it seems to be becoming rare. The reality might be a lot of good women are just as fed up and not going online anymore. Which I find kind of reassuring. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Have dated men with a visible paunch, and I won't do that again unless I am compelled. Since, say, 2010, every man I have dated has been athletic, and several have sported pretty sexy abs. One can be active and have a little extra, but a visible paunch is like 40 pounds extra and that is just too much. The active lifestyle is what it means - an active lifestyle. If a man had a good body but was a slug on the weekends, the inactive lifestyle would be a deal killer no matter how hot he is. I know I am about to be flamed to eternity. If it makes anyone feel better... I also am single, lol. I'm the active guy with a paunch. Not quite 40 pounds mind you. I run marathons, but I should do more cross training. And less reward eating. I rewarded myself after my last marathon. And still am. It way May 18th though. Ugh. So my point is I don't want to flame you. I want to start eating properly again and start cross training. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Who here wants OLD sites to add penis size and bra size filters??? As long as I can use metric. 8 centimeters sounds better than 3 inches. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I'm the active guy with a paunch. Not quite 40 pounds mind you. I run marathons, but I should do more cross training. And less reward eating. I rewarded myself after my last marathon. And still am. It way May 18th though. Ugh. So my point is I don't want to flame you. I want to start eating properly again and start cross training. I am similar; I have finished marathons, half marathons, work out regularly (I do some sort of exercise -- gym or running --a minimum of 4X a week) and I'm about 20 pounds overweight, so I guess I'd be "chubby" by some men's standards, even though I'm quite active and, quite frankly, can embarrass people much younger than I by blazing past them when running races. I know I need to eat better; I don't eat out a lot, and I don't eat fast food, but....I like sugar a little too much, and I love things like cheese a little too much. And cake. And...well...lots of stuff I shouldn't. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I'm the active guy with a paunch. Not quite 40 pounds mind you. I run marathons, but I should do more cross training. And less reward eating. I rewarded myself after my last marathon. And still am. It way May 18th though. Ugh. So my point is I don't want to flame you. I want to start eating properly again and start cross training. I don't believe you have an official paunch. You may not be rocking your usual Magic Mike abs, but that's not the same thing. For the folks here who are wondering if we want a good man... the man from whom I am trying to unstick myself is - on paper - not a good man. I did not meet him on line, and I know all the skeletons in his closet, and it matters to me not a bit. It matters to him, and so he is getting in his own way and probably will for another couple of years. By which time, heck, I will be on my 5th marriage or something. So I gotta just let him go from my own head. I raise this point because in my mind, "good man" has to do with character, and fit for oneself, and not with these things like money or looks. It happens that this fellow has a set of physical traits that I find attractive, and frankly, I think that hampers his ability to see his true strengths. Sportster, I don't know what we do with our uncooperative candidates. I am writing mine off as best I can and making myself available to the candidate of the day. OLD has made that process much easier than it would have been otherwise. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Again, a *high five* to you Sportster! That is all I'm going to say ...lol Link to comment
John John Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 But the height thing is for men what the chest size thing is for women. No, not even close. While we do like boobs, it is a myth in terms of how much men actually care about them. An otherwise awesome women will not get turned down for having a small chest, while many more (but not all) women (especially if we're talking talking about the poisonous cesspool that is OLD, which we all know and love) WILL turn down an otherwise all-around awesome guy for being too short for her standards. In fact, I think men like women of all different chest sizes (I personally prefer them medium sized) and just view them as a "nice to have" whereas a man's height is very often a deal breaker even if he is a rockstar in every other way. I'm not sure there's a direct female equivalent in terms of something that can't be changed that is a deal breaker to many men (weight is a deal breaker, but at least can USUALLY be brought under control). Maybe someone with a very unattractive face (although this goes for both sexes)? Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Like I said in another thread recently, I'm pretty certain that me and my girlfriend would never have met through OLD. On paper we're not a great match. For one thing, she said she never dates younger men... but of course she didn't find out that I'm 3 years younger than her, until she was already hooked. I kind of look and act like I'm in my early 30s. And I get turned off by people who believe in the paranormal, cosmic energy and astrology. I feel like our views would be too different, I'm incredibly scientifically minded. But even though she's really quite into that stuff, she knows I'm not and it isn't a problem at all. We just, kind of....work. Link to comment
notalady Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Tinder, an incredibly efficient and fast way for men to experience the joy of a %95 rejection rate in a mobile application I laughed at this, as a male friend of mine just said to me two days ago "I have to say that tinder has really increased the rate that I can get rejected! It's a real time saver!" I don't think the Tinder rejection rate is gender specific though. I was on there for a couple of weeks a year ago and again recently. Matched with some guys but no one was interested in actually having a conversation, let alone meeting. I did end up meeting with two, but both seemed to be not looking for anything serious. So long story short, if you are looking for something serious, Tinder is not a good place. With OLD in general, I agree that a lot of the superficial criteria seem to become magnified online. If you meet someone offline, you wouldn't even know if they are 5'10 or 5'9, but online that number is disclosed, and some may find the smaller number unacceptable (for reasons that are beyond me). It's also interesting that the guys I saw on there a year and more ago, and messaged at the time because we seemed compatible and never received a response / got a rejection, are still on the website when I was back on there in the last month. One has to wonder if they have some kind of unrealistic expectations. Including one of my own friends who is the same - rejected numerous nice girls because apparently they were too nice and too agreeable (when he is exactly the same and opinionated girls reject him for the same reason lol). Let's face it, dating is hard, and OLD doesn't make things easier! Link to comment
notalady Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Like I said in another thread recently, I'm pretty certain that me and my girlfriend would never have met through OLD. On paper we're not a great match. For one thing, she said she never dates younger men... but of course she didn't find out that I'm 3 years younger than her, until she was already hooked. I kind of look and act like I'm in my early 30s. And I get turned off by people who believe in the paranormal, cosmic energy and astrology. I feel like our views would be too different, I'm incredibly scientifically minded. But even though she's really quite into that stuff, she knows I'm not and it isn't a problem at all. We just, kind of....work. That is an excellent point! OLD puts everything out there and allows people to be overly critical and judgmental that sometimes two people that would've worked together don't get to meet online because of these apparently differences or some specific unrealistic criteria. I know some of my happily married friends would've probably not gone for their current partner if they met online, as their partners were exactly their height (without heels), but meeting in real life, they didn't really care about it at all! Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I mentioned the height thing to my girlfriend. She said there was a point when she was 18 or 19 when she decided she didn't want to date anybody who was the same height or shorter, just because she thought she'd look silly with a shorter man. She said that it's just something girls are told to think.... "Who told you?" "...magazines? I don't know! I was an 18 year old girl, I was nuts!" "So how did that work out for you?" "I didn't date for a couple of years. Everybody's so short." Link to comment
notalady Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Haha, well whether the height requirement is realistic depends on how tall the girl herself is. If she's rather tall then yes that would be unrealistic and will unnecessarily write off a big chunk of nice guys who may be the same height or slightly shorter (that being said, I have a really tall female friend, 5'11, and she always get rejected by guys she is interested in because she is taller than them and they don't like that lol). I have to admit I have the same criteria about the guy has to be taller than me, but I'm only 5'5. I don't think it's that hard to find a guy taller than that. I did go on a date once with a guy who was the same height as me, he looked tiny lol... Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Haha, well whether the height requirement is realistic depends on how tall the girl herself is. If she's rather tall then yes that would be unrealistic and will unnecessarily write off a big chunk of nice guys who may be the same height or slightly shorter (that being said, I have a really tall female friend, 5'11, and she always get rejected by guys she is interested in because she is taller than them and they don't like that lol). I have to admit I have the same criteria about the guy has to be taller than me, but I'm only 5'5. I don't think it's that hard to find a guy taller than that. I did go on a date once with a guy who was the same height as me, he looked tiny lol... Yeah, my GF's 5'11, same as me. The day she gave up on finding a taller man, was when she read the national height statistics and found that the majority of men are shorter than her. By the way, any guy who rejects a girl just because she's tall is an idiot IMO. Maybe that's just because I've always been attracted to a nice pair of legs... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Haha, well whether the height requirement is realistic depends on how tall the girl herself is. If she's rather tall then yes that would be unrealistic and will unnecessarily write off a big chunk of nice guys who may be the same height or slightly shorter (that being said, I have a really tall female friend, 5'11, and she always get rejected by guys she is interested in because she is taller than them and they don't like that lol). I have to admit I have the same criteria about the guy has to be taller than me, but I'm only 5'5. I don't think it's that hard to find a guy taller than that. I did go on a date once with a guy who was the same height as me, he looked tiny lol... I'm only 5"2 and met some guys who were my height or one inch shorter. I felt comfortable as long as the person wasn't too thin - I didn't find that attractive (also wasn't as attracted to tall men who were very thin). Link to comment
notalady Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I'm only 5"2 and met some guys who were my height or one inch shorter. I felt comfortable as long as the person wasn't too thin - I didn't find that attractive (also wasn't as attracted to tall men who were very thin). Haha that's a good point too, I think it was the combination of height and thinness that made that guy I met looked tiny. That being said, I talked to him and met with him despite the height, and if we had gotten along (it was one of the most boring dates I ever had), I would have given it a chance regardless. Btw 5'2 is very short for a guy! How did you even find them lol... Link to comment
notalady Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 The subject of unrealistic expectations reminds me of a guy I talked to briefly a year ago (sorry I don't have any female examples since I don't look at female profiles lol, but I'm sure you guys have plenty of examples). He wasn't attractive, while I don't condone the rating system, for indicative purposes I'd say this guy was a 3 or 4 out of 10, pretty short at 5'6, those alone would've made it hard for him in the dating world (not to mention online dating world). He was 35 and specifically stated he didn't want children, which I imagine shrinks his dating pool even further. His profile showed a hint of arrogance, also contained a list of dealbreakers (fairly reasonable ones) but it was overall positive, then I got to the last section "you should message me if", where he proceed to outline a series of criteria that the women to message him should fit into - "you are physically fit, intelligent, independent and fun", "a young beauty... A girl who cares about her health, attitude, style and connections", "a girl who is benevolent, cheerful with joy, gentleness and happiness", "possess traditional family values". At which point, I thought, do you really think you can meet a girl who fit in all those criteria (which is very hard to come by to start with), also doesn't want children and ALSO be interested in dating you? He's still on the website, of course. Link to comment
bluebell29 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 You know I can't really make up my mind about online dating - think it's a waste of time some days and other times, a really good way to give yourself access to a large pool of singe people. I think a lot depends on how you view it. I've been going on and off the sites over the last 2 years, sometimes going back on for 2 days only to disconnect for the next two weeks lol. I've told myself that if I'm not enjoying being on there, I will get off. I'm actually now viewing it more as a means to practice the language of the country I live in! haha If something else comes out of, well and good. To the problem about people being superficial, I have to admit I can be too and I think it's mainly for 2 reasons: 1) there are just sooo many people online, you have to have stronger filters and 2) I feel like if I have to give a Photoshop-ed pic with a pseudonym cum potential seriel killer a chance, I want to minimise risk of total disappointment and so will pick someone who really really excites me like a fit economist! (Yes, I know I'm one of the worst people on these sites, please don't judge! Although I have to say I've come a long way from filtering based on sun signs....yet even without knowing it now, keep attracting the same sign, so maybe there's subconsciously more to that one!). But I wouldn't rule out someone on the basis of looks if other things looked great on the profile. And I can relate with the height thing, I've gone out with short guys and even bald guys but when they misrepresent how they really look, it is a bit off-putting. Link to comment
bluebell29 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Also regarding rejection, I think that that happens enough in real life too but in a very subtle, barely noticeable way. For instance a guy might check out several woman while in a grocery store but maybe none of them look back or respond to him. That is the real life version of an unanswered OLD email. ..just in less concrete and therefore less harsh terms. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I feel like I can't make up my mind about what the worst part of OLD was. One of the experiences I had... about 3 or 4 times, was pretty crap. It went something like this: A new message comes in, from a woman I haven't messaged first: "Hi. I saw your profile and thought I'd send you a message. You seem cool." I reply: "Thanks. You seem pretty cool yourself. I love that second picture on your profile. Where abouts was that taken?" No reply. Ever. But that's not the worst. I could easily put that down to a bot or something. The worst was with the majority of women who contacted me first. Most of them sent a message, replied to my reply, THEN disappeared. They just start to get my hopes up that I'm going to have a conversation... then they're gone. Link to comment
John John Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Even though my parents are still married 33 years after meeting in a bar 35 years ago...my dad always says "bars are for getting laid, not finding a wife." All we have to do is replace "bars" with "OLD" lol. Obviously people DO meet their spouses in both settings, but the odds are probably pretty small. I only have a POF profile because "ya gotta be in it to win it." But I rarely get excited about getting emails anymore. I've learned to keep my expectations way in check. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.