Hermes Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I noticed your remark, and wondered why there would be few non-white people on the forum and fewer on online dating sites. I suppose there must be a reason, as there is usually a reason for everything. Do they perhaps feel they would be unwelcome or something? Maybe other posters could add their thoughts. Link to comment
missmarple Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I noticed your remark, and wondered why there would be few non-white people on the forum and fewer on online dating sites. I suppose there must be a reason, as there is usually a reason for everything. Do they perhaps feel they would be unwelcome or something? Maybe other posters could add their thoughts. Ohhhhhhhh...no, I didn't mean on the forum! I meant in my country! Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Regarding color: It depends on where you live. In America race is a higher priority in the screening process than in other countries. Within America there are cities that are worse on this matter than others. Link to comment
Hermes Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Gosh. One would have thought that the days of "Guess who's coming to dinner" (1967) are long gone. Link to comment
cobblestone Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I don't think you can really relate, at all. You could always lose weight. It's impossible to gain height or become white. You can be built like a Greek God and it wouldn't matter. 20% of 200 people is still way more than matches a vertically challenged minority will get, and you've had those as dates. Sorry, you really aren't as screwed as you think, and I don't think you see it either. Link to comment
TMifune Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Do people really refuse to date someone because their outside of their racial group? Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Do people really refuse to date someone because their outside of their racial group? Depends very much on where you are. Where I am, I see a lot of mixed race couples. I'm half of one myself. Link to comment
Hermes Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I was wondering the same, TM, but didn't like to ask...... Link to comment
John John Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 The only difference is that fat people can (usually) stop being fat. But yes, fat women definitely struggle with dating (both OLD and IRL). And whether you're a woman or a man, "fat" to many people just signifies an unhealthy, lazy lifestyle. This may not be true, we don't know if the person may have been abused or injured or genetically obese (all of which happen). It's not fair how people might automatically think that, but life's not fair. The short guy thing has been done to death already, so I'll keep it short (every pun intended). I think most people have one or two negative traits about them that they can't change. The best advice I can give, as a shorter guy, is to just be awesome in as many ways as you can. Take chances, be willing to do your homework. Be sexy and be confident. My height has never held me back (ok, maybe some women don't know I exist in the OLD cesspool because I'm auto-filtered out, but I really don't care) 8) As far as the race issue, I don't discriminate per se based on race. I just happen to have a "type" that I tend to gravitate towards more. Although in my old age ( ) I'm starting to really push my boundaries and date different types of women. I dated a hot curvier girl in London this past winter, and the sex was mindblowing. Sooo..."types" aren't everything. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 The only problem with this thinking is ... well, me, you, my husband, a lot of other people wouldn't BE online if they were able to meet people in real life. Online dating fills the gap for people who are socially awkward, introverted, too busy or too shy to put themselves out there in real life. People see each other in real life all the time and don't hook up because they aren't really all that open. BTW, my husband and I lived a few minutes from each other. He walked his dog all the time, but I wasn't in the head space of being open to dating a neighbor. IRL isn't a magical solution when people aren't open ... and a lot of people are not that open to the idea of finding love anywhere. Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Gosh. One would have thought that the days of "Guess who's coming to dinner" (1967) are long gone. In that regard no. As a woman of color my dating prospects would be better in Europe than in the US. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I don't think you can really relate, at all. You could always lose weight. It's impossible to gain height or become white. You can be built like a Greek God and it wouldn't matter. 20% of 200 people is still way more than matches a vertically challenged minority will get, and you've had those as dates. Sorry, you really aren't as screwed as you think, and I don't think you see it either. I have a couple of guy friends who look like Captain America (tall, white, handsome face) and make six figures. OMG, THEY get dozens of messages online EVERY DAY. One is a very nice guy ... just super picky. He's looking for a very specific type (asian or half-asian slim, well-educated, woman). The other is just a serial dater. But they get a lot of attention in real life too. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 The only problem with this thinking is ... well, me, you, my husband, a lot of other people wouldn't BE online if they were able to meet people in real life. Online dating fills the gap for people who are socially awkward, introverted, too busy or too shy to put themselves out there in real life. People see each other in real life all the time and don't hook up because they aren't really all that open. BTW, my husband and I lived a few minutes from each other. He walked his dog all the time, but I wasn't in the head space of being open to dating a neighbor. IRL isn't a magical solution when people aren't open ... and a lot of people are not that open to the idea of finding love anywhere. You think online dating works for people who are socially awkward or shy? My experience and that of everybody I know, is that anything like that, which would cause you trouble dating IRL, will destroy any chance online. The slightest hint of somebody who might need a bit more effort and they're gone. Like somebody said, if you're on the edge, you're ignored. Yeah, that's why I went online, but I quickly realised that it wasn't going to help. So I threw myself into more stuff IRL. Result: success Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 You think online dating works for people who are socially awkward or shy? My experience and that of everybody I know, is that anything like that, which would cause you trouble dating IRL, will destroy any chance online. The slightest hint of somebody who might need a bit more effort and they're gone. Like somebody said, if you're on the edge, you're ignored. Yeah, that's why I went online, but I quickly realised that it wasn't going to help. So I threw myself into more stuff IRL. Result: success My husband is shy ... so, yes it worked for him. It didn't hurt that he's good looking. Actually, I think looks tend to matter a bit more (unfortunately) in the OLD world. Also, I mean shy in the sense that he had a hard time cold approaching but, once he gets comfortable, he can initiate dates. Obviously, if you can't open up and connect then OLD won't help. Link to comment
John John Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 My husband is shy ... so, yes it worked for him. It didn't hurt that he's good looking. Actually, I think looks tend to matter a bit more (unfortunately) in the OLD world. Yup. Online dating is largely (unfortunately) all about the pictures and the "stats" (body type, height, salary). It's because it's like a shopping cart...first, filter by what you want in terms of "stats," THEN read profiles and try to "get to know" them. It's a shame, really. I know I'm guilty of it, although I really don't filter anyone out (I just respond to who emails me, I rarely bother to look at/message anyone). Link to comment
TMifune Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 In that regard no. As a woman of color my dating prospects would be better in Europe than in the US. I wish you better luck than that. I think sometimes the knife cuts both ways. I'm not exactly comfortable with cold approaches, but I think I'd be less comfortable approaching an african american woman. I'm already predisposed to believe I'm going to get shot down and somewhere I picked up the belief that AA women don't really like to date men who aren't AA. Just makes me assume the likelihood of getting shot down is higher. I would definitely go out with a woman of any race that I was attracted to though and I wouldn't care much what other people thought of it. Link to comment
TMifune Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Yup. Online dating is largely (unfortunately) all about the pictures and the "stats" (body type, height, salary). It's because it's like a shopping cart...first, filter by what you want in terms of "stats," THEN read profiles and try to "get to know" them. It's a shame, really. I know I'm guilty of it, although I really don't filter anyone out (I just respond to who emails me, I rarely bother to look/message anyone). I suppose you have to give Tinder honesty points. At least it's pretty obvious and straightforward that it's all about looks on there. Link to comment
John John Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I suppose you have to give Tinder honesty points. At least it's pretty obvious and straightforward that it's all about looks on there. Yeah I agree. But Tinder blows becuase you literally ONLY have pictures to go by. After the person passes your personal "eye test," at least other sites give you a profile to at least (hopefully) learn a little about them before messaging. I personally hated Tinder. Way too scatterbrainish for me. Too many conversations/matches (I got a lot of matches, actually) that went nowhere (or, I'd get a match, message, then the convo never even begun). Eff Tinder. I wish it would go up in flames like it's stupid logo. Lol! Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Do people really refuse to date someone because their outside of their racial group? I haven't been much involved with online dating, but I did see on some of the sites there is the option to screen based on race. So if a person so chose, they would ONLY see profiles of people of a certain race(s). Seems very limiting to me. Especially since one of the cool things about OLD is that you might have a chance to strike up a convo with someone who you get along with who you otherwise wouldn't meet. (sometimes even if you were in the same area or even room!). Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Seems very limiting to me. Especially since one of the cool things about OLD is that you might have a chance to strike up a convo with someone who you get along with who you otherwise wouldn't meet. (sometimes even if you were in the same area or even room!). Yeah. It would be great if there was a site that really focused on that aspect... image removed Link to comment
John John Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 lol snapper I love your signature "Thinking of joining an online dating site? (Don't, they're crap)" Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Lol. They should be paying you already. But I did check out my local meet up pages after seeing your tag enough times. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Lol. They should be paying you already. But I did check out my local meet up pages after seeing your tag enough times. I'm going to send an email to their marketing department, with a link to ENA and my username, and ask how much they pay for advertising. Nah. I get enough good stuff out of that site. lol snapper I love your signature "Thinking of joining an online dating site? (Don't, they're crap)" Yes. That's my in-depth review of all dating sites. Link to comment
lobo81865 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I have said it before, and I'll say it again. You'll have better luck with foreign women. Certainly there are good and bad ones, but if you find a good one like I did, it is worth the time and money spent. I did like you, and tried internet dating here with miserable results. I was lucky if I got a response back on POF, link removed, or Ok Cupid. E-Harmony is garbage, and over-priced. Finally I tried link removed, and found my wonderful Filipina fiance. You will get a LOT of replies on foreign sites, and will feel like a rock star almost, but use caution. Don't send money to anyone you have never met in person. The good ones will not ask either. Link to comment
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