Husbands and Lap dances

[Meli33]

Is it ok for a married man to get a lap dance?

What is their thought process behind getting one? Fun, betrayal, to cheat?

 

What's everyone's opinion on this?

[BigKK]

If the wife in the relationship knows about it, and is okay with it, then it's okay.

 

If the wife says it's out of her comfort zone and doesn't like it, then probably he shouldn't do it.

 

 

The most important is mutual respect and communication, rather than assumptions. I know my girlfriend wouldn't like me getting a lapdance, I honestly wouldn't want one, but even if I did I wouldn't get one in order to not hurt her!

 

I'm sure you'll get every answer in between since it's whatever you're comfortable with

[shellyf62]

I would not be ok with my husband getting a lap dance. In my opinion it is cheating.

[MisUnderstood9]

I dont think its cheating but, it is disgusting and I would see it more as a betrayal over anything else.

 

If he wanted a lapdance he could of just asked me, atleast after the lapdance instead of an awkward boner, he'd get sex.

[jimthzz]

Presumably, this is not an in-secret event, nor a regular pastime?

 

I would tend to think that it would not be ok for most couples.

 

anymore than shoving money into the g-string of some male stripper at a girl's night out.

[HeartGoesOn]

I would find it unacceptable if my husband were to get a lap dance.

[CraigHowes]

How about you start giving your husband lap dances then i bet he wouldn't go anymore!

 

On a serious note naa only creepy and weird people go for lap dances and it isn't acceptable in a committed relationship.

[Seraphim]

I would find it unacceptable if my husband were to get a lap dance.

 

Ditto. Yeah, so not happening.

[ParisPaulette]

It's a total no unless:

 

a. Hubby has asked and gotten his wife's blessing to go enjoy AND

b. Wife also gets to go get a lap dance from the hottest male dancer in the club.

 

Equality, democracy, these are my buzzwords for a fair honest relationship. "You want a lapdance? Great, let's go to a mixed sexes club and each get one from the opposite gender. No harm no foul. Oh, you wouldn't be okay with another man grinding on me? Then you don't get one either."

[Scoe141]

Hope this helps and good luck.

[kitkat620]

Personally, I'm not comfortable with it.

[DancingFool]

The only person whose point of view actually matters is your SO's. If she is cool with it, then have fun. If not, obviously don't do it unless you want to poison your relationship. Everyone is different.

[redswim30]

IMVHO, it is cheating. To me, it's the same intimacy level as kissing someone. In my opinion, not okay if you are married. But that's just my opinion.

It depends on the couple, but if one of you is uncomfortable, don't do it.

[Capricorn3]

I would find it unacceptable if my husband were to get a lap dance.

Same here. Especially if it happens regularly. Hell no.

[faraday]

A few months ago you were on here getting advice on getting past his infidelity (that happened a few years ago) and now he's getting lap dances?

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[bulletproof]

Depends on the couple. I know one wife who bought a lap dance for her husband on his bday. I know other couples who wouldn't be okay with it.

I personally probably would not be bothered by it.

[Batya33]

It's cheating unless the couple has an open marriage.

[oitnb]

I think it totally depends on the couple, how the wife feels, and the context of the actual lap dance. (Was it at a balcholer party and lasted barely two mins, not too big of a deal imo. Was it a ten minute escapade in the private room? Not cool.)

 

However if it happens so often that it needs to be discussed like this, that's a whole another issue.

[Batya33]

I think it totally depends on the couple, how the wife feels, and the context of the actual lap dance. (Was it at a balcholer party and lasted barely two mins, not too big of a deal imo. Was it a ten minute escapade in the private room? Not cool.)

 

However if it happens so often that it needs to be discussed like this, that's a whole another issue.

 

 

So if a married person has 2 minutes of sexual contact with another person that's not cheating? How long does it need to last? What if the spouse walks in on the "less than 2 minutes" make out session -she is supposed to shrug and say -no big deal -they were just having a quickie grope.

 

Obviously couples can make their own rules/boundaries about what works for them. Perhaps one spouse having a lap dance becomes a fun story to share while the couple has sex.

 

I personally don't see the point of committing to a marriage or an exclusive relationship if one person is allowed to have his or her private parts grounded against in any context. If a person wants to be able to have lap dances or similar on occasion then he/she should wait to get married until that doesn't seem like much fun/interesting anymore.

[superfan]

The definition of cheating is something that depends almost entirely on the intimacy boundaries the couple in question has set up. What is cheating for one couple might not be cheating to another.

 

As long as my husband wasn't going on a regular basis, and/or refusing sex because of it, I personally would not have a problem with my husband having a lap dance - in fact, for his bachelor party I urged him to go to the strip club with his friends. He didn't want to go, but has gone at other times. I don't see it as cheating, but some others might.

 

You need to decide for yourself what is and is not acceptable for you in your relationship. What others think is not really relevant.

[Batya33]

The definition of cheating is something that depends almost entirely on the intimacy boundaries the couple in question has set up. What is cheating for one couple might not be cheating to another.

 

As long as my husband wasn't going on a regular basis, and/or refusing sex because of it, I personally would not have a problem with my husband having a lap dance - in fact, for his bachelor party I urged him to go to the strip club with his friends. He didn't want to go, but has gone at other times. I don't see it as cheating, but some others might.

 

You need to decide for yourself what is and is not acceptable for you in your relationship. What others think is not really relevant.

 

Of course. But it does get trickier in marriage because if one spouse changes his/her mind about what the boundaries are the result can easily be claims of adultery.

[superfan]

Of course. But it does get trickier in marriage because if one spouse changes his/her mind about what the boundaries are the result can easily be claims of adultery.

 

That can happen with any issue in a marriage pertaining to boundaries. If one partner suddenly changes their mind and wants to re-negotiate boundaries, then that is one thing. The other partner will either agree, or disagree and the marriage may or may not survive. The important thing is communication. If a partner decided they wanted to change the boundaries without telling the other, then it is violating the previous agreed upon boundaries and is therefore cheating.

 

Either way, regardless of the issue if a partner suddenly changes their mind about what they find acceptable or not, then I think there are bigger problems with communication.

[Unreasonable]

I did it a couple of times during my marriage. Felt like crap the second it was over. I then questioned why I was paying money to feel like crap, and stopped. I knew it was wrong, and eventually told my wife.

 

Why? Curiosity, excitement. When I was young child, we drove by a strip club (with nude silhouettes painted on the side), and told my parents "I'm going there someday, and no one's gonna stop me!", lol.

 

It was a long time ago. I also went with my boss both times (he too was married), so there was also some coercion and peer pressure, so to speak.

[tattoobunnie]

I encouraged my husband to have a bachelor party before we got married, but he is so grossed out by strip-joints, he would never want to do so. Now, after having his kid, I am definitely not interested in him getting his man junk ridden on. But if it was someone's bachelor party, and it was a professional stripper, I would not mind...and prefer to not be present at the time. But may giggle about it, because I know he's not a fan, and would have a funny story to tell me about after the fact.

 

Now if it's like a lady at a bar he met, HELL have no FURY like me throwing his butt out.

[metrogirl]

I wouldn't care if my fiancé went to the strip club but I wouldn't be happy with some random broad grinding on his lap.