Online dating pet peeves

[Sportster2005]

I know it is, and I am sorry to all the man who put in effort and feel like they get no where, but there are also a lot of guys out there who just don't know how to respond or have a conversation online. And I know it's hard to figure out, but you know, we get the short end of the stick as well. We get all of these guys contacting us, and then either becoming obsessed or getting mad when we don't reply, but so many of these guys do the above pet peeves... I mean, I can deal with it to a degree, but...

 

I don't see it that way. I think it's stacked toward men. There's so many dinks on there all a guy has to do is have a good profile and stand out a bit from the crowd. Whenever I see some on there that didn't respond to my email and they have been on there for months and months, I can deduce who has the problem. I find the good catches don't stay on there long. I don't know if it's the same for women. But I recommend staying away from regulars. I also recommend not staying on for more than a couple of weeks at a time.

 

I usually search the site weekly without an account. If I see a few I'm interested in I'll create an account, talk to them, and then delete my account 48 hours later. And each time I try to have new photos and I never use the same profile over.

[Jennifer89]

Has this actually happened..? o_O

 

Yes. He knew he was messaging me and made a 'joke' out of it, only guess who thought it wasn't so funny? Then he tells me that I'm being too emotional and the next day... calls me to apologize and asks me to come over and have sex with him. What a catch!

[Jennifer89]

Wow, that sounds like a lot of work! I do think it is stacked towards man in that if a guy takes the time to write a message and create a good profile, he will get responses! Yet stacked towards women because there are less of us, haha.

[Seraphim]

It sounds like a lot of BS from both sides. I am SO glad I never had to experience it. It is something I will always advise my son to stay away from. It sounds better to meet someone the old fashioned way.

[Thorshammer]

Wow, that sounds like a lot of work! I do think it is stacked towards man in that if a guy takes the time to write a message and create a good profile, he will get responses! Yet stacked towards women because there are less of us, haha.

 

Not really, it still goes by looks. I can complain about the same things because women have blown up my inbox too. "I want those arms around me" or "I bet you make a woman feel protected"- thats like the equal of "I want that tight body on me" or "I bet you take care of your man".

 

I once put up pics of me posing at the gym - i still got messages. I then swapped those pics out, and wrote something deep in my profile - still got messages, from the same women too. It never mattered for the majority... like a poster said above, the ones really looking might be taken- and those are the type to read a whole profile and shower someone with attention - they wont be online as much, and they wont put in that same work with every guy - so they are not the majority.

 

Here is something that annoys me to no end. Not reading my profile where it says i like thin to thin/average women. I still get women who dont fit my category telling me how they like my profile, lol... really? You liked and read everything, but you forgot what i had underlined? (yes, i underlined it, i get too many messages from women whos body-type i dont find attractive- and since women can put down the same (dont live at home with mother, dont have a job, dont message me, etc. -- i can too)).

 

Then there is the women who brightens her pics up, you could hardly see her nose or mouth. Its obvious you are covering your face, you make it bright white or bright pink- and we dont see that as a cool pic, we see that as hiding how you look. And just a face pic or face and shoulder pic will always be suspicious.

[Jennifer89]

I never respond to anyone who says they like thin women, I haven't been "thin" since I was 9 and I'm a grown, big women now. My ex always use to tell me how much I needed to loose weight... I wouldn't respond to a guy who is already telling me I need to be thin. But ya, it seems like they must not read your profile.

[Realitynut]

Actually, the few guys I've contacted (ok...a LOT) said they were bombarded with emails and it was just too time consuming!

 

It's because when you are OLDER (and i guess i'm forced to put myself in that category! The nicer looking and 'normal' men are a HOT commodity! They are all going for the younger women...and we are all looking at them as a 'possibility!"

 

They have WAAAAY to many women to choose from. And like Sportster said, the good ones get snapped up quick. I'm one of those that have been on and off for 2 years now. OFF now...and i have had different pics. Sorry...mostly face and shoulder shots cuz i'm taking the pic....lol I had someone take a pic of me in June full body...and i looked decent...so that is up also.

 

Yep, every time i make a new profile and a new pic, lots more hits. For about 3 days....lol but these guys are the same ones that have been on for YEARS and the SAME old picture. ONE picture...same....for two years! Geez.

 

I had one REALLY nasty email sent to me, cuz i hadn't responded to his friend, but i had responded to HIM! (he was more attractive, and i had liked his profile...gee) Told me i was a spoiled Daddy's girl....and on and on. I wish i could remember it all...but i blocked it from my memory, then he deleted himself....or was it me? hmmm...

[itsallgrand]

I like your style.

 

That is what I do too. haha.

 

But I'm a woman.

 

I don't stick around for long - and so you can't get annoyed with anyone really when you do this.

 

I pretty much sign up specifically to talk to certain people.

[Sportster2005]

Time for some Internet Myth Busters. We are not ALL going after younger women. I'm finding the sweet spot to be over 48. I wouldn't turn my nose up at someone that was much younger, but I find myself more and more interested in women my age, a little younger and a little older. I also see more and more women opting to date men younger than themselves. I think people who insist on dating younger are insecure about their age and are in denial.

 

I'd snap you up, but you're still in the wrong city

[Realitynut]

LOL....I'm thinking about that fall trip!!!

[John John]

Dude, I go through the same exact thing every freaking day. When women just blatantly ignore some of our "requirements" (I specify slender/athletic/average body types as well). I used to have "curvy" as acceptable, but apparently, curvy is now just a polite word for fat. I'm a nice guy, so I humored her for the date, but I was boiling that I had to sit there and waste money on a girl I had no attraction towards.

 

I also often don't reply if there's only one (even good) picture up. I put up plenty of pictures of me in different settings with different hairstyles so women can really gain a feel for what I look like in everyday life. If there's just one picture, that person may have "gotten lucky" with one great pic, and can look completely different in person.

 

I also hate the flakes of the online dating world (and there are many of them). Where they wink at or message you, and you follow up because you're interested, and then they just ignore you after that. This is actually one reason why I've been going for older women, I find the ones in their 20s to immature for me.

 

Online dating is a necessary evil when all your friends are in relationships and don't go out, but man I am kinda growing tired of it lol

[Lonewing]

The abuse of the word Curvy has obliterated all meaning it might have had. When the spare tire has Dunlop-ed over, it's no longer a curve. I have to manage my diet to ensure my weight stays consistent, I desire a partner who does the same...

[Mb1212]

I don't use online dating but I can see how the term "curvy" can be a problem. For me personally I have big thighs and a big butt but I have a small waist and am fit but I feel like if I were to put myself as "curvy" it is just a glorified word for over weight which Im not i truly am curvy but I think a lot of guys would just assume that I put it down to make myself seem more attractive which is part of the reason I don't like online dating.

[mfan]

The abuse of the word Curvy has obliterated all meaning it might have had. When the spare tire has Dunlop-ed over, it's no longer a curve. I have to manage my diet to ensure my weight stays consistent, I desire a partner who does the same...

I blame dating sites themselves for this; instead of an objective scale like "50+ pounds overweight", "20-49 pounds overweight", "10-20 pounds overweight", "normal medical weight", "thinner than medical normal weight", they allow users to pick from subjective adjectives. OKCupid's highest two categories for men are "a few extra pounds" and "overweight"; if they don't state what "a few" means, then how should one know whether it means 5 or 20? And they left out an "obese" category.

[John John]

I blame dating sites themselves for this; instead of an objective scale like "50+ pounds overweight", "20-49 pounds overweight", "10-20 pounds overweight", "normal medical weight", "thinner than medical normal weight", they allow users to pick from subjective adjectives. OKCupid's highest two categories for men are "a few extra pounds" and "overweight"; if they don't state what "a few" means, then how should one know whether it means 5 or 20? And they left out an "obese" category.

 

Agreed. They need to come up with better categories, I think. I put my build as "athletic" (I work out regularly and take care of myself, so it's accurate), but I know someone who is athletic and considered healthy, but he's overweight. They don't have an "obese" category, but I usually believe "a little extra" or "a few extra pounds" translate to truly fat in the online dating world (since "curvy" is apparently overweight, and not actually just curvy in the traditional meaning of the word).

[Jennifer89]

I think ya'll focus too much on fat, if some extra weight concerns you that much, maybe you should try to meet women at the gym. Women gain and loose weight there entire life, just like men do, it's a fact of life.

[John John]

When you go on a date with someone who classifies themselves as "curvy" (which in my mind, should mean someone like J.Lo, fit but with curves and not a stick figure), but are actually quite fat (Roseanne) in person...yeah, you do worry about fat and how online body types translate into real life.

 

A few pounds here and there is not a problem at all. My ex of 5 years would fluctuate 5-10lbs here and there (sometimes more), but I never cared. I don't need my woman to have a sixpack or be a stick figure. Neither look is attractive, to me. But I also am not attracted to fat/obviously unfit girls. Most men aren't.

[Thorshammer]

Lol, this had me rolling.

 

That happened to me once. The girl had an amazing face, but her body was round. In her facebook she looked slender- and in her more recent pics she wasnt so slender, but she wasnt round- but somehow in person she was round- did she suck in her weight, i dont know? That was deceiving. I did my best to be nice, but its hard for me to hide my disappointment, and i felt lied to- which built in some anger and i will admit as i put more thought into it and realized i wasnt the wrong one, so i just sat there and crossed my arms and waited for the date to end. Its like a guy lieing about his height, or what he does for a living, its just as bad and deceiving.

 

I know thats not nice, but neither is bs'ing me.

 

I have seen girls that looked good on skype - but not as good in person. Good in pics and bad in person- i have met bad in pics- hot in person, 3 of them, and they all became my ex gfs. I saw one girl who looked amazing in person, in person she was ok - i was still interested, next date she looked unattractive- huh? I was sober both times.

 

Avoid cropped pics - colored up pics (like my avatar pic for example, even black and white is a no no for me), just face pics, pics that never match- basically looking different in each pic. the thing is, these women have such a huge ego from their inbox that they sit there judging me - then they dont hear from me, and they either contact me again or delete their profile then let me know i upset them.

[Thorshammer]

I don't use online dating but I can see how the term "curvy" can be a problem. For me personally I have big thighs and a big butt but I have a small waist and am fit but I feel like if I were to put myself as "curvy" it is just a glorified word for over weight which Im not i truly am curvy but I think a lot of guys would just assume that I put it down to make myself seem more attractive which is part of the reason I don't like online dating.

 

So they should change the curvy for big booty and thighs, maybe goddess?

 

I never mention curvy online, there should be a curve limit, its supposed to be breasts, hips and butt, for latin - butt and thighs lol.

[Thorshammer]

I think ya'll focus too much on fat, if some extra weight concerns you that much, maybe you should try to meet women at the gym. Women gain and loose weight there entire life, just like men do, it's a fact of life.

 

Well, its what some men find attractive. Its not media related, or strange - its what turns me on. And many women are thin or average and dont work out, they just dont consume calories to the point that they have a surplus that gets stored as fat.

[Lonewing]

I think ya'll focus too much on fat, if some extra weight concerns you that much, maybe you should try to meet women at the gym. Women gain and loose weight there entire life, just like men do, it's a fact of life.

 

Yes, yes they do, but a woman who goes 50 pounds over her frame limit and sees no problem with is the tip of the iceberg. We all have a body type, and it is our responsibility to learn how to manage it. I don't want a woman who has to go to the gym to manage her weight. I want a woman who knows how to manage her daily routine so that she doesn't have weight issues, as simple as that.

 

I know men and women who finish out their live just as fit and trim as they were when they were young. They stayed that way because they learned how to manage themselves - its an idea that has become foreign within the developed world.

 

I've tried to date bigger women. Sorry, it just doesn't work - Not even Viagra was able to recover what my subconscious told me.

 

It is not a fact of life that you will become obese.

 

It is a fact of life that if you eat too much or you eat an imbalanced diet, you Will get fat.

[Mb1212]

So they should change the curvy for big booty and thighs, maybe goddess?

 

I never mention curvy online, there should be a curve limit, its supposed to be breasts, hips and butt, for latin - butt and thighs lol.

 

Hahaha I don't think I would feel comfortable checking a box that days "goddess" either!!

[Mb1212]

Yes, yes they do, but a woman who goes 50 pounds over her frame limit and sees no problem with is the tip of the iceberg. We all have a body type, and it is our responsibility to learn how to manage it. I don't want a woman who has to go to the gym to manage her weight. I want a woman who knows how to manage her daily routine so that she doesn't have weight issues, as simple as that..

 

 

Why wouldn't you want to date someone who has to go to the gym to manage her weight? I go to thr gym five times a week and it's not just to manage my weight but it's to stay healthy because I believe everyone should be active for multiple reasons not just based on what others deem attractive. I think that's a really stupid comment honestly lol. If someone's managing there weight well who cares if they do it by diet or by excersise.

[Lonewing]

It sounds like a lot of BS from both sides. I am SO glad I never had to experience it. It is something I will always advise my son to stay away from. It sounds better to meet someone the old fashioned way.

 

This is one of the biggest myths out there, that some how online dating is something removed form "the real world."

 

I dare say online dating is a great revelation of people itself.

 

In other words, it's not the medium that is to blame here. The Issue is people. Sure, if you met in person, you would not know right away just how crazy or narcistic she really is, but she's still that person who made that profile and that profile Is a true reflection of her [lies, deceptions, who she dates, messages and all] as an individual. She's no less picky in person, perhaps why she's on a dating site in the first place...

[Lonewing]

Why wouldn't you want to date someone who has to go to the gym to manage her weight? I go to thr gym five times a week and it's not just to manage my weight but it's to stay healthy because I believe everyone should be active for multiple reasons not just based on what others deem attractive. I think that's a really stupid comment honestly lol. If someone's managing there weight well who cares if they do it by diet or by excersise.

 

Being in good physical shape and being in good athletic form are really two separate categories. I'm looking first and foremost for someone in good shape; if she likes working out, as something she Likes to do, that's different from someone who's working out just to lose weight. There's a difference in mindsets, in interests, in pursuits.

 

As soon as a person who's working to lose weight meets their goal, they'll likely quit until they're too heavy again, and then they'll go back to it all over again. It's a cycle I don't want to be involved in. Weight gain does not happen over night, it happens over weeks and months.

 

Maintaining form is a reflection of personal self monitoring and strong mental control.