Online dating pet peeves

[Sparklesong]

Just to clarify the "hiking and biking" comment I made.....it came after reading SOOOO many profiles that listed that under hobbies and interests. After reading it again and again, I just had a giggle thinking those trails must be teeming with people, bumping into each other, bottlenecking at the intersections.....and if there are so many people interested in it, you'd think they'd have found each other by now and cleared off the trails and out of the personal ads!

 

This was a fun thread, I had a lot of laughs, and I'm sure no comments were meant in a mean-spirited way. And for the record, I adore walking on the beach. I just don't say so anymore because it's just gotten to be one of the personal ad clichés or catch-phrases. But then again, I lived by the ocean for 11 years, so there is a lot of beach-walking going on there

[Jennifer89]

I really wish a friend would set me up for a blind date! That sounds like fun!

[Sparklesong]

It was all that fruit and cheese.....he was too full!

[Sparklesong]

I really wish a friend would set me up for a blind date! That sounds like fun!

 

Noooooo, blind dates were notoriously bad! LOL! Just like meeting someone from a dating site, the people setting you up would tell you all their good qualities, but forget to tell you they were overweight, or short, or boring, or had no table manners, or whatever, lol. You didn't get to text them to get to know them a little beforehand, it was a total surprise, and usually not a good one.

 

But, like on dating sites, every now and then, a good one would come along.

[Sparklesong]

I really wish a friend would set me up for a blind date! That sounds like fun!

 

Noooooo, blind dates were notoriously bad! LOL! Just like meeting someone from a dating site, the people setting you up would tell you all their good qualities, but forget to tell you they were overweight, or short, or boring, or had no table manners, or whatever, lol. You didn't get to text them to get to know them a little beforehand, it was a total surprise, and usually not a good one.

 

But, like on dating sites, every now and then, a good one would come along.

[Thorshammer]

Some of us guys online do have to talk more - i look pretty tough in my pics, and i am muscular- there is no way i would meet a girl so fast. Plus, i am a latino - there is alot of stereoptypes about latin men (both as womanizers and being thugs) and i tend to like to attract white women. I want to calm their fears with small talk before i meet them.

 

Last girl i met with only 2 days of phone convos and she was scared of me, i came out the bathroom with my hat backwards and she looked like she was ready to run - she found me attractive enough to lock lips twice, but that didnt go pass that date - and i felt a little weird that she was avoiding dark places with me (like literally, walking through a quiet block to reach a bar she would open distance with me, lol)- while my usual experience with online dating is them seeing me like a teddy bear.

[Sparklesong]

Uhhhh, not sure how the double post happened, I got an error message saying I had posted too soon after the last one and to try again in 28 seconds. When I did, there were two.......

 

Sorry, mods.....?!?!?!

[mfan]

Just to clarify the "hiking and biking" comment I made.....it came after reading SOOOO many profiles that listed that under hobbies and interests. After reading it again and again, I just had a giggle thinking those trails must be teeming with people, bumping into each other, bottlenecking at the intersections

 

I think speed dating should take place while hiking. There's nothing to do while you're walking, so why not make conversation? And besides, why make everyone leave the forest/mountains where they apparently live in order to come into the city and meet at a bar?

[ForeverYoung]

So if you have that many men disrespecting you like that once you politely tell them you are not interested, that just proved my point the online dating service is populated mainly by losers. Le'ts face it, every one of these men with that type of attitude should not even be considered by a *quality* woman. The only reason I can think a woman interested in losers like that is if they are after short-term sex or something like that. Are you going to tell me a woman expects a man with that attitude to do better once they have a long-term relationship?

 

I think eventually this online dating service will have to evolve. A kind of background check, some etiquette training prior to sign up or something. It could have lot of potential, but the truth is that the decent men are being left out and overruled. Women are not treating them right and the result is that let's face it, we have an inefficient system right now. I am preparing to give up from the online dating thing. The pattern of women who is mainly interested in financial rewards of some sort is also a fact. I can't stand that attitude anymore. Once I tell them I want a coffee or a walk, they say the accept it. Then slowly they give an excuse few days later and cancel the appointment. Yes it is happening even at the paid sites. I am not saying all of them are the same, but a number of them are. Similarly I think that is a good woman for a short-term sex hookup, but definitely a type I want to see 1,000 miles from my life.

 

By the way, I would characterize the men attitude as an insult, provocation or disrespect. You do not even know this people and they do not have any relationship with you, so I don't think abuse qualifies. Who cares, I've got your point.

 

 

 

Verbal abuse is a type of abuse. I rarely tell man that I am not interested anymore because of the responses I get. I am sorry to the good guys out there who respect that, but I'm just over it.

[rocko123]

Wow, you sound really bitter. It may not be perfect but it's also not as bad as you paint it. It takes a thick skin and unshakingly positive attitude to make online dating at all worthwhile. And maybe the ability to laugh at ridiculous behavior.

[Batya33]

Date/meet....same thing to me. It's like going out on a blind date in the old days. People set you up with 'strangers' and you went on a date.

 

So the thing is....you're emailing...and you want the GUY to say, hey...you want to get together on Sat. for a MEET/DATE? Both the same in my books. The things is...i'm waiting for the dang guy to bring it up.

 

The last few guys i 'met'...i had them come to my house and i actually COOKED for them. eh. Nothing came out of it. 2 guys i met for a walk....and they apparently liked me.....and kept txting, but i wasn't into them.

 

But the point is...i want them to make the first move.

 

They hardly ever do...so i have to. And i don't like it.....lol

 

Unless it's a blind date- which is the phrase I was used to for a set-up - a date to me meant that there was a potential romantic interest. I didn't believe you could have even a potential romantic interest unless you had first met in person. Obviously you could find a photo attractive, be attracted by the person's voice, by what you talked about -but I didn't feel that a guy asking to meet me in person was asking me on a date -he was asking me to meet in person to see if we should go on a date in the future. Same when I asked a man to meet me who I contacted through a dating site. I never felt that a man asking to meet me in person was making a "first move". I did feel that way if he asked me out on a date after we met in person.

I don't think it's appropriate to ask someone to meet you for more than 4-5 hours and not suggest getting something to eat or drink unless you discussed it beforehand.

[Jennifer89]

Noooooo, blind dates were notoriously bad! LOL! Just like meeting someone from a dating site, the people setting you up would tell you all their good qualities, but forget to tell you they were overweight, or short, or boring, or had no table manners, or whatever, lol. You didn't get to text them to get to know them a little beforehand, it was a total surprise, and usually not a good one.

 

But, like on dating sites, every now and then, a good one would come along.

 

Hehe, my friend told me she would set me up on one and it hasn't happened yet, I think she must have forgotten!

[MyNinja]

The persistent one: that person who just can't take no for an answer. You tell then your aren't interested yet they continue to message you as if you've never told them you weren't interested. It's borderline stalkerish.

[Jennifer89]

It sounds like it is time for you to walk away, you sound very bitter towards the entire experience. I've had negative experiences as well but I tend to find the irony in them, which I hope I put a little bit of into what I posted (ya I know, not everyone gets my sense of humor). In fact, I don't think you sound like you really want to date at all. I felt really bitter towards dates for a month or two while dating guys online, bitter towards going out to eat or going for coffee, whatever, and it finally occurred to me that I just wasn't ready to date yet. So I took a break until I was ready to date, and now, good or bad, I'm enjoying the dates I go on. If nothing else, it is a chance to meet someone new and talk to them, and I have met a lot of interesting people in interesting places in life lately.

[Jennifer89]

The needy guy- This guy will message you, and you won't even see it because your on ENA with POF running in the background, and then all of the sudden 3 minutes later you are getting another message from him "Hello? You there?" and if (god forbid) you don't see that message either, you get another message 2 minutes later saying "Hey, where are you?"

 

Alternatively, you are not signed into POF at all, you are busy, you know, out in the real world with real people, and because you don't respond to his message right away, you come home to 5 new messages from him.

[hodgeheg]

The needy guy- This guy will message you, and you won't even see it because your on ENA with POF running in the background

 

The more I read of what you write the more I feel like we're kindred spirits!

 

It has actually reached the point with online dating where if/when a gorgeous (to me) man with a decent profile messages me I immediately consider what is wrong with him!

 

The threesome seeker - oh really. This has happened multiple times. I must give the impression I'm bisexual or just plain easy!

[Jennifer89]

The more I read of what you write the more I feel like we're kindred spirits!

 

It has actually reached the point with online dating where if/when a gorgeous (to me) man with a decent profile messages me I immediately consider what is wrong with him!

 

The threesome seeker - oh really. This has happened multiple times. I must give the impression I'm bisexual or just plain easy!

 

Haha, The Needy Guy is emailing me right now. I only had one threesome seeker, should my feelings be hurt by that?

[Throwaway999]

I see nobody has listed the things you see a million times in WOMEN'S profiles that are annoying. Personally, I've found scrolling through the online dating sites is a great way to make me feel better about being single! It seems like so many profiles are carbon copies of each other, but these women seem to think they are each such special snowflakes. They have the same photos and say they like the same things, but yet they are all unique individuals! You see the same kind of thing with fashion, where people will suddenly all start wearing the same clothes because it is "in", but it is more depressing to see the same thing repeated with THOUGHTS. And the same pictures over and over again, too. Half the time I don't even make it to the profile because they have one of these pictures that I've seen on a million other profiles and they just fall into that "generic online dating woman" category.

 

When I was made my profile I scanned the guy's profiles too, and a lot of them said the same things, which I tried to avoid doing in mine. I think it is probably a good idea to troll your "competition" and see what everybody else has written, so you don't have end up with the exact same thing as a million other people, but apparently nobody does this.

 

Anyway, for the women:

 

(Somebody already mentioned the hiking/kayaking thing. I like to go hiking but I never seem to see that many people out there on the trails!)

 

"I love to laugh and I don't take myself too seriously" - thanks for the warning! As a guy who hates to laugh and takes everything waaaay to seriously, I'm glad I found out early. Seriously, I see this phrase with almost this exact wording repeated over and over again

 

"I love living in [insert name of your city here] and I'm always looking for new things to explore!" - This is one of those things that doesn't seem bad at first glance, but after you read it in a million profiles you start wanting to see "Gawd, I hate this dump! Get me outta here!" just for a change of pace. Or maybe that's just me.

 

"I love to travel" - Doesn't everybody? But how do these people afford to go to all these places? Do they all have trust funds? And why do they go all the way to the Taj Mahal/Eiffel Tower to get the same picture taken where they are grabbing it by the tip with their fingertips?

 

"I like to eat out at new restaurants!" - I see this listed all the time like it was a hobby that required great intelligence and creativity. Wow, you are an American who likes to consume food! You don't say! If you can cook, that's one thing, but talking about eating at restaurants like it was a skill? Cool, I'm really good at ordering stuff on Amazon.

 

Girl with a mustache - apparently half the women in the online dating world simultaneously thought this was hilarious a few months ago, and they all uploaded the same picture to their accounts. I even saw a caption from one woman complaining that too many guys were making cracks about her mustache pic, but she was leaving it up anyway. Take that, fellas! Maybe they were PUA's trying to "neg" her. But after you see 50-100 of them, it stops being funny (if it ever was to begin with).

 

"Body type: Curvy" - Having curves used to mean not being Gwyneth Paltrow - you know, having boobs and a butt. I actually like curvy women. But in the online dating world the definition of "curvy" seems to have been stretched to the point where it has lost all meaning. If you need a mobility scooter, there are other categories that might describe you better than "curvy."

 

Purse dogs, purse dogs everywhere - I don't know what it is about online dating that attracts women with purse dogs, but they seem to outnumber the ones with german shepherds or labs by a substantial margin.

 

Women shooting guns - for me, major turnoff, because like the mustache thing there seems to be a bandwagon that lots of women have jumped on where they went to the pistol range and got their pic taken shooting a gun. It is one of those things where it makes the opposite impression of what I imagine was intended. I assume these women think it makes them look unique or something, but I've seen the same picture over and over again! I also assume they think it will make them look less like a "typical" woman, more of a "tough chick", but guess what - proficiency with firearms isn't one of the things on my list!

 

Car selfie with sunglasses - The cliche for the dumb guy's pic is the shirtless bathroom mirror selfie, but I don't see anybody making fun of the women's "in the car wearing sunglasses" selfie. What is it about sitting in the car that makes women want to take self shots???

 

Listing really mainstream things like they are a window into your soul - I could see listing books, movies, and music that you like if they are unique and maybe reveal something about your personality or how you view the world. If you like Oprah's book club selections, Transformers 3, and Mumford and Sons, that's fine, but you probably shouldn't act like these selections reveal your profound insight into the human condition.

 

Okay, glad that's out of my system...

[Jennifer89]

Hazelwood, I just went back through my profile to see if I failed any of those! I do have small dogs, but I swear, I do not carry them in purses!

[Lorem Ipsum]

That reaction is not coming from decent and civilized men. When a woman tells me 'not interested' or even better, they tell me after days of conversation they are pursuing another bird, it is totally fine with me.

But that's the problem. None of these guys who go off on you when you say "thanks, but no thanks" give the impression from the start that they are the kinds who will go completely bat spit crazy. He may have sent a nice e-mail and his profile has no red flags but it's just not doing it for you for whatever reason. Then, Dr. Jeckell becomes Mr. Hyde. I get it, online dating is frustrating for both sides for different reasons. But the fact that I'm not interested (like everyone else you've messaged) and you're not looking me in the eye doesn't mean you get to send me an e-mail tirade calling me every name in the book. When you don't know who is going to go off on you, it's just safer to say nothing. It may not be fair, it may not be polite, but it's safer and safety wins out.

[LoveSoDeep]

Ummmm so you're saying the women on-line are losers too. So why are you upset that there are a lot of male losers out there too and we just happen to notice?

 

Yes, there are a lot of losers out there but not just on on-line dating sites EVERYWHERE! What do you expect really? if they were that awesome maybe they would be taken by now? So yes, you have to wade through a lot of those people to find what you want. We all do. So you're the good guy we're all looking for? Give us a break b/c we're getting bombarded by jerks at the same rate you're running into gold diggers and flakes.....it's hard not to be a little bitter. Don't give up and sink to a lower level. Be the great catch you know you are and someday you'll get your prize - the perfect woman for you.

 

My pet peeve "Your reely purty." Come on really? Even if it was sent on your iPhone you still have spell check and two of those aren't even words and the one that is a word is used incorrectly!

[Jennifer89]

Just to clarify, I was kinda hoping that this thread would be more of a feel good, sarcastic outlook on online dating, and just a bit of what to look out for for all the guys (and girls) on here who complain that they never get responses online. I really didn't want to start a name calling or something were all the women (or men) are generalized and bashed. There are a lot of "losers" (in both genders) online, but also a lot of gems, so how about we stop calling names, smile a bit and crack some jokes about the emails we get? Anyone with me? Because if this starts to turn into some big thing about the one post by ForeverYoung, I am going to ask a mod to shut this thread down. ForeverYoung can post his own thread with his issues on online dating, this is supposed to be humerus and fun.

 

Is everyone with me?

[Throwaway999]

+1 from me.

[Mb1212]

In the week I had an okcupid account I completely forgot about this guy who messaged me asking me if I was into BDSM, And if I was if I wanted to come over and check out his homemade sex toys/bondage machines. Hahahah

[Jennifer89]

In the week I had an okcupid account I completely forgot about this guy who messaged me asking me if I was into BDSM, And if I was if I wanted to come over and check out his homemade sex toys/bondage machines. Hahahah

 

Homemade machines? Eek!