Is a woman's ''biological clock'' nothing but a myth afterall?

[yeawutever]

I'm now 26 years old and have zero desires for kids and would seriously consider having a tubal ligation if they let me (100% for sure, no regrets). This is the way I've thought since age 13 and nothing is going to change. I only want to finish my major, get my degree, built my own corporation and travel. The last thing in mind would be a childfree marriage at a later age.

 

I'm starting to think that this concept about how most of our biological clocks start ticking is nothing but myth and some only feel the urge for kids because of social pressures and the environment they grew up in, not out of sudden nature.

 

I can now say my ''biological clock'' never ticked and won't.

[Moontiger]

This is one of those things that vary from person to person. My sister's bio-clock was ticking by the time she was in her early twenties, I'm still on the fence, and my BFF who is only a year older them me never wants to have kids.

[Anna.]

Some people know they don't want kids and that's great, I say own it. I have someone who was very close to me who gave in to pressure to have children when she knew she didn't want to, and now two children are paying the price. She didn't want children and having them didn't change that. I applaud you for knowing what you do and don't want and standing by it.

[buddha55]

don't do it if you don't want to... but i've also heard women say they didn't feel they wanted kids until they hit their 30's. sounds like you have career on the brain and as a priority... and that is great! just never say never

[alertstatusred]

"Never say never" is insulting as it insinuates that people are not capable of making a confident decision about their reproductive choices and what is best for them. Yes, people can change their minds, but just because some people decide to be childfree in their 20s doesn't mean their decision is any less valid.

[Lonewing]

It is foolish to not listen to those who made the decisionto be childfree in their 20s and discovered their biological time piece clicking when they hit their 30s. In otherwords, these people have already experienced the decision you're making now. "Never say never" is not an insult; it is the wisest piece of advice you will ever hear from People who have BEEN THERE.

 

It is arrogance to believe these people are insulting your intelligence when they tell you "never say never." You have not yet gianed their experience; hence, how are you to know what they say is an insult or not?

 

Life isn't fair; if a man's biological starts sticking at 65, he can go out and have kids. A woman has a biological envelope, after which point you get to live with the consequences of your decision for a fair 30, 40, even 50 years after it has come to a close.

 

Hence, the most important people you can consult with are not those people your age or even those who are a decade or two older [but still in child bearing range]. Seek out those who have made the decision to be without children and are in their 60s-90s. These people are carrying the most informed decisions anybody could ever hope for, for they are living with the consequences and have done so for longer than you have been alive.

[louberr27]

I am only speaking for myself here and I dont judge anyone elses decision, but when I was 26 I felt exactly the same as the OP. I could not see children featuring in my future AT ALL. Didnt like them, didnt want them....ever. I too wanted to be free to travel and live without the responsibilities that kids bring and I never believed for a moment that my biog clock would ever start ticking - I am the least 'mumsy' person you could meet. I will be 33 in a few months time and as of about a year ago I have definitely changed my mind and started feeling that I want a family. I dont think that the biog clock is a myth as such, but I do think that it is associated with a change in your priorities as you get older. However all women are different so we dont all fit into the same box. The clock ticks for us at different times, for some it doesnt tick at all.

[buddha55]

"but when I was 26 I felt exactly the same as the OP. I could not see children featuring in my future AT ALL. Didnt like them, didnt want them....ever. I too wanted to be free to travel and live without the responsibilities that kids bring and I never believed for a moment that my biog clock would ever start ticking - I am the least 'mumsy' person you could meet. I will be 33 in a few months time and as of about a year ago I have definitely changed my mind and started feeling that I want a family. I dont think that the biog clock is a myth as such, but I do think that it is associated with a change in your priorities as you get older. However all women are different so we dont all fit into the same box. The clock ticks for us at different times, for some it doesnt tick at all."

 

absolutely.... ALL this. Look, 26 is NOT very old. at all. you're still fresh out of school, wanting to continue your education... why would you want children at this point? as the above poster said, your priorities change when you get older.

 

I think I may want children when I am older, have a stable career, and have the cash flow to easily afford it.

 

Never say never is pretty solid for anyone. unlikely, probably not, slim chance, when hell freezes over.... but NEVER? most people just end up looking like fools.

[SapphireNoir10]

I think some women get to their early thirties and start to sense time running out and fertility becoming less good and they have to make that decision of do i or don't I want children because that choice won't be there for much longer.

 

More power to people that know they don't want children and are confident in that decision. In my opinion it's much worse to have a kid JUST because you feel you should have one or times running out and then resenting that child once it is here.

[Lonewing]

There's the other pressure, one I know some family friends had to make. His wife basically one day sat him down and said, "children or divorce."

 

He made the right decision - two very bright kids, they're now post grads.

[Fudgie]

I think it's a myth when someone really doesn't want kids. If you're on the fence and change your mind when you're older, you were just bound to chance your mind because you probably wanted them deep down in some level. That's my take. The bio clock is an excuse for women who want an excuse to go baby crazy without regard for others. They use it as justification for tricking men into pregnancy.

 

I knew having children for me would be disastrous since I was 4. I can't wait until I'm 45 and can laugh at everyone who doubted me. I have a lot of family friends who say they will be disappointed if I don't reproduce. Well have fun being disappointed! I think it's funny how strongly they feel about it.

[Fudgie]

Btw I am on long term birth control that is 99.99% effective. When it is expired, insurance will pay for me to have another put in. I've also had a doctor tell me I'm infertile and if I wanted kids I should started in my early 20s. I've let my ovaries blow up with cysts and explode without treatment because I don't care about the fertility repercussions

 

I do believe I am one of the few who can say never. Because even if I suffered a brain trauma and changed my mind, I couldn't if I tried.

[Batya33]

I don't think it's a myth but it's not how it worked for me. I always knew I wanted children. I do think there are people who are not sure or who have other priorities they attend to first and then when they realize time is running out they have a different mindset about it or it shifts them from not sure to sure.

[agent1607307371]

I'm now 26 years old and have zero desires for kids and would seriously consider having a tubal ligation if they let me (100% for sure, no regrets). This is the way I've thought since age 13 and nothing is going to change. I only want to finish my major, get my degree, built my own corporation and travel. The last thing in mind would be a childfree marriage at a later age.

 

I'm starting to think that this concept about how most of our biological clocks start ticking is nothing but myth and some only feel the urge for kids because of social pressures and the environment they grew up in, not out of sudden nature.

 

I can now say my ''biological clock'' never ticked and won't.

 

Maybe yours just has its alarm turned off.

[Fudgie]

I don't think it's a myth but it's not how it worked for me. I always knew I wanted children. I do think there are people who are not sure or who have other priorities they attend to first and then when they realize time is running out they have a different mindset about it or it shifts them from not sure to sure.

 

This.

 

It has more to do with priorities and better timing than anything. People who feel it ticking are usually married or settled in their career or something like that. People like that are often on the fence usually until they are ready. When they become ready, they want kids.

 

Actually, it's probably a good thing. No kid should be born to parents who aren't ready, ideally. So it's best if the market doesn't feel that urge until she is ready right then.

 

Make sense? I hope it does.

[alertstatusred]

I just do not understand why the childfree constantly have their life choices questioned and are expected to defend them, and even when they do so, people roll their eyes in skepticism and say that they'll change their mind while those who choose to have children are rarely questioned about their choices. And, the childfree "bingoing" (look up the term if you don't know what it means) continues even when childfree people are in their 30s, 40s, 50s+ and past the "biological clock"(which I believe is less of an actual biological concept and more due to pressure from society and peers to fulfil a "lifescript")phase. So the "biological clock" bingo is just the first in one of many childfree people experience over the course of their lives. Also, in the age of contraception "never say never" isn't really a valid argument. I do not want any children, nor does my partner, and I have never felt any sort of instinct or interest toward them. But according to some people, I'm too young to know anything, this is selfish, and once I hit my thirties, it will all change. Right, I'll go tell that to my childfree-by-choice aunt and uncle who are nearing 60. Do I believe that people can change their minds about kids? Of course! But this should not be treated as an inevitability.

 

Sorry to hijack the thread, OP.

[Blue Spiral]

There's the other pressure, one I know some family friends had to make. His wife basically one day sat him down and said, "children or divorce."

 

He made the right decision - two very bright kids, they're now post grads.

 

Why is that the right choice? Why isn't "I can't be with someone who'd extort me like that" the right choice?

 

I'm extremely suspicious of men who push the "biological clock" idea. I can understand why women would; maybe they've experienced it, or maybe they just felt strongly about having kids in general. But with men, there's usually a condescending tone to it: "Yeah, I know all the silly ideas society has about women doing whatever they want, but biology is a certain way, so you'll just have to accept it." I don't like being pressured into traditional stuff (especially when it's followed by the "That's just the way it naturally is!" argument), and I'm guessing a lot of women don't like it, either.

[Batya33]

"Yeah, I know all the silly ideas society has about women doing whatever they want, but biology is a certain way, so you'll just have to accept it."

I never felt that anyone was telling me- a woman who always wanted to be a mom - that I could do anything I wanted and always have the opportunity to have children. I always accepted that I would need to make certain choices and forego certain opportunities if having a child was one of my goals. And that was consistent with what I understood from "society". We all have to make certain choices and accept certain deadlines - it's not just about biological clocks.

[nutbrownhare]

I've never wanted children, ever. When I was in my 20's, I was told many times that I'd start getting broody at 30. Well, 30 came and went without even a glimmer on the horizon (though I do know many women who DID get broody at 30!). I'm now old enough for it not to be an issue.

 

Be true to yourself, and just ignore the - almost inevitable - comments that others will make. I have a friend who never wanted kids either. Incidentally, she was also having problems with her urinary system, and was told at one stage that if she gave birth she'd be permanently incontinent. If she was 100% certain before, that pushed it up to 120% - but a friend of hers remarked "Oh - but it would be worth it!"

 

Within my experience, guys are much more understanding about not wanting children. It's not something I discuss with many women unless I know for certain that they're on the same page!

[Seraphim]

I know for me it was never a myth. I knew 100% I wanted children since I was small.

[Fudgie]

I know for me it was never a myth. I knew 100% I wanted children since I was small.

 

I think that's you wanting to be a mother rather than your bio clock. I don't think kids have those. They aren't hormonal. You wanted to be a mom for different reasons. Not just hormones. You knew before that was even a factor for you.

[Seraphim]

I think that's you wanting to be a mother rather than your bio clock. I don't think kids have those. They aren't hormonal. You wanted to be a mom for different reasons. Not just hormones. You knew before that was even a factor for you.

 

In my 20's though I was really pushing to be a mom. I knew I only had so much time. I could not have kids after 30.

[Cheetarah]

I don't know. I've always wanted children. But..up until about 5 years ago, I could have lived without having them(I was 25 then). I felt I would have still lived contentedly, I thought. But that desire was always there since day one, and it just grew stronger over the last 5 years.

[Mercurial Girl]

I was always pretty sure I wanted kids, except for when I was really young and probably just saying I didn't want them to get a reaction out of my family lol.

 

In the last little while, the desire has become stronger and more urgent and continues to become stronger year over year. Now I sort of panic about the possibility of it never happening.

[BritterSweet]

I believe the bio clock is a social pressure rather than anything instinctual. It may be based on how a woman's fertility passes its prime past a certain age. Of course, thanks to modern medical technology and changes in how we live, women are now getting pregnant later in life.

 

The bio clock is an excuse for women who want an excuse to go baby crazy without regard for others. They use it as justification for tricking men into pregnancy."

 

Actually, more often I hear it from other people trying to put pressure on women to rush into relationships, marriage and pregnancy whether or not they're ready or even want that. Society says that for women, marrying a man and making babies is the norm, so any deviation from the norm means something is wrong with them. Add in a "shelf life," and watch the palms sweat.

 

Personally, raising some children always sounded good to me. But I don't think I'll get that "bio clock is ticking" feeling because I don't feel like I'll need to give birth to a child in order to love him/her. If I haven't married by a certain age (haven't decided on that yet), and I'm financially well off enough, I will adopt. Our planet's population has exceeded 7 billion already, the species is not in any danger. If anything, we're overpopulated.

 

Also, for those who have no desire to have children, who are we to tell them what they should or shouldn't do? It's true, some people just don't have any desire to be a parent. These people (it's almost always women) are stereotyped as "selfish" or "irresponsible," when IMO, remaining childless is the more responsible choice!