Girlfriend going to a "sex toy party"..

[Sparkly Eyes]

What these things have in common is that people have their own insecurities and to judge one but not the other is inconsistent and unfair.

 

It doesn't matter what other people think - but at least be consistent.

 

I don't understand, I didn't judge men watching porn. I just guess that men would probably be more bothered by their women being obsessed with a porn actor than her using toys. The reason you don't see men complaining about this on forums is simply that most women are not that obsessed with good looking guys in porn or they don't show it as much. Anyways, I did agree with you that they have the same foundation. For both, the idea of their SO getting pleasured by something else (which might be better than them) is hurtful.

[paintedblue]

Shes been in a past relationship with a female..maybe thats part of the fear to..i wish i knew

[tinkerbellkj]

Shes been in a past relationship with a female..maybe thats part of the fear to..i wish i knew

 

But what is it exactly that you fear? If you don't trust her then that is a problem with your relationship, not a sex toy party.

[paintedblue]

Cause its the same if there were guys at it and i wasnt there

[tinkerbellkj]

The thing is though, that there will always be members of the same and opposite sex no matter where she goes. She's going to go places without you and if she chooses to cheat on you it won't matter where she goes. It could be at a bar, hell it could be at a bookstore where she meets someone. Has she ever given you a reason NOT to trust her in the past? If she has then maybe you consider ending your relationship because it's not fair to either of you.

[Ms Darcy]

Cause its the same if there were guys at it and i wasnt there

 

Ok, so you are worried she'll cheat. Does she masterbate without you there? (the answer is probably yes) Does that bother you as well?

 

How long have you been together? Do you have a solid relationship?

[Blue Spiral]

I'm an incredibly insecure person, but this wouldn't bother me at all. I don't understand why anyone would be upset about it, beyond having more traditional views on things.

 

Until this thread, I had no idea that such an event existed. The 21st century is awesome.

[Honey Pumpkin]

They do NOT include trying the toys!! That is so untrue, lol. I think someone has been messing with the guys who things that is what happens

[Ms Darcy]

So there is obvious misinformation about these parties going on ...

 

Someone shows them toys, they go to the bathroom to try them (yes), and then come back to try another, and so on. Afterwards they decide whether they want to buy one.

 

I like my girls to have some class and sexual privacy, so I would not tolerate my girlfriend going to such a party (or rather I would tolerate it, but then she can consider herself single). That's me. Other couples would not be bothered by it and that's okay with me. Just not my thing at all, so I know what you mean.

 

So I'll just list the statements of the women who ACTUALLY attended these parties plus the thoughts of informed guys. I thought that might be helpul to the OP.

 

I have been to two and I have never seen anyone go to the bathroom and 'try them.' Just like in an adult store, people buy without using them. To each his own, but going to a party does not indicate a lack of class in the least. It shows that she is interested in pleasuring herself. Many couples use those toys together as well.

 

I used to host sex toy parties and I can assure you that no one goes to the restroom to try them out at any of the one's that I have hosted or been to.

 

You should be proud that your girlfriend is comfortable enough in her sexuality to want to spice up your bedroom activities. Sex is a wonderful thing together and alone. Don't judge her until you see what benefits that you both may get from the party..

 

This would be INCREDIBLY unhygenic.

 

I have also been to these parties and they in NO way involved trying them out. Yes - it's very much like a Tupperware party. You turn them on, you look at them, you joke, you drink tea... that's it.

 

Lance - I think your girlfriends were pulling your leg. There's NO way I'd go to an STD party like that (you could TOTALLY catch an STD doing that!

 

I have never heard of anyone being able to "try them" either. The closest thing you will get to "trying them" is flipping the switch on/off if there is one. I have been to one as well, I don't see it any different from a lingerie party. I don't think it's that big a deal. But again, to each their own.

 

Wow, it's amazing how the men here have no idea what goes on that these parties.

 

These parties are a celebration of singlehood and relationships. Most of the people that go to these parties are females in realtionships looking to add more spice with their partner.

 

You do not use the items while at the party unless it's lotions, massage oils, or perfumes. I have never been to any 'fun' party where people tried out the toys. That is disgusting and extremely unsanitary!!

 

The hostess describes each product and passes it around the room for everyone to view and get a feel of. They provide anything from sex toys, lotions, massage oils, clothing, etc.

 

Wow, really shocked at all of the hostility here.

 

If she wants to buy a new toy to masturbate with, that's her prerogative, just like her boyfriend would be entitled to buy a new kind of lube or toy for masturbation. I'm really kind of taken aback by the people who are implying that this girl thinks less of her relationship or of her boyfriend's sexual pleasure because she might want to buy a new sex toy. What exactly is so threatening about her maybe wanting to purchase a new toy for her - or their - sexual pleasure? And yes, she could go and buy something for their use as a couple. I've gone to sex toy shops more than once with friends and come back with something for a partner and I to try.

 

Seriously. There is some majot insecurity going on in some of these replies. Are some of you really so intimidated by your girlfriend buying a new vibrator? I don't get it.

 

And to the poster who claims that people will go into the bathroom and "try" different toys---um...no. I think your friends that told you that were kidding with you. That's' not what happens.

 

Maybe if you did some research on what actually happens at the parties you may be a little more comfortable. I think we fear things that we know nothing about. Are you secure in your relationship?

 

You may want to discuss this further here, before you share your feelings with her, because this would send a HUGE red flag up for most women who think they are in secure, loving and TRUSTING relationships.

 

I'm actually really surprised with the guys on here who have an issue with these parties. I think its a lot of ignorance on their part, which isn't a bad thing...they just don't have all the information. I've been to a couple of these parties and have never seen nor heard of any girls being allowed to try out the products. You can't do that at a sex store so why would you do it when the sex store came to someone's house? It was basically a fun, girls get together...we ate, laughed, then went home. I'm in a long term relationship and my boyfriend didn't mind me going at all. It made things a lot more fun. I understand having issues with it but it is 2010...women should be allowed to take control of their own needs if/when they feel like it. If it makes you that uncomfortable, maybe you have some unresolved issues with yourself and thats what you should focus on instead of trying to control what your girlfriend does.

 

Sounds to me like the OP and some other men were really unclear of what truly goes on at these parties, and had very bad views of it initially due to not understanding what the party is actually about. I mean someone actually thought they used the actually toys there! Which is very unclean! But again just misinformed.

 

They do NOT include trying the toys!! That is so untrue, lol. I think someone has been messing with the guys who things that is what happens

[DrKitten]

There are primarily women at these parties, just like tupperware, Mary Kay (make up) and purse parties. If there are any guys there, it's usually other girls' boyfriends/husbands. Despite the merchandise, there is really nothing sexual going on at these parties at all. It's nothing like an orgy or anything.

[OptomisticGirl]

If you are worried she will cheat yes, this goes deeper than a party. There are trust issues.

[_Asti_]

I have been to several, and none involved trying any of the toys in the bathroom. You can sample edible things, feel the vibrators on your hands, etc..but you don't try anything.

 

I am having one for my bachelorette party. My fiance's comment "Shall I give you my VISA?" They are toys for the bedroom. Most likely anything will be bought will be bought with intentions of using them with HIM. Not by myself.

[hers]

I have been to several, and none involved trying any of the toys in the bathroom. You can sample edible things, feel the vibrators on your hands, etc..but you don't try anything.

 

I am having one for my bachelorette party. My fiance's comment "Shall I give you my VISA?" They are toys for the bedroom. Most likely anything will be bought will be bought with intentions of using them with HIM. Not by myself.

 

Ha! Last time I went to one, my fiance sent me there with a blank check of his and said "Come back with something for hte both of us!" I came back with a masturbation toy designed for him...it lives in our shower. He loves it. And I had fun buying it for him.

 

Ok I'm so glad so many girls jumped on and cleared up the myths of what actually goes on at these things.

 

The only thing we've ever "tested" at these things was certain....ahem...lotions and what nots. At the last one, they put a lotion on a q-tip and asked us each to go into the bathroom and apply it on our little girl bit and report the affects. Ok that stuff was awesome and we all bought some. But it was all private, and we each took turns in the bathroom. We were among close friends so we didn't feel awkward at all.

 

No actual toys were tested. We did play with the "store sample", whcih was us passing it around an dfeeling the vibrations on our skin (hands and such!). Nothing sexual about it at all, execept for the toy itself being a sexual thing.

 

If you are insecure about your relationship, that is your issue to work through, not hers to help you through. She can listen to your insecurities, give you her side, and then leave you to work on your issues yourself. Trust issues, insecurities, etc...those are all your issues. No one can make you feel a certain way unless you let them, and even then, it's just a matter of how you receive the actions of others who are being themselves.

 

Kudos to your GF for going to this thing and having fun with her friends.

[anya85]

I am really surprised to see all these posts by guys with their panties in a wad over a toy party? And going so far as to threaten breaking up over it? Who cares what your girlfriend does her in free/spare time? Do you masterbate to porn? How is that different? Porn is a tool to help you masterbate--so is a sex toy. It's used to help you get off. It's really no different. If you think that women should sit around waiting only for their boyfriends to pleasure them, then you should do the same and not masterbate yourself.

 

On another note, no, I do not think that people should "share toys" whilst trying them though as that is unhygienic.

[OptomisticGirl]

Ah yes, those potions are... awesome. CS and i got some before Gatlinburg. It's my new best friend.

[DN]

I am really surprised to see all these posts by guys with their panties in a wad over a toy party? And going so far as to threaten breaking up over it? Who cares what your girlfriend does her in free/spare time? Do you masterbate to porn? How is that different? Porn is a tool to help you masterbate--so is a sex toy. It's used to help you get off. It's really no different. If you think that women should sit around waiting only for their boyfriends to pleasure them, then you should do the same and not masterbate yourself.

 

On another note, no, I do not think that people should "share toys" whilst trying them though as that is unhygienic.

This is a point I made earlier in a different way - I just hope that none of the women who say he should have no problem with her buying sex toys have no problem with their boyfriends using porn.

[greywolf]

Porn is not very classy either. That doesn't stop a lot of people.

 

OP, after reading more of your posts, I really think you should rethink your relationship with this girl. Not because she's a bad person, I actually think it's admirable that she's comfortable with her sexuality, but because I don't think you two will ever be compatible. You are also unable to accept her sexuality and I don't see anything good coming from that.

[_Asti_]

I don't think I've ever gone to a 'pleasure party' with intention of buying MYSELF something. Its always been about buying something for my guy and I to enjoy, or bring a little excitment to the bedroom for us. Nothing to do with masturbation.

[greywolf]

No there is nothing wrong with having a problem with it, whether you come to terms with that or not. Different people want and like different things, and have different opinions. Not everybody is compatible.

 

You are incorrect (and others in this thread) in assuming that it's "insecurity". I do not like it because I find it unclassy. Please don't respond giving answers about why you disagree with it being unclassy - one's idea of class is always different.

 

You are allowed to think it's unclassy just as many others are allowed to think it's based on insecurity.

 

Do you think going to a sex toy shop is unclassy too? A sex toy party is not any different than a group of friends going to a sex toy shop together. And as you said there's nothing wrong with how you or the OP think, but so far this line of thinking doesn't seem to be making the OP very happy.

[iBroken]

Wow - there is some serious emasculation going on in this thread.

 

Girls dont attend these parties to test the toys out in the bathroom. Its a celebration as others mentioned, and its also an alternative to standing in a sex shop while other people watch you browse.

 

And as a p.s. - Guys dont always have to be their. Girls sometimes like to pick out toys for themselves when they are left unsatisfied LOL. Kidding - for when there isnt someone around to help them out. Believe it or not, but us women, we have quite the drive too

[metrogirl]

I think some women are probably more comfortable in the house setting amongst friends as opposed to going to a sex store to purchase whatever. It's kinda hard to to get a feel for all the stuff if you are in the public spotlight at a store with all eyes on you, eyes that you don't even know. At the house parties, the girls are usually amongst people they know so it makes for a more relaxed time.

 

I have been to a few, never tried anything in the bathroom, never saw anyone else trying anything in the bathroom. There were no crazy orgies going on or making out or anything of that nature. It was a bunch of women giggling and laughing, it actually reminded me of a slumber party.

[xxNPxx]

As a guy I see insecurity with OP. She's going to a girl party where they sell sex toys and he's insulted? My question is: insulted about what? Even if she actually tried the toys out; she still hasn't cheated, thought about cheating, or lost interest in sex. NOTHING changed in the relationship but the ideas of offended party.

 

It's not like she saw a cute guy and brought him over for a surprise threesome or you stumbled on to her dildo collection that were the size of your foot. It's really insecure to be insulted that your gf might be thinking about making your sex life better.

[notquitepsycho]

Okay, I've been to a few "fun parties" as well.

 

The only way any of the actual devices were "tried out" was by the hostess turning them on and passing them around so we could see what they did. For those who think the demonstration models are actually used on any person -- how the hell would you sell the toy after that? It wouldn't be hygienic, nor would it be hygienic for when it was taken to the next party! You can get a good enough of an idea how it will feel by feeling the toy with your fingers anyway.

 

Yes, some of the lotions/potions were sampled, but that is *very* different! Although the q-tip thing wasn't tried at the parties I attended, most of the potions were nontoxic so you could get a good enough of an idea how it would feel on mucous membranes by putting it on your lip. Most were flavored, too.

 

In my current FWB situation (which I'm going to be breaking off next time I see him most likely) even if I wasn't going to break it off I wouldn't suggest bringing toys/devices in. Why? Because he's a bit insecure about his own equipment. I have no complaints with what he's got -- but I could see where he might be offended or hurt if I were to bring any phallic-shaped devices into the bedroom. Now, if he suggested checking out the adult toy section at the local head shop/hippie gear shop, I'd be happy to give my input. And I'd definitely like to try any type of thing you could put in your mouth to make things happier for my partner when I go down on a guy since I'm not really all that good at it IMHO -- and spicing things up is nice.

 

I think the root of the problem boils down to the fact the OP is not nearly as experimental as his girl, and is bothered by her previous experiences with the same sex. OP ... you're going to have to figure out if the fact she is more sexual and more experienced and experimental is going to be a problem for you. You can't change anyone -- trying is futile, and it's nothing to do with you that would make it futile... it just is. If it is going to be a problem... it might be best to find someone who is more on the same page as you, and if experimentation in the bedroom occurs it can occur together.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I thumbed through the thread....

 

No, the toys are in no way 'tried out'. That's absolutely ridiculous, not to mention disgusting.

 

I've been to one before. It was a bit embarrassing sitting in a living room with a bunch of friends and friends of friends with a bunch of sex toys sprawled around but the embarrassment passed quickly.

 

I've never really understood why people found these toys emasculating. A toy could never replace the sensation and feeling of a real human being. Woman like guys for more than their equipment and enjoy being with them for more than just penetration. However, it's much harder for most women to reach orgasm than it is for most men, so we require some extra help. It should never be used as a replacement and if it is, there is something wrong with the woman...not the use of the toy itself.

 

I agree that it's akin to porn. Simply a tool for getting off.

 

As for its class...it really depends. Some bachelorette parties are absolutely disgusting with their crudeness and ridiculousness. However, most are quite nice with just the right amount of raunchiness. It's the same for just about anything involving sex. Some events are better than others.

 

So, give the girl a break.

[Lucidity]

I dont know if this has been said, as I skimmed over a large majority of the dismissive posts, but the bolded portion above is EXACTLY why I think the OP has the right to feel uncomfortable with this situation.

 

I think the OP has the right to determine what he is comfortable with in this situation, and he was simply asking for advice as to how best to handle his feelings towards this issue. I've been to bachelor parties, and I know first hand how things tend to go. Not in all cases mind you, but the majority of my experiences lend credence to SO's having uncomfortable feelings about these kinds of things. The same holds true for men where bachelorette parties or any other type of "partys" are concerned.

 

This is not about what the "premise" is surrounding these kinds of "girl" only, or "guy" only events, but just exactly what "can" happen at these events. The "right amount of raunchiness" is entirely subjective, and neither you nor I, nor anyone else should try to impose upon the OP what his level of comfort should be regarding this issue.

 

I dated a girl once who told me she was going to a lingerie "party", and at the time I was a little uncomfortable with the idea, but not until later did I see pictures that a mutual friend of hers showed a male friend of mine in which there were male models present displaying some of the *ahem* "male attire" with portions of their privates showing. When I approached her about this I was told that the guys who were there were "gay" and that there was nothing to be worried about.....riiiight.

 

Now, I'm not against a couple buying sex toys in an attempt to spice up their sex life, but there are stores available in which a couple can visit -together- and have fun making these decisions TOGETHER. I just dont think the OP is comfortable with other people(possibly close friends) knowing what types of toys these women would be passing around and possibly buying.

 

If this is an issue of some kind of fear of public shopping on the womans behalf, then it could very well be the stigma associated with being seen in such places. So why feel the need to do it behind closed doors, in a "party" situation, if people are so open to the idea in the first place? Also, there is more than ample proof that the majority of "consultants" who hold these parties are neither trained, nor have any formalized education in sex therapy or the use of sexual therapy aids what so ever. Most of them are housewives trying to earn an extra buck. So buyer beware.

 

At any rate, making these types of decisions with your SO should be the way that they are handled.

 

He should discuss this with her and ignore most of the judgemental replies being posted here.