Girlfriend going to a "sex toy party"..

[DN]

out of all the men who are against it, how many of you masturbate when she knows nothing about it? hypocritical no?

No. It isn't hypocritical if the woman concerned doesn't want her boyfriend to masturbate to pornography.

[Cognitive_Canine]

No. It isn't hypocritical if the woman concerned doesn't want her boyfriend to masturbate to pornography.

 

It's hypocritical to be against your partner masturbating if you're masturbating yourself. I understand your point, DN, but does the OP indicate that his girlfriend is not okay with him masturbating?

[DN]

It's hypocritical to be against your partner masturbating if you're masturbating yourself. I understand your point, DN, but does the OP indicate that his girlfriend is not okay with him masturbating?

That's what I have been saying (see post 121) and the OP hasn't answered. But there are women who seem to be Ok with sex toys for them but not porn for their boyfriends and my point is that is just as hypocritical.

[Cognitive_Canine]

That's what I have been saying (see post 121) and the OP hasn't answered. But there are women who seem to be Ok with sex toys for them but not porn for their boyfriends and my point is that is just as hypocritical.

 

I think everyone in this thread agrees with you though. People shouldn't be telling others what to do with their bodies when they are doing those things themselves.

[DN]

Well, I am not so sure that everyone agrees - I see lots of people on threads about porn saying the guy shoudn't use it if it upsets his partner.

[greywolf]

Well, I am not so sure that everyone agrees - I see lots of people on threads about porn saying the guy shoudn't use it if it upsets his partner.

 

I have seen that, but usually the majority say there's nothing wrong with it.

[DN]

Not so sure about the majority. It seems to me opinions are about evenly divided. It would be interesting to know if there is anyone on this thread who has said the OP should not be concerned who has previously said people should not use porn if their partner objects.

[OptomisticGirl]

I think porn is fine, as long as it doesn't start bring chosen over actual sex with your partner. Same for use of a toy.

[tinkerbellkj]

I have no issues with my husband using porn, and he knows that.

[Fudgie]

I have no problem with porn/toys...as long as he wants to spend time with me when I am there!

 

I think some of the guys here need to chill out. It's not a "party", ok? I've been to one of these "sex toy parties" and they really aren't parties, just small get togethers where you can purchase the toys and find out more about them. It's not like there is tons of food and dancing. I really didn't see it as a social event. I didn't end up getting anything but I enjoyed looking.

 

I saw a couple couples buying stuff together, and some women buying "couple toys" (things that were OBVIOUSLY intended for 2 people) for their husbands or boyfriends.

 

I agree with OG, if you feel immasculated by the fact that a woman can go out and purchase sex toys, I think you have some insecurity issues.

 

BTW, I think the OP is being a hypocrite if he's looking at porn and yet won't let his girlfriend go and get a toy. C'mon now.

[chipdip]

OK this is my first post ever on a message board, but I was searching on google and had this on my mind and felt like it would help to talk about it. I apologise for the length.

 

I think there are two issues being discussed in this thread.

The first being the issue of how the sex toys are being purchased. Personally I don't see the problem in being amongst friends at

home looking at toys and I can definitely see how a party of this sort can make for a fun time and a good laugh; also it promotes

openness in talking about such things.

 

The other issue is one that I believe I am experiencing and I am going to attempt to explain it in a way that both women and men

can understand. I am very much for exploring sexuality with my partner and like to share with her as much as possible about what I

enjoy. Mostly because it is so much more fun with two people. Also, I would like to do anything I can to give her sexual

satisfaction, for I always feel so much more turned on knowing that she is happy.

 

There is clearly an underlying insecurity that comes with bringing a sex toy into the relationship. I took my gf to a sex show and

bought her a rabbit vibrator, not because anything wasn't going good in our sex life, but because I am always wanting to try new

things. I hoped it would be something that we could share, and something she could use on her own. Most every guy knows in his

head that masturbating is not even close to the real thing, no matter how crazy the porn is, or that going to a strip club is not

ever a substitute for true intimacy. This is much the same way girls know that their sex toy isn't going to replace their

boyfriend.

 

I think the key is to communicate this with each other. The only way two people can become more secure with each other is to talk

about what they are thinking. You cannot expect a guy to not be a little wary of his girlfriend using a toy that is possibly

larger than him, rotates in strange ways that he can't and vibrates on her faster than he could ever move his tongue all at the

same time. This would be the same way that a girl would feel insecure about her boyfriend watching porn stars with unnatural

bodies bending in unnatural ways. I don't believe that there is anybody that is 100% secure about sex, themselves and their

prowess in every possible way. I reassure my girlfriend all the time that I love the way she looks and I wouldn't change a thing.

And girls, you need to reassure your boyfriend every once in a while that he satisfies you sexually, because saying so makes him

feel confident and good about himself.

 

There was one comment that said if your boyfriend wouldn't let you use a sex toy then you'd break up with him?. That is absurd.

If you like somebody enough you would talk about it and perhaps find a compromise, find out why he would give you that ultimatum.

And just saying that you are going to do it anyways is going to drive deeper that insecurity and possible inadequacy he feels.

Though if after that he is just as hard headed, I'd head for the hills. lol

 

In any case, from my very limited experience with this, I have found that seeing my girlfriend use this toy stirs up deep and

strange emotions that I suppose are somewhat akin to jealousy (not in a bad way) and incredible lust. There is something about

seeing something else penetrate your girlfriend that feels very strange inside. Like you want to be the one giving her waves of

ecstasy. So my advice to girls who are wondering what guys are thinking, is talk to them, make them feel like they are part of it

or connected to you while you're using it, let them use it on you, and make sure he knows that he makes you satisfied sexually.

And for the guys, you can't make your girlfriend feel like you don't want her to have sexual pleasure, and I'm sure that these

girls think that that is what you mean when you say "I don't want you to have a sex toy or go to a sex toy party".

 

Seeing the look on my girlfriends face while she was using the toy made it all worth it and when she was using it during foreplay

she told me "I want you inside of me" and that just blew my mind. Hopefully this clears up what Some of the guys are thinking (i'm

sure we don't all have the same views) when it comes to sex toys and why we get a little uneasy about it. But if two people have a

strong relationship and are really connected to one another, they can make for some wild sex.

[Fudgie]

Chipdip,

 

Excellent first post! Hope to see more of you around!

[swampyankee]

Sex toy parties are like any other party for a girl - they are hosted by a friend who gets discounts for every friend they manage to rope in and every dollar generated at the party. Both my ex and my girl were/are totally put off by invitations to home parties and feel under obligation to go. And no, neither of them has been invited to a sex toy party, although my ex-mother-in-law bought my ex and I some ridiculous articles of clothing - I recall mine had an elephant face and ears on it...

Anyway, as liberal as my girl is, I know she would dislike me watching porn or going to a strip club, although we have done both together. I would probably feel the same way about her going to a sex toy party, although I'm sure I would get over it.

As far as her use of a toy - she has one that she used when she was single but she claims I have eliminated the need for one in her life. "Bob" remains buried somewhere in the deep recesses of her closet. And I find that she satisfies me sufficiently that I have no need for self-pleasuring. At this point I feel like I'd be disrespecting her and sanctity of our relationship by doing it. I believe she feels the same.

We have been to sex shops and have teased each other about buying something there, so who knows, attitudes may change in our future. But I know that we can discuss any of these matters and be on the same page about it all. If either of has a problem with anything, we respect each other to refrain from doing something that would make the other uncomfortable.

[redtan]

I didn't read all of the pages, but I have to say this in 'defense' of guys that feel threatened by toys. What if that toy does replace you and makes you less involved with your GF in bed? I've had a rocky relationshis where my then GF got bored with me and instead of cheating (which is good) and instead of breaking up (which is not good, I'd rather end it than drag something that's bad) she got a dildo and used it on herself instead of having sex with me. Also, in another relationship I've definitely noticed a reduction in intimacy when the GF got a new toy, meaning she was using it instead of me.

 

So while some guys getting intimidated by toys is silly, you have to realize that not all toys that are bought by girls are there to introduce to their existing sex life. Sometimes these literally cut into the normal human to human interaction, and that's where guys get offended.

[OptomisticGirl]

That's an extreme though. In an average, healthy relationship the toy doesn't replace sex, it's introduced as spicing sex up. If a toy can replace sex in a relationship, there is another underlying problem not being dealt with. Same with porn. In an average, healthy relationship there should be no problem with a man watching or even masturbating to porn. When that porn replaces sex though yes, it does become a problem but in the same instance, there is almost always an underlying cause as to why the porn addiction replaced actual sex.

[Tanzi]

Someone shows them toys, they go to the bathroom to try them (yes), and then come back to try another, and so on. Afterwards they decide whether they want to buy one.

 

I like my girls to have some class and sexual privacy, so I would not tolerate my girlfriend going to such a party (or rather I would tolerate it, but then she can consider herself single). That's me. Other couples would not be bothered by it and that's okay with me. Just not my thing at all, so I know what you mean.

 

You have that very, very wrong. The representative will talk about the toy, turn it on, pass it around for people to muck about with and have a laugh and giggle over. These parties are meant to be innocent, giggly fun. Never ever has anyone gone off to try one. What would happen if they didn't like it? They could hardly sell it afterwards could they? And you could hardly pass it on to the next person to try?

[OptomisticGirl]

You have that very, very wrong. The representative will talk about the toy, turn it on, pass it around for people to muck about with and have a laugh and giggle over. These parties are meant to be innocent, giggly fun. Never ever has anyone gone off to try one. What would happen if they didn't like it? They could hardly sell it afterwards could they? And you could hardly pass it on to the next person to try?

 

It amazes me how misconcepted these sex toy parties are like you said a-little-blue.

[Tanzi]

I didn't say different girls tried the same toy.

 

Then the company would have to dispose of a lot of sex toys if they went unsold after being used and that wouldn't be financially viable.

 

I have had some female friends (just friends... I don't care what they do, so what I said only applied to girlfriends) who went to such parties and I assure you that some of them involve trying the toys.

 

Honestly, they were either having a joke at your expense of they went to more than a "sex toy" party!!

[OptomisticGirl]

I agree with a-little-blue. Normal sex toy parties do not allow that. That sounds more like a bunch of horny, * * * * ty girls getting together than a bonofied sex toy party.

[Tanzi]

It amazes me how misconcepted these sex toy parties are like you said a-little-blue.

 

I agree. They are generally nothing but a lot of giggly women who are enjoying the company of their friends and glass or two of wine! Men aren't allowed ... most probably to help maintain the innocence. Mostly it is sexy underwear that gets sold, the sex toys usually go unsold. Whatever, they most certainly don't get to try them before they buy them .... I've never heard of anything so unhygenic or disgusting!!

 

They are probably far more innocent then strip clubs where men go for fun!!

[OptomisticGirl]

I agree. They are generally nothing but a lot of giggly women who are enjoying the company of their friends and glass or two of wine! Men aren't allowed ... most probably to help maintain the innocence. Mostly it is sexy underwear that gets sold, the sex toys usually go unsold. Whatever, they most certainly don't get to try them before they buy them .... I've never heard of anything so unhygenic or disgusting!!

 

They are probably far more innocent then strip clubs where men go for fun!!

 

Exactly. The ONLY thing you try is sometimes gel, and they put that on a Q-tip and you go the bathroom to try it out. And everyone gets their own Q-tip.

[Tanzi]

Exactly. The ONLY thing you try is sometimes gel, and they put that on a Q-tip and you go the bathroom to try it out. And everyone gets their own Q-tip.

 

I've seen a lot of underwear being sold and, yes, the most adventurous item I have seen sold is probably a tingly gel that you get to put on the back of your hand!!

[Longview01]

It amazes me how misconcepted these sex toy parties are like you said a-little-blue.

 

Its crazy, you can tell that some people are truly afraid of what they dont understand because they start making up all kinds of rubbish about it

 

I've had 2 serious relationships where my partner has gone to Anne Sumers Parties and in way shape or form am i threatened by it, infact I still use some of the penis straws my other half brought back.....not because i'm that way inclined I just like a fun straw dammit!

[Tanzi]

infact I still use some of the penis straws my other half brought back.....not because i'm that way inclined I just like a fun straw dammit!

 

And that is generally the case ... when a woman buys something from one of these parties, it is usually with her other half in mind!

[Betel]

I'm uncomfortable with my girlfriend discussing sex toys at a party, whether it is one revolving around sex toys and sex-themed games or not. Masturbation is something that can be shared between a couple, but it is also something that I feel is private. I'm not worried that she'll cheat or uncomfortable that she masturbates without me. But I do believe she shouldn't be discussing those intimate details with anyone else.

 

The only thing we've ever "tested" at these things was certain....ahem...lotions and what nots. At the last one, they put a lotion on a q-tip and asked us each to go into the bathroom and apply it on our little girl bit and report the affects. Ok that stuff was awesome and we all bought some. But it was all private, and we each took turns in the bathroom. We were among close friends so we didn't feel awkward at all.

 

I think the idea of discussing this in a group forum, and that you're all aware of what you're doing in the bathroom, is what makes it inappropriate.

 

If you are insecure about your relationship, that is your issue to work through, not hers to help you through. She can listen to your insecurities, give you her side, and then leave you to work on your issues yourself. Trust issues, insecurities, etc...those are all your issues. No one can make you feel a certain way unless you let them, and even then, it's just a matter of how you receive the actions of others who are being themselves.

 

There are issues in a relationship that one person can tackle alone. However, anything involving the relationship should be discussed and worked on together. If my girlfriend were feeling insecure, I would discuss it with her. I'd help her figure out where she wants us to be, and what I can do. That's part of being in a relationship.

 

I dont know if this has been said, as I skimmed over a large majority of the dismissive posts, but the bolded portion above is EXACTLY why I think the OP has the right to feel uncomfortable with this situation.

 

I think the OP has the right to determine what he is comfortable with in this situation, and he was simply asking for advice as to how best to handle his feelings towards this issue. I've been to bachelor parties, and I know first hand how things tend to go. Not in all cases mind you, but the majority of my experiences lend credence to SO's having uncomfortable feelings about these kinds of things. The same holds true for men where bachelorette parties or any other type of "partys" are concerned.

 

This is not about what the "premise" is surrounding these kinds of "girl" only, or "guy" only events, but just exactly what "can" happen at these events. The "right amount of raunchiness" is entirely subjective, and neither you nor I, nor anyone else should try to impose upon the OP what his level of comfort should be regarding this issue.

 

I dated a girl once who told me she was going to a lingerie "party", and at the time I was a little uncomfortable with the idea, but not until later did I see pictures that a mutual friend of hers showed a male friend of mine in which there were male models present displaying some of the *ahem* "male attire" with portions of their privates showing. When I approached her about this I was told that the guys who were there were "gay" and that there was nothing to be worried about.....riiiight.

 

Now, I'm not against a couple buying sex toys in an attempt to spice up their sex life, but there are stores available in which a couple can visit -together- and have fun making these decisions TOGETHER. I just dont think the OP is comfortable with other people(possibly close friends) knowing what types of toys these women would be passing around and possibly buying.

 

If this is an issue of some kind of fear of public shopping on the womans behalf, then it could very well be the stigma associated with being seen in such places. So why feel the need to do it behind closed doors, in a "party" situation, if people are so open to the idea in the first place? Also, there is more than ample proof that the majority of "consultants" who hold these parties are neither trained, nor have any formalized education in sex therapy or the use of sexual therapy aids what so ever. Most of them are housewives trying to earn an extra buck. So buyer beware.

 

At any rate, making these types of decisions with your SO should be the way that they are handled.

 

He should discuss this with her and ignore most of the judgemental replies being posted here.

 

Well said.