OptomisticGirl Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 You can ask someone to not discuss the details of your sex life but at the end of the day, I can almost guarantee you, she does. She's a woman. My best friend and I discuss all aspects of our sex life because lets face it, there is the female perspective on it and then there is the male and the two are complete polar opposites. Sometimes your partner CAN'T help you with what you are feeling, as Hers said, you have to do it yourself or get help outside the relationship. Link to comment
Betel Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 You can ask someone to not discuss the details of your sex life but at the end of the day, I can almost guarantee you, she does. She's a woman. My best friend and I discuss all aspects of our sex life because lets face it, there is the female perspective on it and then there is the male and the two are complete polar opposites. Sometimes your partner CAN'T help you with what you are feeling, as Hers said, you have to do it yourself or get help outside the relationship. I agree, but discussing something with your best friend is a different setting and is much more personal, and private. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 I agree, but discussing something with your best friend is a different setting and is much more personal, and private. But it's still discussing it with a third party. You don't have a sex party with strangers - you have it with the people closest to you - your best friends. And you don't discuss your sex life per say - you get shown toys, you get told how they work, and you decide if you want to buy them. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 I had a sex toy party for my bachelorette party. The stuff she 'sells' are generally for COUPLES to use together. Sure she had a few little dildos for masturbation, but the rest are things to spice up your sex life. She shows them explains them, passes them around. If you're insecure about your partner looking at things of that nature, you got big problems! Its not different than your partner going into a sex store and picking something fun up for you two to use together. I came home with a crap load of stuff, most were prizes, gifts for being the bride, I had money to spend since I got a portion back from the sales, and my friends ordeered me stuff. I got ALOT. And NONE was for me to use solo. It was stuff for me to bring on my honeymoon and enjoy a week with my partner. No one there discussed their sex life, some offered opinions on if they tried the products previously, and sales were made in private in the back room. I think people are really misinformed at what a sex toy party really is. Guess I am glad that my fiance views a sex toy party as a positive thing, since afterall he gets ALOT of benefits from me going to one! Link to comment
Betel Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 If you're insecure about your partner looking at things of that nature, you got big problems! For myself, the problem is not that it is done, but that it is done in a group setting. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 And its okay for guys to go to strip clubs in groups then? Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 For myself, the problem is not that it is done, but that it is done in a group setting. Well you certainly must not approve of her shopping in a sex toy store then, because there will be people around her as well..dooing the same thing, and there it's not private when she purchases something! I had a few friends at the party, who were pretty silent, didn't a buy thing. Maybe its just not their thing. To each their own I suppose. But I think if YOU view it as a private, a future partner may not...because I'd find it incredibly silly if my fiance said "Sex toys are private Don't look at them with other people!" Link to comment
Tanzi Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Girls have friends, just like guys. and girls like to have a giggle about silly things together and in ways that guys just wouldn't be interested in. Guys aren't much different, they like to impress their mates with talk of their prowes. It doesn't take a sex party for this to have to happen. Giggling over sexual artifacts at a sex toy party is nothing but silly, girl, fun and I have never heard anyone go into detail about their sex life. Neither have I EVER witnessed anyone trying anything out. I have never ever heard such a ludicrous notion. If sex toys are bought then its usually all done in jest and no-one assumes anything from it. Link to comment
Unknown1607307972 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Girls talk, we do. We talk about sex, and I don't mind if my boyfriend does to his friends. As long as we both don't say offensive stuff or squeamishly detailed stuff about eachother it's ok. Telling your girlfriend to not go to a sex party will not make your sex life more private and exclusive because the only way to do that is to ensure she doesn't have any friends. My sex toy is mine, I did not buy it with my boyfriend I bought it with a friend who bought one too. I did not consult him about it, but when he asked if I use one I told him the truth and he doesn't mind. Now we live together and I still have it for when he's out and I am in the mood, or if he wants to use it on me in foreplay. Using it together is fun but its primary function is for me by myself. I don't use it that often now that I live with my boyfriend and it is not better than sex with my boyfriend but just like his porn collection is for him, my toy is for when I am alone mainly. Therefore I don't see why having him involved in purchasing something mainly for just myself is necessary. I don't mind my boyfriend watching porn or even checking out other women in public, my line begins at strip clubs or lusting over my close friends or family. Link to comment
Betel Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 And its okay for guys to go to strip clubs in groups then? I don't think it is acceptable for men or women to go to a strip club. Alone, or in a group, unless they are single. If a couple wants to attend together, they can make decision together. Well you certainly must not approve of her shopping in a sex toy store then, because there will be people around her as well..dooing the same thing, and there it's not private when she purchases something! I think that is an unfair comparison. If she were to go to a sex toy store with a group of friends, I think that would be comparible. I understand that women talk, and that some women like to to talk more than others. I also understand that a woman might feel more comfortable going to sex toy store with a friend, but I'm not comfortable with the group setting of a sex toy party. I'd find it incredibly silly if my fiance said "Sex toys are private Don't look at them with other people!" It probably goes without saying, but have a more conservative view than you and your fiance. I'm not arguing that it is a better view, but it is my view. I think any object you plan to use to please yourself during masturbation, is private. It is an intimate detail of your personal life. I don't think it is something you need to purchase or discuss in pairs, or groups. My sex toy is mine, I did not buy it with my boyfriend I bought it with a friend who bought one too. I did not consult him about it, but when he asked if I use one I told him the truth and he doesn't mind. Now we live together and I still have it for when he's out and I am in the mood, or if he wants to use it on me in foreplay. Using it together is fun but its primary function is for me by myself. I don't use it that often now that I live with my boyfriend and it is not better than sex with my boyfriend but just like his porn collection is for him, my toy is for when I am alone mainly. Therefore I don't see why having him involved in purchasing something mainly for just myself is necessary. By your own account, you don't think your boyfriend should be involved in purchasing a sex toy, because it is for your use. My argument, is that if you don't think the person you are most intimate with in your life should be involved, why would you involve someone you are not intimate with? I would think it would be a topic handled alone, or as a couple. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Would her purchasing it with you be wtrong then, since that is a pair? I think astis analogy is right though - by your definition, which there is not&ing wtong with because it is your defitions, things should not be bought when other people around. You can't always guarantee she will ne the only one in the sex toy shop. Link to comment
Betel Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 My point is that shopping for a sex toy should be something that is both discrete, and private. If you and a friend can go to a sex toy shop, and shop seperately, but are comfortable knowing a friend is with you, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. There will most likely be other people in a sex toy shop, but you aren't browsing with them or discussing the items. Or maybe you are, but to me that would be inappropriate. I think you can go to a store and be discrete about a purchase, or you can purchase something from the privacy of your own home. The internet has hindered a lot of privacy, but it also allows for some. Link to comment
ibu Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I think any object you plan to use to please yourself during masturbation, is private. It is an intimate detail of your personal life. I don't think it is something you need to purchase or discuss in pairs, or groups. Didn't someone just say that purchases on these kinds of parties are made in private, in a back room? Sure, they might look at the toys in group and receive explanation about it, but the actual purchase is still private, and need not be discussed as such. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Betel, If your girlfriend went into a sex toy shop with one of her good female friends and were discussing different toys, would this bother you? Would you think of it as "cheating" somehow? Just curious. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 My point is that shopping for a sex toy should be something that is both discrete, and private. If you and a friend can go to a sex toy shop, and shop seperately, but are comfortable knowing a friend is with you, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. There will most likely be other people in a sex toy shop, but you aren't browsing with them or discussing the items. Or maybe you are, but to me that would be inappropriate. I think you can go to a store and be discrete about a purchase, or you can purchase something from the privacy of your own home. The internet has hindered a lot of privacy, but it also allows for some. Purchasing sex toys at these parties is discrete and private. No one knows what you bought. Unless you tell them. I don't see how going into a store with a friend and looking at sex toys is any different than these sex toy parties. Clearly you've never been to one, you would see how they function and how private and discrete it really comes to actually purchasing them. You can also go online afterwards and purchase what you saw. So really..seeing it in person is a good thing. You don't have to be airing out your dirty laundry at these parties. In fact, I think out of 15 girls, only two were open about their opinions/experiences. Everyone else was hush hush, and just checked everything out as it came around, and the purhcasing was very discrete. Going into the store with a girlfriend and checking them out, is the same thing. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 If someone goes into a sex shop to buy themselves a sex toy then that is entirely their business and likewise who they may discuss this with. Link to comment
Inquirer89 Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Sex toy parties aren't all about going and trying out all the products or trying them with group members seeing or anything like that. I have female coworkers who put them on and all that goes on is maybe some drinking, looking at the mags and buying products if they want, but mostly it's just going for conversation, female bonding, food and having fun with the girls. It's not a completely sexually orientated party at all, it's just like going into a sex shop and buying something that interests you, you don't try the product before you buy. It's not like a group orgy or anything either. I've never heard of men going to these parties, it's just the girls. When I first heard of a sex party as this type of party was introduced to me as such, I thought it was something like a swingers thing, but then I actually asked about it and learned what it actually was. Fear of the unknown can make people nervous or sketchy about something until they really learn about it. Would I go to a sex toy party without telling my SO? No, I would be open and ask them about it to see if they were comfortable with it, out of respect for him. If he wouldn't like me to go, I would respect that and not go unless he requested that we both should attend. Link to comment
Unknown1607307972 Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 By your own account, you don't think your boyfriend should be involved in purchasing a sex toy, because it is for your use. My argument, is that if you don't think the person you are most intimate with in your life should be involved, why would you involve someone you are not intimate with? I would think it would be a topic handled alone, or as a couple. Simple, my friends I discuss this sort of thing with are female. My boyfriend doesn't use vibrators, so my female friend may be better to discuss such sex toys with. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 ^^^ yep. I have shown L the new one i want but as far as performance of vibrator and how good it is, hard to discuss that with peoole who don't use them. I mean, getting a pap smear done is awful bit i would never go into detail with it to my SO... that's what friends are for. Link to comment
greywolf Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 By your own account, you don't think your boyfriend should be involved in purchasing a sex toy, because it is for your use. My argument, is that if you don't think the person you are most intimate with in your life should be involved, why would you involve someone you are not intimate with? I would think it would be a topic handled alone, or as a couple. I don't understand. Are you saying that partners need to be consulted about masturbation, like they own each other's bodies? Link to comment
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