Girlfriend going to a "sex toy party"..

[Applewhite]

I think you don't see the point the guy is making. He is insulted not because she wants a toy, but because she wants to take part in a sex toy party something that he sees as an insult. If she wanted a toy she could buy it on her own or invite him to go look for one.

 

facepalm.

 

I guess you didnt read the first 3 posts in this thread?

[OptomisticGirl]

Just as he has a right to be uncomfotable with it, a woman has every right to be uncomfortable with buying a sex toy in a shop or with her SO. I refuse to go into one of those stores and I'm one of the most out there people I know. I do my shopping online or I have done it at a sex toy party because you are surrounded by other women who are usually very close friends. There is a level of comfortness there. I said it once before, I would not feel comfortable buying a toy with my fiance and he uses mine on me. And I know he wouldn't be comfortable in that setting either.

 

It's clear there are misconceptions about these parties. If done right, they are nothign like bachelor parties or bacheloretta parties. There is no opposite sex (unless it's another woman's SO) and women do not use try out the toys. It's a way for a woman to privately gain knowledge about different types of toys out there, be in a relaxed setting with friends, and maybe make a purchase if she sees something she likes.

 

Men watch porn in private, why can' a woman go shopping for her toy in the privacy of her own home?

[orchidrose]

And I again I ask: why is this a decision that they have to make TOGETHER? We don't know about the OP, but in most relationships, there are scenarios in which each partner takes care of their own sexual needs by masturbating, viewing porn, whatever. Should I have to consult my partner every time I want to go to a sex toy shop and buy something for myself? Should he have to consult me every time he wants to try a new kind of lube?

 

My issue with both your and the OP's arguments is that they are not necessarily based in rationality or logic, but fear and insecurity. Your girlfriend is not going to cheat on you with a random guy with his privates out at a bachelorette party. The chances of that happening are extraordinarily slim, if it's going to happen at all. I can understand some concern over privacy, but on the other hand, it's not like your girlfriend's friends are going to follow you into the bedroom and watch you use this stuff. And again I'll say that I typically go to my favorite sex toy shop with friends and we see what the others buy.

 

I have no problem with being uncomfortable with the idea, but the fear and insecurity that permeates a lot of both your and the OP's posts does concern me. The concept that a woman should have to check with her partner to increase her sexual pleasure makes me uneasy, too.

[OptomisticGirl]

 

I have no problem with being uncomfortable with the idea, but the fear and insecurity that permeates a lot of both your and the OP's posts does concern me. The concept that a woman should have to check with her partner to increase her sexual pleasure makes me uneasy, too.

 

well said. It also speaks volumes of the relationship if you can't trust your partner enough for them to go to a party like this just as it would speak volumes if your partner was not okay with you going to a strip club. That's clear insecurity.

[Lucidity]

I touched on this in my earlier post, but the majority of "consultants" holding these parties are nothing more than housewives who have no formal education in sex therapy or the use of many of the types of items offered at these parties. Also, I wouldnt want my best friend to buy something that contained dangerous materials, limited bloodflow, involved the use of lubricants...or what have you from "someone they supposedly trust" who is selling these things from some catalog where the items are made god knows where. I stand by my assertion that the OP has every right to be uncomfortable with this issue. If a couple cannot make a decision like this together, then one or the other stands to pay a huge price if they are not properly educated about their usage or do some homework about where and how they are made. Your mileage may vary.

[hers]

I touched on this in my earlier post, but the majority of "consultants" holding these parties are nothing more than housewives who have no formal education in sex therapy or the use of many of the types of items offered at these parties. Also, I wouldnt want my best friend to buy something that contained dangerous materials, limited bloodflow, involved the use of lubricants...or what have you from "someone they trust" who is selling these things from some catalog where the items are made god knows where. I stand by my assertion that the OP has every right to be uncomfortable with this issue. If a couple cannot make a decision like this together, then one or the other stands to pay a huge price if they are not properly educated about their usage or do some homework about where and how they are made. Your mileage may vary.

 

but that's clearly not the issue that OP has with it all. he mentioned nothing about the education or making of these products. It's all about he feels uncomfortable that she's off doing something like that. The issue youre speaking of and the issue he is speaking of are totally different.

 

that said, yes i can see your point, IF that was what the OP is worried about. But it's not.

[OptomisticGirl]

Hers is right, this is not the issue with the OP. It clearly comes down to the fact he isn't comfortable with her being in that situation because she could cheat (he mentioned I believe she use to be with women). That, is a trust issue. Not where these products are made.

[hers]

Exactly. It's a valid point Lucidity is making, definitely, if the couple were making the decision together about what to buy. But even still, she has the right to attend the parties b/c you don't have to buy anything at all.

[Lucidity]

Hers is right, this is not the issue with the OP. It clearly comes down to the fact he isn't comfortable with her being in that situation because she could cheat (he mentioned I believe she use to be with women). That, is a trust issue. Not where these products are made.

 

It was not an attempt to derail the conversation. But it is, and SHOULD be a consideration on the OP's part. And while I cannot read his mind, I will step forward and make this issue known to him because the sex toy industry is UNREGULATED and as such has no oversight by ANY governmental agency beause they are considered "novelty items". There are dangerous chemicals used in plastics and lubricants that are known to cause cervical cancer, infertility and other health related issues that not many people are informed about. The "sex party" industry, being that it is often facilitated by "housewives trying to make a buck", is rife with these and other safety issues. I'm educated enough to know that these dangers exist, and I would NOT want my SO going to one of these parties and bringing an unknown into our bedroom, regardless of her intentions to spice up our sex life or whatever the reason. If this was in the back of the OP's mind when he made his post, then good on him. If not, then now he can make a better and more informed decision regardless. Peace out.

[OptomisticGirl]

The same toys being sold at the parties are being sold at the stores. So while one may say they wouldn't let their SO go to a party like this because of what is in the toys, they would be okay with letting them buy them from a store? 0.o While we women need to be careful about we do buy, most women are informed enough to do their reserach before buying anything, even at sex parties I have went to I haven't bought anything at the time, done my research, and then bought what I saw there. I understand some people are not comfortable with bringing other things into the bedroom and that is their choice, but the OP needs to realize if he's GF is comfortable with this and he isn't, than he needs to walk away because no man should stifle a woman's wants or needs.

[notquitepsycho]

link removed

 

A "fun party" is not a "sex party".

 

Second, please send me your research where you have found any evidence that phthalates (the usual one most people flip out about) cause cancer in humans. They're used as enteric coatings for pills, for goodness's sake! When they stop doing that, and when they take DEHP out of dialysis bags and other things that are in contact with the body much longer than sex toys, I'll be scared to use a Rabbit. The worst concern about phthalates is that they are endocrine disruptors, but that is true in a lot of plastics, and children are the ones more likely to be impacted. If you're absolutely uber paranoid, wait until after you have your kids to use toys, and keep them out of the reach of children.

[Ms Darcy]

You - as not a woman - don't really have much room to tell women what they can or cannot do with their bodies. And no, the OP mentioned nothing of what you have mentioned today. You are overlaying your issues and your lack of comfort with women expressing their sexuality as they choose without the knowledge and approval of her man onto a post that is already rife with insecurity. That's not to be mean, to say it's none of your business. It is to challenge you to respect the sovereignty women have over their bodies and not erect false crises of concern.

[orchidrose]

You - as not a woman - don't really have much room to tell women what they can or cannot do with their bodies. And no, the OP mentioned nothing of what you have mentioned today. You are overlaying your issues and your lack of comfort with women expressing their sexuality as they choose without the knowledge and approval of her man onto a post that is already rife with insecurity. That's not to be mean, to say it's none of your business. It is to challenge you to respect the sovereignty women have over their bodies and not erect false crises of concern.

 

Tried to rep you, but have to spread the love around. So so so so so so true.

[OptomisticGirl]

Tried to rep you, but have to spread the love around. So so so so so so true.

 

I repped you Ms. Darcy. Very well said.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I should start making my boyfriend okay with me before he goes on a new porn site. He obviously is a child who doesn't know any better and I have to make sure that these websites are safe and won't harm our computer. Also, it could be too raunchy for him and that makes me uncomfortable because I worry that he'll like some porn better than me.

[diamond78]

You don't need to be a sex therapist to buy a sex toy. I don't see too many sex therapists running sex shops.

 

If your worried about health issues, then that's another ballgame. There is a plethora of information about which materials are safe and not so safe on the internet. Any woman can research this information, so that she can be informed of what products suits her needs sexually and health-wise. And most women know that if they're not sure, she can also opt to use a condom with their toy. That issue has nothing to do with purchasing a sex toy while at a 'pajama party'!

 

No matter if a woman walks into a store, shops online, or attends a fun party. The end result is the same. They browse the merchandise and discreetly choose their item if they so desire. The main difference is that a 'pajama party' does it in a more relaxed, fun atmosphere with friends where there's food, drinks, and conversation.

 

Also, when you go to one of these parties you go to a room privately where others can't see what you purchased. Half the time, the products aren't available there and you get it at a later date depending on the product and the hostess.

 

It's clear that this is all about misunderstandings and misinformation about what these parties entail. It is not this serious. I can understand if you are against this because you are against sex toys in a general sense. However, if you're ok with sex toys, then this should be a non-issue.

[OptomisticGirl]

A lot of women as well (like myself) are having a sex toy party as their bacheloretta party because I'm not a heavy drinker and don't want to be drunk off my butt in a bar with strangers but I'd still like to have fun at my party.

[jenny_mcs]

You - as not a woman - don't really have much room to tell women what they can or cannot do with their bodies. And no, the OP mentioned nothing of what you have mentioned today. You are overlaying your issues and your lack of comfort with women expressing their sexuality as they choose without the knowledge and approval of her man onto a post that is already rife with insecurity. That's not to be mean, to say it's none of your business. It is to challenge you to respect the sovereignty women have over their bodies and not erect false crises of concern.

 

Well said. There's a lot of paternalistic stuff being posted on this thread by some of the men. From one of the first posters who addressed the women on the thread as "young ladies"; the male poster who has never been to one of these parties but is going to inform us what exactly goes on during them; to uncomfortableness with female's owning their sexuality disguised as concern about cervical cancer. Give me a break.

[Ms Darcy]

Hers is right, this is not the issue with the OP. It clearly comes down to the fact he isn't comfortable with her being in that situation because she could cheat (he mentioned I believe she use to be with women). That, is a trust issue. Not where these products are made.

 

Exactly. It's a valid point Lucidity is making, definitely, if the couple were making the decision together about what to buy. But even still, she has the right to attend the parties b/c you don't have to buy anything at all.

 

Tried to rep you, but have to spread the love around. So so so so so so true.

 

Well said. There's a lot of paternalistic stuff being posted on this thread by some of the men. From one of the first posters who addressed the women on the thread as "young ladies"; the male poster who has never been to one of these parties but is going to inform us what exactly goes on during them; to uncomfortableness with female's owning their sexuality disguised as concern about cervical cancer. Give me a break.

 

I have to say that I am proud of ALL of the women on this thread and some of the wonderful guys. We don't always see eye-to-eye, but we sure did on this one. Excellent!

[Lucidity]

You - as not a woman - don't really have much room to tell women what they can or cannot do with their bodies. And no, the OP mentioned nothing of what you have mentioned today. You are overlaying your issues and your lack of comfort with women expressing their sexuality as they choose without the knowledge and approval of her man onto a post that is already rife with insecurity. That's not to be mean, to say it's none of your business. It is to challenge you to respect the sovereignty women have over their bodies and not erect false crises of concern.

 

I overlayed the concerns the OP had with statements backed by facts about product safety. Nothing more. I told no woman what they can or cannot do with their bodies. I even said in an earlier post that him and her should talk about this issue if it is causing him so much concern. I did not tell him to forbid her in going to this party, not once.

 

I respect the sexuality of individuals and however they choose to exhibit it. The critical thing that I feel that is being overlooked here is the OP's reason for feeling the way he does, and as a result is being attacked due to way he expressed himself. He could be "old fashioned" in his beliefs, which EVERYONE should respect regardless of how he worded his OP and reply. They just might not be compatible for each other if this is such an issue for him, whatever his reason is for feeling this way.

 

The bottom line is him and her need to discuss this -together- as adults and come to an understanding about this issue.

[DN]

As I said in an earlier post - if the OP's girlfriend has issues wth him using pornography then she should understand why he may have issues with her using sex toys. If he does use pornography he should understand why she might want to use sex toys.

 

I don't care what people do in the privacy of their bedrooms - but I dislike hypocrisy in all its forms and if there is anyone who thinks it is OK for them to object to one form of masturbation but not the other then I think they are being hypocritical.

[Ms Darcy]

The critical thing that I feel that is being overlooked here is the OP's reason for feeling the way he does, and as a result is being attacked due to way he expressed himself. He could be "old fashioned" in his beliefs, which EVERYONE should respect regardless of how he worded his OP and reply. They just might not be compatible for each other if this is such an issue for him, whatever his reason is for feeling this way.

 

I asked the OP what his concern was about her going to the party. He's kind of insecure about her past, since she's been with at least one woman before. He feels like going to a toy party with women is like going to a toy party with men. Another poster referred to his past threads and said that on the whole he seems very bothered by her sexual history and that he might consider ending with her because they have compatibility issues. The OP also said he does not masturbate when he is alone.

 

No one ignored him. I think the discussion got sidetracked because some people started added unrelated issues like toy parties being unclassy, the parties including rampant "product sampling" (which is untrue of the vibrators and other toys that touch genital areas, but is true for some lotions), product safety nonsense, and one person's insistence that she should only do this if he agrees.

[sylviaedavis]

I used to be a consultant with Pure Romance, a novelty and sex toy dealer, for lack of better description to those not familiar. I can tell you that the party will do nothing but strengthen your bond. The parties are meant to enlighten women about their sexuality and to peak the sex drive. There are toys, lotions, creams, and everything under the sun. The toys are passed around, but I assure you, only tested with hands to see how it moves. The consultant will talk about the pleasures of being intimate with the partner and how to please herself. Believe me, a woman that knows how to please herself will be more inclined to teach you how to please her. It will peak her interest. There are toys and creams to be used as a couple to spice things up. It is romance help. Believe me, you will be glad that she went. I HIGHLY reccomend the three books that are sold. Tickle his pickle, tickle her fancy, and sexual positions books. These will teach you both more than you ever wanted to know about each-other and make things fun and interesting. Good luck!

[greywolf]

As I said in an earlier post - if the OP's girlfriend has issues wth him using pornography then she should understand why he may have issues with her using sex toys. If he does use pornography he should understand why she might want to use sex toys.

 

I don't care what people do in the privacy of their bedrooms - but I dislike hypocrisy in all its forms and if there is anyone who thinks it is OK for them to object to one form of masturbation but not the other then I think they are being hypocritical.

 

While, I do agree, I think this is more than an issue of just being fair (although, we don't know whether the OP's gf is ok with porn or not). Ultimately, I think it would be best for the OP to work on his insecurities.

[ashbash]

i found some of these comments quite funny. i used to work in a high street sex store as well as holding parties for women. there are no "trying before buying" for the following reasons:

1. VERY unhygienic

2. think about it - how would the party organiser make any money if they were just to "try out"

3. most toys are made for couples, its proven that women do not climax the same as males. some need that bit of help. im not saying that their man are not capable by no means, but the fact that she's buying them and telling you about it means she is comfortable enough to tell you.

 

sex toys are awesome for a relationship. the sex toy parties aren't some type of orgy - thats just a male fantasy. its a chance for women to be able to ask questions that they are too uncomfortable to ask in normal circumstances. sex is an area that should be enjoyed and explored. to go with the same routine day in day out gets tideous. you should be happy that you're getting some. don't knock anything until you try it - you might enjoy the experience!

 

and just for the record, no woman that uses them still fits under the stereotype of being a "slag" - they are human, and just like males, have needs. out of all the men who are against it, how many of you masturbate when she knows nothing about it? hypocritical no?