Is women without kids is a rarity?

[MD Geist]

What really bothers me is when people tell me that the girl of my dreams could have a child, well the girl of my dream comes with the situation of my dreams to which means she's a virgin like me, she's also never had a boyfriend or a serious relationship, maybe a few bf's or relationships but nothing to serious.

 

I've stressed this in the past where I often find myself meeting a great girl with the wisdom and knowledge I could ever want from a woman but I find out later on that they have a child. It has even become my number 1 must have recently and it shouldn't be that way. Even online dating is very difficult because most women on there are single mothers.

 

That seems to be the norm these days, when I was in college all the women in my class where either in a relationship or they where divorced with kids. That was years back and now today that thread seems to be on the rise, Especially when I meet women on the go or old classmates its like they aren't even 25 yet and they already have 3!.

 

I'm under the impression that finding a woman without kids is becoming rare especially for my generation (20-30 year olds) I never thought it would be this hard to find someone who has no children. Living in a military area does not help either. Many say its not so bad and to give it a shot, I'm consider myself incompatable with a woman who has a child, she has been through a lot, I haven't even experienced a simple kiss or a date.

 

Do not get me wrong, If they were in a different situation I would totally date these women, I know many single mothers(As well was rised by one) I have nothing against them. I just wouldn't date them.

[FathomFear]

I have nothing against them. I just wouldn't date them.

 

Uh, it sounds like you have something against them.

 

Why are women who aren't virgins, who have had a boyfriend before, or who had kids from a prior relationship not dateable to you?

[shes2smart]

So, don't date them. At the same time, though, that's a choice you're making, so I think that sort of negates your right to complain about how it cuts down the number of prospective dates.

 

If you don't want ready-made family (or the possibility of ready-made family), you shouldn't bother with women who have kids. Nothing wrong with that. Not everyone wants to be a parent, and not everyone who wants to be a parent wants to be a parent to non-biologically related kids.

 

Any preference you have regarding potential partners is going to exclude people. The more preferences you have, and the less flexible you are about those preferences, the fewer potential partners you will have to choose from. But that's the main goal if you are looking for a serious, monogamous relationship, isn't it? To exclude all but one?

 

People will tell you that you're being too picky...but they don't have to live with your choices, you do. As long as you realize that it is possible to have so many preferences and you can be so inflexible as to exclude everyone, feel free to completely ignore people who are telling you you're too picky or who tell you "you'll never find that." Because, really, it's none of their business if you're very selective OR you know there are certain things that you just couldn't live with OR if you choose to be so picky as to exclude everyone.

 

 

I've found if you don't want people's input on certain areas of your life, the best way to do that is by keeping your complaints, frustrations, etc. to yourself for the most part. Any "I'm not quite happy with this" message you send out opens the door for input that you may not really want.

[In the Dark]

To answer just the title of the thread, the older you get the older the women you usually date will get.

The older the selection of women you get the rarity of finding one without a child gets.

 

I have touched on this subject in another thread.

 

A man who is infertile will be thinking yes.

 

I believe you are not the only male who doe not want a woman with kids as this can be a problem with dating as the Mother DOES need to take care of their child.

 

I would be turned off if they left their child at their parents house every time we went out.

 

But then I am the same as you......would I date someone with a child?

 

I DO believe single Mothers have a harder time finding a man who will not leave once they do say....."Oh and by the way I have a child or two or three"

 

A child is a permanent tie to the person they created the child with whether he'd be a good guy, bad guy or a dead guy.

 

They will always be reminded of them when they look at the child.

 

@MD Geist

I think you should give up your dream now, you're 23 and basically I think you have missed the boat.

 

The chances of you finding someone who is a virgin and never had a date is in a very low percentage.

 

I believe the perfect woman for you will not be a virgin.

[newwave]

I am a single woman with no kids and I understand completely what you mean. I often have people fixing me up with single dads and they don't get why I don't date single dads. I often get the I am picky comments. Being 39 doesn't help either. When I date guys the first thing I ask is if they have kids. If they do, I tell them I can't date them. I do not hate kids, but do not want the baggage, not to mention I don't want to deal with an ex. Besides, I may want kids and I want my kids to be his first also.

 

I do think wanting a virgin is a little harder though. I rarely see virgins past college age (and even then this was rare). I used to think it would be cool to date a male virgin, but then I ask myself why, when I'm far from a virgin?

[AmandaB]

I hate to say this as well but im almost 30 and I wont date somebody w/ kids either. Theres alot of baggage there. One day i want kids of my own and what if he doesnt because he already has one or more. Also you have to deal w/ baby mama drama, no thanks.

 

Now finding a virgin, good luck. That is going to be more difficult.

[Seraphim]

Is it that you are afraid the woman is going to compare you to someone else if she is not a virgin?

[Cognitive_Canine]

Honestly, I think it's the fact that you live in a military area that there are a lot of young mothers.

 

It's pretty rare to find a woman under 25 who is married here.

[Seraphim]

Honestly, I think it's the fact that you live in a military area that there are a lot of young mothers.

 

It's pretty rare to find a woman under 25 who is married here.

 

That could be true too. You do see a lot of young mothers in miltary areas.

 

Personally though none of my friends were married or had kids before 25.

[dragon lady]

It's more common these days than ever before. More women are deciding not to have children and for those that do, the age at which they have them is rising. In 1970 the average age an American woman had her first child was 21.4. In 2006 it was 25.

 

Perhaps it's where you live? I know that certain towns and cities have very high percentages of young parents. If this is so important to you, then perhaps you should move? I knew very few young parents where I lived in the US.

[itsallgrand]

Lots of women without children - but once you add being a virgin too, or not having been in any serious relationships - that sure narrows it down to a small select group of women.

[Seraphim]

It's more common these days than ever before. More women are deciding not to have children and for those that do, the age at which they have them is rising. In 1970 the average age an American woman had her first child was 21.4. In 2006 it was 25.

 

Perhaps it's where you live? I know that certain towns and cities have very high percentages of young parents. If this is so important to you, then perhaps you should move? I knew very few young parents where I lived in the US.

 

Yeah, maybe a move is in order, big cities have a lot of single women. Virgins however I am so sure. Is it a fear that you will be compared? If that is it not all women are like that like not all men are like that.

[MD Geist]

Is it that you are afraid the woman is going to compare you to someone else if she is not a virgin?

 

If I don't measure up she probably will.

 

Uh, it sounds like you have something against them.

 

Why are women who aren't virgins, who have had a boyfriend before, or who had kids from a prior relationship not dateable to you?

 

Women aren't virgins are dateable, Those who's had boyfriends before are dateable but when it comes to kids its a different leauge.

 

If you wanna do the right thing you become a father the moment you commit and say I love you to that person. I would certainly want the best for her children but honestly at my age I'm in no position to be with a single mother.

 

I have MANY goals and asperations I want to accomplish in my life and dating a woman with children will not permit me to do things I want to do in life.

 

Secondly she will not love me as much as those kids or child. Children always come first, I would like to be her number 1# before we have children of our own for awhile you know. From what i've seen most girls with kids are still in contact with their EX and most of the time they are still involved with them. I just do not want to deal with the drama, I would like to have that period where its me and her only for whatever time that may be before we have kids of our own.

 

Lastly most single mothers are no opened to having more children, I would like to have some of my own and I would prefer for the child to be both of our first that way we experience it together. Not me trying to play catch up.

 

It's more common these days than ever before. More women are deciding not to have children and for those that do, the age at which they have them is rising. In 1970 the average age an American woman had her first child was 21.4. In 2006 it was 25.

 

Perhaps it's where you live? I know that certain towns and cities have very high percentages of young parents. If this is so important to you, then perhaps you should move? I knew very few young parents where I lived in the US.

 

 

I live by an Army base, 3 Air Force installions which means we have a lot of divorcees out here, most of the time they get stationed out here and get divorced and the guy a few years later get stationed elsewere in the process of taking one of the good girls with him leaving his family behind.

 

Thats typically what happens here.

 

If you don't meet a single mother you find someone that has the atribes your looking for only to find out they are in a relationship or married.

 

Another thing I see a ton of Premature marriages out here.

 

They meet up and start dating and within 6-9 months of just knowing each other they are already engaged and within a few weeks of getting married. I know a couple that recently meet, got engaged and is currently married and have twins on the way, they have only known each other for less than 14 months total.

 

 

Yeah, maybe a move is in order, big cities have a lot of single women. Virgins however I am so sure. Is it a fear that you will be compared? If that is it not all women are like that like not all men are like that.

 

 

There is a great chance with me getting my investment license in june I could be moving but I do not know where but the chances are it will be to a city. Even looking on POF at the women in Denver I would be thinking "jezz I wish she was here where I lived" even pueblo has more possiblites than here.

 

As far as being a virgin is concerned I really think she would be baffled as to why I'm a still a virgin at 23(Soon to be 24) My life for success is about to begin, my greatest fear is being used because I'm very inexperienced. I've always wanted a woman to watch me go from being a nobody to a somebody and be there even during the darkest times and well these good old days are about to become a distant memory.

 

I will be successful and such but I don't want a woman to like me because I'm making six figures, drives around in a fancy car ext...ext... but for me and who I'am. Many think it will make things easyer for me to date but in actuality it doesn't. If the wrong woman see what I'am with zero experience she could really take full advantage of me without me even knowing about until its to late. Thats my main concern.

 

Otherwise, I already know being a virgin it can go either way, a woman might like it but many women will not like to be the one who leads the way.

[Seraphim]

So really you want to be the one and only in some one's life? There is no room for them to love another human being but you? I am not beating on you but asking if that is it. Also too why would a woman compare? Are we that shallow? And if so why would you want to go out with women if they are shallow?

[MD Geist]

So really you want to be the one and only in some one's life? There is no room for them to love another human being but you? I am not beating on you but asking if that is it. Also too why would a woman compare? Are we that shallow? And if so why would you want to go out with women if they are shallow?

 

 

In terms of her love life I think every guy wants to be that number 1# love in her life until they have kids. I'm not saying i should be the only human being, there will always be others sooner or later. Family, friends, ext...

 

 

Why would a woman compare? She has her reasons, sadly there are women and men who do that. My only guess is that if you do not measure up in someway.

[newwave]

In terms of her love life I think every guy wants to be that number 1# love in her life until they have kids. I'm not saying i should be the only human being, there will always be others sooner or later. Family, friends, ext...

 

 

Why would a woman compare? She has her reasons, sadly there are women and men who do that. My only guess is that if you do not measure up in someway.

 

Sure many men want to marry a virgin, but most of these are probably virgins themselves. If this is so important, maybe join a church group. I have a male friend who was a virgin and wanted one himself (he also wanted a stay at home wife, and many other things). He ended up finding one through a church group (he was 33 when they married and she was 24).

 

However, this is rare. Even most very religious guys I met weren't virgins. There is a difference between being a non virgin and being a non virgin without kids. I am a non virgin, but have never been pregnant.

[Seraphim]

In terms of her love life I think every guy wants to be that number 1# love in her life until they have kids. I'm not saying i should be the only human being, there will always be others sooner or later. Family, friends, ext...

 

 

Why would a woman compare? She has her reasons, sadly there are women and men who do that. My only guess is that if you do not measure up in someway.

 

Would it not be easier to find a woman who does not compare?

[hexaemeron]

MD, if you're not willing to put yourself out there for the possibility of real, vulnerablity and scrutiny... how will you ever find someone to love?

 

What if the love of your life DOES have children? Or isn't a virgin. Your fear will prevent you from finding her. Don't let that happen to yourself. You seem like a really great, if kinda misguided dude.

[Seraphim]

I think what you are looking for is a sure fire tight way not to be hurt there is no such thing. It happens. Even a virgin is going to have her conceptions of sex even if they are misguided and what if you do not meet up to her fantasy sex imaginings? We all get hurt at some time.

[shes2smart]

Your fear will prevent you from finding her.

 

Oddly enough, so will a very precise, very inflexible list of "preferences."

 

Having been one of those who made & kept The List when I was in my 20s, I can now look back and say that The List was not so much a tool to figure out what I wanted in a partner, but rather a really effective way to keep me out of a relationship & single....yet give me really plausible-looking proof that I wanted to be in one and "the problem" wasn't me.....

[abitbroken]

Maybe the wisdom and knowledge comes from experience. I understand that you don't want to date a woman with 3 children if you are in your early twenties, but to want a girl only who has not had a serious relationship is really a tall order. Maybe the woman has the wisdom and maturity you seek because she has loved and lost and is not into playing games. I think that you shouldn't rule out a woman who has had a long term relationship before.

 

My boyfriend has never been married. He previously had one girlfriend for less than a year. He is really the perfect guy for me. But I see where my experience has brought something to the relationship. I didn't plan it that way, but I am divorced. My husband left me. Just up and left. It was not a mutual decision. Anyway, with that being said, the healing I went through and the decisions I had to make made be stronger as a person. I also "speak up" before something bothers me rather than making people guess when something is wrong. And I know what I want in a relationship and am willing to hold up on my end to make sure we have a good foundation of communication.

 

Here is one other thing:

Dating doesn't mean someone has to meet 100% of your criteria to go out with them to get a coffee or go to a show. Dating is getting out there and getting to know people. It doesn't mean you have to marry them or have to be their boyfriend. a date is just a date.

 

Now what I do think is fair:

If you are a virgin, because you are waiting for marriage, you won't find a woman who believes that unless you go out with her to get to know her enough to find out. I think its fair to want a woman who thinks the same way - but there are woman who believe that, were married, and then their husband died or left them. Life sometimes happens. You can't expect them to be virgins, but can expect them to regard sex as something worth waiting for. (and I have known gals to abstain after they were widwoed, etc)

 

If you want a woman to be a virgin because you are but not because you are "waiting" then its kind of unreasonable unless you want to have a long wait and want to use virginity as the only criteria.

[abitbroken]

If I don't measure up she probably will.

 

Lastly most single mothers are no opened to having more children, I would like to have some of my own and I would prefer for the child to be both of our first that way we experience it together. Not me trying to play catch up.

.

 

Not always - you find out by ASKING and getting to know her. My friend married a mom of four and they are expecting a child. Being near an army base, you probably have met women who are widowed and have a child. When she is single, of course her child is a priority - but I have met women who remarry and once married they become a family. The child is in the role of the child NOT in the role of spouse.

[annie24]

i guess since you live in a military area, there are a lot of young mothers. As a PhD student, I can tell you that most of the women around me also doing their PhDs do not have children (I don't either). probably because we are busy doing our PhDs! in general, the higher the education, the less likely they have married and had children by a certain age.

[DN]

The reason for the high incidence of birth rates among people in military areas is because of the benefits servicemen and women get.

[Cognitive_Canine]

The reason for the high incidence of birth rates among people in military areas is because of the benefits servicemen and women get.

 

And also due to the fact that there is this urgency about it too. A lot want to get married before they get deployed. So, it's either get married early, or not see each other for 9 months with little contact and then get married. They rush to do it before the person leaves.