Is women without kids is a rarity?

[newwave]

If there is anything I've learned and that is there's a lot of single fathers out there as well however there's also a serious doublestandard like what the hell is the big turn on about a man taking care of his child?

 

Yet

 

A woman who's single with kids there's a problem and an issue.

 

I've seen a few girls lately take shots with single dads lately and its soooooooooooooo awesomely great!. !?!? Again its things like this that gives me such a tainted view on women.](*,)

 

They won't date someone who's fresh but instead they will date someone does not have it together and yet I'm not good enough for them.

 

I really do not understand why a single girl with no kids will date a guy with kids. I don't understand it.

 

If you've seen many of my other threads, I feel the same way about single dads you do about single moms. There's nothing of a turn on with them, only strictly turnoff. Yet I've been told that I am picky, that dads are better partners than never married childless guys, etc. I'll never get why people in general often think single parents are better matches for childless people like you and I. Dating someone with kids while the other person is childless in most cases is a nightmare. I don't want to raise other woman's children, or support them financially or other ways.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

You can hold out for your ideal or you can accept reality. The older you get the less likely you will find a virgin to marry. As time passes even more it will become much less likely you will find a woman with no kids and not many people will put their lives on hold like you chose to do. Not everyone will wait until later to start experiencing life. You did not necessarily make the wrong choice but you can’t say they did either as that is a personal assessment we all have to make for ourselves.

 

I understand what you are saying in that you want the perfect woman ‘for you’. However I don’t know if even a 25 year old virgin with no experience would end up being your ‘ideal’ mate as there has to be more to a relationship than whether or not she has had sex before meeting you or not.

 

I don’t have an extensive sexual history and I have no kids. I’ve never been married and have only really had a couple of gfs in my lifetime not that I’m old or anything. I take relationships seriously and don’t like casual flings or things like that. I prefer a woman in this same situation. I prefer she has no kids and doesn’t have a long list of past sexual conquests enough to fill a reasonable size novel. I prefer someone who is willing to invest time getting to know me and letting us get comfortable with each other before trying to rush things to some other level. The less of this she has to offer the more likely I am to be turned off by her.

 

However I also try not to completely judge someone by their past as long as they don’t lie to me about who they are. If I find the love, intelligence, common interests, and insatiable chemistry I want with a woman, I don’t think I’d let minor details such as her imperfections and possible mistakes of the past keep me from being with her. I’m certainly not perfect.

 

What I do find necessary is that we share common views about relationships and life. I am completely incompatible with a woman who sees sexual relationships as something casual and meaningless. We have to share the same core values in order to have a chance at something real and lasting with each other and that is what I am ultimately looking for. Who she is now and how she makes me feel will matter far more to me than what she did before she even knew me.

[MD Geist]

I personally haven't met too many women who have the father still involved...maybe they share custody of the kids but that's it, it's not like they actively parent TOGETHER, they do it at separate times when they each have their time with their kids. If I were a guy open to dating women w/ kids, I wouldn't get involved with a woman who was still REALLY involved with the father. That's just asking for trouble.

 

I think it's best when the father is out of the picture, so the guy can be a good father figure (instead of having the kids go in between each man) and not have to worry about confrontation.

 

You're totally right about the spontaneity too.

 

 

Well the thing is there's no way to know unless you get deeply involved with that person, by then the kids or kid will become attached to you and it will make things more difficult because if you want to step back again your not just hurting one person your hurting two.

 

I think its great if the father of the child is nice, friendly and is chill, but thats very rare to find, extremely rare. Most of the time is never a good situation to be in.

 

If you've seen many of my other threads, I feel the same way about single dads you do about single moms. There's nothing of a turn on with them, only strictly turnoff. Yet I've been told that I am picky, that dads are better partners than never married childless guys, etc. I'll never get why people in general often think single parents are better matches for childless people like you and I. Dating someone with kids while the other person is childless in most cases is a nightmare. I don't want to raise other woman's children, or support them financially or other ways.

 

 

I totally agree with you here.

 

However if I was better off financially like lets just say i've accomplished all of my goals in life within the next 10 years or so and I'm an older guy and kids is something that I'am lacking in my life then sure why not?. At 35+ I wouldn't care at all if I was dating someone with kids but at the age of 25 that is the last thing I need in my life especially when I don't even have my own life together why would I want to bring a woman with kids into my life and not being able to provide for them?. To me its just not a good idea before the age of 30 to even have kids or think about them. You need to finish up school, get money saved and most important grow!, do some planning with your wife or husband before hand. These are things i couldn't do walking into a relationship with kids. Most likely I wouldn't accomplish ANY of my goals in life and id be struggling financially as a result. Is it really worth it considering its a conditional relationship? I don't think so.

 

 

You can hold out for your ideal or you can accept reality. The older you get the less likely you will find a virgin to marry. As time passes even more it will become much less likely you will find a woman with no kids and not many people will put their lives on hold like you chose to do. Not everyone will wait until later to start experiencing life. You did not necessarily make the wrong choice but you can’t say they did either as that is a personal assessment we all have to make for ourselves.

 

I wouldn't care if she's not a virgin just as long as she's not living with the regret of losing it. My biggest pet peeve is when someone makes a bad descision thats like clearly as day wrong for them but they do it anyways and then they want a good guy to come along and help them out with their situation. Its like I know this one girl who i wanted to date and she wouldn't give me the time of day at all but instead ignored me and kept passing me up so I gave up on her and moved on, well she met a guy and they clicked and within 3months of being in a relationship together they where pregant, however 2months into the pregancy she broke up with the guy and she's within a month now of having her baby. I remember her even posting up on facebook after she brokeup with the guy she's looking to date and such.

 

now I'm not saying the guy was horrible, honestly the dude actually seemed pretty decent, but what bothers me she could have lived a more successful fulfilling relationship had she made a better choice to wait for a good guy to come along and get married then have a child. I'm just waiting for her to do what most girls have done to me in the past after they've did their deed and thats try and start sharing feelings towards me and how they've always liked me and such. It never fails.

 

What I'am saying is a lot of the times they could have made a better choice to wait like I have but instead they pull the trigger a bit early. As a result people like me will not date them. It really does bother me more than anything because its like what if they had waited for me, do you realise they could have been like almost perfect?

[randomgirl59]

Like with you right? Her choices are her own, whether you believe they are wrong or right is irrelevant and not in your place to criticize.

 

Thing is, its not exactly fair that you're judging people for things they've done in their past. Hell its not even relevant if they've learned from it. So she's looking to move on and date, big deal? the guy might've shown his true colors. I have a friend who's going through something similar right now, and without going into detail, I can tell you the guy she's with did was fine at first but then did a complete 180 and turned into an abusive jerk.

 

You wouldn't appreciate it if a woman judged you harshly for being a virgin based on your choices, so why should you judge them for "screwing up their lives" its none of your business really. And if you aren't dating this girl, why is it even relevant? move on and find another woman to pursue who fits what you're looking for. Keep in mind also that when you date someone, you date them for who they are now, not who they were in the past. Unless they are psychotic or have hurt others, have been in severe trouble with the law etc, then it doesn't really matter.

 

I think you're just angry that this woman didn't choose you, and you're projecting it onto all women. Just leave it be and move on. There are plenty of women out there who fit your criteria.

 

And hey, lets even say hypothetically she did wait and choose you. How do you know the relationship would have worked? how do you know one of you might not have been miserable? you dont. You cant read the future or "what could have been". You can only go into something like a relationship, try to make it work, and if it doesn't, you move on and learn from your mistakes. Forget this woman and dont be so damn judgemental, it's not going to help you. The more you think about things that piss you off, the harder its going to be to shake the bitterness and move on with your life.

[MD Geist]

Thing is, its not exactly fair that you're judging people for things they've done in their past. Hell its not even relevant if they've learned from it. So she's looking to move on and date, big deal? the guy might've shown his true colors. I have a friend who's going through something similar right now, and without going into detail, I can tell you the guy she's with did was fine at first but then did a complete 180 and turned into an abusive jerk.

 

Well the thing about it is a lot of the times these girls don't get to know the guy long enough to actually get to know the guy and at some point the guy does flip out and becomes abusive or has some disgusting sexual fetish.

 

I can understand if she was married to the guy for sometime when they had kids but other situations its like why did you put yourself there?

 

 

You wouldn't appreciate it if a woman judged you harshly for being a virgin based on your choices, so why should you judge them for "screwing up their lives" its none of your business really. And if you aren't dating this girl, why is it even relevant? move on and find another woman to pursue who fits what you're looking for. Keep in mind also that when you date someone, you date them for who they are now, not who they were in the past. Unless they are psychotic or have hurt others, have been in severe trouble with the law etc, then it doesn't really matter.

 

Its funny because I often do get looked down apon by women who know that I'm a virgin. That doesn't mean I'm doing this get back at womankind. Your right it is non of my business of what they've done in the past except their child. If a woman is going to come to me a single mother that aspect of her past will always remain regardless. You just can't get rid of that like you could with a girl losing her virginity or being abused in her past relationship. With a child things are quite different because you can't just "Move on" especially if the childs father is still in the picture which he should.

 

I think you're just angry that this woman didn't choose you, and you're projecting it onto all women. Just leave it be and move on. There are plenty of women out there who fit your criteria.

 

You could say I'm angry at that yes because had she been with me she wouldn't have the issues like she did with choosing that other guy. but you know why I'm really upset?

 

years before they had their child when they where single you know had no drama issues or what not she wouldn't give me the time of day to be with her okay so she chooses that guy and their problems unfold. Now years later we reconnect and all the sudden she begins sharing feelings for me and such talking about she likes me and its like why didn't you choose me back in the day when you had no kids? No drama issues? Now all the sudden I'm good enough now? I'm good enough to be in your life?

 

Do you see where I'm getting at and why? A lot of the times it goes down like that, a girl who wouldn't even give you the time of day when she doesn't have kids or any issues then would all the sudden do herself a 180 on you and try to give you the time of day. To me thats very selfish and wrong in itself.

 

And hey, lets even say hypothetically she did wait and choose you. How do you know the relationship would have worked? how do you know one of you might not have been miserable? you dont. You cant read the future or "what could have been". You can only go into something like a relationship, try to make it work, and if it doesn't, you move on and learn from your mistakes. Forget this woman and dont be so damn judgemental, it's not going to help you. The more you think about things that piss you off, the harder its going to be to shake the bitterness and move on with your life.

 

I don't know randomgirl. I've never had a girlfriend to share any experiences but if I had to take a guess I can tell you that things would have worked out better had she been with me than most of these "boys" they choose. I can tell you that much.

 

Its hard to not think about these things when they happen to you often especially with me getting a bit older as i'm seeing a lot of these girls who didn't give me a chance back then now have kids and are single mothers today. I know its not my problem or my concern but when they inneract with you, you can't help but feel upset that they themselves turned a 180 for you now when they "need" you in their lives.

 

I understand that they are searching for love and its hard for them but come on! clear as the sun, that "Boy" wasn't serious back in the day and now she wants me to help clear it up for her? ](*,)

 

You really can't help but be angry about it especially when you know damn well your worth it.