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My Mom Died

hosswhispra

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hosswhispra Mentor

hosswhispra

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I feel the worst pain in my life right now. My father's death was 5 1/2 years ago-and I felt in great pain-however, this is so much more worse. It feels like someone ripped my chest open, ripped my heart from my chest and then danced on it. Then my heart was thrown back in my chest. This is the WORST god-awful pain I have ever felt. The pain is unimaginable. I miss her so much. The thought of never seeing her again is killing me. The phone rings and I think it is her. I lived with her. I took care of her. I was with her when she died 13 days ago.

 

She was walking around at Christmastime. Now she is DEAD. Oh my God...the pain is the worst pain I have ever felt.

 

My faith is at an all time LOW. You die and that is it. I feel like I can't breath. This pain is the most unimaginable, stabbing pain I have ever felt.

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_Asti_ Community Regular

_Asti_

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My faith took a hit when my Mom died in December. I still haven't found peace with my faith and cannot sit in church. And thats apparently normal.

 

It is tough, and in your situation, you may be feeling double grief if there's anything residual from your dad's death as well.

 

Give yourself time. Seek some help if you need to. I found comfort in self help books [two I'd recommend are On Grief & Grieving and A Time to Heal] they were just that little extra to help me get through the day by dealing with what I felt on that day, as every day changes.

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unknownme Apprentice

unknownme

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I'm so sorry about the pain you have, I'm sure she's watching you from above and hurts her to see you in so much pain. She's in a better place, she's at peace and i'm sure one day in the long future you will be reunited with her in that beautiful place. My prayers are with you and your mother.

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avman Grand Master

avman

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I'm very sorry about this. Give yourself permission to grieve. It's the only way to get through this. It is ok to feel like complete crap until you are finished letting go. Grab your friends and other family and hold them close.

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hosswhispra Mentor

hosswhispra

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I have two sisters and we are all reeling from this. My mom was a very energetic and vivacious lady.

 

There is NOTHING that can make this pain go away. There is no frickin way around it. I have to go through the frickin fires of hell. Taking my pain in silence. I feel painful and numb sometimes. This is the WORST feeling in the world. There is NO love like a mother's love.

 

My faith is in the toilet. I will NEVER see her again. The pain is only going to get worse as time goes on. I've been in a downward spiral since my father died. Now this. Put a fork in me and I am done.

 

I feel so rotten. I am reeling. I live in the house where my mother lived. Everything SCREAMS at me that she should still be here. All I have are her ashes sitting in an urn next to my fathers. They look like ground up sand. This really sucks. I feel like I got the s..t kicked out of me.

 

After my father died, I prayed to God that I would be settled socially-have my own family etc. before my mother died. Now I grieve taking this stinging, stabbing pain in silence while the whole world keeps on going forward. I feel DEAD.

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Wager Newbie

Wager

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I am so utterly sorry for you. Your pain is so tangible in your words, and I wish so much I could do something to help. It will get better, but I am sure you have heard that countless times, you may even believe it in some quiet part of you that cannot be heard over your raw grief.

 

Please know we are thinking of you, and wishing you well, and that our thoughts also honor your mother, and her memory, as well as your father.

 

You have suffered a tremendous loss and you have every right to grieve and struggle and suffer from the pain of that loss - no one can tell you to buck up or get over it. But know that we are with you, here for you, and you are not alone.

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Crazyaboutdogs Proficient

Crazyaboutdogs

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Yes, it is a little easier to bear when you have a partner and your own family..but still, nothing replaces your parents who love you unconditionally and who are always there for you. The pain won't get worse as time goes on...it will get easier as you feel her presence with you even when she is not physically on this earth anymore. Right now the loss is so recent that it is hard to feel like it will ever get better. In time you will still feel the loss but it won't feel like this huge gaping hole. Perhaps you and your sisters can comfort each other..I don't know how close you are with them. In the end, grieving is a very personal process, no matter how many people surround you.

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hosswhispra Mentor

hosswhispra

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The pain is crippling me. NOTHING will make me feel better. NOTHING. I am in a black hole of rotten loneliness. She was MORE than a mother. She was a best friend. Life rots. I mean that. It rots. Yet, I keep on getting up and going. Life is kicking my a..

 

I feel sooooooooooooo aaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Ac143 Enthusiast

Ac143

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I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better or make this any easier. I am just so sorry you are going thru this, please take time to grieve and take care of yourself. Again I am so so sorry

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tiredofvampires Proficient

tiredofvampires

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I can just feel the anguish you are in, hoss. I'm so very, very sorry, from the bottom of my heart. I know nothing anyone can say will give you relief right now -- but know that this is not meant to feel any less painful.

 

Your love for her means you have to feel all these things.

 

Don't try to hold yourself up to a standard with your faith. It will return, because all true faith is tested.

 

Keep close with your siblings and friends, and scream and cry and let everything come out however you need it to.

 

My thoughts go with you.

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norsewoman Rookie

norsewoman

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I'm so sorry, hosswhispra...

I'm in a care-giver situation with my mom right now, and I dread the day you're experiencing right now.

 

My dad has been gone for twelve years, but there's no pain like losing your mother...I don't have a faith, but I hope you get yours back.

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Ellie2006 Mentor

Ellie2006

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Hoss, I am so sorry for your loss.

Are your sisters with you now. If not, do you think you could get away, even for a little while, while you begin to regroup? When my uncle passed away, my aunt lived with my parents for a while, she went to live with her son afterwards, and she's now sold her old house and bought a new one, near her daughter. The moving around did her some good, she said. Taking a trip might be the last thing on your mind right now. You're probably exhausted, both physically and emotionally. BUT taking some time to yourself, away from the memories may help some.

 

My deepest condolences.

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Honey Pumpkin Mentor

Honey Pumpkin

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Awwwww, honey, I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much it hurts. I lost my brother a few years ago and my dad last year, and it felt like my heart and soul had been ripped out. Let yourself grieve and feel the pain, it's horrible and painful and it hurts.

 

Take care of yourself, let your friends comfort and love and support you. I know you won't believe this, but it does get better - it takes time, but the pain does ease. And talk about your mom, let yourself remember the good things as well as her passing - smile when you think of her.

 

I also felt at the time and now that I didn't really mind feeling such pain for the death of my dad and brother - I really loved them, so of course it was going to be agony when they died. I don't think I would have wanted to be okay, to be honest. But, it does get easier - it sort of eases up and becomes sadness rather than this shock, and it mellows out.

 

It's very early days, take great care of yourself.

 

((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

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SnowFox Community Regular

SnowFox

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I am very sorry for your loss. This is a huge loss for you, so you are going to need to prepare yourself for intense grieving. The body has a way of healing from loss, and it is through grief. Just take care of yourself at this time. Drink plenty of water, try to sleep when you can, spend time with others, let the emotions wash over you in waves. The more you allow yourself to "go" with the process, the better you will be in the long run. Grief becomes unhealthy when we fight it, suppress it, and block it.

 

Please take good care.

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hosswhispra Mentor

hosswhispra

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Life sucks. It's a b*tch.

 

I miss my mom so much.

 

I feel so alone in this freaking cess pool called life.

 

On his deathbed, my dad said that life was a joke. I'm inclined to believe it.

 

Why the freak are we born only to suffer and die.

 

Doesn't make any freaking sense at all.

 

Boy, am I freaking angry, sad, in shock. The whole effin 9 yards. Life is in the toilet. Feel like I was majorly crapped on with this loss.

 

LOSS, LOSS, LOSS.....all of 2009 was a freaking year of loss into 2010.

 

Grieving is a b*tch. Feels like I have a disease. I'm exhausted and I stay in bed for 20 hours a day.

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