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SnowFox

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Everything posted by SnowFox

  1. I would say I am over you, but thoughts still linger. Since you posted messages to me on the internet recently, it stirred up my thoughts about you. Here we are - 14 months later, and you are posting about how you love and want me. You are a grown man! With children who are almost grown themselves. Your actions disgust me. What on earth is the point of posting cr*p like that on the internet. God knows how many other messages you've posted that I haven't seen. You dropped me cold. Ice cold. When everything had been great between us. You have serious communication problems - as evidenced by dropping me cold with an email when the past several months were spent planning to spend the rest of your life with me, and then posting messages to me more than a year later on the internet- when you never even know if I will read them or not. Its like you are a massive coward who truly does not know how to communicate. I guess its fair to say if that is the type of man you really are, then it would have never worked between us anyway, and I am glad I found out now rather than after I had sunk 5 or 10 years of my life into a relationship with you. I now find it hard to believe how deeply I loved you and how badly I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I love the man I thought you were- I can't say I love the man you've shown yourself to be this past year or so. Its sad.
  2. I still think of you often, but I am over you for the most part. Your actions since the day you dropped me cold - 14 or so months ago- are what have forced me to see you in a different light. You've showed a side of yourself that is unattractive. But, now, even over a year later, you are still posting messages for me on the internet. You've posted 4 or 5 of them in the past 3 months. You also called my work recently, and it wasn't an accidental call as my extension has to be dialed. You don't know our new phone system has caller ID on it. I admit I am very puzzled as to why you are still posting messages to me, saying you miss me, love me, want me, how amazing I am, how you still can't stop thinking about me. But you've not contacted me directly. Its bizarre- you are a grown man, in his 40's. I can't understand it at all. Its like you want to know how you're feeling but you're too scared to talk to me directly. Its making me lose respect for you. So at this point, even if you came back, I am not sure I could ever get over the disrespect I feel for you. It is validating though- I've always known that you never stopped loving me. Even when you broke up with me, your reasons were all about yourself and the problems you had in your own life. So its not really surprising that you still miss me. I'm going on dates with new guys and am open to what happens. Deep down, you're the one I wanted. I wish you could have been the person I thought you were.
  3. Yes, I feel it has helped tremendously. Its here 24/7 so anytime you need to post or read, you can. I feel being here and reading other people's stories has really helped me move past the intense pain I felt several months ago. I was actually doing really well until a recent incident happened- you can see my thread called "feel like the other woman" to read more if you are interested. But I remember the first 2 months after my break up- I was a zombie. It was horrible.
  4. No problem. Sorry you're going through a rough time. This is a good place to help you get over it!!! I found this place the week after I got dumped and have been here ever since.
  5. I'm not sure if you were responding to my post about my ex lying by omission, but I can assure you, he would never have any reason to feel judged by me. I am extremely even-tempered and very empathic and non-judgmental toward those who are close to me. His behavior was not due to feeling judged by me, I can guarantee that. I am actually going to move that post to a different thread where I feel its more relevant.
  6. To my ex- I've done a lot of thinking in the 6+ months since you dropped me cold with an email. In your reasons for breaking up, they had nothing to do with me and everything to do with you, so on some level, I've never truly felt rejected by you. By posting notes to me on the anonymous website over the time since we broke up, I know that you still love me, you miss me, you think about me all the time, that you regret your decision to end things with me. But something holds you back. I am fairly certain you are with someone and I know her name and what she looks like. It turns my stomach to think that you are so weak as to stay involved with someone while secretly texting me, emailing me, and posting love notes to me on the web. I cannot for the life of me imagine what is going in your mind these days. I think you were with her when you sent me flowers for my birthday as well. When we were together, you showed me through words and actions that I have been the one true love of your life and I feel that is true. You cherished me, were devoted to me, adored me, loved me like no other man ever has. I know what we had together. The love you showed me when we were together was so strong that I am unable to truly feel deep anger or hatred toward you, even now. You have flaws, but they did not affect me in the time we were together. I believe that if we had stayed together longer, I would start to experience more of the effects of those flaws. So its possible that this relationship would have collapsed due to those later down the road. I wonder what it is like to be with one person when all you can think about is someone else. I essentially know that is what you are doing right now. I think your flaws will cause you to ruin your future relationships in the way you ruined this one with me. You have weak character, which has been revealed over the past 6 months, but I still love you and most likely always will. I am not sure you have the capacity to be a stable long-term partner for anyone, though. I miss you.
  7. No longer counting the days....have accepted its over....bought a new cel phone today ... that helps....new ring tones, new color of phone etc....less reminders of him.
  8. I'm just over 3 months out. But we had some sporadic LC over that time. I sold my bed and bought a new one this weekend - I can tell you, that is a great way to get rid of a lot of memories!
  9. Lonewing - I love Def Leppard!!!! Today is Day 1 for me. I emailed him last night. But I feel good about it. Things that needed to be said. I actually can say I feel done now. (we broke up 6/08/09) then LC for a week, then NC for 2 months, then some LC since then). I know definitively that this will be the last time I reach out to him.
  10. There is a book I recommend to people who are in a lot of pain from their break-up - its called The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson. There is a separate work book as well. I used these 3 years ago when I was going through the end of a relationship I thought was headed toward marriage. It was very helpful.
  11. Sorry you had to see this. I am sure it hurt. But, at least you have been smart enough to do NC and disciplined enough to stick with it. So you will always have your dignity. And I feel it helps a lot to have dignity after a break up. hang in there!
  12. Break up was about 7 weeks ago, but I sent a final email 3 weeks ago, so I don't know what day I am on. anyway, today I felt really good. I felt happy. I haven't cried about him in over a week. I still think about him almost constantly and wonder if he will contact me, but emotionally I feel very stable.
  13. skveerkamp- I am having some similar realizations about my ex. Basically, due to his financial and career problems, after a big crisis involving one of his kids, he decided he had to end our LDR because he just couldn't handle it anymore. (And I do believe he is being honest about this as his reason - I have no reason to suspect GIGS, cheating, etc). But, I've realized that basically during the past few months of our relationship, he wasn't being honest with me and he wasn't being honest with himself. He was flying up to see me, taking me out on vacations, always out to nice dinners, buying me gifts, etc....just a couple of months before he broke up with me. So during that time when he was struggling financially, he never once told me that was happening, and he also never told me that the long distance was getting hard for him. He just kept all that to himself. He never gave me a chance to even KNOW he had those problems - and then, on top of that, he never gave me a chance to have any input into either of them (such as suggest that I would fly to see him instead of him coming here, not going out to eat as much, I could move to his cityetc). So that is a strike against him now to realize that the reason we aren't together is because he tried to keep all his problems to himself and just waited until a big crisis to do something about it.... we could have made plans to work around both of those problems if only he would have bothered to do that. He does have ADHD, and I think this might be an example where he just made an impulsive decision and is probably realizing it wasn't the best decision to break off with me . but it makes me mad to think the whole break up could have been completely avoidable if he had only not acted out emotionally about the stress he was feeling.
  14. I am not counting days- I'm in the 5-6 week range though. Haven't cried in about a week. Cried on the way home from work. He is on my mind 24/7.
  15. I'm about 5.5 weeks since last phone contact - so I count that as the start of my NC. I am working on total acceptance. I think about him all the time, but I just remind myself he doesn't want to be with me.
  16. what did you do icyness? maybe it wasn't so bad?
  17. I can offer to help you get over this over-the-top-gift problem.... you can send the bracelet to me! (my 40th birthday is coming up soon too!)
  18. I have been broken up for about 5 weeks, very little contact, but I sent a long email 2 weeks ago, no reply. This week, I found 2 messages he posted to me on a website we used to trade messages on - just for fun - leave little notes there for each other. In these messages he says he made a terrible mistake, can't stop thinking about me, can't and doesn't want to get over me, loves me, etc. But I am pissed because its such a passive gesture. So for now, I am not doing anything, and remaining NC. I feel like I am not really ignoring his comments, because he didn't send them to me, and has no way of knowing if I will ever see them or not. So I am deciding they don't even count as contact. More like I read a journal entry of his or something. Although, I do feel better knowing he is torn up over breaking up with me!
  19. foolsrushin - so sorry to hear what you are going through. I can't imagine the shock you must be in given that you two were so close to marriage, etc. I remember the first two or three days after my BF told me he wanted to break up - about 5 weeks ago - I literally could not eat at all. I felt constantly sick and like I could not be alone. Total shock and hurt. I found these forums that week and its really been great to have this here- just to read other people's stories really helps. I would give yourself a while just to get over the shock of it....I think it wasn't until about 3 and 1/2 weeks after the initial break up that the shock started to wear off for me. hang in there!
  20. It sounds like a lot of us are struggling right now. (((group hug)))) I stopped counting the days of NC - its been roughly 3 weeks give or take a few days. I broke it yesterday though because when we broke up, we only discussed his issues- he was in a crisis involving his kids, his job, and finances. I never said a word in either the few emails we exchanged or the 3 phone calls we had about any of my feelings. We were together the past 1.5 years but have a 13 year history, so I just really needed to get some things off my chest. I spent the past few weeks working on drafts of this email and the final version was really great - I feel a sense of closure now that I sent it. I do not expect a reply and if he emails back, I am not sure if I will even read it. I created my own closure through writing to him. One thing I can say is that I have no regrets in this relationship. I don't regret a single thing I have said or done to him. I can walk away feeling like I gave my absolute best. I don't think I could feel this way if I hadn't sent the email because I felt like I had so many unresolved emotions that I needed to express. I still consider myself NC though because I am healing from the pain of the break up. I have 98% given up any hope of reconciliation. I am sad but not traumatized like I was a few weeks ago. My ex and I had something really special and if I am honest with myself, it is truly his issues that keep us apart, not mine.
  21. I am not counting days - today I had a migraine and these always make me irritable. So I was feeling mad at my ex and asking myself even if he decides to come back, would I want him after this?
  22. I think the best part of NC is that we don't allow them to hurt us any further than they already have. If we go NC, we save ourselves from so many MORE negative emotions than the ones we already have due to the break up. We show them that we are strong and in control of ourselves and our emotions by going NC and that is a positive non-verbal message in any relationship - people who have self-control are desirable. That doesn't mean our ex will want us back, but by staying NC, we send a very powerful message through our ACTIONS - and the majority of communication is non-verbal, not verbal....so by doing NC we ARE communicating LOUD AND CLEAR!!!!! All of our exes are getting a very CLEAR message right now - but they don't all know what it means - so we should all feel good that we can have this level of self restraint. When they did the famous Marshmallow Experiment on young children ( you can google search it) they found that future success is more dependent on the ability to have self control and delayed gratification than on other factors like intelligence, etc. So....feel good about yourself that you are exhibiting a skill that correlates with success in life by sticking with NC!!!
  23. Today I was sad and missing my boyfriend "Jake". I was just thinking about some of the past few times we had seen eachc other and it made me realize that I know he loves me very deeply. I don't know if we will get back together, but I do know that he deeply loves me and will miss me.
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