THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Butterfly1983]

Day 17

 

I didnt want to be back here so soon, you helped me through my last break up, from day one, 2 months later you told me you were in love with me, I told you I wasnt ready, and you waited 8 months for me even though i pursued another guy who lead me on, you were still there for me, and I couldn't help it i fell in love with you. We had the most amazing relationship together, I new you so well, and you were ever afraid to talk to me about anything.

A year and half later, you gave up on me, you said you didn't know what you wanted, you didn't see me as your lover, but I was the perfect gf, you decided in 2 weeks you were ok to give up on me. You didnt want to be with anyone, you left me for a week to decide that it was official and that you were going to have to lose all of me, as I couldn't offer being a friend. 10 days later you told me you'd met someone. You threw everything away, it felt like our past became meaningless, including our future together, you said we weren't going anywhere, but all i wanted was to go to Japan with you. I didnt want to pressure you into marriage or moving in together because I new you'd lived with someone before me who treated you like crap, all I wanted to do was give you life. But instead you chucked me away for a different model. I wish one day you'd realise what you've got rid of...because all I wanted to do was accept you for you are, and love you unconditionally, and now I have to let you go, because I love you...

 

(air hugs)

[Butterfly1983]

5th day of no contact. It's still hard and I sometimes I have to power down my phone to keep from contacting him and keep from looking at the phone. It's getting a little easier EACH day. I hope to be at the point of no return sometime soon. I know I'm type of person that once I reach a certain point and my feelings are gone, there is NO turning back. It has NEVER happened.

 

With each day that passes, I'm able to see things more objectively. I'm not making as many excuses and I'm looking at the situation for what it is now rather than what I hope it to be. I'm still struggling because I still want to work things out. We didn't have a bad break up, it's just simply he's in the military with a new assignment and not much time, or rather he does not want to make the required sacrifice. There was no blowout...nothing. It was a simple discussion. But life goes on.

[busykids]

Hi there, I desperately need this challenge & a friend to get through it. Nearly 10 yrs together, married and two children 6, 11 . My husband left me to move back in with his parents and I'm to blame for all his problems. I posted it originally.

I'm in Ireland so it's 9.30pm. No contact started with blocking number. Contact re kids is limited to email but visitation in place so unless emergency or meeting at swap over - I need to accept I DON'T need contact.

Thank you for a wonderful post. I'll post day 1 progress same time tomorrow. I really hope your right about 30 days.

Any tips on getting through day 24 - 48 hrs as I'm aching already at this decision but need it for self respect, healing and moving on.

Thank you for your support

[LNF06]

Hi there! Here to board the same boat you all find yourselves in. Spent 7 months with my ex who has shattered my heart. I realize that's not a lot of time but after numerous failed relationships, she's the first that was truly a stable, equal. We had the same qualities, ambition and values in life and wanted the same goals. We fell for each other instantly and were inseparable since day 1. We had the same interests and seemed to click.

 

Almost immediately after dating, my ex's mother was diagnosed with cirrhosis. While the doctors say it's manageable, my ex has taken it very hard as she's an only child and very close with her mother. This all began with her trying to push me away as she claimed, "I didn't sign up for this." I love her and feel like shes the one, so I chose to stick beside her. We both have very successful but demanding jobs and, unfortunately, stress on top of everything else led to fighting. At first she asked me to stick with her through the "growing pains" but, as her mother got sicker, she slipped into a depression and began pushing me away. She eventually ended things about 2 months ago and I begged her (I know, I know. Spare me.) to stay. She said she needed time to sort things out and she couldn't commit to anyone else other than her self for the time being.

 

After about a month and limited contact, I started feeling better. I actually remember waking up and her not being the first thing that came to mind. You know, that sick feeling when you roll over and they aren't there? Yeah, I didn't seem to feel that, or at least not as often. We agreed to hang out and see what happened; I was ecstatic to try again. She claimed she still loved me and still wanted to future we talked about. She said the split had nothing to do with me and that I was taking it personal (who wouldn't?). She ended up staying with the entire weekend and it couldn't have possibly been any better than it was - that is until we got into an argument late that last night. Admittedly, the basis of the fight was might fault and I knew I could potentially regret it - I do. She ended it again, which was about 3 weeks ago. This time it left we worse off than the first time and I feel absolutely lost, depressed, crushed, etc.

 

She says that she's lost in depression and she needs time to find herself. She says she doesn't know if she's in love with me and that she can't love anyone until she loves herself. We've had limited contact and it's literally been torture for me. I'm pretty sure I ruined any potential future chances because I spent that entire time trying to convince her that we're worth it and asking her not to give up. I think I finally pushed her over the edge today though, and she's finally had enough. So after 2 months of being apart total, I have to find a way to move on and let go. I've driven myself absolutely insane with this. I love the idea of her coming back once she finds herself but I really don't see it happening. And holding onto that hope will continue to devastate me.

 

So here we are. NC with an initial goal of 30 days. Not to make her miss me or want me back but for my strength and sanity. Wish me luck! (Sorry for the lengthy post)

[Tangerine555]

Day 41 NC. Some days are good, some days are waves of sadness still. I want so badly to reach out but there something that stops me, my higher self that knows I'd be trying to pet a dog that I know will eventually bite me. I know how toxic it was and unless he has a brilliant epiphany, nothing would be different. That's the emotional snag, just knowing the potential was there but that some people need to cling to strategy as a way to avoid being vulnerable... When in actuality love is all about being vulnerable. But people who use strategy and intellect and self rightousness and judgement... They are the same types of people who see vulnerability as weakness because their shame runs so deep. The walls are there for protection and they probably have been there since childhood and they probably aren't going to go away, unless... Unless.... Unless...

I can be thankful that I've learned to love myself better, I've learned how to spot a avoidant man & I will never date one again. I've learned to set boundaries, to say no, to say that's not an acceptable way to treat me, to walk away. But fuuuuuuk some days my heart still hurts. Intellectually I get it, and my heart mostly gets it but I still feel sad. Also I struggle with the feeling that he moved on so easily that I must not have meant that much to him. I know that's probably not true and even if it was, it shouldn't matter. Why would I want to date someone who ignored me, treated me bad, said mean things, most likely cheated on me multiple times, lied, manipulated, raged, gas lighted, and withdrew only to toss enough breadcrumbs to keep me hopeful? I know my value is much greater than this. I don't accept this, I can't. You were a ty boyfriend. I tried my best but I can do better. I am honest, generous and open, consistent, loyal and loving. I deserve a guy who is those things as well.

For those of you who are dumpees and think it is easy for the dumper, that isn't always true. I am the dumper and I'm pretty sure it's 10X harder for me than my ex. I think he just replaced me with half a dozen girls from Tinder or whatever and doesn't even think about me anymore. That hurts too. I felt insignificant while we were together and here I am feeling that way again. See? It all comes back to self love, and knowing my value/worth, and giving that to myself, and NOT reaching out. I'm trying to see the hard days as another layer being released. I read an article from a spiritual teacher recently that described it that way; he said when you feel pain it's easy to get discouraged but don't because feeling like you have gone backward, that's just pain leaving the body... Like, it comes up again as waves of emotion we thought we'd dealt with while it is leaving our energetic field and sometimes we get confused and think we aren't making progress, but we really are. Just let the feelings pass, breathe deeply, love yourself, be kind to yourself, and know that it IS getting better and we will come out the other side wiser and stronger and all around more awesome versions of ourselves

[LNF06]

..........

[Asiat87]

Starting No Contact Sept 19, 2016

@12 midnight

(I texted him plenty today, smh.Tomorrow is the day)

[Asiat87]

Day2-

I woke up this morning and see a text from him saying he was at work at 3am that's why he didn't respond back to my text message but I'm on day 2 on NC. Really want him by my side like it use to be but the ignoring my calls and texts then later on showing up like nothing happened has broke my last nerve. I'm ready for a new start with out him even though I would love things to work out with me and him.

He'll never change.

[LNF06]

Day 1

 

Here we go. I woke up this morning and she was immediately on my mind. I literally felt sick when I realized she wasn't there next to me. I had to give myself a bit of a pep talk before going to work. I KNOW I need to move on and I WANT to stop hurting so bad. I just can't figure out how. It's so tempting to text her but I know I can't. Please tell me it gets easier...

[sundayrain]

day4 (16 days since BU)

 

restarting NC and hope that this time it will last longer. first NC lasted for a week, before he contacted me.

today i took it all in me to not text him. hormones like to mess with the head and the heart, making things way harder than they are. CONTROL YOURSELF GURLL . even if we do talk, things may get awkward and forced. so why put myself in the situation. i just want to hear his voice so that i can feel better and be soothed, but i dont want to be that needy girl anymore. he is not my crutch - only i can make myself feel better.

 

they say to take it one day at a time when going through a break up. but IMO, its really to take each moment as they are. i can feel okay one minute, and then spiral down in the next. but i will get stronger, yes.

[LNF06]

day4 (16 days since BU)

 

restarting NC and hope that this time it will last longer. first NC lasted for a week, before he contacted me.

today i took it all in me to not text him. hormones like to mess with the head and the heart, making things way harder than they are. CONTROL YOURSELF GURLL . even if we do talk, things may get awkward and forced. so why put myself in the situation. i just want to hear his voice so that i can feel better and be soothed, but i dont want to be that needy girl anymore. he is not my crutch - only i can make myself feel better.

 

they say to take it one day at a time when going through a break up. but IMO, its really to take each moment as they are. i can feel okay one minute, and then spiral down in the next. but i will get stronger, yes.

 

I found that I always immediately felt relieved when I heard my ex's voice or she returned a text, but shortly after I felt worse than I originally did. It eventually led to me trying to communicate with her every few days to get another hit as if she were an addiction. That's exactly why I know I HAVE to have NC.

 

And yes, one moment at a time. You will get stronger!

 

 

 

Day 2

 

I miss her oh so bad. It's still extremely hard and I want so bad to just text her. I know she loves me and I know she misses me. It only makes the whole break up that much harder. It's literally like torture. I have to do this, I know I can do this.

[Wolfshook]

Day 8 of nc and about 2 months of NIC.

 

Today has been great, girl at work gifted a chocolate to me,and waitress at my favourite coffee shop offered to buy me a drink. It feels good for my ego.

 

Overall, I feel great today. Haven't been thinking about my ex much for few days now. Things do get better over time!

 

I realized that we werent really right for each other. We fit like left leg shoe to a right leg.

 

On other news, top gear crew is returning soon, cant wait for new stunts with bigger budget.

 

On that bombshell...

[bots10]

Well here we go again. No contact went down the drain the past month or so. Sent her a text just being real and honest about everything and told her I was going to try my best not to contact her because I know it's weird with her living with this new guy. So here goes nothing..

[ginger24]

Day 20.

 

Meh.

 

He unblocked me on fb. Not sure why. Still hasn't contacted me though. Oh well, on to day 21.

[AlienQueen]

Day 22

 

Had to turn down a friends birthday meal as hes going, none of my friends have really seen him since we broke up, I have no idea what I'll be told when they come back, pretty sure he's still seeing this other girl.

 

In other news Im off for a date today, not sure how to feel!

[coldmoon]

Day 1, it´s gonna be a long Journey

[coldmoon]

Day 2, missing him alot and thinking how I can be less emotional

[coldmoon]

Day 3, dreamed about my ex but woke up in terrible pain.

[coldmoon]

Day 4, I'm about to double post so much now lol. Hope it's allowed.

 

Anyway, i try to get some distraction every day a bit. I still check my phone sometimes to check for messages. I think he will message me at some point.

[Ragnaros]

Day 1

 

I've been doing this for a short while but haven't been tracking how I felt so I will start fresh.

 

Today I woke from a dream in which me and my ex were sat on a train just talking, catching up but then I woke up and the sadness hit when I realised I was still stuck in this situation. Trying very hard not to check her social media even though I'm blocked on most. Trying very hard not to check her last.fm to try feel at least a bit closer to her.

 

Overall day 1 is pretty hard

[jackie103]

It's been almost 4 weeks NC and nothing has gotten easier. I still cry everyday about her and i have ups and downs in my moods daily; sometimes i'm optimistic about getting over her and then other times i'm just miserable and sad. I have 3 tests coming up this week and am just trying to focus on studying but it's really hard. I woke up early today to go watch the sunrise. I unfollowed her on instagram, but she still follows me and likes my posts, like my sunrise post i posted this morning. Kinda just shows me that she's not too upset about things as she is able to still see and like my things. I unfollowed her because I didn't want to know what she was up to and how happy she is.

 

I want her back so badly but i know it just won't happen. this sucks so much

[coldmoon]

Day 5,

 

Days are slow and i miss him so much but i need to stay strong!

[AlienQueen]

Day 27, I feel surprisingly better, I've met my lowest point and I aint going back, Ive chosen to let go, I still think of you everyday but it doesnt bother me anymore. This freedom you wanted, is just you sitting at the pub all the time, I realised you were losing so much more than me, Im sorry you cant sort your life out, and that you live in this bubble. The fact you acted around my friends like nothing happened, just tells me youre in complete denial, I hope one day you'll wake up realise, there is more to life than your dead job, and going home and playing games, I see so much potential in you, and you've chosen to get rid of the last good thing in your life...me.

 

I wish you happiness, you were there so much for me, wish I could be there for you, but you pushed me away. One day I hope to be friends with you again

[ginger24]

Day 24. A month since I've seen him and almost a month no contact and I don't feel any better. Everything I see on tv reminds me of how lonely I am now, I feel bitter and angry towards anyone who is in a happy relationship. I have to leave the room if there is a wedding or a birth on tv or in a movie, or on facebook because it's just a constant reminder that my dream of that is shattered. I am trying to stay positive but I miss him so much and all I do is think about him from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed. I wish he didn't have this hold on me. I just want to wake up one day and have my memory of him wiped clean.

[coldmoon]

Broke NC gonna restart again but feeling so much better. There is something going on but i need to wait it out, misconception. Atleast i got my appetit back.