Hi there! Here to board the same boat you all find yourselves in. Spent 7 months with my ex who has shattered my heart. I realize that's not a lot of time but after numerous failed relationships, she's the first that was truly a stable, equal. We had the same qualities, ambition and values in life and wanted the same goals. We fell for each other instantly and were inseparable since day 1. We had the same interests and seemed to click.
Almost immediately after dating, my ex's mother was diagnosed with cirrhosis. While the doctors say it's manageable, my ex has taken it very hard as she's an only child and very close with her mother. This all began with her trying to push me away as she claimed, "I didn't sign up for this." I love her and feel like shes the one, so I chose to stick beside her. We both have very successful but demanding jobs and, unfortunately, stress on top of everything else led to fighting. At first she asked me to stick with her through the "growing pains" but, as her mother got sicker, she slipped into a depression and began pushing me away. She eventually ended things about 2 months ago and I begged her (I know, I know. Spare me.) to stay. She said she needed time to sort things out and she couldn't commit to anyone else other than her self for the time being.
After about a month and limited contact, I started feeling better. I actually remember waking up and her not being the first thing that came to mind. You know, that sick feeling when you roll over and they aren't there? Yeah, I didn't seem to feel that, or at least not as often. We agreed to hang out and see what happened; I was ecstatic to try again. She claimed she still loved me and still wanted to future we talked about. She said the split had nothing to do with me and that I was taking it personal (who wouldn't?). She ended up staying with the entire weekend and it couldn't have possibly been any better than it was - that is until we got into an argument late that last night. Admittedly, the basis of the fight was might fault and I knew I could potentially regret it - I do. She ended it again, which was about 3 weeks ago. This time it left we worse off than the first time and I feel absolutely lost, depressed, crushed, etc.
She says that she's lost in depression and she needs time to find herself. She says she doesn't know if she's in love with me and that she can't love anyone until she loves herself. We've had limited contact and it's literally been torture for me. I'm pretty sure I ruined any potential future chances because I spent that entire time trying to convince her that we're worth it and asking her not to give up. I think I finally pushed her over the edge today though, and she's finally had enough. So after 2 months of being apart total, I have to find a way to move on and let go. I've driven myself absolutely insane with this. I love the idea of her coming back once she finds herself but I really don't see it happening. And holding onto that hope will continue to devastate me.
So here we are. NC with an initial goal of 30 days. Not to make her miss me or want me back but for my strength and sanity. Wish me luck! (Sorry for the lengthy post)
