THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[coldmoon]

Broke **** NC,

Had a nice chat and see how things will go.

[redsox22]

Day 5 NC

Haven't heard from him since he tried to call Wednesday night.

 

I'm glad he didn't leave a message so I don't feel guilty about not calling back.

 

There is nothing to say. No point in rehashing. Nothing changed in the two years I gave it my all.

[Butterfly1983]

I had to temporarily delete my facebook account so I wouldn't keep looking on his page or hers. I miss him. The last four months have been difficult. We've been communicating again. Sigh. Tomorrow I will start all over again. Day 1! I just want to make it 30 days.

[Butterfly1983]

Day 1

 

Yeah, day 1 again. Yesterday I got a message from him. He said "I wanted to break up but I miss you so much", followed by other messages that contradicted each other. Messages about how we should still try but also break up.

It's so painful. Too painful. And after him ignoring me for weeks, it just feels like one big game he is playing.

I've had enough. So I decided to do it. I told him that we need to break up. And I left it at that.

 

And now all the feelings and memories are going through me and hitting me like daggers. It's like ripping a bandaid but the pain doesn't disappear after. It just gets worse. I would never wish this pain on anyone.

 

On top of that, I lost my computer in the airport last night. Not a great day for me.

 

If someone out there are reading my updates, know that you are not alone in this excruciating pain.

But we must keep going. We must be strong. And kind to ourselves. Today is just another day.

 

Air hugs to you. While we know it isn't the worst pain in the world, it sure does feel like it is

[redsox22]

Day 6 NC

 

Tomorrow is his birthday. Do I wish him a happy birthday or maintain NC?

[icantsay]

Day 2

 

Yesterday was very hard. Today has been hard but I am powering through it. I'm making lists of things to do (hopefully I will actually get to do them). I am thinking about going to the movies by myself....I've never done that before, so it could be exciting? A statement of my independence, ha. Or the opposite, I guess.

I think that today I will change my status on Facebook. It sounds silly but for some reason that has been hard to think about doing? But I would rather do it before he does it, if that makes any sense. Urgh, I'm just rambling. Stay strong everyone.

[icantsay]

Air hugs to you. While we know it isn't the worst pain in the world, it sure does feel like it is

 

Thank you so much Butterfly1983. Your words meant a lot. It's so nice to have others to go through this with.. how are you doing today? Keep going!! NC will make you stronger.

 

Yes! There is definitely worse pain out there.

[AvaD21]

Update on yday night which was day 5. I withheld my number with the intention of ringing him. Someone answered sounded like a girl but it must've been background noise cause he'd never let a girl answer an unknown call he'd know it would be me. That's why I did it. I was feeling irrational, had no want to speak to him just wanted to let it ring couple times then hang up so he'd see a missed call &a maybe ring me to check if it was me...I just want to satisfy my own ego that he's thinking of me. As soon as I did it I thought no. Why do this? Thank god I didn't speak to him.

 

DAY 6....

I had a relaxing day today. Read, slept then went shopping. Got the new iPhone 7 and traded in my old phone. The phone I got with his company discount, the phone we've had countless arguments on. Something therapeutic about having a brand new phone.

 

Thoughts of him and sometimes his new relationship pop into my head every now & again & im immediately battling them back out. If I let my brain wander, it wanders to him. But I don't think I'd want him back. I really don't. So i duno why he pops up in my thoughts. I feel good tho. I think. I'm hoping by day 14, a good solid two weeks, thoughts of him will begin to fade.

[redsox22]

NC day 7-

Today is his birthday. I am all torn up inside. His cousin who is also mg friend called yesterday to check in on me. He encouraged me to stay no contact for 90 days. Wow- he gets how awful he was to me. That was validating.

 

Still- I'm struggling with no contact today.

[AvaD21]

Redsox- I really hope you stay strong and don't contact him even if it is his birthday, you're doing well

[AvaD21]

Day 7 - nothing much to report. It was a week today that we went for a walk and had a 'closure' chat. Irrational brain kicked in again yday tho. He never goes on fb. We aren't friends on fb tho I can see when he's been on to accept a friend request. He was on yday. Seeing as I kept checking, I know that's the first time in probably a week or 2 that he's been on. My posts are public, for the sake of trying to calm this ego trip that I'm on, it's highly likely he went on my profile. He might not of, it's just coincidental that it's nearly a week without speaking &a he never goes on but knows that I post. I'm being totally honest & I know I sound CRAZY! I've just been on this ego trip for the past few days & I'm hoping now I know he's been browsing fb, potentially to check on me, I'm hoping my ego can crawl under a rock. I don't feel the need to check anymore & apart from 4 occasions where I've logged on to check his profile, I'm still social media free. I guess it's good to document this because I feel like a complete psychopath and an idiot admitting this

[Butterfly1983]

You're very welcome. Feel free to message me as well. I'm not doing to well on my end...we're going back and forth. Nothing bad, friendly and better than before but I just know I cannot deal with the situation as is. I'm going to try my hardest to go NC again tomorrow. sigh

[redsox22]

NC day 11- I'm praying he will not reach out to me. I had still a connection to him on a running site and was surprised by a run he recorded that came up on my feed. He has gone on a trip. I was devastated that he seemed to so easily just carry on. I immediately severed ties on the site- no social media, nothing. I can't handle surprises like that.

 

I'm trying to find my peace. We are both registered for the same marathon out of town next month. I hope he backs out. I lined up a girl friend to come with me. I'm hoping in another months time I will be in a better place if I do run into him.

[Wolfshook]

It's been 2 months, and I've been great up till now. But today I felt sad in morning, but because I realized I dont remember her really. I barely remember her looks,and cant remember her "personality", it's like my brain blocked her.

 

The only thing I remember are her lips .

[icantsay]

Hi guys,

 

Day 6 here. A few days after taking off that facebook status, he called multiple times and wrote a very angry letter to me. Yeah, well I guess I saw it coming since I didn't at least call him. But hey, he had been ignoring me for weeks.... And I did try to call before. What was I supposed to do? Besides, he agreed with me anyway about the break up. I am confused, but I guess he is just trying to put all blame on me. And at this point, I am fine with it... I really did try... I really do love him. But now I am so tired of his games and his ways of hurting me. It is just too painful.

 

I'm trying my best to move on now. I am realizing a lot of things as the days go by. I think I am finally understanding that sometimes he really did treat me poorly. But at the same time, I also keep blaming myself for most things. I'm sure you guys know that feeling.. We all keep thinking about what we could have done differently. How we could have been better. And this is my second failed relationship. Sometimes I feel that it is all on me. But even if it was, it doesn't matter anymore now. All I can do now is learn from it and move past it. I need to become happy with myself again.

[icantsay]

It's been 2 months, and I've been great up till now. But today I felt sad in morning, but because I realized I dont remember her really. I barely remember her looks,and cant remember her "personality", it's like my brain blocked her.

 

The only thing I remember are her lips .

 

Hi Wolfshook. Hugs from here. It is the worst waking up in the morning and realizing how the other person is slowly "slipping away". I understand that so well. Hang in there... It will get better over time.

[jacqm]

I have stopped looking at her FB time-stamp and her profile (I had already stopped following her so I only saw her posts when I wanted to, which frankly quickly became my reason for checking FB. Asked her if she wanted to have a coffee, she said at some stage but was this and was that now. That gave it away so gone cold turkey - 2 days now. (Did make the mistake of seeing in the sidebar that she had been online 2 hours ago so I guess, to be true, the cold turkey truly began 2 hours ago).

 

But somehow feels I like I'm feeling free. Wish me luck.

[Kayley]

Damn wish I had joined this place before I started NC. Day 16 now

[icantsay]

Damn wish I had joined this place before I started NC. Day 16 now

 

Welcome Kayley! It's never too late O

[icantsay]

Day 7

 

Doing better today. Kept myself busy, writing an important paper for work. It's good to stay busy. We just need to keep going.....

[Wolfshook]

Hi Wolfshook. Hugs from here. It is the worst waking up in the morning and realizing how the other person is slowly "slipping away". I understand that so well. Hang in there... It will get better over time.

 

Yes it is, especially if you dreamed about her.

Anyway,it was over the next day so it's good

[Kayley]

Day 17 today and it's a hard day.

 

I miss him a lot. Just want to reach out and talk, see if things can be fixed but I know that whatever I say, I won't get from him what I want to I can't. Desperately trying to keep myself busy. Feel like an idiot because we were only in each others lives for a few months. He has probably almost forgotten all about me by now, he won't be looking back and I'm here desperate for one more chance that I know I can't have

 

It just feels like it was all torn away to soon. We had talked about Christmas, about next year and my own stupid insecurities pushed him away and robbed us of that. I felt so much for him and could actually see myself being with him and now he's gone. I know he's not coming back but it kills me. I'm just rambling today. Too tired for coherent thoughts.

 

I know I'm a lot better than I was in the earlier days. I really struggled then and just wanted to sleep so I didn't have to deal with what was happening. I get moments now where I'm not sad. I have good days but the bad days are just so damn awful.

[Kayley]

Day 18 and absolutely the worst day by far.

 

The urges to reach out to him are getting more and more difficult to ignore. This is the first day since going NC that I've actually really struggled with the urges to message him. They've been there before, just thoughts of what I'd like to say but actually picking up the phone to say them wasn't something I felt a real need to do. Today I do. Today I desperately want to talk to him. It's not even that I want to jump straight back in where we left off. I don't. NC has let me see where things were going wrong. I know the relationship wasn't sustainable in the long term because we were just being too much. Talking almost all day everyday and I had kinda lost myself in the last few weeks. I was relying too much on him to be happy and it made me clingy. I hate that I was like that and I can't help but think that if I'd had these realisations at the time I wouldn't have lost him. I'm not even sure if I want to get back together or not. I just want to talk. I just want to be on speaking terms so that maybe...getting back together and taking it slow is a possibility. Even if it wasn't though, I'd just like to be able to talk.

 

It's been 18 damn days....I keep hoping he's going to text me but I know he won't. I don't have any real hope because I know he's gone. If he wasn't I'd have heard something by now. It's just wishes...wishes that he misses me, wishes that he's going to get back in touch but I know I've lost him forever.

 

I always knew I wouldn't heard from him again despite multiple people telling me they thought I would. I just never felt like I would but I still tried to convince myself that maybe with a bit of space he would realise and be in touch. Each day that passes reminds me of my initial thoughts, he isn't going to contact me and that hurts so much.

 

Maybe it's just a lack of closure....the fact that I never got to say goodbye in person and I desperately crave that.

[Kayley]

Literally just broke down in my car...screaming & crying...

 

I feel like I felt in the very beginning today.

 

I'm going to go to bed because I'm scared if I don't I may actually reach out.

[Wolfshook]

Literally just broke down in my car...screaming & crying...

 

I feel like I felt in the very beginning today.

 

I'm going to go to bed because I'm scared if I don't I may actually reach out.

 

Keep it strong. It's only going to last for a month. Then it'll be easier.