THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Kris22]

Day 9

 

It's only the very beginning of this day and I don't want to get out of bed and go to work. I hate waking up without him next to me and I wish I was more excited about this new guy.

[Kris22]

Day 10

 

Woke up at 3am from a dream about him coming back. I deactivated my Facebook account last night. He deactivated his a week or so after he ended things so he's not on there, but his friend who just moved in with him is and it's only a matter of time before I would be seeing pictures of him having a great time possibly with another girl. I have a busy day ahead of me so that's good. Lots of chores and school work to get done before going out with girls from work for New Years.

[Shay21]

Day 9

 

Iam really upset about the fact that he didn't even call me for wishing me a happy new year. I stayed strong though and didn't call or text him too. It's very difficult for me because I just keep on thinking about him all the time. Sometimes, I feel like he will move on and don't want that to happen.

[Haycarnage1234]

What do you if you break up and she wants to go straight to friends and she texts like normal? as I'm getting the contact I want but dont think it'll help get her back

[Kris22]

Day 11

 

If I make it through today it will be the longest I have gone without talking to him. Last night I went out with friends, got drunk, danced with some guy I ended up making out with at midnight. All I could think about was it should have been my ex dancing behind me. He should have been my midnight kiss. I miss him so much and want to tell him how badly I want him back, but deep down I know that's pointless.

[Kris22]

What do you if you break up and she wants to go straight to friends and she texts like normal? as I'm getting the contact I want but dont think it'll help get her back

 

When my first ex started texting me the day after he ended things trying to be friends I texted him and told him that I would like to be friends eventually, but I needed space and time to accept that we weren't together anymore

[Kris22]

Day 12

 

Am I the only one posting here? Anyway, today is gonna be tough. Tomorrow is one of the days I told him I would be free for lunch. Part of me really wants to call or text and ask if he knows what his schedule will look like so we can set lunch up. Or to tell him that if he doesn't want to get lunch together we don't have to. But the other part of me also doesn't want to go back to Day 1 and wants to wait for him to come to me. Last night a mutual friend of ours told me he's had a girl over at his apartment. I don't know if they were just hanging out or if there was more to it, but it took everything in me not to text him. I just don't want him to forget about me, but then again, if he has forgotten me then he isn't worth my time in the first place.

[p123]

Hi Kris,

 

Keep it up, I wouldn't make a blind rule but know what you're trying to get out of it. My ex and I sent a few messages about whether one of us would go to the same thing or not, and I sent her a link to an event she would be interested in, out of politeness really.

 

If you don't contact them you will recover a bit of mental space and be able to separate them from association with activities etc. This will help you adjust to being on your own and looking after yourself.

 

They won't forget about you, I think you did well to refrain from messaging - as you don't want to be needy. I remember some moments of feeling emotionally destitute, where only they could provide the answer, but I refrained - aware it was just an emotional state and that I would be harming myself to message. If it was really important I could still message a few days later, but normally it is just a matter of seeing through the wave when the dread comes.

[Kris22]

 

They won't forget about you, I think you did well to refrain from messaging - as you don't want to be needy. I remember some moments of feeling emotionally destitute, where only they could provide the answer, but I refrained - aware it was just an emotional state and that I would be harming myself to message. If it was really important I could still message a few days later, but normally it is just a matter of seeing through the wave when the dread comes.

 

Thanks. It is incredibly hard to refrain from messaging. I think the "I'll let you know my schedule" line he gave me two weeks ago was a total blow off and I really just want to call and let him know I know he's a jerk. This is not the sweet, caring guy I fell in love with. I don't understand what I did in the relationship to make him end things with me. He said he broke up with me because of his depression and he wanted to be alone. But he isn't being alone, he's hanging out with some other girl. I am furious and just want to know the real reason for the break up.

[Shay21]

Day 11

 

I don't wanna feel like this

Iam so upset about he not even trying to contact me. This is so upsetting and tough for me. I don't know what else to think about. I don't understand. We had such deep connection and were so much in love and still he did this to me😭

[Kris22]

Day 13

 

I am not going to talk to him. As much as I want answers and as much as I want us to be on speaking terms I'm not going to force someone to be in my life. I just can't believe that this is how he wants things to be. After everything we shared together he doesn't even want to be on speaking terms and that hurts me so much. I have a date tonight, but I don't know that I'm looking forward to it. I might even cancel. I don't know, I don't know what to do. But I know I have to stay strong and not talk to him. He expects me to be needy and clingy like I was the first month after the break up. He expects me to bug him about his schedule for lunch so maybe if I just don't bring it up, if I don't bug him about it he'll worry that I'm moving on. I know I need to just let it all go. No one is worth this much stress.

[Trinity11]

Day 2 NC, Day 18 LC (2xholiday)

 

Not sure this is getting easier. I don't cry as much, but still cry. I wonder where he is, did he go back to work like he was supposed to or is he still in town. I wonder because the NYE message he sent which was very thoughtful/personal was sent local time. I replied, but haven't heard back. It's possible if he did go back to work, he never got it. I have been bad an looking at last active time on fb trying to figure out if he's here or there.

I wonder if his brother gave him the split board I cunningly got the information for on the night we broke up. I wonder if he knows I helped. I kind of do hope so, he would be impressed.

I keep thinking of the good times now... not so much the bad, but I guess I was always biased as the dumpee anyway...

 

When does this start getting easier?

 

À friend recommended a book called The Art of Not Giving a F*** I'm gonna give that a go..

[Trinity11]

Hey Kris, I've been blowing up the post here instead of contacting ex thread. It helps. If you read other people's too, it feels like it's been put out there, and reached someone. A lot of posts have similarities too, just get your thoughts out whatever they are.

[Kris22]

Still Day 13

 

Canceled my date for tonight. Wasn't fair to string him along while I'm not over my ex. While I hate my ex because he isn't being alone and he has a best friend for a roommate so he'll probably never be lonely enough to miss me again, I still can't justify seeing someone just to have someone around. I feel a little better after letting Tinder guy go. Hopefully someone else will come along when I'm ready and I'll be able to be excited about that person

[albie]

Day 84

 

I was dumped but I feel better now and I have been going strong from the last month or so. I am constantly improving myself and I know the mistakes I made to turn her off. I have been going on dates as well and that makes me more confident.

 

But she sent me a message out of the blue on New Years Day ["I know you want no contact but I hope you have a good new year"] which made me feel like the NC is broken. I started thinking about her for a few hours and it felt like a setback. But I was strong enough and I replied back "Hey, great to hear from you. I hope you and your family have a happy 2017" and that was it. I did not beg her to come back and I will never do in the future. I still miss her when I am alone and it feels like I was nobody to her. But I feel better again today and I will move on.

[kamelia]

day 34 NC

Today was hard, I felt strong urges to reach out, I feel like he forgot about me. I´m reading different posts about break-ups and nc rule and it makes me stronger and it gives me hope that in future he might contact me when he is ready but it´s so hard anyway. I miss him so much and think about him all the time. I kind of regret that I unfriended him on facebook and now I can´t see his posts or anything about him but I also know that it´s better not to be friends on fb. Before I was always checking his last active time and I don´t think it was good. It´s so hard when I don´t have many friends here and my family is far away. I should probably go back home because I feel so lonely as I am in a different country. It´s like a roller coaster, in the morning I think how great it is now that we broke up as I can concentrate on my studies, I have so much free time, I feel more focused and organized. But in the evening, I really start to feel lonely, I´m going through every little situation in my head and feeling extremely guilty for how I behaved on certain occassions with my ex and wondering if that´s the reason why he didn´t want to be with me... I would give worlds to see him but I know I have to wait till he contacts me first and if he doesn´t I have to accept it and forget about him even though I can´t imagine that now. 30 day nc was easy compared to this, because now I just feel it´s forever. I set myself a goal of 60 days nc and after that I plan to do 90 days nc and after this time hopefully I won´t think about him as much as I do now.

[imdar3ald3al]

What do you if you break up and she wants to go straight to friends and she texts like normal? as I'm getting the contact I want but dont think it'll help get her back

 

Go No contact on her. You are not her consolation prize while she looks for a grand prize. You are not her emotional crutch. You are not her 'plan b'. You will not let her get the benefits of having you in her life so she can lessen her feelings of guilt and loneliness from leaving the relationship while she goes on dating other people. This is a recipe for disaster. She made her bed, she can lay in it. Let her feel the effects of losing you for real. She'll never get there if you stick around.

 

But do no contact for YOU. Not as some tricky device to get her back. Missing you will be a side effect. Trust me... go NC long enough and you won't even want her back.

[albie]

day 34 NC

Today was hard, I felt strong urges to reach out, I feel like he forgot about me. I´m reading different posts about break-ups and nc rule and it makes me stronger and it gives me hope that in future he might contact me when he is ready but it´s so hard anyway. I miss him so much and think about him all the time. I kind of regret that I unfriended him on facebook and now I can´t see his posts or anything about him but I also know that it´s better not to be friends on fb. Before I was always checking his last active time and I don´t think it was good. It´s so hard when I don´t have many friends here and my family is far away. I should probably go back home because I feel so lonely as I am in a different country. It´s like a roller coaster, in the morning I think how great it is now that we broke up as I can concentrate on my studies, I have so much free time, I feel more focused and organized. But in the evening, I really start to feel lonely, I´m going through every little situation in my head and feeling extremely guilty for how I behaved on certain occassions with my ex and wondering if that´s the reason why he didn´t want to be with me... I would give worlds to see him but I know I have to wait till he contacts me first and if he doesn´t I have to accept it and forget about him even though I can´t imagine that now. 30 day nc was easy compared to this, because now I just feel it´s forever. I set myself a goal of 60 days nc and after that I plan to do 90 days nc and after this time hopefully I won´t think about him as much as I do now.

 

It's same situation for me as I live 8000 miles away from my family. I am on day 85 and I became stronger with time. I don't even count the days anymore and only did to write a posy yesterday. Try and do other things and make yourself occupied. You have to give him the space to miss you. It will feel like a win-win situation for you in the end. With time, if he misses you you he will get in touch. If not then you then it was not meant to be but you have already gone through the process of healing yourself.

 

Please remember that you should be a priority in your life and no one else and consider this to be their loss and not yours'.

[Kris22]

Day 14

 

I'm mad. Mad that he left me, mad that he's not trying to contact me, mad that it's like I never even existed to him, mad that he started hanging out with some new girl a week after he told me he needed to be alone. I'm just so angry all the time. I thought he was different from other guys, but I was wrong, he's worse. I hate being alone. I have a couple friends in my town, but none that I hang out with on a regular basis. At least I'm working a 10 hour shift today. Hopefully that'll keep my mind occupied elsewhere.

 

"I'd rather forget and not slow down than gather regret for the things I can't change now."

[kamelia]

Kris, I understand your anger, it really is frustrating not to hear from your ex but remember that he will miss you too and if he won´t, he isn´t worth your love or your friendship. Try to go on a date with some other guy, it will make you feel better. That´s what I´m doing anyway, even though I don´t really care about the guy.

[Trinity11]

Omg I wanted to contact my ex so badly today. Through a new friend I met her friend, in holiday in town. She's like a walking encyclopedia of snow sports athletes. Today they were training and she picked them out for me. I even got a compliment from one of the gals in the lift line. I don't get star struck but this new friends enthusiasm rubbed off on me and I was caught up in it all too.

I wanted so badly to tell him about my day... I'm still wondering if I should. I know he would be happy to hear I'm so excited, but I also want to give him the space to miss me. He sent me a ny message at midnight, I replied but we haven't spoken since. Today is kind of killing me, I am just so happy and I just want to share considering he thought toward the end I was negative...gah.

[Kris22]

Kris, I understand your anger, it really is frustrating not to hear from your ex but remember that he will miss you too and if he won´t, he isn´t worth your love or your friendship. Try to go on a date with some other guy, it will make you feel better. That´s what I´m doing anyway, even though I don´t really care about the guy.

 

I tried going on a date with another guy, but it just made me feel worse. Even though I had a pretty good time hanging out with him I just could not get excited about someone else liking me because there were too many memories of how excited I was and comfortable I was with my ex after just two dates.

[Trinity11]

Kris, I went out with someone yesterday, I don't know how to get over it so I'm just trying everything. I think I'd describe my heart as closed. Kinda feels like being offered food when you're full or not hungry.

I made sure not to go to the same place as the first date with ex, you're right... going out was nice.. but makes you think about the ex. It's a bit empty isn't it.

[Shay21]

Day 14

 

I'm mad. Mad that he left me, mad that he's not trying to contact me, mad that it's like I never even existed to him

 

It's my day 13. And I feel the same kris. Iam just so mad at all times. I just wanna run away. And I don't even work or do anything else. Iam just at home. Makes me think about it more.

 

 

I'm just so angry all the time. I thought he was different from other guys

 

And I used to think this too!

[Kris22]

Day 15

 

Trying to move on is so hard, especially when I go back and forth between hating him and caring about him. I still think about him constantly, but he feels like a stranger. I haven't seen him in 2 months, I hope if he ever thinks of me I don't feel like a stranger to him. Just trying to accept that he'll probably never come back. I just hope he takes notice of the fact that I'm not calling or texting him about his schedule for the lunch we were supposed to have. I kind of hate him today.