THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[cyssan]

First time posting~ Day 3 of NC, 29 days after break-up. Hang in there, everyone.

 

Hopefully within this NC month, I'll have the strength to delete all of my ex's message threads in all apps on my phone......

[Treato]

Went no 35 days ago he didn't contact me until the 32nd day he's been calling my family but I'll wait for him to call again I didn't want to seem to pressed

[diane94]

phew, i really need this! He broke up with me about a 1 1/2 month ago... we've been together for six years.. i'm actually on day 14 of NC... although he hasn't been the nicest in the last couple of weeks but i haven't been aswell because of frustration and stress, i still believes he is the one

[Kayley]

Keep it strong. It's only going to last for a month. Then it'll be easier.

 

 

Thing is I think the nc is forever and I hate the thought of that. But I don't think I can reach out at any point without appearing pathetic & he hasn't tried to contact me.

[Kayley]

Day 19 & harder than ever.

 

I temporarily put his number back in my phone today (I have it written down because I'm just not ready to be done with it) then spent a good 10 minutes staring at his whatsapp contemplating a message then went onto his facebook and thought about adding him again. Put my phone down & walked away. An hour later I was proud of myself for it, 5 hours later the urges were back.

 

I mean...everyday since the break up I've had thoughts of 'If I could just say this...' 'I want to say this...' but the real urges to reach out and contact haven't been there. I've been able to think of things I want to say but I didn't feel a need to say them. That need is back now and I haven't felt like this since before going nc.

 

He hasn't contacted me though and that should be enough to stop me but I just desperately want to hear from him. I don't even think I want to be with him anymore, not at this point in time anyway. We couldn't just jump straight back into that relationship because I can see now that it wasn't working. We moved far too quickly, I got needy. There were too many problems for it to be sustainable but I'd like to maybe give it another go, do it properly. I'm okay if I don't get that opportunity though but I just miss talking to him so much.

 

How can you talk to someone every single day and then just nothing? I miss our chats more than anything else right now.

[HailMary85]

It's been one day of NC. I tried to remain friends with my ex, seeing him once a week, but quickly realized I was the only one driving that. He was supposed to come over tonight for dinner - I cancelled yesterday and told him not to respond.

 

I also took the initiative of blocking him on Facebook. One issue during our live-in relationship was that he continually (and I mean - 3-4x per day) looked at the profiles of certain exes and other random girls he once had a thing with. He was not friends with any of them which was weird - just looking at whatever they put on their public profile, which rarely changed. How messed up is that? Before I left, I bitterly said I guess I will be part of your FB stalk list now.

 

I knew he is likely looking at mine, given the toxic and sad ending of our relationship (he was sobbing as I packed up my stuff). I offered a few times to really try to work things out - he declined.

 

So here I am: blocked him. Alone on a Friday night. Trying to keep my head up.

 

Never breaking NC. Day one of the rest of my life.

[Kayley]

Day 20

 

Considered stopping counting the days of NC because I'm pretty certain I need to be NC forever. I can't though because I just know the days. It's just in my head. I'm not going to get him back. It's been 20 days since I heard from him, 28 days since he broke up with me. All the contact between breaking up and going NC was initiated by me. That's why I went NC, to try to curb my own urges to contact him.

 

At the moment I feel a little better than I've felt the last few days. The urges to contact him are still there but I don't feel like I'm going to act on them again.

 

Random memories still come into my head, silly stories that he told me or things that happened, things he done. It makes me hurt for what our relationship should have been. He had talked about Christmas, next year, told me he was excited about the future, let me meet his parents. He even told me he loved me then it was all over as quickly as it begun. I don't blame him though, it was me. I got clingy & needy and pushed him away. I cared about him so much that I wish I had made those mistakes with someone else.

 

I'm honestly not even sure I want him back. I just want him in my life. He said he wanted to be friends but we needed some time and space first. I continued to push, trying to convince him to meet me and talk to me and now I'm scared I've pushed him away forever. I removed him from facebook & snapchat when I went NC. I needed it at the time because seeing him killed me. I hugely regret that now though because I feel I've completely cut off the lines of communication by doing that. We have no mutual friends so I've quite literally cut him out of my life as if I never existed. I just want to be in some kind of communication with him, even casual occasional communication but I think my actions have ruined that.

 

I just don't like the idea of completely removing someone from my life, especially someone who meant that much to me. Maybe those feelings will go away though, I mean in the beginning I desperately wanted him back, now I just want to talk to him. I mean I wouldn't rule out getting back together if it happened but I very much doubt it will. Maybe if I continue with NC I'll decide I don't even need him in my life at all.

 

I hate how the end impression I've given him of me is of this pathetic, needy person who was desperate to talk to the person walking away from her. I suppose on some level I feel like being in contact might help remove that impression because I definitely wouldn't fall back into old habits because I'm really working on my insecurities. I want him to remember me as the girl he met because that's who I really am.

 

I just got caught up. It was my first relationship since a 3 year emotionally & sometimes physically abusive relationship between the ages of 17-20. I made all these daft mistakes this time because I just didn't know how to act in a relationship. I know for next time but I wish I had made all these mistakes with someone else because I really felt something for him. The fact that I let my guard down goes to show that because I don't do that easily after what I went through in the past.

 

It's really hard because all these thoughts are going around in my head and the one person I'd like to talk to about them is the one person I can't.

 

I'm just going to keep writing in here, put all of the bad/sad thoughts out & hopefully one day they'll leave my head.

[Wolfshook]

Thing is I think the nc is forever and I hate the thought of that. But I don't think I can reach out at any point without appearing pathetic & he hasn't tried to contact me.

 

It hurts the most for first month,it gets easier after.

[Kayley]

It hurts the most for first month,it gets easier after.

 

I hope so. I feel like week 2 I was doing better and this week I'm struggling all over again.

 

Day 21

 

3 weeks of NC...surely it should feel better by now? In some small ways it does, I don't cry everyday. He's not the first thought on my mind when I wake up most mornings but he is the second. I still feel the need to look on his instagram every single day. Some days I check his facebook too but because we aren't friends I don't see anything. I know it's pathetic and doesn't help me. I can't help it though. I'm trying to limit how much I look and during the week it's not so bad but at the weekends temptation gets the better of me.

 

I went for a drive yesterday and I done a lot of thinking. From that I couldn't help but deduce that I actually treated him pretty badly. I pushed him away, I looked for the negatives in what he said all because I was scared. He absolutely did not deserve that and I wish I had realised what I was doing at the time. It's no wonder he left. I'd have left too if I was treated like that. I mean I know I wasn't always awful but at times I was and it's not fair. I really wish I had made these mistakes with someone else because no matter what I tell myself I can't shake the feeling that me and him could have been really good if I had just gotten a grip of my emotions. I want to apologise for all those things but I can't. He already said a few days after the break up that it was getting unnecessarily dragged out and apologising just continues that.

 

This week I want to reach out to him more than I've wanted to reach out since we broke up. I'm desperately fighting these urges but I'm scared that if they don't go away I'll cave. I honestly don't even know what I want anymore. I don't think I want to be with him I just want to talk, I want to be on casual speaking terms or something. I don't want to be the crazy ex and I feel the attempts at contact after we broke up make me the crazy ex. I know I'm repeating a lot of what I said yesterday but I'm just trying to put my thoughts that are in my head out there.

 

I know I need to stop beating myself up for my mistakes but it's easier said than done.

 

There's just so much going on in my head that I wish I could say to him once and for all. I crave a conversation that I'm never going to be able to have and that's what makes me want to reach out.

 

My heart tries to convince me it's okay to message, it's like...oh if you say this you might get this...maybe he'll talk etc etc. but my brain knows it won't get me anywhere so I have to resist the urges. I think it'll make me feel better but it'll probably make me feel a load worse.

[icantsay]

Day 13?

 

Doing better, visiting my best friend for Thanksgiving! Very excited Hang in there, guys! There is light at the end of the tunnel.

[Kayley]

Day 22

 

I swear weeks 1 & 2 were easier than this. Some good moments today but ultimately still missing him a lot. Finding myself wishing for a second chance again which is weird because those were thoughts that were also diminishing.

 

Probably made worse by the fact that my friends aren't really around for me. I want to keep busy but I don't know how to without them. Keeping myself busy doesn't quite work the same because my mind can still wander that bit too far...

[kamelia]

Day 4 of NC. Feeling so sad and missing him. I am sure that NC is the best thing I can do right now but I am also worrying that he really did not care about me and he wont come back... Chatting with a few guys online, met with one guy but my ex is always on my mind.

[redsox22]

I don't know what day it is anymore- for me it's over 3 weeks. I have not reached out at all. I ran into him the weekend before last. I was caught off guard and not happy about it. Three me a bit. But he is clearly still angry which made it easier for me to let it go and try to forget. I don't deserve his anger. It's just more of the same old BS. It was good to see where his head is at. Nothing has changed. Same old narcissistic attitude. Onward!!

[kamelia]

Day 5. It feels like two weeks have already passed... Getting on with life the best way I can. Feeling better than at the beginning. We havent been dating for long, just above 6 months but he didnt want a relationship and I didnt want to stay just friends...

[leahhh1018]

Day 0

 

The BU was October 13th. I ran into him last night and texted him this morning, so I start my 30 days tomorrow! I'm excited about this challenge. I need to do this. Thanks y'all.

[kamelia]

day 7 of NC

 

I am starting to hate him, that he doesn´t want to be with me and that he is probably chatting up other girls.. How could he forget what we have had?

[kamelia]

The thing is that it´s hard to acknowledge that I made a mistake thinking that we could be together. I hope that that is the core of the problem because if it is, I can work on resolving it. I just hope I´ll be able to maintain NC for a month and then hopefully it will get easier and I will start forgetting about him..

[Kayley]

Tomorrow marks 4 weeks of nc. He hasn't made one attempt to reach out to me in that time. It kills me to know he could discard me so easily when I'm struggling to move on from him.

[kamelia]

Kayley you are doing so great... Forget about him and know that the next man you´ll meet will be so much better than your ex. You deserve to be loved and appreciated. I´m sure you´ll find a better guy soon!

[kamelia]

day 8 of NC

In my head I´m just going through all the good and bad things about our "relationship" and feel sorry that it ended but I´m actually quite content with my life now. I´m finding myself, I´m concentrating on myself, no longer I have to spend so much time with my ex even though I wanted to be with him but now I have more time for my studies etc. ... And ever since he told me he is not ready for a relationship, I quite lost interest in him and I no longer felt good and secure around him. I have already been with a guy who didn´t want a relationship before and he treated me very badly so that is probably why I was scared I would have the similar situation...

[rtyu4567]

I can't believe it's over. Wow, how could this be. Day 10 today is a rough one but I won't contact him. I did unblock him earlier in the hopes that he would reach out to me. There were a lot of bad time, today I seem to be missing the good times and the companionship. I thought he was the one, I really did. I keep asking myself, how could this happen. Everything went to crap. How? I ask, there was so much love there, I know there was, he knew it too. We told each other, even 2 weeks ago that we both could not quite comprehend how something so good went to bad. But, I was willing to keep fight for us, him not so much, he grew tired and I think fearful as well for many reasons like arguments were getting out of hand, we no longer saw eye to eye, both getting older and afraid to waste time, distance between homes and topics of finances began cropping up. Still, I really believed that if we loved each the way we said we did that we could save this. But, here I am without him, knowing that he is probably getting over me and moving forward or coming to terms with the break up. Many times I feel confident I am coming to terms but than there are days like today. I just wish I could cry it all out like I was doing a few weeks ago.

[leahhh1018]

Day 3

 

I haven't contacted him. I did check his Twitter and there was some song lyric on there that's obviously about someone else that I think he likes. It bothered me for about 20 minutes, but now I'm kind of okay with it. Even though this is only day 3 of strict NC, we've been broken up for about a month and a half, and I do have to say.. it does get easier. It gets easier because the person you thought you knew.. you realize you didn't really know. And why would you want to be with someone you don't really know? Besides that, you start to remember all the really crappy times. The times he posted about some ex while y'all were together, the times he stormed out after a fight, the fact that he can only have strong feelings for a girl if they leave him (ha.. "boys only want love if it's torture"). Anyway... it's getting easier. There were many, many hours today that I didn't think of him at all. I didn't think those days would come! They're here! Time to smile

[RayF]

Day 17

 

This is absolutely killing me. Today was so so hard and I missed her so much. It's the first day I've spent alone since the break up. I spent time with friends and family and traveled a bit since the break up because I had time before my new job started which starts tomorrow and I'm a wreck I don't know how I will do it.

 

She wanted it, she's 9 years younger than Me... she's 23. Shes moving on with her life I'm sure and was sure she didn't want me anymore.. I have no idea if she's talking to her ex as she started to do as we broke up... i called her out on that we left on very bad terms she felt terrible... I let her have it. Now I feel terrible and I miss her so much...

[JackA16]

Hey, I have decided to give this a go, as I have tried everything I could to get my relationship back on track but it hasn't worked.

My ex and I saw eachother on day 4 of NC, which was in a nightclub where he decided he would kiss someone else and get their number infront of me, however kept looking at me all night and did so when after he kissed the other guy.

 

It's been 22 days since my break up, and my ex and I have bought tickets for the same nightclub for this weekend, he asked me before Friday for me to have respect and to no longer go, however he had no respect for me when he was around that other guy, and therefore I want to now go with my friends as I could give him my ticket and he might give it to the other boy. I know when he finds he not has 1 ticket at his house today he is going to send me a really horrible text. He has blocked me from viewing his stuff and I kept him unblocked with the suspicion that he has still been looking at my things. So I decided to block him back yesterday.

 

As I am madly in love with him I don't want to receive this horrible text which I an GUARANTTED to receive later so I also just blocked his number?? Is this a good idea do you think and shall I keep it blocked for the next 30 days and not communicate with him when I see him in the club this Friday, as last Friday I said hello first.. what do you guys think? And do you believe no contact will work? Everyone seems to believe he will regret leaving me and he does still love me - but I haven't heard those words out of his mouth for over 2 weeks now but he is keeping himself VERY busy. Thanks guys!!

[kamelia]

Day 10

So lonely. I´m always thinking about my ended relationship, the ups and downs, the things I did bad which I now regret and I´m wondering how we could go from such a great connection to this... There were times that we didn´t understand each other but nothing is perfect. I´m just sorry it ended up this way. I hope that when he will be finally ready for a relationship, he will call me and if I will still be single we can give it one more chance... I know it sounds pathetic but at this point I really would like to think we could have one more chance later on.